Suggested thread title change...

"Why won't HE love me anymore?"

I also forgot to mention...

Before calling me this PM, she was shopping at a local sporting goods store... She sent me about 20 text messages wanting to know what T-shirt I'd like. She had about 5 different options, and wanted to know which one I wanted most.

I THOUGHT from that exchange, that today's conversation would be good, that maybe she had come to her senses... and realized what she was doing was wrong...

It's her love style (one of the few things we learned in counseling) to show me appreciation, by buying me things. She picked out a nice t-shirt too.

I don't know if she'll be sending it or not.

Tomorrow will be interesting as well as I had a flower arrangement sent to her house. I ordered it last Friday, it will be delivered tomorrow. I know she will really like it, but will likely have REALLY mixed emotions at this point.

How do you change thread titles anyway?

I can't even edit my first post in this thread, is it because I changed screen names?

I'm surprised you can't.

E-mail a mod and ask them to do it for you.

Try c00per. Or heck all of them.

I'm not sure who's on tonight.

But, I'm almost positive she'll find this thread tonight or tomorrow.

is it possible to sent a Private message on here, so it's still anonymous?

PMs don't work here.

They've been disabled.

You can e-mail a mod, maybe they can help you get in touch w/ someone anonymously.

messages between members are greatly discouraged.

However, if you click on the name of any moderator at the bottom of the page, you should be able to email them directly.

I do believe there is a time limit on edits to a post.

And the suggested name for the post would be really strange given your screen name.....

coop.r.mb@gmail.com

marriagebuilders.maverick@gmail.com

Revera01@aol.com

LOL good point, Cinder.

Maybe he ought to let this thread fall and start a new one?

Thanks,

I requested a thread title change...

I imagine some people have checked in and would like to keep up with the current thread?

Not sure how things really go around here since I'm new.

Where you see "love style", I see an attempt at manipulation, hoping that if she gets on your "good side" with such gestures, you'd agree to her terms for "recovery" (which would of course included continued contact with the OM).

I agree with maninmotion.

WSs do this a lot. I think women in particular. My W did this 2.

I think your convos are going 2 need 2 sink in for a day or 2. It's good you had them when you did. She probably really believed she could get you 2 agree 2 her terms when she called, she didn't sound "prepared" for you 2 counter offer with a plan of your own for recovery.

When I first read about what you said back and forth, I was initially tempted 2 say that going down on the third would be a waste of time. But I think you are right (and Dr Harley is right) and you should follow through your plan. Except for the air fare and some lost time, you have little 2 lose. And you will have the satisfaction of knowing you did all that's reasonable.

I do have 2 giggle a tad, though, at her demand that you move down but don't live with her. Why the heck would you do that?

-ol' 2long

I agree, I definitely see that now.

Should I just ignore her until I fly down there?

Then call her and let her know she can either meet with me and we spend the weekend getting things fixed, or I fly to AZ with my friends, then back to Michigan to file for divorce?

I imagine there is a lot of sinking in going on now... She has been quiet... Although, she's likely either contacting her aunt to see what I said, or her BF, or more than likely OM.

I don't think you should ignore her if she wants 2 talk some more - communication is good. Just end convos you don't want, including shelving any further discussion of DV until you have tried 2 hash out a plan for recovery 2gether (a REAL plan, not her "affair-approval" plan!).

I think that you should try 2 meet with her first. If she doesn't show or otherwise snubs you, just go do your thing without telling her anything about what you plan 2 do. It won't be any of her business at that point, will it?

-ol' 2long

Oh no. Just watch out for any more attempts from her to manipulate you and wrest control of the situation away from you. Re-read her comments to you - do you see where she was trying to assert that control, particularly with the suggestion of you "blowing it" and you should go and get that divorce, knowing that you've chosen for the moment to recover the M instead?

Stick to your plan, and watch out for any more attempts from her to manipulate you and wrest control from you, and you'd be fine, whether or not your M ends in a D. For example, when the relationship talk begins, let her know by your responses that, while you are interested in recovering the M, you are not prepared to agree to any activity (like her continued communication with the OM) that you believe would adversely affect the recovery.

I put out an APB for this, I hope it helps.
Reverse Babble

Also, you might want to go to my most recent thread on that same topic and check out the Notable Posts and Threads link or Pep's related thread More Notable Posts and Threads . Good stuff there.

BH,

Since she seems to be following the "WS script after exposure" don't be surprised if you get a message from her telling you she hates the flowers, she threw them away, what a waste of money, etc. She is now going to do whatever she can to hurt you with words.

You are doing great. Stay calm because otherwise it will feed the drama. My guess is your words are bouncing around her head and confusing the heck out of her (oh and you will probably get blamed for her not getting any sleep last night). At this point it will be very important to stay in control of yourself and the situation.

LC

BTW, keep calmly reiterating it is a choice as to what she does, not an ultimatum

WW's always tell you it's over after exposure. Just ride out the storm. My suggestion to you is to drop all relationship talk for the moment. If she brings up how much exposure was wrong, just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way," drop it, and move on to something else that she might want to babble on about like what happened that day, celebrity gossip, her favorite TV show, etc. This is your chance for plan A. I know you'd like to say, "No, my internet shrink was right. He said you'd act like this right after I exposed; and also because you had an affair with a married man, you would be more likely to continue to have affairs during our marriage," but that would be counterproductive. This is your time for plan A. I would schedule out some really nice things to do over the weekend, like maybe a trip to San Antonio to go to the River Walk, or have fun at Schlitterbahn, or go hit the clubs on 6th St. in Austin. Save the relationship talk for your last day so you've had a chance to reconnect and "soften her up" a bit. That is the goal of plan A.

OM must not be too bright.

It's common knowledge that messing with another man's wife can get you killed. To continue to attempt to have a relationship with BH75's wife after exposure is the ultimate insult.

Is OM that stupid, that desperate, or has he been led to believe that BH75 has no spine?



BH75, if you'd like me to drop OM a line at any point, just let me know. Seriously.

She is really hung up on getting HER friends and family involved. That's all she is focused on now...

I explained how our friends and family are all concerned about her well being as well as the well being of our marriage.

I will plan some things to do with her this weekend. She still insists that she's not going to see me this weekend, but I'm not believing it at this point.

I think the 4th of July is a good time to get together. There's a lot going on where she is located, and we should have a lot of time to re-connect. It's not going to be easy though with the mood she's in now... and I don't see it subsiding anytime before Thursday...

We'll see!