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I nominate Bugsy as the President of the PLAN B Support Group... SL and Luna..tied for Vice President... Queenie...Chaplain.... Check out this post by Bugsy.... The sermon today at church was about What to Do, When you Don't Know What to Do. I think you, and many of us here, feel that way often,,,,,,trying to figure out our path.
It gave me great comfort to hear that the 'instructions' were pretty much what you & I and a whole lot of other folks are doing.
#1. Pray - always and unceasingly ( seek Him & His will constantly)
#2. Be Patient (He is always on Time)
#3. Be Positive (Trust in Him. Don't deny your circumstances, but trust that HE has a plan to work it to our good)
#4. Be ProActive (Don't let the unknown in 1 part of your life paralyze your ENTIRE life. Keep up with all other aspects of your live and leave this one thing to Him)
While we are praying, trusting, and being positive, if we carry on with the other aspects of our life, the answers will come. Getting snared up in the questions doesn't free us to do what we need to do. Carry on, knowing that the answer will come.
I know that IRL folks look at us like we are totally NUTS when we say anything about still having any spec of love for our WH. That's ok. I know what I know. I accept what I know. It works for me. Most people around me accept that. If they don't, I don't spend much, if any, time with them OR it's just not something we discuss at all.
It is hard after seeing the WH to not think about still loving them. What I do is mentally picture a beautiful, mahogony trunk. It's like a huge, old fashioned steamer trunk. The kind with brass straps and a huge key lock on the front. I picture putting the love I have for Drac inside that trunk and locking it up tight. I then keep the key on a golden chain around my neck. It is nice and long so that I can tuck it inside where no one can see it, but I know it's there.
This is how I handle accepting the love that I have for him. It's locked away. The horrible monster he is can't touch it. He doesn't know where the key is and he never will. If someday the man I love shows up, I'll have the key. If he doesn't, then one day I will likely take the chain off my neck and put it away, too.
Time will tell.
What I'm trying to say is that instead of beating yourself up for the love you feel, protect it. Put it away into a safe place so that you can carry on with the rest of your life. It doesn't mean you STOP loving him, but merely that you put space between your day to day life and that love.
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Dancing Machine....SOCIAL COMMITTEE CHAIRPERSON...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Can I be the encourager?
I'm divorced, but have been in Plan B since Sept. 03.
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And I'm very good at saying "Stay Dark".
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BELIEVER..you're a LIFELONG MEMBER and I'm an HONORARY MEMBER...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Oh, thanks Mimi. And thanks for starting this thread. Plan B is so difficult just because the lack of information. Before Plan B, I could post here about catching OW and WH in bed, throwing the Christmas presents out in the street, WH attempting to move OW into my home, etc. Then, with Plan B, everything got real quiet for a couple of months.........
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Seems like our PLAN Bers are out doing what they're supposed to be doing..YEA... 
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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I'll have to brush up on my Plan B skills. Oh, wait a minute, I'm IN Plan B. riiiiight. Gotcha 
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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I nominate Bugsy as the President of the PLAN B Support Group... What in the Wide World of Sports?? MIMI???!!! I am at a loss for words. And you know that doesn't happen very often!  That is so sweet and I feel oh so honored that you would say that. I wish I weren't in the position of having such an honor, but as that is out of my hands, I can only thank you for the sweet gesture. I don't know that I am really President material but I DO think starting a Plan B Support Thread is a great thing. As Believer posted, it does seem that once we enter Plan B, things slow down as the drama disapates and posting seems fruitless at times. It's really not. I think Plan B'ers need almost even MORE support. With the daily drama gone, it's hard, especially at the beginning to fill your head with the right kind of thoughts (as in those not focused totally on the WS). And, it is a process of dealing with the thoughts we still have. The thoughts that we can't admit to anyone IRL. So, let's keep this one going. So, who all do we have in Plan B these days? SL, Luna, Dancing Machine, Queenie, Believer,,,,,,,,,, And who has been there before that can jump in and help out?? Mimi,,,,
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Luckily for me and some others, there was another plan B support thread started some time ago, by FaithfulwifeCJ, called the Killer Bee's thread. It really did help many of us who were in Plan B at the same time, to exchange thoughts, ideas of how to cope, and jokes, of course. We lifted each other up.
I look forward to doing the same here. We have some male plan Ber's, including the likes of Chrisner, SDguy, Jamesus, et al.
I am grateful to all that have helped me along the way. I am doing so well this time around. I'm surprised how well, to be honest.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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SL, Ah yes! I remember well the Fabulous Killer B's! What an awesome group! I wasn't yet to Plan B when that thread was most active, so I didn't spend much time reading it,,,,I'll admit that I was AFRAID of Plan B at that time. I am doing so well this time around. I'm surprised how well, to be honest. Yes,,,,,,you ARE doing quite well, and you are an inspiration. I, for one, am Not surprised!! Have a great week!
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Shouldn't there be a Master at Arms, a historian, fund raising chairman, initiation chairman etc...
You could have a lifetime members ... and retired members....and honorary members etc....
LOL.
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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I think it would be cool if we could have litte bee icons next to our names. Little bee icons with sunglasses.
Charlotte22
BS-42
WH-Mr. Gray-52
M-15.5y
DS*DIL-26, DGS-1
DS*DIL-22
DD-21
Dday: 6/27/07 (Plan A-sort of)
10/30-BRAVE NEW WORLD! Exposure!
11/1-Filed D
11/21-Temp hearing, Shiny takes all
12/15-Plan B
5/13/08-Spousal support extended, my Shiny
Attorney totally ROCKS!!
7/17-Court again, Shiny rules!
7/22-OWH temp hearing, Shiny kicks butt again!
12/11-Mediation; Gray won't budge, we are now headed for trial
Shiny="A Dynamic Force of Epic Proportions"
Shiny WILL win!! No doubt, Sugah!
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"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom Too Funny... When I was going through my first divorce I would go over to my aunts house just to shoot the breaze. She was about 80 at the time. When the subject of my ex wife would come up she would wryly say "The more you handle a turd the more crap you get on yourself" LOL
BH, 46
STBXWW, 41, Serial Cheater
D-Day #1 5-26-2006 (Our Wedding Aniversary)
D-Day #2 12-26-2007
D-Day #3 5-11-2008
Separated 1-5-2008
STBX filed for divorce March 2009
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When I was going through my first divorce I would go over to my aunts house just to shoot the breaze. She was about 80 at the time. When the subject of my ex wife would come up she would wryly say "The more you handle a turd the more crap you get on yourself" This is priceless. Queenie.... Jewish Chaplain... how cool is that. Actually my old rabbi was a Chaplain in the army for over 20 years before he retired and became our rabbi. I think this is a great idea because your right in Plan B, the drama is gone well most of the time and you are left wondering how to move next and for a crazy mind like mine, I just want to create something. Maybe we Plan B'ers could check in and let us know what the easiest part of Plan B is.
BS 52, FWH 53, Married 1-1-84
D-day 5-14-07, WH moved in with OW
Plan A 9 months, DARK Plan B 3-17-08 until 3-2-09
WH and OW broke up 1-09
Started over 7-09
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