This sounds extremely familiar, Bugs (except for the cleaning part). Sorry I didn't catch it sooner, but I've been in a mini-funk of my own, and sometimes I don't feel like coming around during those times.

For me, it's all the usual suspects. The overwhelming sense that something is missing. The sense of loss, which is quickly followed by the sense of what a waste it is, and the knowledge that it doesn't have to be this way, and that this way is wrong.

We still have hope, whether we want it or not. I don't know why. Because we're stubborn? Foolish? Loyal? Because we want what's best for our small children?

Your plan B is doing what it's supposed to do. I think you should keep it up.

Thanks everyone!

It's nice to know I'm not out here in my funk all alone! I hate that any of us have to deal with these funky funks, but at least I know that I'm not totally abnormal.

Then, of course, leave it to Fox to come along with a swift kick in the A$$! Thanks, girl!

Well, first the good news. Mom's biopsy went well. They were very good with her, made sure she was quite comfortable during the procedure. The dr. told her that he is not positive, but it "looks" like this is most likely an inclusion. Which means it's just 'junk' left over from a previous illness, such as pneaumonia (sp?).

THAT is VERY good news! We're still a tiny bit anxious to have it confirmed, but we are keeping the positive attitude with this bit of good news to back it up!

So, I will have you know that I haven't been just totally sitting around in my own 'funkiness'. (and no, I don't mean funkiness as in smelling bad - - or for those 'older' folks like Chris, I don't mean funkiness as in the 70's! )

I've gotten some good work done. My whole house is 'almost' clean. And, I'm 3/4 of the way prepared for the weekend. I don't think I told you all yet,,,,,,,,,,but on Saturday I'm having the

First Annual
Girls Lounging by the Pool
Drinking Frozen Cocktails
with
Pretty Umbrellas
Party




Yep, the blender is ready and the bar is stocked. We're going to mix up every concoction we can think of and while away the afternoon/evening.

If it is 1/2 as successful as I hope, it will most certainly be an annual event. I didn't realize until yesterday that it is also Drac's bday on Saturday. So, this is my gift to him. I'm throwing myself a party.

I have to go out of town the next 2 days for work, so I've tried to get most everything ready in advance. Still have a bit yet to do, but these are my girls, so I'm not really stressed about any of it. It doesn't have to be 'perfect'.

Only item of note on the Drac front - - Ladybugs was to have a softball game tonight, but it rained heavily yesterday. I called the rain out line & found out mid afternoon it was canceled.

My phone rang about 10 min. prior to gametime. I thought it was Ladybugs, so I answered with Hi Baby Girl! It was DSS. He asked if I knew if the game was canceled because they were there and no one was there. I replied, "well, if no one is there, then I'd say the game is canceled."

I could hear Drac in the background, and DSS says, "Well do you KNOW for SURE if it is canceled?". Before I could reply, he said nevermind, someone there told them it was canceled. I wasn't going to go down the road of taking blame for not letting Drac know that it was canceled. He has the same information as I do on how to contact the league to find out information (remember the insistance & fit throwing he did over all of that?)

I talked to Ladybugs, and she still wanted to come stay with me. However, as I knew the game was canceled, I'd stayed at work and wasn't home, so it wasn't an option. She called again the 'usual' time, but for the first time in a long time, they called from DSS's phone. Who knows what THAT is all about? Anyway, she didn't have much to say. They'd just gotten home from going out to 'get some stuff' and she wasn't very talkative. I'm sure she's fine.

Guess I'd better get my suitcase packed for in the morning.

Thanks again, everyone for being here for me!

(((hugs))) for the good mom news. We'll all just keep our fingers crossed and our prayers going!

The shingdig sounds like a blast! Make it fun!

I read everything, but I'm quite a bit tipsy after spending an evening with a good girlfriend a stone's throw away from home, so I'll leave real replies (hiccup) until tomorrow. Suffice it to say the frozen drinks make me smile. I've backspaced more on this one paragraph than most I've made on this forum. I blame the Chardonnay. (disclaimer, my son is with his dad tonight)

Lord how I wish PWC was not such a self serving ARSEHOLE!! We had it made in the shade; a nice house, a fantastic kid, cool dogs ; what I thought was a good, salvageable relationship. I guess someone else will benefit from my growth and a great family.

What a maroon! (rolleye would really just complete this post)

much love, Bugsy

Bugs, that is fabulous about your mom. I am so happy for you and your family. I'll keep the prayers going on this one.

Your party this weekend sounds like a blast. Can't wait to hear all about it.

The weather out in the PNW has been nothing short of spectacular. We pay for it all year long, but when it's magnificent, oh man... It's beyond heaven.

Sleep well woman and have a good two days at work.

Great news about your mom. All things work for good thru God. He has a plan we just need to trust him and obey.

Great news about Mom Bugsy, I'll be keeping you guys in the prayer list for sure, but I'm sure the Dr's initial reaction is a relief.

Also, fantastic news about the party this weekend, I'm very glad to see you doing something special for yourself. YOU DESERVE IT!

As for Drac.. water off a duck's back Bugsy.. you're handling it well. It's ok to be in a funk on occasion about this. It's a pointless, stupid, terrible thing he's done to you and your family. I too pray that one day he realizes the mistake he's made, but it seems pretty clear to me that your boundaries are reasonable and firmly in place. He's got a long row to hoe, and it's not really your concern until he gets into the barn and starts working the dirt.

You're a super star around here Bugsy, and an inspiration to the rest of us facing life after reaching the D-Line. Keep your head up, chest out, and be proud girl.. you're an amazing woman!

((((Bugs))))

OOOOH! That party sounds like fun!

So glad to hear some good news about your mom. Those things are scary.

Drac schmack. As SL would say, he's a maroon. He'll either figure it out in regards to LadyBugs or he won't. She knows where her true stability lies. If Drac could do it, it would be icing on the cake. If he can't/won't do it, she still gets the cake from you.

Fox

Just curious Bugsy-girl.

Do you have any interest in winning him back? I think a jump into Plan A would lure him back awfully quick.

I think Drac is that type of wayward that needs to keep his pride intact. I think he would respond to you as long as he didn't have to crawl back. As long as he could just explain a reconciliation as you just working things out.

How important is it to you that HE be the one to ask?
I think eventually he would feel remorse and make amends....just not until he was safely back with you. He won't risk it. He won't put himself out there. He'd accept your hand if YOU extend it.

I agree with Lexxxy. It wouldn't surprise me if you went to Plan A and he jumped all over it. LITERALLY.

I remember your Plan A. I bet Drac does too.


BUT........


My WxH would have to move MOUNTAINS for me to consider reconciliation. For me, that's a deal breaker.

HE must make the choice - and put pride aside.

Some can do it and some can't.

If they can't, will they ALWAYS expect you to protect them from their own pride?



I'm interested in your response, though.

Fox

I'm interested too in your answer.

Bugs,

I've never replied to you, but follow along a little. So does this mean the STL Arch???

If so, howdy sista.....(born and breed right here in the Lou... )

not2fun

ps...and if this is where you are, then I want an invite to the ALL GIRLY PARTY.....

Bugsy:

About the suggestion from Lexxxy.....

Be afraid, be VERY Afraid.

As I advised earlier, if HappyHOHouse is now NOHOHouse, then its ALL up to Drac. HE WILL come sniffing around.

The right types of sniffing COULD allow you an appropriate response.

I even advised right before the D was final to invite him to lunch as a killer goddess. Thought that could distract/entice/divert him. To let him KNOW there was still hope. Look him in the eye to ask him "IS THIS THE RIGHT THING TO DO?"

However, IF, and that's a big IF, you CAN be receptive to his advances, you need to keep them on your terms. The first email from him last week was an example. He didn't have to be defensive anymore, and the tone was different. The longer that HO is gone, the less defensive he will be and the more each email will look like a request for assistance, to get MORE of Bugs OUT into the open. He WILL do this, and if he gets more and more from you, then he will feed you more. An email he sends, which may not have appeared to have much weight to you, may have ALL kinds of significance to him. Plan B starkness is what he should see, until and if you really want more of him.

Or, this warming trend may last for three weeks and be gone. You might have a shot right now.

Heck of a chance to take on those odds.

And I certainly do not want you to set a precedent of flinging yourself a drac everytime that HO1, or HO2 or HO3 exits the picture.

It's time for him to put himself out there.

LG

PS:

We had the Flamingo Fling two weekends ago! Rented the frozen slushie machine for GALLONS of Margaritias! A good time was had by all...

LG

My kneejerk reaction to the Plan A thought is along the lines of LG's. It's way too soon. He won't have withdrawn enough yet, and it would be too big a gamble for you. Too much of yourself and your hard-earned peace to risk on a wayward.

I can see throwing him a rope at some point, but not yet.

Dark, dark, dark.

Yea..I'm still getting the sense that he wants to be YOUR FRIEND..as in, you being one of his GIRLS...YUCK...

You want to be his WIFE...on a HIGHER, LOFTIER PlANE than the TRASH HEAP...

You know what I mean...

YOU'RE A GODDESS!!

OH MY...

Hi Bugs,

...in light of some of the advice given, I will be interested to know the impact on you, Bugs, if at all, of the definite signs of cracks in Drac's laland...

Well, well, I go out of town for a couple of days and all of this GREAT discussion happens without me!

I just figured out how to use my new aircard to bypass my company internet and can finally log on to MB on my work computer! OOHHH DON'T TELL!!

First, SL,,,, I love that you posted after you Chardonnay party the other night! I think that PWC is a MAROON, too!!

BH - You are right on that He does have a plan and it's up to us to trust and obey! I'm doing my BEST on both fronts!

James -


That is so sweet - - I almost cried! It certainly helped brighten my day! Thank you so much!

Fox -
He CAN do it. Funny, this made me think of how much he enjoyed the Cake Eating time last year,,,

Ohhhhh Miss Lexxxy, Miss Lexxxy, you went and opened a can of worms, didn't you? I know that you must have sensed my 'pondering' of this already!


I think was delaying my response, as I am really still thinking over things - - but some folks have already expressed some of my thoughts - -

LG,,


Don't worry,,,,,,,,I have that TOTALLY covered! Not a problem!


Both things I've thought a LOT about. Plan B has gained me a great deal of peace. He has done or said nothing to indicate HE has changed in any way that would encourage a change from Plan B.

Yet,,,,,,,,,,,I, too worry about there being a short window of opportunity. Do I want to try to open that window OR if that window is small and it passes quickly would that be a good or bad thing?


EGG-ZACT-LEE. I don't want to put myself out only to be rebuffed or used or strung along. I couldn't take it.

And Mimi, I agree. Right now I've seen nothing from him indicating that he'd consider anything more than "friends".

Honestly, it may not be terribly hard to get him to be "friends with benefits" , but that is NOT for me.

I AM the Goddess and deserve nothing less than the Royal Treament as a Goddess/Wife.

SD, about throwing him that rope,,,,,would it be to help rescue him or for him to hang himself???

LG - - thanks for the tip about the slushie machine from the Flamingo Fling! Great idea! Glad her bash was a success!

Not2 - I'm not from The Lou- - - - -but have lived there in various areas. Truth is, I'm 'back home' on The East Side. Don't laugh, it's not the NEAR East Side! LOL!

For those that don't know, the NEAR East Side in STL houses lovely establishments such as Larry Flint's Hustler Club and other similiar businesses!

So, I'm not really answering your question yet Lexxxy, but only because I am not sure of the answer.

I am thinking about it all.
I am VERY afraid.
I won't take LESS than what I deserve, but there's going to be a special path to lead Drac back. Standing and DEMANDING will not work.
He is still in withdrawl
He would possibly be open to major cake - eating. That can mean many things, and should I decide to undertake trying any Plan A, I'd have to be prepared for that.
I think he'd accept the friend deal - - - but I would need that to advance beyond just friends, and not get stalled. If it did stall out at friends, it would never work - - too much PAIN.

I have lots to think about and promise to get back to you all later.


Thanks for all of the great posts!!

Oh Bugs, please be careful. I feel like you are about to walk on a tight rope with no net.

(((((Bugs))))))

Hey Bugs, here's to you have a spectacular party tomorrow. At least I think it's tomorrow.

Wish I could join you. LOL