how do you install a keylogger when your antivirus software keeps catching it and stopping it from running, and you dont actually know how to stop the AVS from doing it??

My first thought was to uninstall the AV software, but most AV software I've dealt with could be adjusted to ignore specific programs.

That, or bash the computer in with a ball-peen hammer. Either way works.

good old nortons will let me download the software but i cant install it. Am running the manual check now anyway, but really i am not all that clever

Mr S,

I came very close to doing what you proposed.

Here's how I talked myself out of it. Many thoughts on the idea.

Let's say you create the email account and send the email.

Possible scenarios:

A. She has been in contact already via email, and this "new" email comes from out of the blue, from some strange email address and has this bizarre message in it. It is supposedly from the OM, but since she is already in contact with the OM, then WTH? She is immediately suspicious of the email, and realizes it is a trap from you. She tells you about the "attempted contact", you are reassured, FALSELY. She tells OM that you are suspicious, they take their renewed contact futher underground, and the affair is much more difficult to expose or discover. But you believe everything is okay, because she has told you about the attempted contact, AND, YOU FEEL GUILTY ABOUT YOUR STUPID AND DEVIOUS PLOT, AND ABOUT LYING TO HER ABOUT THE EMAIL. Ultimately, you would probably end up confessing about the email to her anyway.

B. She hasn't been in contact with OM. But she knows his email address. You make this one up, send the email, now she has this strange one. She's not sure what's happening, doesn't want to arouse you, not sure what to do, as she didn't start this. She doesn't even want to start it up again. It is NOT a familiar account, and she knows that she has nothing to worry about - because she has a very clean record regarding no contact. She decides it is not from the OM, couldn't be, because she knows his address and that is NOT IT. She deletes it, not even sure if it IS the OM at all, because she deletes it without even being sure that it was a renewed attempt at contact - because after all, she says to herself, it actually could have been someone fishing, it could have been spam, it could have been anything. Her reasoning is all over the place, but because she is NOT GUILTY, she believes that there is no contact in place and no reason to stir this pot. If it was just question marks, or an unclear message, there wouldn't really be anything to tell you about, and if you have her email passwords anyway, then you had every opportunity to look and see it yourself. The delete button it is, and "gone".

C. She sees it, tells you, and gives you a printout. You feel like a complete idiot. Then, out of guilt and shame, you tell her what you did. As a result, you are left trying to explain why you are acting like this, trying to trap her, lying to her, trying to set her up, lovebusting, and not even giving her the respect of recognizing the good things she is doing to try to repair the marriage (which you do admit she is doing).

D. She sees it, tells you, and gives you a printout. You feel like a complete idiot. But you don't tell her, because you think that it will cause problems. You go on in your marriage with this very disrespectful lie underlying your interactions, and that underpins many of your interactions. The shame you feel results in creating distance between the two of you, and she doesn't even know why - and she is working really hard to get closer to you. Not a real great way to build a healthy marriage, ya' think?

E. You send it, she responds, and you "catch" her "in contact" with the "OM". Now what?????? You have backed yourself into a corner! You have to expose your own lie and deceit in order to show her that you caught her. She could easily say to you:

I KNEW IT WAS YOU TRYING TO TRAP ME!

And how could you prove otherwise?



So, when I thought it through to the end, I realized that none of the outcomes was very good. There weren't any pots of gold at the end of those rainbows.

If you want to know if she is in contact, install a keylogger. Follow her. Get a voice activated recorder. Check her cell phone records. Track her emails. Hire a PI.

Don't stoop to being a liar or deceiver yourself. It will backfire.

SB