Q

Hope u r ok. I have been busy with my own melodrama this weekend, but I have been thinking abt u. I wish i cud help more.

Hi JT,

When can we get together. Yes it does help.

Will the courts make my son see his dad if he doesn't want to?

I absolutely agree there is NO reason for WH and I to speak with each other. I won't stop him from getting the information he desires, but I certainly don't want to be the one to give it.

WH can visit the website for the game information.

Or simply he could contact his children. Wow that would be a great idea.

x and I have a history of not hearing each other. That is why I prefer to communicate w/ him by email a lot of the time. We are doing well at communicating right now but we often send emails to confirm the conversation. That is especially helpful w/ schedules and things like that.

But there have been fairly long stretches when it was best for us to use internet for info sharing.

That way, you can read their idiot stuff, get mad, write your angry reply, then edit it down to only what is needed before sending it. It was a blessing to have that option.

Hey Cinder,

How are you today? I've been busy. Went shopping at a local quilt store, bought some white material to start on a quilt for one of my nephews. Then went to Walmart for bark. The bark is for the house that is having the graduation party for our son's next week. Then went to Office Depot for the tri-fold boards.

Can you believe the latest craze is to put together a wall board of my son. I am wondering if I should use pictures of WH. But then if I am learning new ways to live, I need to not control this, and just ask son what he wants. After all it's his board, not mine.

I can soo relate..

Back in the day, I would have finished the entire board without even considering the importance of asking my son FIRST...

Then, I would be upset if HE didn't LIKE it...

let him pick out the pictures.

----------------------------------------------




Put out the most embarassing baby picture and senior picture. Tell him those are the only two you will choose. The rest are up to him. Tell him that his choices are: 1) pick out the photos OR 2) you will put only those two on it.

Oh yes to this one.

I get why you are saying this, but I want to do it. I love doing these things. Haven't ever before.

I just want to know if he wants pictures of his dad or not.

How about that?

Hi Queenie-

I have more free time now that school is out. YS is at camp until July 12, and summer school interning begins in another week-so my time is fairly open-expect my yard needs some attention. Send me an email when you have time and we can meet in the middle.

I can tell you that my A wrote in our separation papers the the "minor child" and his dad would have time together as the "minor child" and his dad agreed. In our state, a 15-year-old has a bit more say in these matters than a younger kid might.

For whatever reason, WH is being more assertive about his rights as a parent these days and wants guaranteed time. If it's occured to WH to ask the son, I am not aware of it, but then again, its not my concern.

I'll ask my A how to handle this.

I don't want to be in the middle, but I do want to protect my children from crack ho.

Yes, we have to get together soon and catch up. I have really missed you.

Queenie, back to the board....will the world end if you don't do the board?

If you're stressing too hard over it, take the board back and take a couple of photo albums (if your pictures are in them). Sometimes, I have to look at some jobs and take them off the 'to do' list if I'm simply not able to get everything done.

Right now, if it costs me, it doesn't happen.

Queenie,

I'm with Cinders on this one,,


Learning to choose between how we might 'want' to do something vs what makes sense to what we can reasonably accomplish can be difficult. I know it's hard for me, but I'm getting better at it and it's paying off.

I've let go of feeling 'guilty' when I don't get things like this done the way I think that I 'should'. I realized that the 'should' was merely inside ME and that it is Ok to cut myself some slack. It's greatly improved the amount of peace in my life.

What's the week have in store for you?

It was late and my sense of humor wasn't coming through, unfortunately.

You know, I don't know what I feel about the board. It's important to me for sure, but I'm not sure why so I need to look at that and just let it go and accept what it looks like. I feel the need to give my son something special that he will have and understand how much he was loved.

Remember this is the one who WH has pretty much abandoned, but this is also the one who is the most gentle, sensitive and loving.

Ah, I'm trying to fix it for him - I can't can I. It just makes me angry.

As for this week - I am swamped at work digging out of all the year end stuff from school. We have our huge shipment for teacher supplies coming in. Tomorrow night I am attending a brand new AA meeting in Seattle at Jewish Family Services. I am going to be the speaker person in two weeks.

I'm still in the process of getting ready for the party, need to order the cake today. On Wednesday and Thursday I am going over to their house and help really clean the house for Saturday and then Friday I am having an alanon meeting at my house because our normal venue is not available. So tonight, I need to find a way to deep clean the apt and hope it can stay clean.

This is one of the busiest weeks I have had in a LONG time. I'm a little concerned I won't make a meeting until Saturday morning, but I will check in with my sponsor more.

What are you doing Bugs?

((((((Queenie))))))

Hey honey, how are ya?????...


I haven't posted to you in so long. Sorry bout that. I see that you have been doing so WELL and are still so STRONG. Girl, I am so proud of you. You are handling things so remarkably well. I see many changes in you over these last few weeks. Don't believe me?/? Go back and read over your own stuff (I did that a little while back....On one hand it was good to see where I had come from just from New Years which was so amazing and good, on the other it was bad, because it did send me to that awful time and knowing what I KNOW now....well, it did kind help feed that little thing we like to call RESENTMENT....that was not good...)


Anyway, glad to hear you got a busy week ahead. While you will fret and worry about how to get it all done, you know you will and your sense of accomplishment afterward will be immeasurable.....


love ya hon.....not2fun

Hey NOT,

More importantly how are YOU? How is your recovery coming?

I am doing ok. I continue to move forward seeking G-d for his guidance and taking care of what I can.

I seem to be waiting out what happens in court pretty good. It's on Wednesday so maybe things will change by then.

Ok, my ego needs it, what changes have you seen?

I miss you, sent you an email. I hope you are doing ok and knowing that I am thinking about you.

Queenie - get son to help you w/ the board. You know, it might mean more to him for you to sit down and look at the pictures with him. Sometimes, we mom's just try to do it all and we CAN'T!!!



Important lesson:


Don't Should On Yourself!!!

You are right Cinder,

The pictures are in a huge chest, should I just point it out and let him go through it and just ask him to pick our a certain amount.

Yeah....it's his accomplishment you are celebrating. Let him choose the important ones. And, if he doesn't do it, he doesn't do it. Do you think his emotional development will be stunted if he doesn't do it? Nah, he'll be ok. Let it be his choice.

Now, if he was good at that sort of stuff and you had digital pictures or a scanner to scan traditional prints, you could let him do a powerpoint or something and put it on a dvd to run on a television.

As in the words of my children - you're killing me smalls.

LOL

I have no clue, but not having control over this. Well, it's huge for me. But I'm working it...

Could you clarify?

Queenie, if you apartment is not ready to be photographed by Architectural Digest, the world won't end. Think about those first few steps. We have to accept the fact that we aren't super-human and we can't be all things and do all things. Do what you can. Tell them you have surrendered control of the situation and greet them genuinely. They'll be able to cope. They can't control everything, either.