First of all,

I want to thank everyone on this site for all of their help and guidance.

Anyone not following my story, that's interested can find my previous two posts here:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079940&fpart=1

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2083974#Post2083974


I arrived to WW's city late Thursday night. I asked her if there was anything she "needed" (key word for me this weekend) me to pick up. She thought it would be fun to BBQ later in the weekend - so I picked up some groceries, breakfast food and some beer...

I arrived to WW's house, and she greeted me on the curb with a hug and a kiss. It was sort of an awkward moment, but at the same time, it felt like "home" for me. She helped me bring in the groceries, and gave me a tour of her house, and helped me to get settled.

She also "needed" some new clothes for work - since she has a new dress code standard where she is now. I spent about $120 on a new suit and some dress pants for her (got a smokin' deal the night before at the mall). She loved everything I picked out. She had a few things for me as well. I also showed her some new outfits that I picked out for myself.

We had some beers, and hung out with her roommate, then went to bed. I didn't sleep on the couch, but slept on her floor by her "bed" as she only has an air mattress in her new place.

In the morning, I made breakfast. She woke up about a half hour later and wanted to see what I was doing. She helped a while, but went back to bed because she has been lacking in the sleep department lately. She and Roommate woke up a few hours later, while I did some working out downstairs. We had breakfast, and WW showed Roommate her new clothes that I bought. I overheard some of the following while I was cleaning up after breakfast:

Roommate: "Wow, I've never had a guy go shopping for me, let alone pick out outfits that great."

WW: "Yeah, you should see some of the stuff he picked out for himself, it looks really great. We used to go shopping all the time when we first started dating, so he knows what I like. He's really doing a good job taking care of himself while I'm down here!"

So, that was good! She is taking notice of me meeting some of her needs!

That afternoon, we spent the day together at a lake, hung out, chatted, had some beers, etc. It was a good day.

We came home later in the afternoon, showered up, and headed out to some bars. We found a great place downtown, and listened to some kick [censored] bands. WW and I spent some time talking, but mostly listening to Roommate as she's a chatter box and VERY self-centered. I think WW is going to go crazy living with her! But, I think it's also good that WW is exposed to someone like her, she may see small bits and pieces of herself in her Roommate.

We came home, went to bed. It was a great night out, and we had a lot of fun.

Next morning, I had my interview. Only had about 3 hours sleep. I slept downstairs so WW could sleep in. The interview went very well! So, I am thinking that I will likely get offered a position. I am crossing my fingers. Got out of the interview and found a text message from WW: "Hope the interview went well!" It made my morning. I stopped at the store and picked her up a clothes drying rack because she "needed" one for her room to put her laundry on.

Got home, and BBQ'ed up the stuff I bought the night before. Everything turned out great, and Roommate was really impressed. WW told her how I BBQ all the time at home, and how she misses it. Roommate and WW were glad I was down there, because they usually eat out.

After lunch, we headed out for a music festival. Festival was OK, Roommate, WW, and I had fun though watching some of the bands. It was a good time. Afterwards, we headed downtown for something to eat. WW's aunt texted us both a message, wanting to know how she was glad we were spending the weekend together, and hopes that we both have a since of clarity as to how things will be in our future. WW asked if I had written her back. I hadn't, I copied WW and WW's aunt and said that we were having a great time together, but we still needed to discuss things for the "clarity". WW wanted to know when I wanted to talk... Up to this point, Roommate had been inseparable from us. It was OK, but annoying at the same time. We didn't have much chance for undivided attention, but Roommate is great source of conversation (even if she only talks about herself) for WW. Roommate stepped away, and WW and I talked for a few minutes... WW said that she was glad that I was down there, and she understood why I needed to come. I told her that I thought it was a bit of an emergency situation. I asked her how she felt, and she said that she too thought it was an emergency as well. We left any talk of OM at that. WW also said that we need to work things out, and the only way it's going to happen is if I get down there ASAP so we can start counseling. I obviously agreed. The conversation was short, cordial, and I think we both realize why we were there together. I asked her if she knew how much I loved her, and she understood. Roommate came back shortly, and we finished dinner and headed out to another club to catch one of the greatest bands we'd ever seen live. They'll be big for sure. WW and I both loved it, and thought how great it was to catch something so great on just a whim. I picked up the band's CD, and we headed home for the evening.

It was late, and I was tired... WW and I got ready for bed. We talked a bit more, and she mentioned again how she was glad I came down, and that she was worried that this weekend wasn't going to turn out so well... We didn't discuss things in depth, but both agreed that further discussion is definitely necessary in the next few days/weeks/months/etc...

Anyway, WW hasn't contacted OM since July 3rd, just before I arrived... At least she didn't talk to him while I was there. I feel that she's open to reconciliation, and I truly believe we can work things out. I'm not sure yet if she plans to keep talking to OM... But, we will discuss it. She is opening up to the idea that we need to live together once I get down there, but she's worried about her lease, and it would be akward to have the two of us, and our dogs, living with two other people. The house is just too small for all of that. She mentioned that we can just pay off her lease, and find a place in town that is central to both her office and mine (as they're separated by 30 miles or so)...

So, I think things are working out well... and I have a feeling they will be getting better.

I noticed that she actually HAD started reading HNHN that I sent her! I put a little note on the page she had marked: "I love you... ... for reading this book!"

Not sure if she's seen it yet, but I have a feeling she will

Also...

WW is looking forward to me visiting again soon... This time, she wants to spend time without Roommate!

BH,

Glad things went well for you this weekend. Maybe you can build on that.

OTOH, don't care about career sacrifices, living apart is a recipe for disaster in a M. It was never meant to be. Your W needs you to be present and a vital part of her life, everyday.

I hope you heed her need for you to be there, in her life and in your marriage.

All Blessings,
Jerry

I'm glad things went well.

You lost me though, did you have your interview on Sat?

Is it typical in your line of work to have an interview on weekends or did they set it up that way because you were traveling? Just curious because I would think most businesses stick to a M-F / 9-5 schdule for interviewing.

My thought is that if they set up a weekend interview for you your chances must be pretty high for actually getting the job if they normally interview M-F

Edited to add: Where we live there is a slim to none chance of ever interviewing on a weekend no matter what type of job a person is looking for.

LC

Yes,

The interview was on Saturday...

Originally, he was going to meet my on the 4th... But, he changed his plans because he wanted to go to a pancake breakfast with his family.

He said he was going to be doing some work on the morning on Saturday, and asked if that was OK.

It's a smaller company, but I agree, the fact that he was willing to accomodate me is a good sign.

Towards the end of the interview, he mentioned that he thought I would be a good fit there.

They just hired one new guy, and he said it takes some time before they can absorb someone else into the system... They are growing quickly, and they had to add two expansion trailers in the back to accomodate the new employees...

I should hear in a week or two.

This is the first time I have posted to you but I have been following your threads and praying for you from the start.

Is there anyway for you to make the move before you get the new job? If you wait the 2 weeks that might be to long. You both had a great weekend, but thats all it was just one weekend. There is no promise of NC. Granted she did not text him while you were there. She might have held off until you left. I would suggest keeping an eye on her phone records until you get back. Even then there are scores of people here (including myself) where an EA was ongoing while living together.

It's sounded like you did a great job of filling her EN's. You diffenentlty left a impression on her and the roommate. Keep meeting them anyway you can. You also did great by keeping talk of the OM to a minimum. This weekend was about the 2 of you.

Speaking of OM did he ever show on the flight?

I was wondering that also.

BH,

You're an inspiration for BHes everywhere. You didn't cower like many do. You didn't fear the fog talk and the threats. You took a stand and fought for your marriage and you saw glimpses of your real W and little of the WW.

You're an example to new betrayed husbands here on how to handle things. You were cool, calm, and thought things out.

You're not out of the woods yet, but you can see the edge of the forest. Did your ex have a PA or was it an EA?

I think an EA is a lot easier for a man to get past than a PA, but they're both tough to work through.

Once again, congrats.

Wish you and your ww the best. Encourage her to come here once she starts having the fog really lift, but others may disagree.

If she's reading HNHN then it's a sign that she may buy into the MB concept, which may open her up to coming here.

I hope she earns the F in WW and becomes a FWW.

Best of luck to you.

No,

OM never showed up on the plane... Guy that sat in his seat was real nice though, but not him...

Thanks for the kind words! I appreciate it...

I realize this isn't over, we still need to talk things through and GET INTO COUNSELING.

We both realize that.

WW has been sending lots of messages today, because she knows I'm in at work and having a rough day (working on the Sunday after the 4th is not cool - I'm glad I was gone, or I'd have been workin ALL weekend).

BH75,

Congrats on the good weekend!

Being the pessimist I am, I can't help but wonder if OM had been on that flight instead of you, would he have been sleeping on an air mattress beside her bed?

Beware of manipulation. She could very easily have put on a show for a couple of days, so you'd never suspect that OM is flying down there next weekend.

I really hope that she's sincere, and that everything works out for you.

Just don't read too much into one weekend. She was saying AWFUL things to you and was still texting OM as recently as Thursday. Don't forget that.

If you want any real chance at reconciliation, you have to get down there now, job or no job.

bump - this was an intersting story. I'm surprised it isn't receiving more attention.

Praying for you, BH75.

I'm glad things went so well. Much better than I expected - OM didn't fly down, you didn't end up in jail, your wife was civil. You had an interview.

I'm starting to have some hope.

Thanks for all the positive comments...

Well... As if my life wasn't already turned upside down...

Today, I got fired from work.

As much as I don't want to blame it on the past couple of weeks, a lot of it has to do with my performance at work the past couple of weeks. I definitely wasn't fully dedicated to work as I should have been, and made some mistakes. (No one was killed - just hurt our company's reputation a bit - or at least could have hurt our reputation).

Found out this afternoon, after I spend all night at work last night.

Anyway, my plan is to rent the house out ASAP and get down to TX ASAP as well. I already have someone lined up for the house, should know tomorrow when they will be able to move in.

The good thing is that I'm eligible for unemployment and will get two month's severance pay.

I'm praying this is God's way of saying that every thing's going to work out, and he's giving me a much needed break before I start a new job (hopefully soon!). It's also His way of telling me to get my butt down there to be with my wife!

Wife seems to be doing well about all of this as well, surprisingly. I think she really had a change of heart this weekend. She has been talking to her aunt (who I exposed to) a lot lately, and I think she is really helping her out.

Minutes after I found out I was fired, my MIL and aunt both texted me to say how sorry they were. MIL and I talked for a half hour on the phone and she thinks that things will all work out for the best, and she sees the silver lining in the clouds that Wife and I will be re-united soon.

Wife always says "everything happens for a reason..." I've always thought it was a silly saying. However, I'm hoping for once that it's all true.

I can only imagine what would have happened this past weekend if:

1) I didn't check WW's e-mail
2) I didn't guess WW's new e-mail password
3) I didn't find this website
4) I didn't get the advice I needed
5) I didn't expose when I did
6) I didn't spend some quality time with WW this weekend

I might still be employed, but it'd be at a job I was truly beginning to hate (because of all the damage it has caused our marriage). It's not worth it all, and I'm learning it the hard way.

All of this stuff is so hard on working people. There have been a bunch that lost their jobs just after D-day. So sorry it happened to you.

But I still think you're going to be happy. Chances are great that your marriage will make it, and if you don't recover it, you will know for sure that you did your level best. I can't think of many men here who tried harder.

Betrayed,
You responded to me the first time I commented, and am glad you had a decent weekend! But some comments, first, I'd lay off the booze for two of you . Second, ignore her roomamate - you were there to see her not her roommate. Third, sounds like she wanted time with you alone and be romantically kissed back - but sounds like you blew it.
Me, well her 63rd birthday yesterday and took her to dinner with high hopes for a nice time for her and us, but No we were talking about the rough conditions at the group home and that the family was not that sympathetic about that, and she said she misses Brandon (the young guy in the group home). I left and called her a taxi and went home. Havent' talked to or acknowledged her since last evening and yah a cold war but I Will not tolerate that. Right now I am ready to ride and I mean like I would love now getting out of here and taking some of our mony for a back pack and buying a horse (which I do not know how to ride) and far north and seeing what we can see and how to survive.. simplyTom for what is worth and who the hell cares-except this cowboy and I;d care a hellof a lot more for the horse.

Not sure where your post is coming from simplyTom...

But I do understand, the roommate did get in the way during the weekend... Oddly enough though, she brought us closer as well... We both felt the same about the roommate tagging along. WW commented that next time we see each other it will have to be without the third wheel!

We had a few beers, nothing more... Well, OK, I had more than a few the first night. But, I'm a happy drunk... WW enjoys it when I've had a few too many! She gets happy to see me come out of my shell once in a while. WW tends to get angry sometimes when she drinks, but she kept herself in moderation very well.

Not sure what kiss I missed? From what I can remember they were all returned, romantically... Unless this is some metaphorical reference, if so, I missed it...

Sorry to hear about your situation, but it sounds like you've got a good plan. Horses are good companions!

Hey Congrats on the wonderful weekend you had, and sorry about your job, however, there's nothing holding you back from joining her now! But, I would listen to the others here. I would keep checking the phone bill and still be in PI mode. I want to believe she is being genuine rather than place you in a false sense of security. Keep us posted!!!!!

Hi BH, I am sorry to hear that you got fired. I think I read that you are an engineer, so am I! The first two weeks after my D-day I couldn't concentrate at all at work. Actually I don't know what I did. Afterwards when I followed up my work progress I realized that those weeks were lost. Luckily enough I did not have a deadline right then so I could compensate by working harder later but if I there would have been something important at that time I don't know what the outcome would have been.

I don't know if everything happens for a reason but I think that you should take care of the opportunities that come in your way. And in the end I have always been happy about the way things have turned out.

BH75 - obviously I am sorry to hear about your job. At the same time, though, I am glad that "one decision" has sort of been taken out of your hands and that now, especially if you are able to rent out the house, there is "nothing" to stop you from being with your wife. Your interview, while down there visiting, also sounds providentially good, but whether THAT job materializes or not, it is, as it always has been, imperative that you and your wife are together.

Those of us who have been through the nightmare of "betrayed spouse-dom" know just how difficult it is to focus on anything other than the infidelity and it's potential ramificatons, and I, for one, would likely have lost my job too as a result of my wife's affair had I not been self-employed. Rough times, financially, may well be ahead, but they also have a remarkable way of cutting through the fog of an affair and of bringing the two of you closer to each other Emotionally, rather than Materially.

This is also a time for introspection, for looking at your walk with Christ as LORD of your life, not just Savior.

You may well find another "silver lining" in this "extra time" you have right now for discovering what it means to "walk with Christ" through the valleys of life.

God bless.