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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 18
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Posts: 18 |
just curious what the opinions are out there. if you know for a fact there is sex between the APs, should you not have sex with the WS, even if it's protected sex?
or what if the WS says he's using protective sex with the OW or let's say he is claiming there is no sex, just in-love emotions and fun times with this person?
a few hypotheticals.
Married four years
* * * *
D-Day: July 2007
Plan A: Aug-Oct 2007
Plan B: PBL issued Oct 2007; WS asked agreed to NC with OW and MC
Recovery: Nov 2007 (we re-united and spent more time together but no MC and no church attendance)
* * * *
Became Pregnant: Nov 2007 (his initiation; OW was pregnant during A but had abortion to his dismay)
* * * *
2nd D-Day: May 2008 (Contact made with OW in March)
Plan A re-initiated: May 2008
Plan B scheduled for Oct 2008 (after baby is 2-mos)
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Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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WW's are known not tell the truth in the beginning. So I would be reluctent to believe what she has told you.
How do you know it was protected SF?
You can't.
There was no sex with the OP.
As the story keeps getting posted we find out that it was just:
kissing,
then petting,
then oral,
then SF,
then they rode bare back.
Best to wait for tests and NC is confirmed.
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,044
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there have been people on this site that have died from having sex with a WS.
Keep your dignity and health...wait.
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 4,698
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I did and I believe it was a contributing factor to him coming back, but I do really recommend the condoms with the aids killing chemical...something like nonoxal-9.
I also had an STI test fairly early,during this period just to be sure. WH will be going for his next week, he just doesnt know it yet.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Joined: Sep 2007
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You cannot trust the word of a WS, period. Assume the worst and prepare for it. The truth is that MOST affair partners for some insane reason DO NOT use any kind of protection. My W and I both have HSV as a result of her A.
Its difficult for a BS to NOT have SF with a WS, for BWs, I think its an attempt to meet ENs, for BHs, I think its just trying to feel any kind of connection with thier WWs. But I can tell you from experience that an STD makes eventual recovery MUCH more difficult. If you are going to have SF with a WS, use protection, just like you would if you were to have SF with anyone else you didn't trust was clean. Which brings up the question: would you have SF with someone you weren't sure was clean?
You're rolling the dice with your health, and I'm living proof that it does happen.
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Joined: Sep 2005
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condoms offer little protection against some std's. HPV can kill you...be careful....and keep your dignity.
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Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,632
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just curious what the opinions are out there. if you know for a fact there is sex between the APs, should you not have sex with the WS, even if it's protected sex? STANDING, HPV is how I discovered my W's A. While being treated by a specialist, the doc said that fully 80% of people having sex with more than one person will develope some form of STD. I thought that number was a little embellished, but he's the doc treating these attrocities. Do you really want to chance that before getting a clean bill of health? All blessings, Jerry ps: make sure YOU see the written report!
Last edited by shinethrough; 06/11/08 03:50 AM.
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,717
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This discussion has been tossed around before.
Many believe that you should have sex because you are attempting to meet your WS's emotional needs in a Plan A.
Others will point out the risks of STD's.
Others still, will point out the cake eating effect that it can provide to the WS.
Personally, I just think it's flat out stupid. I do not believe that there is even one logical, justifiable reason to have sex with the WS during the affair.
The negatives out weigh the positives by a wide, wide margin, imo.
Sex doesn't fix what's broken. Dig deeper.
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 35,996
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I was unknowingly exposed to OW's cooties (and also exposed to her H's cooties and her previous adultery partner's cooties as well) prior to D day. For 18 months, I was being exposed without knowing.
I did not get an STD. My H did not get an STD. OW's H did not get an STD. The waywards did not use condoms (duh, do waywards ever use condoms when they're in luuuuuuve ?)
If I had known I was being exposed, I would have avoided sex with my WH.
Pep
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