I think with everything going on in your household that i would feel the same way that you feel.

Is there any plan for your daughter to get her own place? I know you are dealing with other MORE IMPORTANT issues with her right now, but maybe if you and your H see "a light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak it will help ease your worry a little.

I think that "life" is just really hard. I used to be able to handle the things life dealt me a whole lot easier before the A. I do not know why i question myself so much and just wonder if you are doing the same.

I wonder about the "we" being "us" part myself. Maybe it is just all part of the healing process. At least i guess that is what we are doing sometimes it does not feel like it, but i do know that i feel better than i did at first so maybe it does just take time.

It is good that you spent time together on Sunday even if it was just to enjoy the quiet for a little while. Maybe you two need to get away from home for a bit. Go somewhere alone. I mean your daughter is safe at your house. Go get a hotel room for a night or something.

And i do not think it is HORRIBLE at all that you really do not want him to see the twins. He sounds like a HORRIBLE man who is just going to use them to his advantage and not just be their dad. That is something that makes my blood boil. I can not stand people who use their children as pawns to get what they want.

Well just keep on plugging along over this BIG BUMP in the road, i am sure you will get over it with a little love, support, and prayers.

SC thanks for your encourgement!

Right now no plans for DD to move. She ONLY has child support which isn't alot. for 3 kids. Jobs in this area are scarce so her plan is to get into the LPN program which takes about a year. She checked with social services and she doesn't qualify for housing because she gets over $354/mo for 4 people. However she does qualify (we think) for child care assistance, which will be good and give her time to study because her classes thru Dec. are at night. Jan. clinicals start at the hospital, so she would DEFINATELY need child care.

Yesterday was a HARD day. I think this swealtering heat & humidity is taking it's toll on everyone. Kids were cranky, DD was cranky, I was cranky and felt like crying my eyes out, H was zombie from working outside.

Today I get to supervise SOB SIL with twins. I wish he wouldn't show up, but I figure he will at least once. If he does show I hope he'll realize the babies NEED their nap during his visit and we can go home. Crossing my fingers.

Make sure you let us know how things go today!!!

Afternoon, mvg.

I have been keeping up, just not posting. SC always seems to say what i'm thinking. I just wanted you to know I'm here, reading .

I hear you about the heat. Thank God the temps broke and are now back down into the mid 80's. My poor air conditioner couldn't keep up. Everyone slept downstairs this week, where the air was a crisp 75-80 degrees inside.

Luckily, the pool was cleaned and ready to go when the heat hit. Even with good SPF on, I got burned, though. YEOUCH. :eek:

Hang in there, mvg.

mvg - sorry to read of your continued struggles. Thankfully, you recognize what this could do to R with your H and you can talk about it together.

Are you guys kidding about the weather? It SNOWED here yesterday and today. Temps in the 40's!

Fox

Nope, not kidding, the weather on the east coast has been brutally hot/sweltering. Close to 100 daily. It finally broke today.

Funny thing. I came to work this morning and the lab was in the 90's. Our air conditioning system was on the fritz . They just fixed it and the lab is cooling down. Figures that would happen on a morning that I needed to spend 3 hours in the lab. I was shvitzen, to say the least. Not attractive.

Now, I'm feeling run down and tired. Had to have a little coffee pick me up.

Yep same hot humid weather here, but i am one of those crazy people that like it that way. I love it when it is like a sauna outside.

Heck i walk around my house in my long thick robe most of the summer because i can not stand the AC. I am sitting here right now at my desk with a space heater turned on.

SC, either you are certifiable or a lizard.

I do love the summer weather, HOT HOT HOT. I just don't sleep well in the heat or like to work in it (unless gardening/mowing), if it can be avoided.

When I was about 15 years younger, I worked in a greenhouse all summer long. I got used to the heat, so it was no big deal. Now, I'm not so used to it anymore, so days in the lab like today take it out of me.

Well SL i think i might be a little of both

People always tell me it is because i am so thin, i do not know but i love it when it is hot and hate it when it is cold. The cold seems to go clear to my bones. I usually can not stay in a pool for very long because i am shivering with in a few minutes.

I don't really like to have the sun shining on me, but in the shade with a warm breeze 95 degrees is like heaven to me

My H works outside so he is used to the heat but he does not like it at all and neither do my kids so we have the AC on at home, hence me walking around in my robe LOL!!

My H says the heat wears him out too, he is really tired after work on hot days. And since removing part of his lung last year it is harder for him to breath when it is humid. I feel bad for him and always tell him to get in his vehicle in the AC for a little while during the day.

Supervised visitation went ok. It was a L O N G 4 hours and I think it's too long for small children. They needed their nap, they were cranky, got bored, yada yada. For the most part the visit went well. SIL did have a couple of 'moments', nothing to bad but I can see where it could be. He gives the impression by his talk he expects 1 yr olds to UNDERSTAND when changing diapers you lay still. GD found some paper in the nursery and proceeded to eat it, he GRABBED the paper and the toy it was in and threw it up on the table. GS was crying and he told him toughen up. He changed their diapers every 1/2 hr. or so. He was definately not comfortable with the situation (me watching). And to top things off the a/c wasn't working to well. It wasn't uncomfortable for me or the kids but he was sweating like a pig.

On the bright side (or more like my selfish side) they said momma ALOT and Nana (me). He handled that pretty well saying daddy has you and you'll see your momma in a little while.

He did ask if they needed a nap and I told him yes. They normally take a nap sometime between 2 & 2:30. He told GS you need a nap, he tried rocking him but didn't work. I asked him if he wanted to cut visit short to I could take them home for nap and we could write and sign on a piece of paper as to why visit was short and both sign it. He wanted to make up the time the next week, I told him we're going to run into the same problem EVERY week day because that's when they take a nap. He didn't want to do that, so we stayed with cranky kids, him being hot and me not wanting to be there. YUCK.

Can someone PLEASE smack me for offering to do this????? I don't know if I have the fortitude to do this each week till the end of July. I want the kids safe...that's why I offered, but THIS is REALLY tough...constantly wondering if he's going to snap.

This has NOT been a good week. EVERYTHING is starting to wear on me. I'm worried about DD, GC & H AND ME. I thought if I didn't lose my mind after DDay I could make it thru anything...I'm NOT so sure any more. I'm trying VERY hard to keep my boundaries and help for caring for DD and her family in place, I try to keep checking my reasons/logic. THIS IS HARD.

Thanks to ALL who read and those that post. Your concern is appreciated.

I had a horrible dream last night/this morning. Dreamt H had A. Weird dream. Hard to figure out if truly a dream or intitution...dreams were the 1st indicators before DDay and I didn't pay attention. Or a dream because we had a arguement last night. Nothing big and we both apologized. I dunno.

mvg for this time (and this time ONLY) maybe the dream is because you are under so much stress right now and EVERYTHING is weighing on your mind.

I know a long time ago me and my H (and all three kids) had to move in with my mom for a little while (long story) and it was hard on my mom (and it was just her then) and us trying to combine two households. And we did not have the other issues of a nasty SOB in the picture.

I dunno because i am not a mind reader but maybe because of all the CRAZINESS going on you are just thinking (or should i say ST) that it is too much for H.

I really think that you and your H need to try to get away by yourselves. I think it would be a good break for all of you.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers!!

(((((((((mvg)))))))))

Thank you SC. I hope it is the stress and nothing more. We're going to try and get away for a few days soon alot depends on the supervised visits or rather when/if he calls for it. There is no set day just 24 hr. notice. We might just schedule the days away and then do the screen calls/cut off phone.

You are right ST is getting in my way.

And thank you for your prayers. I think at times that's all we have going for us in the positive.

I told my H about my dream...He assured me there is no one else. I'm still digesting the look on his face...not surprised, not horrified, more like a 'duh' look. I'm not so sure....I WANT to believe him...I'm checking his internet usages. His actions appear to be honest. Hopefully I'm being hyper sensative due to everything else.

Twins birthday party today. Should be a busy day here...a happy day.

Birthday party was HECTIC! Geezzzz 15+ kids the house and yard looked like a cylone hit it!

So SOB SIL cut the babies hair on 'his' supervised (his mother supervising) visitation. Sad. Cut GD's curls.

His supervised visitation (me supervising) yesterday went ok. He didn't seem to get as frustrated with them, he even managed to get them to take a nap. He fed them dinner at 4pm...I mentioned that their dinner time was 5-5:30 he informed me they were eating then. UGH. His way or no way.

This is very frustrating, I don't think he will even 'try' to work within their schedule and I know there's not a thing we can do about it. Sad sad sad situation.

H & I are drifting apart and I can't seem to pull us back together most of the time. Working back into the same situation as before.

Why is life so hard??? I keep praying...sometimes I don't even know what to pray for. I am so grateful YD & GC are NOT in that househould, I do worry tho that living with us is very stressful for her. She is concerned that the situation is to much for us especially with 3 active children. H & I do agree EVEN given the situation we are blessed to have the opportunity to provide a safe haven for them, and influence in their lives.

mvg i have no great words of wisdom or anything for you.

Just know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.

I actually had signed in this morning and was looking for your thread just to see how you were doing. It doesn't sound like you are doing well right at the moment. I was there was something i could do to help but you know there is not.

Maybe (just maybe) your H is worrying just as much as you are and that is ALL that is happening. I know with my H though he tends to keep out of issues dealing with our DDs because he says it is "girl stuff" and he does not know what to say to them.

I would just keep an eye on the situation but try not to let it overwelm you, you have SO MUCH on your plate right now.

(((((((((((mvg)))))))))))))

There is so much going on in your home, mvg. Is there any chance that you can afford a hotel stay for a night or weekend? I would do that pronto. Just get away from this for a moment in time.

My sister moved in, and I'm still getting used to the change. I was really beginning to enjoy my alone time. Now, I don't really have any. Also, we are polar opposites. My idea of a good time is floating in my pool; her idea of a good time is inviting many people to come float in my pool. I like my alone time, she doesn't like being alone at all. As a matter of fact, she is always on the phone, either calling someone or answering someone's call; she's like a teenager in that respect. It's as if it's too hard for her to be left to her own thoughts.

Anyway, I can relate SLIGHTLY.

Thank you both for thinking of us and keeping us in your prayers.

SL we ARE trying to get away this weekend! IF H is up to it...long work days and might have to work Friday too so we'll see.

AND when did your sister move in? I hope for both of your sakes there is a time limit/goal limit as for how long.

SC & SL I hope you both are doing well. And again, thanks.

Sis moved in three weeks ago. She left her situation in a hurry and I offered my spare room to her until she can get it together. She is working as of this week and is looking to get her certification in personal training renewed so that she can get back into that again.

Her situation was bad and getting worse. Alcoholic fiance, her escalated drinking, no jobs in her field where they lived, and no prospects of a well paying job. She worked construction for what time she was there. her relationhsip with fiance was always so crazed, a lot of breaking up and getting back together when he showed up in his shining armor. From the outside, it looked too erratic and very unfulfilling for the both of them. They spoke to eachother in such disrespectful ways. It never SEEMED loving, from the outside.

Anyway, there is not specific time limit, but I have been honest with her and told her that we could see how this goes, but I don't want it to be permanent, and will give her ample notice when it is time for her to move along. I am giving her a chance to get back on her financial feet. She needs time to build up a clientelle before she will ever make any good money.

Anyway, it's still stressful, but manageable.

DS likes having his AuntM there, which is a plus. She likes to rough-house with him, which I cannot do, and prefer not to do. A pillow fight is one thing, but she will wrestle with him and throw him around like he's a rag doll; not my thing.

As for the whole marriage thing (or lack thereof, in my case) I'm doing well. I am coming to terms with much that has happened, and as I become more clear on things, I am able to give up the things that never were mine to deal with. There's a lot more to that statment ,but I'll leave it at that.

If your interested in hearing more, I'll type my meandering thoughts out for you. Beware what you ask for though. it's not even close to being organized in my head, lord knows what it will come out as pounded out on the keyboard.

mvg TRY REALLY HARD to get away this weekend.