LOL, he doesn't have an A.

You know, for all the peace I have, two emails and I'm all stirred up. The items he is asking for, I have no clue where they are and it's just to hurt me.

I have to go get my MS, I'll be back. Hopefully I can pray along the way and find some peace again.

After so long with NO CONTACT, why is he doing this? He didn't once try and break it before last week, and then he tried to push my buttons at court and that didn't work and now this.

I'm praying.....

I told my A that WH knows he needs to go through intermediary if he wants to get a message from me.

PURE by Superchick

A little contemporary song with a good message.....


"This is my brand new day starting now, I let go the things that weigh me down"

"This is my prayer unceasing, the negative releasing"

"This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where I want to go
The rest will follow"


Nice rhythm for hula hooping, by the way.

Cinders, You are the best. Where do you come up with this stuff.

I am doing better. I realize I have no idea what this is about. I can hope he is trying to push my buttons and draw me back in, but I really have no clue.

The items he wants, I really have no idea where they are, but while on vacation I will keep an eye out and get them to my lawyer and he can pick them up from there.

As for the taxes. I prefer to file alone. I can claim head of household and it would benefit me more to do this way.

So, don't worry about his things.....what you find, you find - when you find it. don't sweat that. if they were important, he should have taken them when he left. Therefore, they must not be that important.

As for the taxes, go look in your mirror. See that woman looking at you....do hers....he's a big boy....if he needs to do his, he needs to do them. You do hers.

So, we fixed those two problems.

Actually, I listen to the radio more than I watch television. That's what happens when you don't have cable and you refuse to pay to watch the idiot box. So, I go on the internet searching for one thing and, voila - thanks to my ADD brain, I find more cool stuff.

Did you hear the song?


This is my brand new day starting now
I let go the things that weigh me down
And rob me of the beauty that’s to be found
In life all around
This is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasing
And I rise above my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above the storms of life
To live and love

This is my brand new day in the light
Troubles rising up on the left and the right
I keep my eyes fixed on where I want to go
The rest will follow
And this is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasing
And as I rise above my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above the storms of life
To live and love

This is my brand new day starting now
Letting go of the ways that I fall down
The old can be made new, the lost can be found, the lost will be found
This is my prayer without ceasing the negative releasing
And as I rise above my burden is easing

I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above the storms of life
To live and love

My soul is at ease and I am free
My soul is at ease and I am free
This is my day
My soul is at ease and I am free
And I am free

I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, drink so deep
The river of life, my soul at ease
I bring the pure flow, like water around
The rocks of life won’t pull me down
I bring the pure flow, rising above the storms of life
To live and love

MORE by Matthew West

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

Just a face in the city
Just a tear on a crowded street
But you are one in a million
And you belong to Me

And I want you to know
That I'm not letting go
Even when you come undone

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

Shine for Me
Shine for Me
Shine on, shine on
Shine for Me

(Chorus)
I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more

(Chorus)
Than the sun
and the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you, yesterday and today
Through the joy and the pain
I'll say it again and again
I love you more
I love you more

And I see you
And I made you
And I love you more than you can imagine
More than you can fathom
I love you more than the sun
And you shine for me

Queenie,


Perfect Answer. In fact, it is the ONLY answer!!

Cinders is right,,,


Get yours done - NOW. He has no choice if you have yours done.

Do it and move on. Let him worry about him.

You control YOU. Don't forget that!

Thanks Bugs,

I will take care of this over the weekend and get them to my accountant. It's not like I don't know how to do them. I am the ONLY one who did them our entire M.

I have just struggled so deeply the last few days and I am working hard at getting out of it. But's its gotten me and instead of beating myself up, I just am being quiet and sitting with G-d, talking to him and praying.

I haven't heard back from my A since explaining that if WH wants information or something from me, he needs to go through intermediary. OS told me he wants to go to college in CA and that is making me nervous financially because I won't be able to keep the child support towards my household, but need to send it to him. So now I am not sure if I am needing to move again.

The one thing I did do for myself is order new checks - true GODDESS style. Called Pampered Girls. They seem to fit where I need to be walking towards in my life.

If I can get my s... together right now, today is my last day of work until August 6th. But I can't concentrate and there is so much left to do.

UGH - when is this "thing" going to pass inside of me... I need to pull myself together and keep moving forward. Oh, I did buy a life recovery bible that will match the 12 steps. I need to work on my food addiction and have been borrowing a friend's, but I need to give it back.

It's raining today, lightening and thundering too. In the past I always had my H to cuddle with as these storms scare me. Maybe that's my problem. I'm just nervous with this storm.

Yep, know that feeling, I hate them too, and we've been having at least one everyday for the last week
next one we get, Im going to think about you, we can be nervous together
[[[hugs]]]Queenie

You should see the storms we've had around here this year...

The northern suburbs got hit last night with hail that tore the siding off of houses, destroyed roofs, broke windows and completely trashed people's cars. We're waiting for an insurance pay-off on our roof that was damaged by hail earlier in the season.

Last month we had a tornado that went through the eastern part of our county and was on the ground for over two hours. Interstate 57 was close for several days due to cars, trucks, trees and parts of buildings scattered about in the roadway and high voltage power lines down across the road.

Just west of here, they got another 3 or 4 inches of rain in some places and the rivers haven't gone back in their banks since the last flooding yet. 73 of the 99 counties in Iowa are federal disaster areas. River traffic on the Mississippi has been shut down for weeks now and railroads have been unable to travel through parts of Iowa because of the floods knocking the bridges out. Interstate 80 was close in parts of Iowa for over two weeks due to flooding and damaged bridges.

In Iowa predictions are that between 90 and 100 % of the soybean crop and 15 - 20 % of the corn crop is gone. If it rains much more in the next few weeks, the corn numbers will go even higher because corn needs dry weather in order to pollinate.

Parts of Wisconsin got 20 inches of rain or more in ten days. The Mississippi River has yet to crest in southern Illinois and we're on pace for a record number of tornadoes for the year. Another tornado touched down in northern Iowa last yesterday afternoon.

Yesterday was 90 with thunderstorms and today is 70 with blue skies. By Sunday night, it will get hot again and then storm some more.

If you don't like Midwest weather, stick around, it'll change...Suddenly and radically...

And in January, it will be below zero for days and the snow will be up to our...bumpers...

Mark

You are so right the midwest certainly gets some duzzys. There are no comparisons.

Ok, I am freaking out and need to get ahold of myself. WH contacted YS and wants to play ball with him tomorrow. I don't know if he is planning on bringing her, but according to the parenting plan, it's MY day.

But then I know deep down when I take myself out of it, my son needs his dad, but the truth is I want it on my terms and I can't have it that way can I.

So, I'm heading out the door to an AA meeting, but I just would like some help on how to let this go. In Plan B I built up this wall around me and in one weeks time, I have been around him, had to deal with him directly emailing me and now this. What is going on?

I'm not ready for this. I'm praying, but I'm just falling apart.

I hope one day I will no longer be hurt at what he does. He has a copy of the parenting plan, why can't he see it's not his holiday, why does he need to push this. There is no way I could say no or be that small.

I think he's trying to PROVOKE you to break PLAN B...for WHATEVER REASON...

STAND TALL..HEAD UP..CHEST OUT...

Of course, let him visit with your son.

PUT THE WALL BACK UP...

YOU DO HAVE PLANS FOR THAT DAY, DON'T YOU???? I THINK I READ THAT YOU DO HAVE PLANS!!!!! YOU DO, DON'T YOU!!!!



what happens if you explain to son that idgit-head stoopid man (ok, don't quote me on that)knows it is your day and you are not ok with it.

then, on Monday, let attorney know he is already trying to deviate from the plan.

It's sooo EASY to slip back into that OLD PATTERN, isn't it?

BTDT....

You can't control your WH..AT ALL..and you certainly are not going to UNDERSTAND HIM..he's not going to make any LOGICAL SENSE...

Queenie I was just reading the Word For The Day, and it seemed to speak to me about you. Umm, i think you can change Christ for God in this situation.

Seeing Yourself As God Does (1)

We were like grasshoppers in our own sight. - Numbers 13:33



When Moses sent 12 spies to check out the Promised Land, 10 came back saying, "We saw...giants...and we were like grasshoppers in our own sight" (Nu 13:33).

Israel had repeatedly witnessed God's power; why now were they intimidated? It's a perception problem called low self-esteem, and it's how the enemy prevents you from winning. The Israelites quickly forgot their Red Sea deliverance and instead remembered Egypt where they'd lived as slaves. Be careful. Hard times can make you think you don't deserve to be blessed! Anytime you have something of value, the enemy will attack you. In the Old Testament we read: "When the Philistines heard...David had been anointed king...they went up in full force to search for him" (2 Sa 5:17 NIV). Until you claim your rightful place in Christ, Satan will tell you that you deserve to be mistreated. So cover yourself in God's Word until it becomes such a part of you that you stop doubting yourself. God made you in His image, redeemed you, dwells in you, and that makes you valuable!

Yeah, what lildoggie said!!!!!

Yup, the deceiver would have us believe we don't deserve excellent life.

I went to my AA meeting tonight and the topic was humility. To take that a step further. Humbly asked G-d to remove my character defects. My very top character defects were manipulating and controlling. Very simply, I don't get to do anything but let go and let G-d.

There is no way I could live with myself and lay that on my YS about this not being his dad's day. I can't be that selfish. My son needs his dad. I have to trust G-d, it's all I can do.

However, I can email the lawyer on Monday and let him know what WH did. But I simply can not put my son in the middle or make him feel bad. I have to let him make his own choices and the pain and hurt it causes me, I'll come here and cry and talk to G-d.

You are so right Lil, I simply don't see what G-d sees at all in me. I don't know what stops me, but it's plain I just dont' see it.

I agree Mimi, it really seems like he is trying to get me to break Plan B. How ironic, once the upset passes I can see that for what it's worth and helps to solidify me. I'm not breaking my Plan. For whatever reason, he is doing what he is doing and I just need to keep coming here, my safety net, keep going to meeting and let go and let G-d. I have to trust and walk in FAITH that this pain will stop one day.

Actually yes, Cinders, I have two places I was invited to. At noon I was planning on dropping off the boys at the first party, they are going to play volleyball, etc, and I was going to my sponsors house because she is having a big shin dig because it's her AA birthday. Then I was going to head back over to where my boys are around 5:00, help get dinner ready, stay for a little while and then go to an AA meeting and watch the fireworks afterwards. So I am quite busy.

I built up this nice wall around me, had it controlled the way I wanted, he stayed away and life was healing. Now he is doing what he is doing and it's shaking me up. I just hadn't experienced this and so it's new and I am navigating how to stay completely dark and yet not deprive my child of his father.

As for the crack ho. I really have to let that go. I just have to TRUST G-d.

Father's Love Letter
My Child ~
You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad, Almighty God

Thanks Lil,

I have printed this out and am going to curl up in bed with my Torah and find each one of them that I can. Wait for my recovery bible to come and mark that book up.

Thank you so much. I have a lot of work to do for me. Maybe one day, I'll see it.

{{{{{{LIL}}}}}}}}