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Latest D-day (found out she was F-ing him after all)- 5/3/08 TTH - I'm with betterorworse on this one. I know it's still very early and believe me when I say I KNOW the feeling you are expressing in this sig line statement, but please consider changing to something like "Latest D-day (found out it WAS a PA after all). DWELLING on the "facts" will impede and/or derail recovery efforts as the resentment and anger continue to build. Eventually all it will take is "one emotional outburst" and recovery will be either put back to "square one" or a decision will be made that the marriage cannot be salvaged and one or both of you will stop trying to get past all the hurt and actually do the HARD work of recovery for as long as it takes (with the average recovery timeframe being 2 years, it IS long). God bless.
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Last edited by Maverick_mb; 06/10/08 04:07 PM. Reason: edited at poster's request
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Last edited by Maverick_mb; 06/10/08 04:08 PM. Reason: edited at poster's request
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Last edited by Maverick_mb; 06/10/08 04:08 PM. Reason: edited at poster's request
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Last edited by Maverick_mb; 06/10/08 04:09 PM. Reason: edited at poster's request
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TTH,
I wasn't sure if you notified the mods when you posted the alert.
I went ahead and notified them just in case.
Happily married to HerPapaBear
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TryTooHard,
I was able to move those posts back to your thread. If you choose, you may delete/edit the posts of yours that were made in an attempt to rectify this issue on your own. In the future, should you need one of us, it is best to either hit the "notify mod" button or directly email one of us.
Please accept our sincere apologies for the confusion.
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Thanks so much.
Still a little unsure of the protocol...
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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TryTooHard, Please never hesitate to contact us, that's what we are here for! The "notify mod" button can be found at the end of each post, and our email addresses can be obtained by clicking on any of our names and viewing our profiles. We appreciate your understanding. 
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BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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TTH, The new sig suits you much better!
BS ME 35, XWW 37, DS 7, DD 5, DS 5, D-day1 12-20-2007.Multiple Ddays
Divorce 1/29/2009
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BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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Originally Posted By: mkeverydaycnt Quote:I think people are recognizing the fact that many people in A's don't think they are harming anyone.
I don't buy that at all. I think they know they are harming people...that is why they are hiding their crime.
MEDC, I agree.
And it's all just so sad.
How does one come to grips with your above statement....and recover their marriage?
How does one accept that they were discarded so quickly and so easily and ever again believe they are cherished by that same person?
I want to be cherished....I want to have been cherished so much that this couldn't have ever happened.
I had natural boundaries in place JUST BECAUSE I loved my husband. No one needed to teach me how to protect my marriage. I just did, because I loved my husband.
But after having been convinced by FWS that he hadn't loved me for years, after FINALLY accepting his wayward babble (I guess) as truth, after having my world turned upside down so much that I don't even know WHAT IS up, I now have to flip it back????
How will I ever know which way is up??? This is hard for me too. When I first learned of POS OM making a play for my wife I warned her about his intentions. She fought me on this. She fought for her "right" to continue her "friendship" with him. In the whole ten years I have known her she has NEVER fought so long and hard for ANYTHING. Probably in her whole life. I should have kicked his A** the very moment that I knew. I did not because at the time I still trusted and believed my wife. I believed her that they were just friends and I believed her when she said she would end it her way. I did not go after him because she asked me not to and I felt I was honoring her request. Well, she did end it. Months later after the unspeakable was done and done and done and done again... How does one come to grips with your above statement....and recover their marriage?
How does one accept that they were discarded so quickly and so easily and ever again believe they are cherished by that same person? Yes, how?... I hope that one day my FWW can show me.
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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I think people are recognizing the fact that many people in A's don't think they are harming anyone. I don't buy that at all. I think they know they are harming people...that is why they are hiding their crime. MEDC, I agree. And it's all just so sad. How does one come to grips with your above statement....and recover their marriage? How does one accept that they were discarded so quickly and so easily and ever again believe they are cherished by that same person? I want to be cherished....I want to have been cherished so much that this couldn't have ever happened. I had natural boundaries in place JUST BECAUSE I loved my husband. No one needed to teach me how to protect my marriage. I just did, because I loved my husband. But after having been convinced by FWS that he hadn't loved me for years, after FINALLY accepting his wayward babble (I guess) as truth, after having my world turned upside down so much that I don't even know WHAT IS up, I now have to flip it back???? How will I ever know which way is up??? I need to post here so badly and my d@mn stalker has found me out again. I'm hoping I can hide in this thread...but I doubt it. It's a really bad day...It's been a really bad few days...a wedding and multiple triggers, and my son's graduation this coming weekend and dealing with in-laws that I wish would drop off the earth. I'm so weary... FWS continues on our path to recovery. I'm just so sick of infidelity. I want to UNknow what I know. My brain needs a break and just can't ever have one. OW is always there....being abandoned by the one I trusted with ALL of my heart and soul...it just never goes away. This is without a doubt how i feel about my H's affair. Thank you SS for stating it so beautifully.
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Hello TryTooHard, I think anyone is capable of doing stupid things. Maybe it's driving a car when one really had too much to drink. Or smoking too many cigarettes even though one knows that might cause life threatening diseases. Or cheating on the one(s) you love - your H or W, and your children, because they also get their share of pain. For me, the most important thing is how someone reacts AFTER he realises what he has done. When he sobers up, so to speak. If a person is willing to take responsibility for what he or she did, and do whatever they can to heal and help and whatever.... it matters very little to me if at some point they started having an affair as naive fools or selfish [censored]  If the WS is NOT taking full responsibility for his or her actions, and is NOT willing to do everything he or she can to heal, help, understand... it also matters very little how he or she started out at the beginning of the affair. How the person is NOW is what I have to live with. I need to now that my partner will do whatever is necessary to not make the same mistakes again. I hope this can help you a little bit. You are on a rocky road, as most posters here will confirm, but if you are both willing to work on this I'm sure you will regain respect and love for your wife. My best regards, Brownhair
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BH, et al. This thread went in to a bit of a tailspin, and I know there's about a page and a half of unrelated nonsense still there. I've asked the Mods (makes me think of The Mod Squad) to help clean it up a bit so it reads well again. So thanks, all for hanging in there. To your point, BH: For me, the most important thing is how someone reacts AFTER he realises what he has done. When he sobers up, so to speak. If a person is willing to take responsibility for what he or she did, and do whatever they can to heal and help and whatever. I often say myself, "It's not how far you fall, but how high you bounce back up." I am having an incredibly difficult time reconciling my intellectual belief in this, with my emotional grief and dissapointment. Making "knowing what I want", match "feeling what I want" is proving to be elusive at best.
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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TTH, I am having an incredibly difficult time reconciling my intellectual belief in this, with my emotional grief and dissapointment. I'm right there with you TRY. The logical side of me completely understands how it happens, it's trying to get the sentimental die hard romantic side of me to accept it that's difficult. I can tell you it does get easier, but the only real thing that helps is TIME. Want2Stay
BS-me 36 FWW-34 DS-7 & DS-3 PA - 7/06-8/06 EA - 6/06-1/07 D-Day: wife confessed 2-17-07, suspected 8-02-06 Broke NC: 2-19-07, 3-24-07, 5/07 My StoryMy Wife's Story --------------------- Healing one day at a time.....
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I'm not a behavioralist but I do think that sometimes the idea of ACTING like things are great will help you to FEEL like things are better too. Like spending time together having fun. In the beginning, I felt like I just couldn't have fun with H. But the more I did it, the more natural it felt and the easier it was to continue those feelings outside of the activity.
I still don't feel what I rationalize, but I'm practicing. And I am trying to accept that whatever I feel is just what I feel. I own it. I (try to) share it. And I move on.
Haven't talked with you in awhile TTH...how are things going? Which thread is yours?
HTM
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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Hi there, HTM.
Thanks for checking in.
We're hanging in there. Still trying...
I haven't really been posting too much lately. Trying to stay focused on work while at work.
Not sure what you mean by "Which thread is yours."
How 'bout you?
BH(me): 40ish
FWW:(ILMH) 28yo
DS 3yo
Married 7yrs
Together 10 yrs
??? Spring '07 - Adultery Begins
8/25/07 - 1st D-day (week of our anniv.)
8/07 thru 5/08 - About a dozen D-days/Gaslighting/Flaunting/Fake Recoveries
She finally quit on...
1/1/08 - First real NC attempt(Maybe?)
3/1/08 - Told me OM is an A**hole.(Hope?)
5/3/08 - D-day (Admitted to PA once)
5/4/08 - Latest D-day(Finally confessed to multiple EA/PA in our home)
5/8/08 - Present
Struggling to hold on
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I guess this IS your thread. I just got lost in the digression.
My thread is still Recovery Between Work, School, and Soccer.
We're doing alright as well. A few bumps in the road, but that is to be expected. I'll check in on ILMH soon too.
HTM
BW 37 (Me).
F?WH 35.
06/97 Married.
Three sons...4, 5, and 7.
06/04 EA begins (Unknown to me).
02/10/05 D-Day EA (Unknown PA).
02/24/08 D-Day LTA 3+ YEARS! (same OW).
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