Which is one of the reasons you are a BH.


That is not PMing (Private Messaging).

Justification, rationalization and a lack of understanding of human nature.

Why does society, human interaction in general, need any laws about anything medc? You and I certainly don’t need them.

With prayers,

Aph...not for nothing...but, frankly you are not a person I turn to in order to understand human nature.

Then turn to whomever is. You will get the same answer.

eta: I forgot to say en garde!

sure...and I did. Considering some of my friends have been with me since I was 17, they have survived marriage and other life events. Until my exW cheated, she too became friends with my female friends. For that matter, I am still friends with my ex wife and her husband (heck, she has fixed me up on dates).

Arrogance run amok.

Intro,

Would you consider PMing also be another way of continuing our patterns to the detriment of our marriages, at times? Where posting on a thread allows us to in a way, stand publicly for our marriages...be exposed to many POVs and input...instead of selectively elminating those to experience only those with the most similarities?

I'm thinking of how conflict avoidance because almost a life purpose...and PMing would continue that, in a way.

Also, the more we post honestly, exchanging our stuff, the more we can do so with our spouses and vice versa.

Courage has its own rewards. Takes us out of our comfort zone, IMO.

And like the rest have said, practicing our new healthy boundaries whether we've had direct harm done to our marriages through them or not, creates healthy marriages.

LA

well, I see your point...but in my case it wasn't true. My ex didn't even know the person she screwed. There was no opportunity for develpong any relationship.

Now, my sons mom...different story...she was inappropriate in a hooker kind of way.

Actually, the more we post honestly the more we get censored, and/or attacked.

I never experienced any desire to PM or to have male friends for that matter,(I did used to have lots of male friends, but I don't have any anymore) but now I am seeing the benefit of private conversation vs public "policed" conversation. Not for inappropriate bonding (because I don't believe anyone from here really gives a rats [censored] about the trouble others get into), but for ideas that go against the fray. That seems to be the biggie, ideas or opinions that go against the fray.

Is that the right word, fray?

I do have a friend from here that I email with occasionally, with my husbands knowledge, but feel no need to defend, explain or confess it here...or be policed by others.

I do only now, because I agree with MEDC.

P.S. If you can't tell, I'm still a little pissed off that my thread was deleted yesterday and the admin won't email me back as to why.

I missed it. Must have been quite a good one. Did it fray well with others?

with prayers,

Well Ap, it is hard to say as it only lasted about three seconds before it was bleeped.

The title was "on censorship". Need I say more?

The point of me wanting to PM someone was for a reason other than anything that has been discussed in this thread so far. I didn't mean to open up a can of worms lol. I have no problem posting any of my history, W's history, etc... in this open forum. You just have to trust me that I had my reasons....I emailed a mod...he helped me contact the person...the person replied to me (Thank you :))....done deal.

I'd give you the member's name so you could verify my intentions by PM...but, no such luck lol.

MEDC:

We accept that YOU wouldn't abuse the PM system.

But others will.

And since this is a site where there are alot of hurting folks, most likely the PM function SHOULD be disabled.

Many folks exchange emails after meeting on this site. Same sex and opposite sex. You have mentioned your own activities in this regard on a number of occasions. If someone posts a thread or on thier thread and asks if you could email them, and/or asks a MOD to send an email to you so that you could respond, you could make a choice to respond or not. Any poster around here could easily have all the private discussions they want without using the PM system.

And, as an aside, if someone like BA was to get inside the PM system and start posting messages to others, that could be reason itself to shut it down.

The bottom line is, that someone can engage in an affair from any number of sources. Having PM's available here would just be WAY to much temptation.

Personally, this question seems to come up every month of so. Seems the best route woud be for the administartor to just not have that line item show up anywhere near this DB.

LG

LOL.

Gotcha. Thanks for reading my opinion.

LA

I think you should use another analogy. NO ONE obeys the speed limit!

I'm not trying to start a fight. I'm just sayin', is all.

Charlotte

I agree with Committed and TA. We're all capable of infidelity, whether you're BS or WS. I'm the BS... I too before FWH's A, thought I just wouldn't do something like that, it's just wrong, and I still say I wouldn't. Now that I'm in the situation that my FWH chose to do... we're all paying the price for it. My FWH also said prior to his A, that he could never do something like this. But what do ya know... a girl at work said all the right things, within a couple of months, she got my H. I'm not excusing my H at all, he's hurting for his bad choices, we all are.

I can see why the PM is not available. I think MB is being responsible in that aspect.

It would provide absolutely NO temptation for me.

There is nothing, no one, NO SITUATION that would tempt me to do that to myself, my husband or the OP.

And anyone who has ever been involved with infidelity in any way, shape or form who gets themselves into an affair, would no matter what kind of temptation was kept away from them.

Ignorance can only be used once, after that it is willfull.

We are after all capable of keeping our own counsel, are we not?

But I really don't care about that feature, just to reiterate.

I do. I get serious panic attacks at high speeds.

We were on the Autoban (sp) while we lived in Germany, back when there was no speed limits, and let me tell you, it was quite the ride. LOL

Or have you been to Mexico and ridden in a cab? HOLY FRIGHT!

BA would be piker. Shoot, I could be antimatter in the bowels of PM compared to BA.

I agree. It seems rather silly to leave it showing at all. Five minutes with the source code and I could have it off here once and for all.

With prayers,

ITA!!

Except I always had a lot of male friends. Since HE (Mr. Gray) would get bent out of shape about it I didn't associate with any of them when we were together.

I thought it was kinda cute, but annoying at times, especially if I heard from a friend I hadn't heard from in some years.

I never thought that he was getting bent out of shape because he had a problem with boundaries HIMSELF. But I learned. The hard way.

Charlotte

Not one person here on Mb can claim ignorance. And since the majority know that infidelity is the MOST PAINFUL thing they could ever do to another person (according to Dr. H...worse than rape) why can't everyone say they would never do it??? Do you need protections from raping another person (after-all, it is a lesser offense in many peoples eyes)?
Every person that has ever been touched by infidelity..on either side of it...should KNOW they would never, ever hurt their spouse like that.