What do you mean?

You stay in PLAN B until he meets the conditions that you spelled out in your letter..no ifs, ands or buts...

PLAN B is NOT an OFF and ON again type of PLAN...

No, I understand all that. Not on and off.

The ONLY reason I am entertaining going is because of what I will look like if I don't go. Will it appear to the judge a bad thing.

I need this money to survive.

Personally I would prefer not to go and leave it to my lawyer. I have been dark in the Plan, and until yesterday had no plan whatsoever of going.

But I am looking at what best meets MY need, not him. Or even to get a look at him. I have no desire for that.

Will there be any testimony? Is this a hearing? Is your attorney going to appear before the Judge to make a motion? But listen to your attorney, if he says your appearance isn't required, then it isn't and the Judge won't hold it against you.

This is an appearance by my attorney to make the motion for spousal support. WH refuses to pay it on the grounds that he doesn't have enough money and thus paying me will cause him more financial hardship.

It's a commissioner and not judge I think. He will hear from both sides and more than likely make his ruling today.

A didn't feel it was necessary, but he was responding to me asking to not be there. What I am struggling with is, if not being there will ultimately hurt my case financially what is in MY best interest?

The only reason I could see the judge or commissioner holding it against you (not really you, but your attorney for telling you it's okay not to come) is if he decides he wants to hear testimony from either party. With you not being there, he could either continue the hearing for another day when you appear, or he could consider the motion with only the testimony of your H.

Ask your attorney if he thinks this might happen. He knows the courts where you are better than I do. I'm only basing this on what happens in Texas courts.

Hi Queenie,

I may be late in the chiming in....

...but if your A thinks it's a routine procedure and your input is not needed in any way and your absence will not work against you....I would stay DARK!

....ANY contact with a WS (even not seeing him but knowing he is in the next room!)...there is an emotional and psychological price to pay.... so if in doubt...PROTECT YOURSELF!

... remember, TIME alone does not change a WS...and until such time as WS communicates his intention to want to consider BS's feelings and needs AND his actions COINCIDE...(ie ...at the very least, N/C with OP)...no ifs or buts... stay DARK and ENJOY life as best as you can... no good can come out of ANY contact with a WS... (not even thoughts/discussions about WS!)...

...healthier choices for Queenie? ...staying away from bars.... AND WS!

I don't know. Motion hearings usually aren't a big deal.

Your guy is going to make a motion. His guy is going to object.. his guy will say why, and the judge will make his decision.

I doubt you or WH will end up testifying to anything.

And honestly.. if I was your atty and anyone questioned why you weren't there.. I'd tell em that someone has to work to feed those kids and put a roof over their heads.

Ok, let me ask one more way because Luna you got me to thinking.

The reason that I stay dark is to protect me. Is me going or not going because it's what is best for me emotionally?

Or is staying dark because I want it to have an effect on my WH that I am not meeting any of his needs.

I don't know if I said that right or not.

Perfect!

not2fun

Well my A just called and he actually feels that it's best if I be there as a visual. I won't need to say anything and I won't need to face or talk to WH.

I'm ok. I'm fighting for my survival, both emotionally and financially.

I just called my sponsor and she is going to be there with me and keep me focused on being there and getting out.

I can do this and just have to put everything in G-ds hands.

Just be a VISUAL...

Get yourself all PRETTY...

HEAD UP..CHEST OUT...

I'll be there, too, yanno...

I will not even look his way.

Just a visual with grace and dignity.

I look awesome in my dress and tan.

A true goddess...'


thy will be done

Ok Queenie, you know the answers to these.

Say I came up to you.. and asked you what Plan B was all about, what would YOU tell me?

As for why YOU are in a Plan B, only you can answer that question.. and you have answered that question many times if you go back and read your thread.

Are you doing it for your sanity, or are you trying to manipulate your WH? It doesn't work both ways.. and if you're honestly trying one of these things you're not really in Plan B... IMHO.

You know better than to try to control what isn't yours to control.

If you're really this concerned, ask your atty one more time if he thinks you are risking anything not being there.. stress to him how important this is to you and see how he feels about it. Do what your lawyer tells you to do.. they're the experts on how to get divorced, and hopefully he's an expert on how not to get his clients screwed.

MUSIC TO MY EARS....I LOVE HEARING YOU SAY THAT!!

You are AWESOME..INSIDE AND OUT!!

I second that girl.....

Sending prayers your way....and hey, I am there too....you could do what TMTS did when he meet for mediation....Draw me and Mimi on some paper to keep us there in your eyes....Put us in some boxing gloves, but with some SUPER cute boxing clothes. Oh, us in some cute shoes, not the ugly boxing one....I prefer heels...


Not2fun

(((((((((((Queenie)))))))))))))

I have faith that your strength will shine in that courtroom and they will get to see the Queenie we all know and love.

My prayers are with you also.

Hi Queenie,

I am here intermittently...but just wanted to wish you good luck...

...if you chose to be a VISUAL... well...be the best VISUAL you can be!

...see it as an opportunity to prove to yourself, yet again, that you CAN DO IT!

...and not only can you survive this...but you aim to THRIVE and LIVE WELL... with or without WS!

I wanna be in the boxing babes picture!!!

Queenie, I am praying vigorously for you.

You can do this. I know it is hard. That you are going does not mean you are promoting the dissolution of your marriage. It means you have positive chutzpah to stand up for yourself and your children - that you are NOT gonna stand by and let him run over you.

I really am praying for you.

In legal terms, I WON....

In the matter of child support - he will pay 744 for both children. In the matter of spousal support - I GOT IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 750.00

Basically he told the judge he couldn't afford to give his wife spousal support because his girlfriend lives with him and she only brings in 145.00 in food stamps.

After hagling about the money, on which WH said he didn't ever get overtime, yet clearly his paystubs reflect that he does, and him arguing that he has to pay for his comcast bundle etc, he can't afford to give me spousal support.

The judge took in the parenting plan, unfortunately I can't stop OW from having contact with my son, but I knew I was going to lose on that and so it didn't matter. But then she said, you need to get your girlfriend to contribute 750.00 to your household. And then she turned to my A and said, I am awarding the wife of 24 years 750.00 in spousal support.

WH wanted the money taken out in two lumps sums, my lawyer said no and it would be do on the 1st. He was filing the papers for the state of Washington to garner his wages.

It was the most exhilarating thing I have ever done when he walked out of there. I didn't look at him but a brief second and that was totally by accident. At one point he kept walking around me and I left the area, he walked right by me and I didn't even know it. I was calm, GODDESS, and full of grace and dignity.

He is going to be hurting for money, I can promise you that, but whether it's as bad as he says, I have no clue. I do know that I am free of his power. I cried for a moment, but my sponsor told me to knock it off. LOL

Truly, his power over me is gone. What's left is a tiny/intense package of love for my H that is protected by G-d. I love who he was and what we could have one day if he ever understood how much I truly love him. But he can't and now he is free. He can't control my money and I can stay absolutely dark and never see him again as long as this monster lives.

What happened in court today, oh g-d was YOU with me. It was G-d blessing me because I kept it in G-d world and kept the focus on what was right. Oh good ness, now I am falling apart for how much I appreciate you all.

I just didn't imagine G-d would bless me like this. I just didn't think I deserved it for all the hurts I caused WH. But now he has his reality and he can stay in it.

Oh he didn't ask my A when he could start seeing his son, no he wanted to know about the taxes. I told my A I have filed an extension for me and that didn't include him because he neglected to get me the stuff after I asked three times.

WH gave A a plastic bag with two pictures. One of a baseball player that I had a crush on and one of an old football player. I could ask why he would do that, but it doesn't matter in the scheme of things.