Your right and I am so not able to take the plan D path. I don't believe that's what G-d wants me to do. The impatient imperfect human being wants relief NOW. And that's the alcoholic mind at work.

Like you Luna, I just have to keep walking, be open to what's happening and just take each day at a time.

But beyond all else, that doesn't mean that I don't have to let WH go. I have to protect myself from him and heal myself completely. G-d has his back and is doing quite nicely.

I need to just get the heck out of the way and let him work on Paroah. I think I should name WH - Pharoah. LOL It would help to remind me what I am really up against here.

It's so easy for this simple mind to get lost in the battle instead of looking at the end of the goal which is G-ds plan for me.

OK let's go there. My temple is reform. Kind of pick and choose as you go. I can't afford to go to a large temple because I am so broke. And to attend a temple you have to belong to it pretty much. I don't know many Jews who stand for M and that is what was a MAJOR frustration for me in the beginning because I only found release and support in Christians on this one topic.

Hence, my willingness to look into becoming Christian.

I am all for finding a REAL support group that will walk through this with me. What suggestions do you have?

I have a friend who is a MESSIANIC JEW. Have you heard of that? He was on CBN. Want me to post his video here for you? Or am I stepping out of bounds? HE is AMAZING! He's in OUR BUSINESS now.

Its pronounced Ma-zel Tof

Mimi, I would be interested in watching it, if you do not mind.

Thank you.

You can NEVER EVER step out of bounds with me.

What makes him so amazing?

I was thinking that maybe it was my calling to start my own support group on this. What do you think?

Mimi I am so Jewish through and through. For just ME, I don't believe in Jesus as the son of G-d. I have tried and I just can't. I can't lie to myself on this or I will be lost. My journey is about trusting G-d, not finding a new religion. I just get caught up in the day to day stuff of life and get overwhelmed with it all. Now maybe if I became more proactive in living a Jewish life, by daily prayers, celebrating shabbat, absorbing myself in Jewish causes, etc, I will find some peace. I don't know.

What is so frustrating to me is that I can't afford to go to any temple I want and there for find support in standing for my M.

Ironically, this might just be something that I need to keep with us on here and G-d. I don't know.

Thanks Pretty,

I actually was struggling with how to write that out. It's perfect.

I do not know alot of Jews who are against M. I too belong to a reform temple. And they are strong on being a family and being one. I hope you do not loose faith QN. I enjoy reading your journey and how you have come thru and going thru all of this.

I have only started to learn the ways and I need to be stronger and start setting them in my home.

And I am CHRISTIAN through and through. We probably need to steer clear of this in our talks with each other..

Gary, considers himself JEWISH through and through but also loves JESUS whom he explains as being JEWISH...I love talking to him..He is so SPIRITUAL...

I think we have done an amazing job of respecting each other on this point. I value and treasure your walk as well as take comfort in the way you talk to me about your faith. I just insert G-d at various times and keep moving forward. Because in the end, we all have one G-d and are all G-ds children.

Now, spirituality is another issue. My life can only be enhanced by listening and learning from someone who is spiritual in their walk. I also wouldn't be opposed to hearing Gary on how he has this play in his life. So, I would love to hear or listen to him.

Pretty, I didn't know you were Jewish. Shabbat Shalom. My temple is not a normal temple. It's been my experience that they support the right to choose life versus what is G-ds word life.

What would you suggest?

I'll try to email Gary's video.

sweet thanks.

So I have my complete alone weekend starting today. It will give me something to watch and learn about.

I love you.....

Unfortantly I have not done my share and gone to temple in a few months. I have to pay my membership fee and have not been able to. And I am ashamed and scared to go back at the moment. No they wont jump on me but I am not doing my share for my place of worship. So that brings me to this moment. I am doing some heavy thinking on alot of things and have yet to share with DH on them. I want to pay them there share. They have given us open door to come back and be a part of the family but will not be able to join in membership functions. I can deal with that since we all have to lay in our beds that we make.

As for my house hold. I work night shifts so I am not home to do Shabbat and I have been learning off of websites and reading how to teach the children. I lack knowledge and I am bad in not putting time into what I believe. I was actually going to ask you for some help *laughing* and to get your Challah recipe!

Where my temple certainly has it's "moral" faults, accepting people on what they can pay has NEVER been one of them. My temple is called Bet Chaverim - House of Friends and we accept people no matter what. We actually are just a volunteer temple, a part time rabbi, and very small.

But I know how the bigger temples run and it makes it very hard to participate in a Jewish life when you can't attend services because of money.

May I ask where your temple is? Do you have a sisterhood that you could belong to? I used to be the area director for Woman of Reform Judaism in the PNW, but sadly I couldn't fulfill my duties and maintain life. I know sisterhoods can be a HUGE support system and would love to help.

My sisters want to be a help, they just don't know how or understand how I can't just walk away from my M. They just want me to be happy and they see they hurt inside of me. They are used to the healthier Queenie, not this one who is just a baby learning to walk.

I'm so proud of you for teaching your children. I didn't always think it went in or was important to my children, but then when I sit in temple and they sing next to me in hebrew or my son tells me he performed a mitzvah, my heart just screams for joy on what my H and I did together. Because we did this part of our life together.

I have to locate my challah recipe. I got it from my previous rabbi. I'll email her today if I don't have it.

So tell me how much Judaism did you have growing up?

Temple Beth-El in San Antonio Tx.

They do have a sisterhood and again the money factor comes into play.

Everyone there is nice and we started to make friends when we went. Even asked other members if they can help teach us at home. But no one did.

My 5 yr old used to ask if we were going to Hebrew school meaning to service on fridays. It broke my heart to tell him no but he sings Shabbat Shalom at home and brings a smile to my face.

And H has learned Hebrew *I still do not know how to talk hebrew*.

My great grandfather and great grandmother came from Poland. Unfortantly my mother never taught me anything at home but told me Im jewish and so is her family. I have one Aunt that did start to bring her family up the jewish ways but I dont know if she still is doing it. I have reconnected with family that live in New Jersey and Arizona and they are more conservative then I am. I havent talked to Jerry in a long time. I think its time to talk to him again.

Its hare to reconnect when you either do not know which way you are going or where to go...lol

Temple Beth El in San Antonion is one of my affliates. Let me see what I can do for help on that end.

As for you and me, I would happy to teach you or be there for you as you discover things. I taught myself everything I know and watched my children learn.

Is your husband Jewish?

Do you work on Saturdays?

Start talking to G-d and asking him for his guidance on where you can go for help or where to turn next. I am not kidding, I talk to G-d all throughout the day and ask him for all his answers to my problems. He is my confidant, my protector.

Hi Queenie,


...many around me seem to think that Plan B, NC with WS, too much of a drastic measure... often interpreted as a means to 'deny' or not 'accept' the situation and that I am just being 'unflexible'...

I just say that it's what I think I need to help me in my personal recovery... and work hard at not letting their comments get to me too much and don't turn into self-doubt...and, yes, not feeling understood can add to a BS's sense of loneliness... and which is why the support we get on the MB Board is sooo beneficial....

2 Chronicles 15:2
The LORD is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you,

Psalm 14:2
The LORD looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God. (Also exactly the same passage in Ps 53:2)

Psalm 119:10
I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.

Proverbs 8:17
I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.

Psalm 70:4
But may all who seek you rejoice and be glad in you; may those who love your salvation always say, "Let God be exalted!"

Psalm 5:11-12
11 But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
let them sing joyful praises forever.
Spread your protection over them,
that all who love your name may be filled with joy.
12 For you bless the godly, O Lord;
you surround them with your shield of love.

Deuteronomy 6
1 These are the commands, decrees and laws the LORD your God directed me to teach you to observe in the land that you are crossing the Jordan to possess, 2 so that you, your children and their children after them may fear the LORD your God as long as you live by keeping all his decrees and commands that I give you, and so that you may enjoy long life. 3 Hear, O Israel, and be careful to obey so that it may go well with you and that you may increase greatly in a land flowing with milk and honey, just as the LORD, the God of your fathers, promised you.

4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

10 When the LORD your God brings you into the land he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, to give you—a land with large, flourishing cities you did not build, 11 houses filled with all kinds of good things you did not provide, wells you did not dig, and vineyards and olive groves you did not plant—then when you eat and are satisfied, 12 be careful that you do not forget the LORD, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.

13 Fear the LORD your God, serve him only and take your oaths in his name. 14 Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; 15 for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land. 16 Do not test the LORD your God as you did at Massah. 17 Be sure to keep the commands of the LORD your God and the stipulations and decrees he has given you. 18 Do what is right and good in the LORD's sight, so that it may go well with you and you may go in and take over the good land that the LORD promised on oath to your forefathers, 19 thrusting out all your enemies before you, as the LORD said.

20 In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?" 21 tell him: "We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. 22 Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous signs and wonders—great and terrible—upon Egypt and Pharaoh and his whole household. 23 But he brought us out from there to bring us in and give us the land that he promised on oath to our forefathers. 24 The LORD commanded us to obey all these decrees and to fear the LORD our God, so that we might always prosper and be kept alive, as is the case today. 25 And if we are careful to obey all this law before the LORD our God, as he has commanded us, that will be our righteousness."

Joshua 1:7-9
7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."


Any of that help?

Queenie, I'm going to try to post my notes from my sermon last weekend sometime tomorrow. I'll probably do it on my musings thread.

Shabbat Shalom, Ladies!

Mark

I would love for you to share what you have learned!

No my husbands not jewish. He found it interesting that I am. He grew up going to a Catholic church, but never found his way. I think he finds him way more with the jewish beliefs.

I am trying very hard to get Saturdays off. My boss gave me this coming saturday off but told me not to get used to it. Kinda upsets me he said that comment at the same time I loose time with my family as the work schedule around here is crazy between DH and I.

When going to service I felt a great connection forming. I want to feel that again. I also saw I carried myself better. Kinda wierd to say that.

My husband wasn't Jewish when I married him. He converted over 10 years ago and we had renewed our vows after 14 years married under the chupah.

Because of our chat earlier I am reading this wonderful book called To Be a Jewish Woman. He is so helpful and awesome a book.

Tell me what your knowledge consists of or what rituals you do practice now in your home?

Hi Mark,

I have printed out all the scripture and am going to read and pray and right on them. I'll let you know how it goes.

Thank you and Shabbat Shalom to you my friend.

I am very excited to read your sermon, Thank you