HUH...what the heck??? Explain please.

And, YES, it did feel rather good to take a few shots...and I'll admit, he really didn't refute anything I said. I'm thinking he's growing tired of dealing with all of the drama that comes along with this A. Just wait if he moves to this area...then, he'll REALLY have to deal with things MUCH more up close. I'm thinking that's when the A will see its demise; even though, I'm sure at first they'll grow even closer to each other.

WW is very manipulative, I've always known it, but just played along to make her heppy. No doubt, she manipulated him into calling me to try and "rescue" her from this mess. Once, when another woman accused her of seeing her husband (another "chaplain" with the same company), she even convinced me to go and talk to her face to face to defend her reputation. A lot of good that did, now she's thrown away that reputation all on her own!

I even recall someone once saying that my WW was now a "3-time cheater(there was a full blown affair during our first year of marriage...which I know I did reveal)."

Let me answer a few concerns. First...I have not spoken with this other lady again at all. I have decided to follow the same rules for now as if WW were still here. My rule was always to NEVER allow myself to be alone with another woman, even on the phone. I also have always refused to discuss another woman's husband/marriage with her unless her husband was present. Even on business, I have refused to do "dinner/lunch" alone with a person of the opposite sex unless with a group. I AM following these same ruels today. I quickly realized, after 2 phone conversations, that this lady may quickly develop a deeper interest...we do have MUCH in common!

If she will not go for the above, then you would not be smart to take her back at all. Let her throw up and pass out. I dont believe it. She is a manipulative drama queen. A best actress award should be given to her! Wow, all the waywards should take lessons from her.

I ended up going to her new place to talk to her. I learned that the way the children have treated her is literally killing her. She passed out 4-5 times and vomitted 5-6 times within the span of about 2 hours. I really should have called 911, but I was afraid she would be commited to the psychiatric ward and I would be accused of calling just to make her look bad in court(I know, that sounds odd now, but it made since at 1am).

Once, when she passed out, I took HER cell phone and called OM from it. I informed him that this had gone on long enough. I told him that, if I ever found out there was any further contact between them, I would drive to where he was and "handle it!"

He tearfully admitted that he knew he was wrong to let things go this far. He agreed to calling her today to inform her that he would no longer be calling her or accepting any of her calls.

I have treated her like a princess. She does nothing around our house, she allows me to handle most of the parenting chores, she literally just had her job during the day, and a loving home at night. I constantly tell her how much I love her and how proud I am of her and her calling as a hospice nurse.
She has left before (10 yrs ago), so I am guarded as to breaking this cycle that seems to be developing.
I'm not sure I want her back, although I know our children need her.
She just called me moments ago to tell me what scum I was and that I had destroyed the lives of a "good man" and his 10 year old daughter.
Is it normal that my wife would change her story about the OM on a daily basis. It almost feels like she is backing away from her devotion to him, but she isn't yet willing to put any efforts into me. At first, he was just someone she had confided in. Later, he became the man she had met at a hotel 2 hours away. The next day, she attempts to dagger me in the back by telling me how they made mad passionate love, and telling me she is in love with him and has never felt this way about any other man. On Sunday, he returned to just being a friend again. Yesterday, she tells me that they weren't physical at all, as she was on her cycle and today he is a "good man" who doesn't deserve this, he was only a close companion. What the .#$!@#$? I'm getting dizzy here.
Okay, I gave in and called her...too soon! I was told that I had cost her her job and that if I did have any hopes of reconciliation, they are now gone. She said she didn't care if I died today. I shouldn't have called, but I couldn't stand it!

She has a very angry side to her and I have always bore the brunt of most of it.
One update, she did call to ask to come over and see the kids tonight. When I informed her that some of our mutual friends from church were coming over and that the baby was spending the night elsewhere, she went nuts. She cursed at me and told me that she hoped I would wreck my car and die! She called back later to apologize.
she reiterated that she would NEVER live with me again! She now says that she just sees potential for a relationship with OM and that they haven't been intimate. She has always said that she couldn't live alone, even saying she would remarry quickly if I died. She can't see how his presence in this is only providing her comfort to leave. She says they pray for me every night,
1 1/2 years ago, W tried to leave. She had an inappropriate friendship with another of her company's chaplains. So inappropriate in fact, that his wife called me accusing my wife of a PA. I believe that it never got that far, but now think that W was just searching for another man to comfort her when she did this. Remember, she always said she could never be alone!

Many times I have wanted out myself, but would NEVER have considered it because of our children. No one in my family has ever been divorced. I will be seen as the first to graduate college, then the first to divorce. All of my wife's relatives have been married at least 2-3 times!

I DO still want her back, but I don't think she has the self inspection skills necessary to see that we both have made HUGE mistakes in our life together. If she is ever willing to evaluate things honestly, I will gladly take her back and enjoy what a marriage should REALLY be like! But I will not go back to life as it was...if I did, it would only be until the next OM came along, then she would leave again!
I suppose I never mentioned the two previous A's because I had forgiven her and moved on. I have never ONCE mentioned her indescretions to her, even in the most heated of arguments! I am one who believes that, if you forgive unconditionally, you forget as well. Though I know that I never really forgot the other events, I never allowed her to know that they did still bother me at times. Again, I thought things were fine! I assure you, I never ignored my W, if anything, she ignored me!
I am not willing to take W back without intensive counseling
I AM accepting my role in our M's demise, but I can't fix the obvious problems I see while she is not willing to try. A professional counselor would have done us a world of good 10+ years ago, one still could, but I can't MAKE her do this of she is not willing.
Besides, NONE OF THIS excuses 3 affairs!
I CAN and DO except the things that should've been different, but I CANNOT accept her third A in 14 years or believe that anything I have done justifies them. Yes, I DO still love her and would take her back TODAY under the right circumstances (agreement to counseling, true remorse for her actions, etc.), but I will not be convinced that I should feel guilty in any way about the life we had together
I do know that her mother has suggested therapy to her, she only insists that nothing is wrong with her, only me(though she can't offer any specifics). Until when or if the day comes that she is willing to examine herself, R is not in either of our (or our children's) best interest. I am just praying that she will, at some point, look in the mirror and wonder what SHE could've done differently.