I hope yours is HURTING..cause I'm PINCHING you....

I'm outta here to go live some of my new life.

I'll check back later.

Happy 4th.

I love you Mimi.....

Have a good day my sweet friend.

Why YES, I can feel the PINCH

My 25 yo son is really STRUGGLING to SEPARATE from ME and become grownup because he's thinking about getting married...

He wants me to STOP taking on HIS HURT...

He wants to take it on HIMSELF...

He wants to TELL me when he NEEDS me rather than me making ASSUMPTIONS...

Else he feels EMASCULATED..cause he's a "MAN"...

I'M STILL LEARNING...

ETA: I'm still running to get a bandaid and he wants to "hurt and bleed"...

GRRR!

do those idjit waywards have a clue? nevermind! Nope, they don't.

Hi Queenie,

Mimi does it again. She is right about not pushing the boys but letting them come to you. It would not have made my anger come out any sooner than it did had my M try to get it out of me. I had to deal with it in my own way within my own timeframe. I hope they don't carry it for 25 years like I did but that's what it might take.
The other thing you need to remember is that no matter what help you can provide, they will not get closure until the day that they confront their F with the anger and pain. They may just as easily decide to push it aside and repress the feelings, cutting him out of their lives completely. Point is that the boys will decide what they need to do to heal.

Prayers as always Queenie.

Hi Queenie,

If he would give YOU a chance? How about if you would give HIM a chance?

The ball is not in HIS court. It is in YOURS.

Charlotte

EXACTLY, CHARLOTTE!!!

Oy, I agree with Charlotte here, Queenie.

This is a mistake, this line of thinking; it's poison to a BS. STRENGTH Queenie.

This is what I was trying to explain to you yesterday. I would have rather ridden out Plan B to a D, than to have been faced with the lying and then alcohol. It was like a slap in the face, more abuse on top of the abuse I had already taken time and time again.

You can, OBVIOUSLY, survive without him. You are and you have. This is about QUALITY, Queenie, and he's not grade A, choice meat right now. He's clearance, gray meat.

Get your head together. Stop with the expectations that your WH is SUDDENLY going to turn over a new leaf and not be a total [censored]. This metamorphesis takes time, AND takes a WANT to change, to be better.

You keep saying he's a monster, but I don't see you believing it. Slay this dragon (in your head) and declare your independence.

IF your husband shows up, you can offer him a chance to make it right, but don't go on believing that he is not a completely vile excuse for a husband/father right now. Lock the love away, and don't look back until or if he shows up.

(((Queenie)))

Hi Q,

I caught up on your thread and you are doing an awesome job. And SL is right, Plan B to Plan D is so much better than continued lying and noncommitment to the M. I've been there too and it stinks.

Your WH will be lucky if you ever give him a chance to make it up to you. Let him go for now - he's still evil.

Hope you are having a great 4th!!

You are worthy of so much more than that for which you are willing to settle.

Hi Q
Hope u r well. Just came in to say hello.
Take care n god bless

Queenie,

Just wanted to drop by to see how you're doing before heading off for fishing till tomorrow night.

Mark

Hi everyone,

Thank you for the encouragement. I think it's still painfully obvious I am willing to settle for the monster versus allowing G-d to give me the miracle of my H or anyone who will treat me better than what WH does.

I will work on anything, anyone but myself. But unfortunately or fortunately the rubber is meeting the road and this personal journey is becoming more and more painful in learning to accept me and love myself.

However, I have almost am done with work, hopefully today or tomorrow and I have made a commitment to myself to treat Queenie like a queen and learn about her. I just am not sure how to go about it so I am praying lots right now.

My 4th was awesome. It really was, then Saturday was an awful day, went to a meeting and broke down crying AGAIN. I have done that so much lately in meetings. My sponsor who doesn't normally go to that meeting was there and called me on it. She asked me to look at my character defects and how they may be playing a role. My major ones are manipulating, controlling and martyr. I came home and thought long and hard about it.

I came up with martyr was playing a role, but not because I want attention. I couldn't quiet grasp what my sponsor was saying as truth, so I sat with it yesterday. When I went to my meeting last night, my sponsor was there and she has not ever be there before with me and she asked me if I had thought more. We talked about martyr and how it plays out in my life.

Then she said something to me, which I immediately responded that I was jealous which is definetly another character defect, I just haven't worked on this one as much. Mimi, how many times have you called me on my jealousy and I just didn't put the level of important on how it plays in my life.

One of the things my sponsor reminded me of, was when our character defects rear their ugly head it's because we are afraid, and I'm just simply afraid that as I open up and more and more people get to know me, you, them will abandon me because that's my experience in life.

So, I am learning to ask G-d to remove my shortcomings with the addition of jealousy and asking him to replace it with a good quality, like I am able to appreciate that good that people have in their lives and look forward to those goods one day soon.

I miss you all. I hope you are all doing well. Mark, have a blast, I hope to learn how to go fishing one day. Being on a boat with the person I love just seems like something that would be very special.

Off to work, get a little done, then tanning for me today. I'm spoiling myself by resting.

I still need to get the taxes done. I am so avoiding that one. And don't know why. Well I do, but I am not ready to discuss it yet.

tap tap tap

Queenie, how you doin girl?

Disregard, obviously

Hey SL,

I guess I'm working hard and learning much and kinda don't want to, but it is what it is.

I'm glad I have time off to read and relax. I can just feel the sun calling me.

One day, when I am wrinkled....Remind me I loved these days of sun... LOL

I can safely say that my time of self recovery has been difficult on many turns, but well worth it once I worked thru my pain and my mess.

Every day is not such a challenge anymore; not always thinking about how to let go, how to stop THINKING, how to just LIVE. Now I just live, in the moment; when something comes up, and I deal with it and then drive on.

I have accepted myself, flaws and all, and have been working on those things that I see need to be improved.

LIving with my sister has been a challenge, but I'm finding ways to communicate and FINALLY seperate our lives. We have had this really bad, unhealthy relationship for quite a long time. We always loved one another, but never quite meshed, as young adults and beyond. our chosen paths and joys are so different. I have accepted who she is and how she lives for quite some time now, but we would get embroiled in battle when it came to how *I* live and what I choose to do. It boiled down to me not spending the time SHE required of me with her.

I can compromise on that, but I don't believe it is MY job to keep her busy or fill up her time or entertain her. I have spoken to her about this, and about the attempts to GUILT TRIP me in the past and how that is not appropriate for our relationship. Heavan's sake, she's not my husband!

She's got a lot of issues with being alone. Has a hard time doing it. BE STILL is not in her vocabulary. It's unnerving sometimes. She makes noise all the time. It's like a beacon calling attention to herself. I don't even think she realizes that she does that. I haven't found a way to broach that subject yet.

Oh, I'm rambling now. Sorry. (eyeroll)

I love your words and "rambling" I love to hear about your recovery because I admire it so much and know how hard it has been to get there.

As for all of us. But you are always willing to walk through that challenge and come out the other side.

Oh, I think I forgot to mention that after my meeting I went to the bar with another AA person, and just sat there and listened to music. It was a way different environment, but nice to get out and do something fun as a single person.

Would not do it with someone who drinks, but it's close and it was late and not much happening but getting outside of my own walls.

You're really starting to bother me, Queenie.

Why are you going to BARS?

This is NEVER going to be ACCEPTABLE!

I don't care who you go there with...

I KNOW long-time people in AA, IRL...

I even know substance abuse counselors..who are FRIENDS..

I KNOW FOR SURE that this is NOT ACCEPTABLE...

YOU ARE PLAYING WITH FIRE, QUEENIE!!

GO HOME after the MEETING if you can't find anything else to do!!