Maybe your family can make an invitation to a big event where he wouldn't be in the spotlight, could maybe skulk around the sidelines, you know? Ease himself back into the family. If anyone wants to talk to him, they can do it without everyone noticing.

Awesome news! I'm so glad! You are my success story!

As for his stomach aches, my H gets extremely moody when he doesn't feel good. He's had poison ivy for the last 3 weeks, and it has been h&ll being around him and his grouchy self.

Does your doctor think you'll have more kidney stones? Hope not!

I've heard many other women say that their Hs are grumpy and grouchy when they're sick. With all the other stuff we've had on our plate that was making my H moody, I was on edge any time he was less than happy. I'm getting better about that now. Sorry to hear your H hasn't felt good, Cat, but I'm glad to hear that it's kind of a "man thing."

Good idea about the family thing. I may try to do something like that and see how it goes. It may take some time to get that set up and have him agree to it, though. I can be patient.

As for the kidney stones... I have the one causing problems now and there's another one that's quite large that will need to be dealt with some time before too much longer. My doctor is going to go through my options on that with me in my next appt. Ugh...

Wow KLD,
Kidney stones are ROUGH.
I hate them. I really hope you get help, and don't have to pass them all.

I guess when it rains, it pours. At least your H is helping.

Thanks for the update. It sounds like H is improving in many ways. How about you? Are you happier? More at ease? Able to relax?


WH2LE, I haven't seen an update from you lately. I hope you are doing well.

SS

(((((KLD)))),

So sorry about the kidney stones. Is this your first(hopefully only) bout? They say it is as painful as childbirth. Yes???

My best friend(college roommate)had a serious, painful episode a few years ago. Ultimately had a surgical procedure to remove the largest stone. BUT.....the doctor told her that she would always have them now...and she chose not to believe him. Instead, she started to consume 1-3 teaspoons of lemon juice every day. No more kidney stones. She just puts it in tea or water. She just uses the REALLEMON brand and it works fine for her.

Hope that will help you too.

Keep us updated. I am sure that all the stress you have been under has not helped.

But I am THRILLED to hear that there seems to be progress with your H. Isn't it the most wonderful thing in the WORLD when we can SEE our Hs again? The ones we fell in love with?

StillSeeking, thank you SO much for asking after me! I truly appreciate the thought!
Things are......hmmmm...OK.
I am concentrating right now on remembering that NOW is NOW and that it is NOT 2 years ago when H was acting SOOOOO badly. The triggers have a way of making me feel as though I have traveled back to Affair World. I have to remind myself constantly that H is NOT acting that way anymore. It is amazing how difficult that is.

I keep wanting to start my own thread but I am intimidated by the length of time it would take to tell our story. Although in many ways, it is the same sordid story as everyone else's, the things that make it unique are important and I would not feel honest to leave some of the details out.

Also,I don't type well at all. Takes me forever to get a few thoughts down. I have been trying to hand-write it out so that I can easily edit it and then maybe get it posted. I would so LOVE to have some advice.

Sorry for the TJ KLD!

I am imagining that even at this moment you are not feeling fabulous, so there are healing prayers flying heavenward on your behalf.

Praying always,
WH2LE

Maybe KLD and her H are busy tonight. We can always hope.

WH2LE, it would probably be good for you to do your own thread. I am sure you would get helpful comments, and it would do you good to write it down.

I understand about the slow typing. I laughed when you said you were hand writing it. That was me........... for years, however, the time I have spent on MB has sharpened my typing skills,and I do a passable job now. (except for my spelling.)

One more question KLD.
Do you laugh more these days, and does it come naturally>

SS

Later edit -
I'm leaving on a trip, and won't be able to comment for a few days. So, if you answer and I don't get back to you, it's because I don't have net access, not because I am ignoring you.

WH2LE - thanks so much for the lemon juice idea. I'll give it a try. I don't know if this was as painful as childbirth since I've not had a child, but it was definitely terrible. Some people said it took them 2-3 days to get over it - boy, I wish it had only been 2-3 days for me. I was sick for a full 7 days.

I feel like my old self now, though, and I'm very happy for that.

You're so right that it's fabulous to see our Hs return. We've had a really good few weeks. Since I was sick last week, H was very attentive and took care of me when he got home from work. He kept offering to stay home, but I told him not to. I really don't think I needed anyone there - and I really just wanted to be sick alone! It was very nice of him to offer, though.

This weekend brought some challenges. We found out that we have some big unexpected expenses coming up. H was planning to buy a motorcycle this week. I cringed when we found out because this would normally mean snotty comments followed by cold silence about the issue. Instead, he was joking about getting a scooter instead of a motorcycle. He suggested we sit down and work a few things out and we actually followed through and did it. It was amazing. Also, there was something that I had promised to do every other day (a DS thing) and H realized I hadn't done it for about 2 weeks. I knew I should have, but hate doing it and kept putting it off. I told him I was very sorry and that I was wrong and that I would be more careful to keep my promises. Normally, he would have blown up. He said it was okay, just make sure I keep up with it from here forward. That was it.

In the past, these two issues would have ruined the weekend at best and set us back to a point where I'd think we couldn't recover. I'm so thankful that he managed through these two things so well. I didn't have to try to redirect or salvage or do any damage control. It was great.

And feel free to TJ at any time. I'm happy to share my thread with you since you aren't of a mind to have your own right now.

SS - great question about whether I laugh more now. I think that's a big indicator of how things are going and I hadn't thought of it that way at all.

I laugh alot these days. I don't know if you read in my thread many pages back that my H is one of the funniest people I've ever known. He's quietly funny with lots of one liners around people he doesn't know so well, but around me he makes anything funny. He does one liners for me, but also silly things and some witty British humor is usually thrown in for good measure. That side of him went away for most of the time he was in the A. If he'd tried to make jokes then I would have faked a laugh to not offend him. His sense of humor is out all the time now and I laugh all the time. I don't cry very much any more - in fact, I don't remember the last time I did cry. I could probably go back in my thread and find it, but it's best that right this minute I don't remember the last time.

It's a great feeling to feel so comfortable and at ease in my home with my H again. I can't even express how good it feels.

I don't think that we're out of the woods yet, but I do think we are getting there.

HI KLD, so good to hear that you're doing so well! One thing that I wanted to say, too, though, is that meeting ENS, you have to meet the ones, including DS, in ways that you can enthusiastically. Maybe you have to hire some chores out if you both hate them, or switch off. But if you're not doing it, and you even know you hate it, that's a pretty big clue you're not enthusiastic about it

Good point, EO, and you're right I'm not terribly enthusiastic about it. I have to admit that even though I'm not enthusiastic about doing it, it only takes about 10 minutes every other day. I actually am okay with doing it, even though I don't enjoy the task. I'm a procrastinator when it comes to housework. H is a great help around the house and he and I do share fairly evenly in the chores. In reality, he probably does more than I do when you count the yard.

I get it that there are some things we just have to do - and for Pete's sake, it really only does take about 10 minutes. I'd love to hire someone, but it just doesn't make sense!!! Ever had one of those things that you don't like to do, but it just needs to be done? This is one of those...

Yeah, KLD, I've hated to do stuff when i felt like I was the only one who ever did them. Like making the bed. I got on FlyLady, and she explained it as something we do because we LVOE ourselves. So I took her advice and bought a bedspread that I love. It's in seafoam green, like the ocean. Now I LOVE making my bed

But really, I encourage you to read what Dr. Harley says about DS. Your H is missing out on a HUGE opportunity to make MASSIVE LB deposits for you.

Hi KLD !!
I love it when you have good things to report.

I laugh alot these days.........
I don't remember the last time I did cry...........
It's a great feeling to feel so comfortable and at ease in my home with my H again. I can't even express how good it feels.......



These comments made me smile a really, really big smile.

I'm sure there are bad days out there.... so enjoy the good while it's here. Sometimes we forget to enjoy the moment.

What you said (some time ago) about your prayers impressed me. Prayer is most effective when we speak from our hearts, and when we know someone is listening, and will help. It sounds like you have both of these working for you. I am so glad.

Now that your marriage is improving, we can hope that you to get an improved job situation.
Do you have the wish list written down?
Double the pay
12 weeks of vacation a year.
Flex hours
Less than 10 blocks from your home
Company Car
Oh what the heck,
Company Plane.
And........ like that.

You have some good help on this thread. I hope everyone keeps posting.

WH2LE, don't be so shy.

SS

LOL SS!!!!

The one thing I am not is SHY!!!! Let me tell you!!!!

I am afraid I have got caught up posting on another thread, but am going to stop as of today. sigh.

KLD, I pray and think about you daily!!!! My H asks me how the lady from Atlanta and her H are doing.I am wondering about your job. I hope there is improvement, but if not, I hope the next one is just around the corner.

I am wondering about your H. Things sound so nice right now. Remember, that this is a roller coaster ride.

But you know, there is one of the long-time posters(just WHO it is escapes me now) who says that the honeymoon period has never ended for them. I pray that is you and your H.

Do you talk about the A? Do you feel you NEED to?
I have barely been able to go a DAY without bringing it up(bad, I know), but I know my H. If I did not talk about it, he would just pretend it never happened. He says it himself. He would NEVER have mentioned it again. I could not have stood it.

I am not suggesting in any way that you need to do that KLD. Just wondering. You don't want it to become the elephant in the room.

Update us when you can.

Praying,
WH2LE

SS - I am trying very hard to stay in the moment, at least for now. I have felt the need to not dwell on negative things, but at the same time I'm careful not to get complacent or afraid to know the truth.

Our days are good and I am more hopeful than ever about our future. I've found that the more I work on being positive, the easier it is for H and for me. I also find that being happy around him makes him happy around me. These are things I knew before, but wasn't able to do until recently. I guess my H is getting the benefit of "Plan A" as it should have been before and I'm getting the benefit of a H who appreciates that and realizes that he has a good thing. I do hope this lasts, though I know about the ebb and flow of relationships.

I find that my prayer life is different now, too. I still have some deep seated resentment towards OW and still pray about this, but most of the time I'm thankful and joyful in my prayer. I am uplifted and happy after my quiet time instead of worn out and ticked off!

My job situation is a little better, but I still believe this won't be a long term job for me. I was hoping for a different outcome, but ... I've put my resume back out there and I've been responding to postings that are a step up. I got a call from a recruiter today, as a matter of fact, with a great position opportunity. One problem - it's in NC and we would have to move. I don't really want to, but H said I should go for it to see where it ends up. I was happy to hear he's supportive. My wish list is long, but you know how that goes!! LOL

WH2LE - I've been so busy at the new job that I have hardly had a chance to read anything let alone post. Things at home have been very good and I haven't had much time there to spend on the internet. I haven't meant to be so absent!

As for talking about it, we don't talk about it very much at all other than maybe a reference here or there. I brought it up on Sunday and we did talk about it for the first time in a while. I found that my H doesn't deal with hearing about it all the time because that's his clue that his life will always be he!! on earth for his A. I actually don't want that for him or for me. I don't know why, but I've been able to forgive him and love him and move forward. I still absolutely hate the OW and I don't know why I still feel so strongly about her. I told him that on Sunday and he said he kind of hates her, too, but doesn't think about it. During our talk, he told me he knows the a$$ he was to me and he is trying so very hard to make it up to me by showing me now how much I mean to him. I see this in so many ways. I also know this about my H - he can't talk about things very easily, but he does try to show me as best he can when he's sorry.

We've talked about buying a new house and some other changes that will be a big improvement to our life together. If I end up with a job where I have to move, H will support that.

I know you're not to the point where you can let the A go into the past. I'm not either, but I don't feel the need to talk about it very often. I know my H knows what pain he caused for me and for himself. He's doing alot to show me how much he wants our M and our life together and that's been really good so far. It may stop and if so, I'll deal with it then.

H planned a spa day for us on 7/4. We're going to spend the night at the inn and watch the fireworks, too. He's not done anything like this in a very long time. I was blown away with his surprise. This is actually my birthday present - my bday is next week. I told him he still has to take me out to dinner on my bday and he laughed and said "Of course I do."

I think part of the reason he is doing better is that he finally realized that his life is better with me than it would be with her. I also think that my ability to move forward has helped. This has been hard for me, but I came to the conclusion that I'm never going to get the words I wanted to hear from him because he just doesn't have it in him to speak them. It's who he is and how he is. I also realized that his actions are more important than his words.

One other thing that has helped me - I know that I will check up on him from time to time when opportunities present themselves. If I find out that anything at all is going on, I'm done. I've promised myself that I will not stay for another round - I deserve better than that and I'll have better than that. He knows this. He's used his last mulligan. I most definitely don't want a D and hope I never find myself in that place again, but I will under no condition stay with him if there's a relapse or another A.

WH2LE - I hope you're able at some point to get to the point where his A isn't on your mind every single day. I do think about it every day at some point, but it doesn't eat at me the way it did a few months ago. I don't mention it to him every day. I've found that I'm better if I don't mention it every day. I hope you can get to the point where your life finds a "new normal" that's really good for both of you. I know things never go back to how they were, but hopefully we will both find the place that is better than before and truly a great place to be.

KLD,

I am not even sure what page your thread is on. I had to look it up via your name.

How are you? Can you update us?

How is the job and the job hunting?

I think of you when they talk about Georgia weather on the Weather Channel.

Actually I think of you more often than that. I am continuing to pray for you and your H and your life.

Hope you are lurking even if not posting.

Catch us all up!!!!!

Praying Always,
WH2LE

P.S. I honestly think that there are parts of your thread that should be required reading for anyone who wants to know how to snoop and get the goods about their WS's affair. I don't think there is anyone else who did this as well as you. If I had read YOUR posts when I was suspicious, I would have found out the truth much sooner.
What I like about your posts is that you kept us informed of what happened whenever you took a step to snoop. It was MORE than just a step-by-step. You would do something, then tell us the result, then move to the next step and tell us the next result. It was so practical. Would you consider putting your steps and results in a special post so that other BSs could see the practical way that your snooping got you the information you needed?

KLD, are you still here? How are things going?

Thanks for bumping her story, Cat.

Hi everyone - I have stayed away because I just needed the space. I needed to get things done my way and not dwell on all the gory details of my WH miserable A any more. I found that I was having trouble moving forward when I read over and over about it all. I didn't forget about it, but I did try to forgive and move forward to build something new.

We've had many setbacks, but we're still married. I found out that WH was sending her money through July. She cut off contact with him when he told her he couldn't send her any more. I found this all out in Sept. Since then, things were going pretty well.

He found out last week that his company doesn't have another project for him to work on, so he lost his job. I know what idle time has done for him in the past, so I started keeping closer attention. He had a job interview that he drove to last week. I felt like he probably drove through her town, though I didn't know how to prove it.

Today, I got the proof. I went into his email and found where he was sending emails to his counselor telling her he made a stupid mistake and went by her house. He said he still loves her and thinks she is his soul mate. His counselor said he needs to move on from this and get a grip on what is good for him. He sees her tomorrow. I think she is guiding him in the right direction, but don't know what he will do.

I don't think he's seen her, but he has tried to contact her. His email said that her new boyfriend (who is the father of her 9 YO daughter) called him and told him they are getting married in 3 weeks. I found that he's set up another email account that he didn't tell me about.

I am kind of numb. I still don't see how he can choose such trash over me.

So, here I am again. I know I need to take action, but I want to do it in a way that is planned and logical. I don't want to go home and throw the emails in his face. The other concern is that he is still having issues with depression and anxiety. He has done well and is taking medication and seeing a therapist, but I don't want to cause him to lose ground. I know he's caused this himself, but I won't handle this in a way that could send him over the edge.

I've considered calling his counselor, but I know she won't tell me anything about their sessions. I didn't know if she would give me suggestions on how to talk to him.

And by the way - even though I took a leave of absence, I did think of you all and continued to pray for you.