LOL



Something ELSE we have in common.... LOL

And you are so RIGHT, you aren't alone. Because G-d is there right with you, but there is so MANY of US on here pulling and praying for you just as MUCH as we can.

But having G-d on your side... No BETTER WAY. NONE...

Sounds like quite a show she needed to put on for you.

Look at it 2 ways. She is so insecure and jealous of you that she needed to overdo it for a little kids ballgame. Trust me...she is insecure when it comes to you. You are the esteemed wife, the woman he loved enough to marry. She knows she's just a ho he's shacked up with. She desperately wants the status he gave to you. And she will be insecure until she gets it.

Secondly, ANYTHING (wait, I mean EVERYTHING) he has told her about you is tainted with LIES. Whatever the two of them might have to talk about is based on LIES. By now he is probably having trouble keeping his lies straight.

((((Bugs!))))

Sounds like the head and the heart are having arguments again no?

Looks to me though like your head is in the right place. The harder they try to 'impress' you, the more likely it is that things are unwell with them.

Thing is, who cares how well things are going with them at this point. God's handling that problem, and needs only your prayers for Drac and the kids to know that you care enough to ask Him to move in their lives.

I totally relate to wanting the Karma Bus to get on with the scheduled rounds already, and the sitch with WW's living situation appears to be about to change again due to affordability issues. It's coming.. but God's sometimes painfully patient with us, and ratchets up the pressure slowly hoping to give just enough to get us to turn our eyes back on Him. We just have to be patient too, and faithful.

Glad you can vent here, and we can certainly help with the popcorn and theater seating to watch the predictable pattern of an A relationship imploding on itself.. who knows, maybe my WW's will be the sequel!

Thanks, again, Queenie for the support! Again, it's hard to express just how much it means to have everyone's support here. It's not just the support,,,but also the fact that you all understandthe feelings! IRL, it's so different. IRL, I know I also have folks who support me & I am oh so thankful for each and every one of them. Yet, they just don't get it the way you all do.

Hey Lexxxy!!


I know in my heart that you are right about her insecurity. I'm battling the 'fear' of him giving her that status. It's just a matter of time. We can all be sure she's working it hard to get what she wants.


Good point! This isn't something I'd thought of until you brought it up. I seriously doubt if he realizes that the more she is around, the more they are 'out' and public, the greater the liklihood that some of those lies may come unraveled. I suppose it's only a matter of time for this as well,,,,,,or I HOPE that is the case.

Lord knows it took me long enough to start seeing the lies for what they were. Once I had a clue about them, though, it became more & more obvious. Despite my still wanting to DENY them, it came to the point where I had no choice but to face the 'facts'. He's not a great liar because, as you said, HE started having a hard time keeping all of the lies straight.

Speaking of lies, I am looking forward to straigtening out any 'issues' with DSS this weekend in regards to the supposed situation about the birthday present discussion. I don't intend to put DSS on the mat about anything he said to Drac about it. I Do intend to make it clear to DSS what *I* actually said. I want to be sure he understands the truth vs however Drac twisted things. I don't intend to make a big deal about it. Just a simple statement to clarify is all that is needed.

It's important to me that the kids are clear on where I stand on things, while at the same time, I want to be sure I'm not putting them on the spot, in the middle, or making them feel caught in the middle of anything. That's often a tight rope to walk, but so far, by letting God guide me, it's gone pretty well.

I did make an off handed comment to DD about DSS being mad at me. She said DSS wasn't mad at me, and then asked if I was mad at DSS. I said, "No, of course not. Honey, I wasn't mad, but my feelings were hurt. You understand that there's a difference, right? You don't feel the same things when you have your feelings hurt vs when you are angry, do you?"

She then wanted to know if I was "mad at Daddy". I said, "No, I'm not mad at Daddy. Why do you ask?"

She replied, "Because Daddy asked me if you were mad at DSS and then he asked if you were mad at him because DSS didn't come over. I told him I thought you were a little mad." She then had this look of trepidation over what she had said.

I told her that I could understand why she might have thought that, because when someone is upset, it's hard to know what they are really feeling or thinking inside. I did tell her that it's not her place to tell Daddy about what I think or feel, because it IS so hard to know what another person is feeling. If Daddy wants to know something about me, then he should ask ME.

I find it extremely odd that he even asked about how I felt. Like he gives a sh*t. I'm sure it was just so he could have more ammo for the Blame Bugs Game.

Well, I gotta get in gear and get to work. Have a great day all!

That is so great, Bugs. Comfortable in your own skin. FANTASTIC!

One thing that was said here just a few posts back that finally "clicked" with me. The HO is just the shack-up partner - the relationship with you began honestly - no addiction, no harm to anyone around you, no vindictiveness, etc. He came to you as a whole man. He turned to her "less than". That finally connects with me about Bab's. That helps ease the hurt somewhat.....she is "less than", he turned to her in a "less than" state, and their relationship is "less than".

I've known that all along - but seeing it here again, finally clicked with me.

You did great in your actions at the ballgame. Trying so hard says she feels "less than", trying to compete with you is a losing battle and says much about HER state of mind in regards to where she stands with Drac.

Bugs is irreplaceable, a perfect GODDESS, as only Bugs can be.


They're building momentum. The longer and steeper the hill is, the harder they will hit at the end.


Have a great day, Bugs!

Fox

Hey Bugs;

I so much admire the grace you have in dealing with Little Bugs.
You handle her so beautifully.


Drac would be deleriously happy if he thought you were having trouble managing DSS! Because he is having a crapload of trouble. And he recognizes that he is failing in so many ways (leaving him alone, not monitoring grades, etc.). So Drac would be very happy indeed if he were not the only one failing with DSS.

He's feeling the pressure. He wants (again) to SHARE the blame.

Get square with DSS. And move on from there. I still think you need to simplify your relationship with DSS, so that there is NO interaction with Drac.

Morning, all!

Hey, James - - didn't mean to skip over your post earlier! Yes, I still struggle with the head and the heart not always being in sync. A work in progress, I guess.

You need to give us an update - sounds like a few things are brewing??

Fox - -I totally understand the "click" you refer to in your post. We can read/hear something time & again, but then there's the one time where it goes from hearing to "knowing" within ourselves.

Lexxxy - thanks for the kudos with Baby Bugs. She's a wonderful child that, thankfully, makes parenting such a joy (even in the difficult times). She's so much like me at her age that it's almost like talking to myself at times!

The sitch with DSS has pretty much gotten to the point of no Drac involvement - - mostly due to Drac's choice/refusal to allow me to be involved. He won't 'discuss' DSS or his issues via email so that's pretty much resolved itself.

A friend/co-worker of mine is in the same office with Drac. Apparently he mentioned to her that I was delayed getting back into town Sunday night. I don't know under what circumstances the conversation happened (if he mentioned off handedly or if he was fishing to see if she knew anything about where I'd been)- - I only know that she inquired of another mutual friend, wanting to know if they knew where I was or what I'd been up to for the weekend. The only way she would have known about the delay was from Drac telling her.

Now, I don't think the friend was up to anything malicious, nor do I think that Drac put her up to asking. I just find it interesting that he felt it necessary to mention to her. I have tried not to think of it much, but I will admit that I wonder if that happening on Sunday had anything to do with the Ho appearance on Wed?? The timing is a bit interesting now that I know about the other???

I haven't mentioned anything about the Ho showing up to BabyBugs and I'm not going to mention it either. If I expect her/them to be a non-issue in my life, I need to take the steps necessary to make it so.

Am taking Baby Bugs to the dentist this morning, then working from home for a while before we go pick up DSS for the weekend. It looks like we might have a rainy day today, so maybe we'll go to the movies. She's wanting to see Kung Fu Panda - whooo hoo!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Bugs:

Another "click" on the Done-o-Meter.

Lexxy is correct in noting that the HO needs to get her status "upgraded" with DRAC. To parapharse Fox: she is "less- than" until DRAC decides to upgrade to someone else. Which is inevitable.

The Baseball game was "showtime". Something that HO has been pushing, probably for quite a while. "Treat ME like a woman you are proud of!" It was one way for her to move up the "less-than" status. Interesting that it took almost 9 months for Drac to actually allow it to happen. More of these circumstances will occur and more triggers will occur until DRAC dumps her. The pressures in thier relationship are HUGE.

1. Marry ME!
2. Financial-the loss of HER house was just a SMALL piece.
3. DSS
4. Her crazy kid. (Since Drac is doing SO WELL with his DSS, he must be a HUGE help with NEW Step-child.)
5. That mortgage crisis that BUGS caused.
6. Even more things.....

Now that "showtime" has happened, be SURE to notice that she will be there EVERY TIME now. But watch as the "dolled up" look starts to slide. By the time babybugs ends her season, it very possible that HO will be there in curlers and sweats.

Bugs, however, will be GODDESS like because she just IS.

The triggers suck. But they will pass. DRAC and HO will NOT attend next years games. So your possible sightings will diminish accordingly.

LG

It seems your daughter is old enough that I'd like to call her LadyBugs.

You are doing so well. I know the triggers. I also know how quickly they pass these days. Thank God for that.

KungFu Panda. KOOL! DS wants to see that. I've heard it's great. I want to see WallE, the new Pixar joint. It's out next weekend. Lot's of good movies so far this summer.

LG!!! We've missed you!

FWIW, I think your post is SPOT ON!!! You have such a great way of breaking it down.

Kung Fu Panda was a pretty good flick. DD14 wants to see WallE, but that one doesnt' look so good to me.

Maybe I'll go see SITC while DDs are at WallE.

Take care Bugs - you are doing FANTASTIC. Your graciousness under pressure continues to amaze me.

Fox

Ah,,,, from out of the blue we are graced with the wisdom of LousyGolfer!

I, too, have missed you very much, my friend! Thanks for taking the time to stop in with a post! As Fox said, you do have a way of breaking it down that makes so much sense!

I hope all is well with you, Flamingo, and DS! Give us an update on you when you can. I would love it hear some news!!

It will be interesting to see if the "less than" step up continues for the Ho this weekend. The Drac FOO does an annual trip to the family cemetary this weekend. I am giving up 1/2 my weekend with the kids so that they can attend. Will he take the HO to that next level????????? Only time will tell.

I know his family has already discussed it. They will not be outright Rude - they just won't, which I can understand. OTOH, they aren't going to welcome her either. I wonder if Drac is prepared for what he might be receiving. Last year I took the kids and since *I* was going to be there, he REFUSED to go. His family did not think much of that at all.

I doubt there will be any confontations, but I don't know that he'll feel as "special" as he has always felt in the past.

I found out that he is even failing to take care of his Dad. He was supposed to take care of getting his dad a Dr. appt. so that he can renew his high blood pressure meds,,,,,,,,,,,,,and it hasn't happened. Other family members offered to do it, but Dad refused, saying that if Drac wants him to take the meds, he will make the appt???!!??? I will call him (dad( this week and make sure it's taken care of. I won't let Drac's selfishness rob my kids of their grandfather!!

I only found this out because I'd mentioned that Drac has made (via DSS) typical excuses for not taking care of appt for DSS to have some serious warts removed. That he SWORE he was taking care of a month ago.

OY! WTH is the HO doing? Apparently not stepping up to the plate in this dept at all??!!

Can we all say it together - - WELL DUH!

Guess I'd better go track down my children now that it's really dark out.

I just almost spit my watermelon out on the keyboard...OMG...

Too funny!! I can see Seeds sticking to Mimi's screen!

To think that a woman would stoop to SWEATS in public is bad enough,,, but add the curlers to it and Mimi would have our heads for that!! :eek:

Definately not Goddess like, Definately not!

Hi Bugs,

I keep up with your thread but don't think I have ever posted to you ...and I have been reading your last few pages.

...and want you to know that I think you are doing JUST GREAT! ...and want to thank you for keeping us updated... it is sooo helpful to see you in ACTION...inspirational, in fact, because you are giving us such a great example to follow.

I have been under the protection of Plan B for quiiite a while... and have chosen to have some contact with WS (with a mediator, so far one session) to be more effective and productive with Plan D, mostly for financial reasons, and I can totally see the similarities between the behaviours of Drac and my WS: ...particularly the 'not wanting to take responsibility' part... and so I see a lot of 'pointing fingers' and 'blaming' in their rhetoric!

Bugs:

It is so great to see you still hanging in there with a hopefulness about you. You are a very stong, confident person and God has blessed you tremendously.

I apologize I haven't been around for support, but had a major car accident in February. Lost the car, house and my job. God does provide no matter what though. Hopefully will get released for work next week.

I don't know if your WS has forced your DD to say "I love you mom" to the HO yet, but be prepared. Mine started doing that and it was more hurtful than the day he walked out on us.

I know you will get thru this. Any good studies or books lately ?

Hey, Luna! Thanks for stopping by and for your kinds words.

I read your thread, as well, and know that this mediation stuff is a difficult time for you. As Mimi says, "Chin up and Chest out", you can handle this, and you really are doing well. Know that there will be triggers during the process, so take care to take care of yourself. Venting here, is among the things that really helps me after facing the horrible WS.

Expect the worst from your WS during this process. Know that it's doubtful he will accept responsibility for his own actions. He (and/or his attorney) will do all they can to twist and turn the facts to point the finger of 'blame' at you. Just keep holding up that reflective mirror and let all of that bounce right back onto him. He will fuss & fight - just keep on your path and do not allow him to disturb your peace any more than necessary.

{{{Luna}}}

Hi INeed! {{{Hugs to you and DD.}}}

I am sorry to hear of your accident and am glad it sounds like thing are turning the corner for you.

Drac hasn't yet had LadyBugs call the Ho 'Mom', but I think she does say "I love you" to her. And it tore up my heart. I don't think he will press her to call the HO 'mom', but one never knows.

Recently studying in the Book of James at Sunday school, which is a blessing. I haven't done much other reading these days, as life has just been too busy. When I do read, it's been just non-brain-taxing fiction for fun.

Thanks for stopping in - hope things continue on the upswing for you!

I was able to have a private conversation with DSS Friday night. Ladybugs slept over at the neighbors, which gave us time alone. It is as I suspected, Drac totally made up everything he told his aunt. DSS remembered and repeated EXACTLY what I'd said about the bday present, and he wasn't mad at me. Drac had him twisted around in his head/heart about the bday weekend, which is what lead to his not coming over.

When I brought it up, his first question was "Why? What did Ladybugs say?"

I let him know it wasn't about anything she said. At the end of the conversation, though, I did point out that 'other' people hear things, then gets repeated, and what they say isn't always what really happened. He immediately knew I was talking about Drac, even though I didn't mention anyone by name. His comment was "well, I'm sure Dad just misunderstood.". To which I replied, "What *I* care about is that YOU and I understand between US."

I explained the feelings of hurt that I had about not getting to see him. I could tell he felt bad about it, and he even said how sorry he was. I explained that I wasn't looking for an apology or to make him feel bad, but only that it is important to me that the 2 of us are OK, and that he knows how I feel - - and the most important part of that is that I love him very much.

It wasn't a long conversation and I dropped it when I was sure things were good between us. We enjoyed watching tv together the rest of the evening. Can you believe he watched (and enjoyed) sitting with me through The King and I? One of my all time favorite movies.

Yesterday Sis and BIL came to help me return some furniture. BIL and DSS loaded it all on the truck themselves. I can't believe how big & strong he's gotten! After the return, we all had lunch together, then in the pool for a few hours. Kids spent the rest of the afternoon/evening playing outside with the neighbors and had a great time. Then, all too soon, it was time to take them to Drac's. That's always a let down for me, but especially this time, as it was a full day early and I won't have Ladybugs back until next Sunday.

DSS called me shortly after I dropped them off. He forgot something he needs at my house and wanted me to go get it and bring it back over. I told him I wasn't going home, but that I'd leave it on the porch for them to pick up in the morning. He thought I meant Drac's porch! I said, NO, you all can go by my house in the a.m.

I think that is the least Drac can do, considering I've given up my time with them. While it's not far, I really didn't want to burn the extra gas necessary for that extra trip. Perhaps that's petty of me, but I think I can live with myself! Having Drac go a bit out of his way for the kids is good for him.

Well, the sun is finally coming up. It was a beautiful pink and purple sunrise! I think I'll get some yard work done. I'd love to fire up the mower, but I like my neighbors too much to do that so early! Guess I'll just pull weeds until after church!

Well, it appears that the Ho didn't make it to the next level of Movin' On Up yesterday.

I saw Drac's car pull out of my drive after they picked up DSS's meds, and DSS was in the front seat, so it doesn't appear that the Ho went to the Drac Family event yesterday. Interesting.

I had a good day, but didn't accomplish all that I had wanted to get done because of rain in the morning. So, I actually took a nap! That's soooo not me - especially when I have things I should have been doing. In the past, I would have let myself feel really guilty about not getting my work done - Now, I allow myself those days and I don't feel too bad about it. (just a little).

I was a bit pi$$ed when Drac didn't have the kids call last night. I know it's not realistic to think that because I'd given up MY time with the kids, that he would do something as simple as having them call me - - but it would have been nice.

NOTE TO SELF - Remember not to have ANY expectations of the ExWS!! If anything, expect the worst!!



Ladybugs was not a happy camper when we spoke,,,,,,,,,,DSS and the HOs son were being mean to her. Now, what exactly that meant, I didn't get a chance to find out. She wasn't given any privacy where we could talk. I know from just hearing her side of the conversation that someone was there influencing her. I actually heard her yell at the boys to get out of her room, as she was trying to talk to me. Apparently they (or someone else) was still close enough because she said she 'didn't feel like talking' all of a sudden.

I told her that it's ok, that I understand there are sometimes she can't talk to me the way we want. She even said something about calling me later. I told her she can pick up the phone and call me ANY time, day or night. She then asked, "What if Daddy grounds me from the phone?" I told her he'd never do that, but if he ever did, I'd take are of it. I told her that she knows she can call Daddy anytime she wants to, and that I'd never say no if she asked to call him and that He wouldn't say no if she wanted to call me.

I told her in the future, she & I would come up with our own secret code word that she could use to let me know that she can't talk right then. I tried to make it out like a fun game. I don't want her feeling caught in the middle, despite what is obviously happening on that end.

I talked to DSS for just a second. He said she was fine, but just grouchy about everything, "for no reason". I asked if he could just cut her some slack? He started in again that there was no reason for her to be crabby. So, I asked, "aren't there times when you feel out of sorts, but you can't explain why?". He said yes. So, I said, "And when you feel that way, don't you just want everyone to cut you some slack?". Of course he said yes. I then just asked him to cut her some slack for the night.

I'm sure she was over tired. They probably went to bed late, I know they got up early, and it was a busy day. It bothers me greatly that she doesn't always have the privacy to really talk to me - - but not much I can do about that other than to send the kid cell phone with her and hope that she can keep it charged and not lose it. We'll be giving that a try.

I find it interesting that neither of the kids said ONE single word about the Drac Family Event. Normally, when LadyBugs gets to see them, she tells me all about it. Not a peep. My 'guess' is that either Drac had grilled them enough about not telling me anything or perhaps it didn't go so well. OR it could be that it was just a total 'non' event in their minds that it was already forgotten. Doesn't mean anything either way. I'm sure I'll hear about it all eventually. Heck, for all I know, maybe they stopped by and picked up the HO on their way and she's moved right on up to Fiance Position.

I did mess up on Friday - - I forgot to tell Drac (or rather remind him) that she had a dentist appt and had 3 fillings. After the appt, I figured I'd scan the paperwork and email it to him. We got busy and I forgot. I'll do that first thing this morning.

Well, I'd better get to the real world. Lots to do and LadyBugs has a ball game tonight. Hope it's a Ho-free night, but I'm not holding my breath on that one.

So you have it written into the parenting plan that you have to keep Drac informed of what's going on. What happens if you don't?



You are such a pilar of strength for me you know. I love how you talk about what's going on and in many ways work through the feelings and look at your behavior so you can change it or not. That is nice insight to have.

What is your week looking like?

Hey Queenie,



When it comes to 'healthcare', we are supposed to be in agreement. I didn't feel it necessary to 'ask' his permission to take her to have filling done (actually it was on the checkup information I sent him a few weeks ago).

I choose to share this information, in a timely fashion, as it just seems reasonable. I don't do it for HIM - I do it because it is the 'right' thing to do. I don't know what would happen if I didn't keep him informed - - I guess he'd have to take some action (legally) if it ever came to that. It's simply never occured to me.

This place, this forum, is a God-send for me when it comes to working through things. I've always been a person who likes to write about how I feel, and it's so great to do it here where I can get input about it. I do a much, much better job of LOOKING at MY behaviors than ever before. Many people here have helped me so much with that!

I used to be much more of a person who would only look at others and expect THEM to change. That's one of the big mistakes I made in my marriage. We both did that and it became a vicious circle that never ended - - until I found MB and started focusing on changing ME and my behavior first. Unfortunately, Drac never believed in those changes and he refused to change himself.

So, I hope that I am continuing in the way of self examination and change for the better. Sometimes I am on the mark and sometimes not. The important thing to me is that I keep trying. I'm glad it may be helpful to you!

This week is busy, as usual. LadyBugs has softball tonight. I need to finish mowing the backyard, trim bushes, trim trees, weed eat the edges of the yard/drive/landscaping, vacum the pool, get my bedroom back into being a bedroom, work every day, finish putting away laundry, clean the fish tank, get a duplicate title for my car, prepare for 2 customer meetings, make arrangements for my dog overnight, travel out of town, finish plans for vacation with the kids, and whatever else life will throw at me this week.

So, typical week!! :):)

Bugs:

I've been around. Just been busy... (your week sounds like mine, and I DO have Flamingo...)

It always nice to have those folks that showed up around the same time, those so-called "killer bees" post an update about thier sitch.

When Chrisner, SDguy, Lilsis (where is SHE?), Silent, BC and Rin are dropping updates, its worth the reading, if not the posting time, if I have nothing really to add.

One question, has ladybug's grandfather taken a turn for the worst? He was mowing the lawn, helping you move, watching the kids and all kinds of stuff last year. How about now? I ask because I don't understand why it's the rest of the families responsibility to get him his RX's? Just wonderin...

You sound good. Maybe you will get more info from the kids about the weekend "family" event, when you have time to relax with them. If you really want to know....

Otherwise, I going to read a couple of other threads, and get back to work. Coffee break over...

LG

PS, I shot a 96 yesterday!