Marshmallow,

YES HELP! I need someone to tell me right now what to do besides breathe, which is becoming difficult right now.

What about the NC, is that first? Since I won't see her until this weekend, if at all what about the email idea first, then the letter that I post.

hicktownmommy

ok ok, good thoughts, i am breathing, hand written letter

Aphelion

how do i delete it?

Aphelion

done

Click edit on that post, delete text, submit post.

Having her write and send him a NC letter and cc you a copy would be a good start.

Let's see if she is willing to do this first.

Then we'll tell you what the next step is.

What other letter were you thinking of sending her?

Give yourself a timeline before reataining a lawyer.

Say 60 days... I suspect if like me, you will change your mind often fighting with attempting recovery -vs- filing for D. Honestly, whats the rush?

Not that it matter much, but do you think your WW's downplay of the A was her protecting your feelings, or just another lie to protect herself?

-JKT

Step One: Tell her that you need her to hand write a No Contact Letter this week.

She needs to include that she was wrong to have an A. That the A is over. That she loves you and is committed to your M. She will NEVER contact OM again and does not want him to ever contact her again. She may end with a request that he respect her wishes.

Can you get OM's address? Does she have it? You can read the letter and send it by mail this weekend.

I would have her check in with you by phone all the time to make sure you are doing ok. It shows her commitment to you and it allows you a chance to know where she is at. But you may not want to talk with her often if your anger is present. My anger isn't there yet. I needed H to talk with me.

Encourage WW to get her things in order at the house. Get it clean. Remove anything that relates to the A. And let her know that it is not acceptable for her to go out with ANY male friends at this point. And ask her to get Surviving an Affair. She needs to see the pain and know the process too.

And please, get to a doctor and get on ADs!!!!

Marshmallow

I am not sending her any letter. I think HTM's suggestion that she hand write a letter and give it to me to post is probably a good test. I dont think i can look her in the face this weekend though and i dont want to ruin my daughters start to camp by throwing up...

Justkeeptrying

I suspect it was another in a long string of lies to protect herself and i dont expect it to stop anytime soon.

hicktownmommy

im taking notes, breathing a little again.

Marshmallow

I will have to use working out for ad's, security clearance.

Oh, ok, I was wondering if that might be a problem.

Yes, get to a gym.

hicktownmommy

Does anyone have an example of a good NC letter? Although what you typed in your post was pretty good.

Do I contact OM once NC letter is done? please don't yell if the answer is no...I wont have the book till this afternoon.

Don't worry about making contact w/ him, unless it is to rearrange his face for him.

JUST KIDDING

No, don't talk to him. If your WW establishes NC that means NC for you too.

Oh and when she sends you the NC letter, let us see it first before it is sent to him.

Tell her you want to preview it first.

Here is verbatim what my H wrote to OW (I made a copy of it).

OW,

I love and respect my wife and children. I want to protect my marriage and rebuild my relationship with my wife. I will never communicate with you again nor accept any communications from you. What I have done is hurtful to my wife and everyone involved. No one deserves this kind of hurt. There is no need to go point counter point. The affair is over.

H

I don't really like the point/counterpoint comment, but he had to write it in his own style. I think the important things to include are:
I love my H and children.
I want to protect and rebuild my M.
I will never communicate with you.
I don't want you to ever communicate with me.
What I did was wrong.
The A is over.

Marshmallow

ok on the letter, i was actually going to insist that she give it to me and i would mail it so i am sure it gets posted. i will copy it in here when/if i can get her to do it. if she won't i guess that's the first indicator she's not going to work on this.