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Joined: Jan 2001
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The single life has its advantages: you are not accountable to anyone for what you do every hour of every day, or for how you spend your money; and you don't have to worry about anyone moving your stuff around or throwing it away. You can have a quiet evening at home by yourself any time you feel like it, and you can listen to whatever music you want and pick your movies and television shows without any negotiation.

On the other hand, if you happen to find someone who shares your values and interests, who offers an intriguingly different perspective on everything you encounter in life, and who fits really well in the crook of your arm, well...

Some trade-offs aren't anywhere close to even.

I preferred Match.com over eHarmony.com because I would rather draw my own conclusions from what people choose to write in their profiles (and how they write) than depend on a simplistic standardized computer model which hides people behind layers of cookie-cutter checkboxes. Ironically, however, my reasoning in that regard did not stop me from filtering my Match.com searches according to my own biased expectations.

For example, I wasn't looking for someone fifteen years younger than myself. And with three degrees of my own, I wasn't looking for someone who had never graduated from college. One thing my previous marriage taught me is that if I ever got married again, I would not settle for less than an equal partnership.

But some people are very self-aware and mature relatively quickly. And sometimes they leave college not because they can't excel in that environment, but because they realize it is not preparing them for what they want to do.

On Match.com, a "wink" is a way for someone to indicate receptivity to communication. It's sort of like saying "I read your profile, and if you check out mine and decide you want to e-mail me, I'm predisposed to respond."

That was last December. We're getting married this October.

It's been an interesting journey. During the first months of our relationship, we were both in school more than half-time while working full-time. Our schedules were so difficult that by the time we were talking about marriage, neither of us had really been introduced into each other's circle of family and friends. Initial reactions were understandably along the lines of "You're getting married? I didn't even know you were seriously dating. Who is this person?" The age gap and my previous divorce did not exactly make people feel any better about the situation. Fortunately, as our social opportunities have expanded with the summer months, concerns have been considerably allayed across the board.

Well...maybe not this board. wink


Profile: male in mid forties
History: deserted after 10+ years of marriage, and divorced; no communication since the summer of 2000
Status: new marriage October 2008
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Congratulations!



I do not blame the xwh for his affairs and abandoning our marriage. He fulfills 90% of the Cleckley Criteria

I forgive him for his insanity and I forgive myself for being gullible to his charms.
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GDP, what the heck happened to you? The last time I read a post from you, you were dispairing of every finding someone that met your needs and whose needs you met.

I guess I can infer from your post that you've married a woman 15 years younger than you who doesn't hold a college degree. Stop me if I'm wrong here. I'm going to make one more assumption, I'm assuming you're not 30 years old when I say CONGRATULATIONS!

My first marriage was to B a man 17 years older than me. In retrospect, I know the reason he enjoyed me was because of two things, the status of landing a younger babe, and that I looked up to him, and he looked down on me. Did I metion at the time I didn't have a college degree?

Since you already seem to respect your wife in spite of the age difference and the difference in education, you're obviously on an opposite path than I was.

You may have noticed I used the words "first marriage." I'm getting remarried in October. I wanted someone who could write well, as a sign of good communication skills. M can't write a good social email if a gun was to his head. But, he's very smart, and incrediably hard working. He's the strong silent type, but works hard to communicate well in relationships.

Best wishes and a joyful marriage.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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Wow, that does seem quick -- getting married after knowing someone less than a year.

But congratulations!


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Thanks, y'all, for the congratulations, and the same to you, GG.

Note that I am not yet married; my wedding is this coming October - same as yours, it appears.

You have correctly inferred that my fiancée is (almost) 15 years younger than me and does not (yet) have a college degree. (She's back in school now, since she is switching career paths to something where the degree would be an asset.) She's plenty smart, though, and very strong on both self-understanding and communication.

As for me, yes, you remember correctly that last I spent any time around here my hopes for a partnership were quite low. And as for what happened to me, well, I got busy. Mainly working towards another degree, a license, and however many certifications I feel like.

Between us, we have plenty to work out regarding goals, budgets, and timetables. But at the moment, the big goal is getting through the wedding...

Oh, and no, I'm not 30 years old. But these days I feel like it. grin


Profile: male in mid forties
History: deserted after 10+ years of marriage, and divorced; no communication since the summer of 2000
Status: new marriage October 2008
Joined: Jan 2001
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Originally Posted by Lexxxy
Wow, that does seem quick -- getting married after knowing someone less than a year.
It's not actually all that unusual, it seems. I think when you're older you often have a better idea of what you want (and who you are) than you do when you're younger. If you're paying attention, I don't see why it should take that long to recognize something good when you find it.

Around here, though, we tend to be (understandably) gun-shy. Too much experience with people not being who they seem to be.

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GDP, Time to change your profile at the bottom of each post to reflect your new views.

And for the perennial question, did you introduce your future wife to the MB principles?

Last edited by newly; 07/09/08 08:25 AM.

It was a marriage that never really started.
H: Conflict Avoider, NPD No communication skills (Confirmed by MC) Me: Enabler
Sep'd 12/01, D'd 08/03.
My joys and the light of my life: DD 11, DD 9
*Approach life and situations from the point of love - not from fear.*
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Point taken, newly.

We're about a third of the way through Fall in Love, Stay in Love.



Profile: male in mid forties
History: deserted after 10+ years of marriage, and divorced; no communication since the summer of 2000
Status: new marriage October 2008
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Wow, I go away for, ummm... a long time, come back and GDP and GG are both getting married in October ~ congratulations!!


FBS, D'day 12/00 * NC since 5/02 * divorce final 5/06 * property settlement 9/06 What you can do or think you can do, begin it. For boldness has Magic, Power, and Genius in it. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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Thanks, LetStry. Just for the record, mine was not a whirlwind romance. It will be three years of dating by the time we get married. This time I know exactly what I'm getting into.


Divorced.
2 Girls
Remarried 10/11/08
Widowed 11/5/08
Remarrying 12/17/15
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GDP!!

You know, I have not logged on it probably literally a year. As you well know, there comes a time when a person needs a break from all this to carry on with their NEW life and stop living in the past...but THIS! laugh THIS NEWS! laugh I could not be happier for you!! May I give you a stiff, wooden hug?

Speaking as someone who is not in my 30's any longer...and who met and remarried the love of my life...I can affirm that in my advance geriatric stage I did know MUCH more clearly what I wanted and needed in a life partner. Thus, I mean no disrespect but when I dated and didn't see it, the interest waned somewhat--but when I dated and did finally see it, I saw no reason to hesitate. I think we spent more time engaged than actually dating :P

Anyway, I am SO HAPPY for you that words can not adequately express. Please mention to your new beloved that your dear old friend from 1000 years ago says "HI, welcome to the family and thank you so much for taking the time to peer past the layers of veils and see GDP." What an AMAZING gift she has been given!

Sooo..between you and me it's surprising isn't it? I never EVER thought I'd love again, and if I did I was sure I would feel this schoolgirl thing again. I did laugh

Congratulations again! I am literally thrilled for you. BTW, if you would like to catch up on old times, I would be more than happy to share emails with you--if I can just figure out how to get that super secret info to you without showing the C.H.A.O.S. agents....


~FaithfulWife

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CJ!!!!!! We've missed you!

You were just mentioned on one of the Killer Bee threads a couple of days ago - all of us wondering what you were up to.

Sounds like life is GOOD for you. Congratulations!

Fox

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Congrats, that is wonderful news!!

last I remember reading one of your threads it was about another lady friend that was only going to be a friend even though you thought she had some great qualities..

Have you met each others families and friends yet?


Simul Justus Et Peccator
“Righteous and at the same time a sinner.”
(Martin Luther)
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Congratulations, GDP!

It couldn't happen to a nicer guy (unless it happened to me, LOL).

-AD


A guy, 50. Divorced in 2005.

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