ok....

daughter seems to be having a good time

son is spending the night w/ their dad & will go to church w/ x, x's w, x-mils tomorrow. xfil was diagnosed w/ lung cancer a couple of weeks ago. 80% chance it won't be treatable based on the aggressive type he has and on his advanced age.

dog and I went to see my mom tonight. we never do much there except sit around and enjoy being together. her memory of the recent past is flaky and her hearing is horrible so you can't have discussions about your life.

However, son and I went to TV show taping last night...about songwriters and their songs. Patty Griffin, Jeff Owen (of 'Alabama', and Kris Kristoferson were the songwriters performing. It was very interesting. Son actually grumbled about it beforehand but really enjoyed. My children are more interested in country music than am I. (I did learn that Krisoferson wrote "Me and My Bobby McGee")

Hi Queenie,

Just stopping in to give you {{{{{HUGS}}}}} and to say thank you, mighty woman of God

Lil

I'm glad your daughter seems to be having a good time.

I just broke Plan B rule something or another. YS just got home and had an absolutely fabulous day playing with his friends.

I asked him innocently if he had seen his father. Oh yes, he was there with her, holding her hands, kissing her in public of my town and I'm just crushed.

Oh Cinder, G-d I love him so much. When will this pain stop. When will I not care and just have moved on and find someone else.

Why can't I stop loving him. What is wrong with me.

He was walking around a park that was MY park and MY TOWN with trash and there is NOTHING I can do. I feel so utterly hopeless and sad....

This might woman of G-d just wants to stop the sadness or love in her heart for her H.

Why can't this grieving process be over. Why can't I stop wishing that he will come around.

Oh Believer.... how I wish you were here to say affairs always end.

Here he is out enjoying the fair, spending money, well that's a guess and I can barely afford food today and electricity.

You feel betrayed. You had dreams. I was there. Time. It takes time. How do you think I felt when I had to help my 2 year old hold the phone while he talked to his dad?

You are giving him power over you. When you give him over to G-d, when you move to not caring what a jerk he makes of himself, when you go to seeing the man he has become, you will move past this.

So, he was kissing on this woman...she was kissing on him.....would you want to be kissing on a man, holding the hand of a man who had treated his wife the way this man has. He does not deserve you.

What was the scripture I sent you from Isaiah....chapter 51? Who will always be there to love you?

Oh, on a brighter note, here is a link to one of my photos I sneaked last night.

Kristofferson, Griffin & Owen

Im not believer, but i do believe they almost aways end, and I do believe the God is there with his hand on what is going on.
praying for you. {{{{{QUEENIE}}}}}

Why did you ask him this? Why was your WH on your MIND????


Why was your son's answer more than "Yes"?


I betcha you WISH there was something you could do.

How can you REMOVE him from YOUR BRAIN????

Lock him away somewhere so that he can't touch your "soul". That's why you've heard me say that I had to pretend that my H was DEAD. he had to be TOTALLY GONE from me.. or, like you, I would feel "hopeless and sad".

It's really nothing NEW or DIFFERENT about him walking around in a park, holding hands with her, Queenie. It's BAD for you wherever they are or whatever they are doing. To me, it's worse that he sleeps with her every night, that he lives with her..while his wife and children can't ride around with legalized license plates...

He's off in some fairy tale world... la-la land...YUCK...

Yeah!!!!

What Mimi said!!!!!

Just think about that.


Are YOU getting any counseling? There may be some community based programs operating on a sliding-scale fee base that could help you.

Tell me how to do this? I'm trying, I'm praying.

This may seem pretty stupid, but he isn't MY WH, he is the WH. My H was on my mind and that's what is hurting. But that is the past and I just got caught off guard by asking. Also, because it's father's day and I just simply hurt for my kids to not have their dad. Nothing special or different than so many others, but when it's you it just seems more personal.

[/quote] Why was your son's answer more than "Yes"? [/quote] Because stupidly I asked those questions. I'm still hoping that affairland isn't good. So then I guess I am thinking about WW.

No, it just simply hurt was all and mad me sad. I truly have come to accept there isn't anything I can do. But I still have these deep feelings. And there isn't anything I can do but acknowledge them, post here, get my 2 x 4's and keep moving forward.

I have NO CLUE, other than keep praying for this. I can't, but G-d can.

The only difference about him walking around in a park - my local park, is that we are a small community and what he is doing is taking his relationship more public in front of everyone and that just simply hurts. Semantics, yes, but it is what it is.

I was going to counseling Cinders, but then lacrosse took over my life and I couldn't get there. Then it became the money issue and until that is resolved and I am caught up on bills... I'll go back to her.

He is your husband, addicted, or under a hex or whatever. His cruelty only stands to hurt you more if you continue to probe about him. Stop that, Queenie. What purpose does hearing about him serve?

Affairland is good/bad/ugly on any given day. You picked the wrong day to ask questions. Assume from here out, that you could be asking questions on their good days or even just good moments. Leave it alone Queenie. The bad days are there.

ok SL....

I am learning my lesson of not asking. And really this was my fault. Curiosity killed the cat or rather hurts the wife.

I'm not meaning to sound harsh because you know full well that I fully understand your pain. Because of that I know what you HAVE to do. I know what I HAD to do. I still do this to deal with HURTFUL situations.

YOU HAVE TO HAVE YOUR ARSENAL READY!! Folks don't wait until the hurricane comes and then run out and tape the windows.

The key is ADVANCED PREPARATION.

Better yet. How do ARMIES prepare for BATTLE? Wait until they see the enemy at hand and then run in and get their WEAPONS?

PLANS AND STRATEGIES for occasions when he is likely to come to mind. LITERALLY, I was serious. How can you SEAL HIM UP? CLOSE YOUR MIND TO HIM. LOCKED SHUT!!


MIND WORK!! This is one of the RECOMMENDED STRATEGIES!! THINK FIRST!! DO NOT LET THE EMOTIONS RULE!! If you THOUGHT about this before asking, how would your son know? Just because he saw them kissing in the park does not mean that AFFAIRLAND is GOOD!! ALL ASSUMPTIONS. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO MAKE ANY ASSUMPTIONS!! ONLY FACTS!!

Do you see what I am saying? A SEALED MIND..A SEALED MIND...


NOPE..you've got to come up with A PLAN to combat being overruled by your FEELINGS because they are so INTENSE they will pop up and CONTROL YOU if you don't CONTROL them...


Don't take on your kid's feelings..sounds like your son was having a great day...

I could give my Father's Day and Mother's Day speech but I'll simply say that IMO fathers and mothers should be honored and respected EVERYDAY...It's your HUSBAND that's missing out.....

I know you weren't kidding. I just don't know how to do it. I could shake my head, immediately ask G-d to remove those thoughts, keep myself busy all the time or as much as possible. Work, I hardly thought about him on Friday because I was so stressed and busy at work.


It's the weekend and bar far these are my hardest times, so I need to work on this.

I don't understand what you mean by this.

For so long I have been working on feeling my feelinsg, now I have to get to the next level of combating them? OY VEY....

How do you do that. Truly, feeling these feelings are just so new for me.

And I know you are souding harsh to be mean. You have always cared more about my life than my feelings, because that's what is on the line.

This is just one more layer for me to walk through that is really hard. I'll do anything, willing to go to any lengths, I just need to learn how.

You and everyone else always has my permission to deliver the 2 x 4's. My survival depends on it.

I'll be back later..but ACT AS IF..

Go around today SAYING OUT LOUD: "I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FLIP" (or stronger if it suits you)..over and over again...

The KEY is to FEEL THE FEELING and THEN CONTROL IT..not just to FEEL IT...


Believe me...comes from YEARS of REALLY GREAT PSYCHOTHERAPY in which I learned STRATEGIES...

I would do this as I went around my house THROWING STUFF AWAY..TAKING PICTURES DOWN..CLEANING..WHATEVER..Yes, STAYING BUSY...

Ok...

Have a great day..

I don't give a flying flip.......

Me too, Mimi. It was always therapeutic for me to organize and toss things or donate them. I sometimes have a hard time with parting with things, but not when I got in sad moods. OUT it all went.

Queenie, the affair will end, just like they all do. Trust in that.

When I moved from my house to apt I was able to do all that purging. I could organize and quilt.

But today is absolutly spectacular and I want to lay out and just relax. Try to stay out of my mind.

Ok, B... Keep that carpo tunnel saying...

Affairs almost never last.....