{{{Queenie}}}

wish I could do more for you

You know Lil, It's just feelings, I have learned they come and go and I go get on my knees, cry my heart out and ask G-d for help.

I'll survive, I always do.

I'm so HAPPY for all of you who are starting to work towards recovery. I keep saying that G-d has plans for me to prosper, but I feel like I am still the BIG LOSER and lost the best thing I EVER had....

{{{{{{{{{{{LIL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

One really fricking big 2x4 at you Queenie, you are not and never have been a loser.
You are an amzing woman whose strength has helped me so much. You were one of the first to ever talk to me and i think your thread was the first i read. you said to me then your sitch was one of the hardest and that helped me keep mine in focus.
Even in the 3 months i have been here I have seen you get stronger and your faith in God get more intimate, and that was another thing that kept my own from dwindling.
you are an INSPIRATION.
I dont know how old you are or if you read the new testment much but this one reminds me of you when i read it.
Titus 2:3-5

and a [[[[[HUGS]]]]] after the 2x4

Good for you Lil... give it right back to me. You're right, I am just feeling stupidly sorry for myself.

I'm drained, my emotions are wacky and I'm tired. I had this fairy tale of a good family in my head, my son's graduating and my H won't be there. My SIL in flying in tomorrow, and I am just plain tired.

I'm 47 and no I don't read the new testament, I keep to the old one. But I do go looking when someone gives me something to read, so I will.

I do know it's been frickin raining all week and this weather just gets me down after a while. I'm sick of it being 50, grey and wet.

I am so happy for all of you who are starting to get your hopes realized and I am just plain being selfish and feeling sorry for myself.

I'll get over it. I'll fight my way back to strength with G-d.

I'm glad you hit.... At least I know I am still feeling.

I am so sorry Queenie, I know the bad weather gets to you. Slim chance of WH or giving you enuff money to go somewhere sunny for a while I bet. How far away is the nice spring weather from coming where you live?
Is your SIL coming to visit with you and is she good company?

{{{Queenie}}}

LOL, NOT....

Besides if he gave me money for that I would use it on my kids first. Summer will be here in about 6 to 7 weeks and I have almost a month off. My apartment complex has a pool and so I plan to spend most of my time laying out. I had to chuckle. Our spring is rainy and gray here. That sucks after awhile.

Since my H's uncle died this week, I probably might take a two week trip to CA and visit my SIL and her family and then mosey on down to Bakersfield and see my aunt. It would be the world to her.

Yes, SIL comes tomorrow and I am very excited to have her here. She and I have gotten WAY closer since WH walked out on us. She is older than WH and is disgusted by what he is doing. She doesn't like the fact that she has NO contact with him or can't even get a hold of him. We actually were just talking about that.

I thought I was passed the first, this is another one. Her coming up and us not being an entire family with H not with us. Oh well, I need to pray and ask G-d to really just let me enjoy what I have and not be so jealous of others. Eh Mimi?

{{{{{Queenie}}}}} you are so sweet. Well, my journey is far from over, I won't believe hubby may be on his way home until he comes home. He has let me down far too many times. All i can do is pray n work my damn hardest to b a better person. So no need to be a jellybaby yet;-)

I am working hard at work, n going to try to study. My exams are next month n i haven't done a thing, so not long to go. If i pass i get my promotion which means more money (which i definitely need considering all the retail therapy i've had ;-)

Any time I feel the green eyed monster popping up n then feeling sorry for urself, I try to read into what these people did to make H come back, n if they didn't succeed how they made their lives better (though i know thinking about the latter is difficult. That helps me.

U r special Q, don't forget that!

So are you Brown.

Retail therapy. I used to get to do that.

Look at you Brown, giving me advice. That's so awesome. Be so proud of yourself.

You know what, because of YOU. I just finished the binding on the quilt for my grandnephew. One Christmas present done. Thank you for allowing me to be part of your life.

{{{{{{{{{{Brown}}}}}}}

What kind of studying?

Queenie,

Just wanted to say 'Have a GREAT weekend!' Enjoy the visit with SIL.

Yeah, enjoy it.

It's beautiful here today. Need to get out of the house.

YOU GOT IT!!

Well this GODDESS got up and is still cleaning for FINAL touches, but all in all, it look nice. A welcome place for my SIL to come to.

My S wants me to call her in a few minutes. She is one sick puppy. And it hurts that whenever she talks to me I remind her of our childhood growing up and that pain she endured.

I think one of the ways for me to go back to basics would be to write a gratitude list. I KNOW how grateful I am in my HEAD, but that's a SICK place to be.

Dang, Cinder - I would LOVE to have some NICE weather. The weather man calls for rain all the way through next weekend. Dragola......

Queenie, I found counting those blessings to be very helpful.

Despite my sporadic bouts with anger, I have come to realize that the tension with which I had been living was really taking a toll on me. To live at peace is a good thing.

Queenie:

Had you ever thought about MOVING since the WEATHER there bothers you so much? You aren't in control of the weather but you can control where YOU live.

View it and weep!

my local weather

It is beautiful today. BTW, the other day, I made some gorgeous cloud photos. I carry a point and shoot digital camera in my purse. It looked like the clouds were radiating from a central point and there was a small hole at that spot....the sun was behind the hole. It was very artistically done.

H and I talked about retiring to Montana when we got the children raised. I still hope that is possible. BUT

Until then, YES. Once I get my YS graduated I will seriously consider moving, to east coast, Israel anywhere and starting over. If I go to rabbinic school I will choose Cinncinati. I don't want to live in NY or LA.

The truth is, I LOVE where I LIVE. I am a part of the community and LOVE it. In a few years when my heart isn't so sad and I am still affected by the weather, I will seriously consider my options. But for me right now, that would be running away and I can't do that.

Did you know that there were a lot of suicides in this part of the country? It really is sad how gray the weather can affect our moods, and throw in a little infidelity and nuclear bomb to ones life, well, not the sunshinest times.

I know one thing that helps me when I am funked out is to wear clothes in the brightest, happiest colors I can find. And some happy cheerful music on the stereo. LOUDLY!!!!

Cinder, why thank you for sharing that with me. I feel SO MUCH better. LOL

Here is mine, though I can't do the link deal. How did you do that?

49 °F Overcast
Wind : From the Southwest at 10 MPH
Humidity : 83 %
Pressure : 30.16" (1021.8 mb)

Puget Sound Weather Outlook
Updated Saturday 7:40 a.m.
Mostly cloudy skies today with showers at times. Highs will stay in the upper 50s to low 60s. The afternoon will bring a few sunbreaks, but the showers will still be lingering around western Washington.

Sunday will give us a few more sunbreaks, but we keep the chance of a stray shower around. Highs will top out in the low 60s again.

Monday another soggy system moves into our area. Plan on a gray and rainy commute in both the morning and afternoon.

Tuesday we return to a pattern of sunbreaks and showers with cool temps. That's what we will hold on to for most of the rest of the workweek. Our next chance for some sunny dry weather comes next weekend.

I actually have Shabbat music playing to calm me. Just called my sister, no answer.

I think I might go take a shower, get out of here for a while, get an oil change on the car and shake my head before this funk really takes over.

I also realized it's the WEEKEND.... I am just going to have to plead my case with G-d on how to get through weekends better.

Why would it be RUNNING AWAY? IMO, it would be CHOOSING HAPPINESS if that's what makes you happy.

I'm biased. I'm MOST DEFINITELY MOVING as soon as possible from the town where I was born and raised.

Can't wait?

I'm so thankful that I've GROWN enough to be BRAVE enough to do it.