If the window is zinging by that quickly, and you try to jump in, you could lose an appendage.

No, seriously, IMO, when a WS is really ready for the commitment of rebuilding, recovery, there is no window; it's more like a large garage door that they open and give you the auto thingy to. Wait for that.

SL,

I so agree with you. If he thinks he can come back that easily, he will just as easily disrespect Bugs again.

Bugs, wait for the auto thingy.

Yeah Bugs.

I am for SL's auto thingy, too... with the intention that it be exclusively for YOUR car! ...even if figuring out how to use the auto thingy may take awhile...

I have all confidence in the world in BUGSY'S GODDESS KNOW-HOW about this!!

Have FAITH in BUGSY!!

All she has to do is to TRUST HER GUT!!

Remember she is the PRESIDENT of the PLAN B SUPPORT GROUP!!

SHE HAS THE POWER!!

Morning!

It's a beautiful morning, too!

The All Girl Party was a Blast! 8 straight hours of fun, talking, sipping our frozen drinks, talking, eating, and laughing does a body good!

We even added to the number of 'girls' attending -- my sister had rescued 4 kittens that had been dumped by her house a couple of weeks ago. She brought them over to entice some of the girls to adopt them. One of my friends whose cat is close the 'end' took one,,,,,,,,,,,,,,and I kept 2. ALL GIRLS!

Poor Beau,,,,,,,,he was the only boy here - - but he seemed to rather enjoy that fact!

Yep, I broke down finally and Ladybugs now has her kittens that she has been beggging to get.

A good time was had by all!

I am outta here for church, but intend to come back with my First Annual Plan B State of the Union address.

It will be the 1 year anniversary of Plan B on the 19th. As yesterday was Drac's b-day,,,,,,,,,,,well, let's just say it's time as Mimi has elected me to President of the Plan B Support Group, I think it's time for a State of the Union.

Later

THAT'S MY GIRL...LOL...WAITING TO EXHALE....

Anxiously awaiting. I too am approaching the one year mark...

One Year Plan B State of the Union Address

On July 19th, it will have been one year of Plan B.

So, what has gone on in that year? Let's review.

A few peeks out of the darkness happened. Most every one of them met with less than positive responses from Drac. In fact, most of them were met with great hostility on his part.

Drac and the Ho broke up, back together, moved into the HappyHoHouse, Ho exits HappyHoHouse in just over 3 months, and they are currently (to my knowledge) apart, but it's only been a couple of weeks so far.

Bugs moved. Ladybugs started new school, new gymnastics, new dance class, made tons of new friends, new ball team, has grown several inches, started church and totally been the pride and joy of her mom!

Bugs has had her ups and downs and spins around. The rollercoaster has smoothed out into one nice cool, dark tunnel in Plan B. A few glitches in the tracks from time to time, but nothing that has totally de-railed the Plan B Train.

I think Bugs has GROWN a great deal mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and certainly advanced her Goddess skills in this last year. Self doubt creeps in sometimes, loneliness happens, and she does long for her love almost every day. Yet, it is not PAIN that is the focus of every moment of every day for her. In fact, more joy than pain is what her life is now like.
I believe that Drac is most likely already seeing someone else. I have no facts to back this up, but a couple of late evening calls from a business number to DSS's phone have let me to believe that there's already another ho in the picture. In fact, the first of those calls happened BEFORE the exit of the HO.

So, now that the original HO is gone, and it has been a year of Plan B, I have been thinking about the continued application of Plan B.

I have to agree with Lexxxy's observation that Drac is most likely the type of WS that will need to feel 'safe' first before being repetant. I do not envision him coming to me with his hat in his hand, on bended knee, admitting to recognition of the extreme pain he has inflicted, nor with any admission of wrong doing on his part.

I could possibly see him, as LG indicated, reaching out in emails, offering less hostility and seeking more from me. It would be a gradual thing.

What kind of 'window' of opportunity is there? Honestly, right now, I do not see any window, let alone a garage door and auto thingy. Someone asked what I thought about the 'cracks' I'm seeing in Drac.

Frankly, I don't really see ANY cracks. Yes, his email was a bit nicer. Yes, he in fact THANKED me last week for my help in his plans for being out of town. But this was all VERY business like - - nothing more. Granted, it wasn't AS cold or AS defensive as before, yet it's nothing I see as being a 'crack' in his 'doneness' with Bugs. He needed help, he doesn't have the HO, he recognized he 'might' be able to get some help from me. That's it.

I have little doubt that some good Plan A action on my part would elicit a response from Drac. I LOVED doing things in Plan A and I can think of things that would probably be effective.

As I mentioned, yesterday was his birthday. I thought about doing many things - - For instance, I didn't remind the kids about his bday last week, so I thought about getting him cards/presents for them to give him that they could give him tonight when he drops off. I thought about delivering a gift/card and leaving it on his porch. I thought about calling his dad to remind him it was Drac's bday(as Dad usually doesn't remember the exact day).

So,,,,,,,,,,,after coming up with lots of great ideas - Here's what I DID - -







That's right.

Nothing.

It is not that it is a Must Have for Drac to come to me on bended knee, acknowledging the errors of his ways. I really don't expect that. In fact, should there ever be a chance of us having a relationship of ANY sort, I am positive it will be necessary for ME to LEAD him along the path, and for me to provide many reassurances along the way. Another Plan A will likely be what is necessary.

However, before I can consider reaching out my hand, or throwing out the rope, I am going to have to see/feel a change in him. I don't have an expectation of what this opportunity that will look like - I just know that I will know it if/when it happens.

I've placed this all in God's hands a long time ago. God is faithful. He will handle this. Look at what's He has done already. The Ho does not live there any more. That is in no way due to ANYTHING about me.

So, I see NO changes in Drac to indicate that now would be the time to reach out. As LG also said, it can not be or appear to be that Bugs throws herself at Drac after each HO exits the picture. I'm not in that league. It will only be when Drac is ready to elevate himself to the level of having a TRUE relationship that I can even consider giving him a second look.

Last night Ladybugs called me from Drac's aunt's house where she was spending the night. I did not know about that in advance. DSS was spending the night at Drac's Dad's. Drac went out last night for his Bday.

Several take aways from that - - First, Drac didn't want to ask ME to watch the kids while he went out for his birthday. Now there are several things that brings to mind --

1. He didn't want me to know that he was going out
2. He didn't ask ME to watch the kids - so I'm not relegated to the 'friend' catagory yet
3. In the entire situation, the thought of me, the thought of what I would think or how I would feel NEVER even crossed his mind.

I think #3 is where Drac's mind is.

In Drac's world, I am not anything other than mother to Ladybugs and former step-mother to DSS. All other aspects of his life have nothing to do with me whatsoever.

Yes, it hurts to say/think those things, but it is what it is.

All of this tells me that for now, Plan B is where I need to be.

I continue to pray that it will change. I continue to pray in thanksgiving for the blessings that have been given me, and ask that continue in my life. I continue to pray for Drac and for a restoration of our family.

But FIRST and foremost, I pray that I continue to submit to God's will and that HIS plan come to fruition in my life.

So, for the forseeable future, Plan B it is. I will be watchful for 'opportunities' in the near future, as nothing is impossible. However, those opportunities will have to be something special. I just know that I will know it at the right time.

At the party yesterday, when everyone was there, I did not mention his name one time. I think I made only 1 reference that had anything to do with him at all, and it was just that the kids had a bad camping experience Memorial day weekend.

Now one of my friends works in the same office with Drac. I could have brought up lots of things about him, past, present, and future.

I didn't.

Something said just to tie up my tongue in that regard, and I did. I did not even mention knowing about the exit of the Ho from the house. I don't know why, but I think God really just laid it on my heart not to bring him up at all. That has been a really big STRUGGLE for me, and a struggle on a daily basis even today.

I don't know what the plan is in that regard, but it's not my place to worry about it.

So,,,,,,,,,,,,,is anyone surprised at this rambling State of The Union and plan for the future??

Anyone have different thoughts/ideas, things I haven't considered? Comments? 2x4's?

I have to go get the grass mowed and then I am hitting the pool for a nap on my Goddess Float!

Thanks everyone for your continued support. I hope that someday soon I'm going to need input for another Fabulous Plan A, but only time will tell on that.

THAT'S MY BUGSY!!!

Out on her GODDESS FLOAT!!

CHEERS!!...sound of clinking glasses....

I raise my glass to you Bugsy, currently brimming with Iced Green Tea. You have made a wise choice, IMO. Drac really would need to give you SOME indication that he even wanted you to attempt to draw him in. As it stands, it just sounds like he's in the beginning stages of attempting to co-parent.

Believe me, he WILL come to you if he really wants to start over. It may not be on his hands and knees, but you will know. Despite our terrible end, PWC did come to me. I just believe he was not up to the task at hand; probably figured it would be easier. Unfortunately, he was sorely mistaken.

Que sera sera. I've given it over and am following the path that is lighted for me. I'm not fighting it anymore. I finally feel a sense of peace and comfort that there is hope for happiness for me. I haven't felt this happy in my life in a long time, and I'm not about to muck it up with a need to control. My life is manageable.

I'm currently baking some cookies and blueberry muffins with DS; then we will hit the pool again (got in this morning around 11), toss the football around in the pool, and then watch a movie to wind things down. Boy, I tell ya, the thought of having a home without a pool SUX. With the way finances are, I fear that day is rapidly approaching. But that's a conversation for another time.

Hi Bugs,


I didn't think you would 'settle' either... and as you say.... you will know whatever you need to know and whenever...

...and I do think it's the healthier choice: holding back from having to do ANYTHING about his birthday, even though you were not short on ideas!

...I certainly find it encouraging to see that I am aiming to make the same kind of changes you are making: not talking about WS, not feeling responsible about WS.... and letting things fall where they may! ...I think that is what 'letting go' is all about... and a direct result of choosing to be in Plan B...

..and thanks for sharing Bugs... and I think that you are doing GREAT!

I knew you would do the smart thing Bugs. Good job. You are THE Goddess.....

Morning!

Yesterday after church I mowed and trimmed the grass. Then I cleaned up a bit from the party. Before putting everything away, I mixed up a pitcher of frozen Rum Runners for myself.

Then, it was in the pool, lounging on the Goddess Float, sipping my drink, reading my book, floating around and relaxing! It felt GREAT.

I think a lot of the ability to really relax came from my decision to do Nothing when it comes to Drac for now.

So, I came in and had just sat down to relax. My phone rang about 30 minutes before time for Drac to drop off Ladybugs. I figured she was calling to let me know that they were running late. I answered, "Hey BabyBugs!"

I heard, "No, Bugs, it's me."

It was Drac.

After my heart skipped a beat, I asked, "What's up?"

He apparently didn't hear me and said, "Are you there?"

I said, "yes, what's up?"

He said, "I had a blow out. I'm by the side of they highway with the kids. Triple A is on their way, but with the damage to the rim, I don't know if they will be able to get the tire off and they will probably have to tow the car. Are you back? Can you come get the kids and I'll figure out what I'm going to do?"

(I don't understand the 'are you back' question - - does he think I go out of town every weekend?)

I asked, "Is everyone ok?"

"yes, we're fine. I just need you to get the kids"

I said, "I'm putting on my shoes and I'm on my way. Where are you?"

He told me and said, "Thanks".

I just said "ok" and hung up.

So, here I am in shorts, with my swimsuit top on with a see through coverup on over it, and my Goddess hat. I checked my makeup, threw on sunglasses and shoes and hit the road.

I was 3 minutes away when he called again asking how close I was. Apparently the tow truck driver was able to get the tire off and he'd not need to be towed, but as I was so close, that I could go ahead and pick up Ladybugs. He even mentioned that he didn't have her softball uniform and would have to get that to me for her games this week. I just said, "Ok".

I pulled up behind him just as the tow truck was pulling away. He got Ladybugs out of the car, and I remained in mine. He tried to catch my eye and signal a wave of thanks. I was just smiling at Ladybugs and didn't really pay attention to him.

As I was pulling out, a co-worker of his was pulling up,,,,,,,,apparently he had called him in case he needed a ride. I had considered offering to drive him to this work to pick up a truck, should his suv end up being towed - - but had planned on just playing it by ear when I arrived. I was just glad it wasn't the Ho or another ho pulling up!

I'm not sure what to think about this.

I say keep on keepin on with the Plan B for now. He got a glimpse of you; you came to HIS rescue. Wowzers! That's good plan A stuff without even doing Plan A. Don't make too much of it, though, Bugsy. Nothing has changed. You made a deposit. NOW...

Go back to floatin in the pool.

Hi Bugs,


Like SL, I say...back to Plan B!

Its as predicted.

The thaw.

Thats why I asked the question. Do you want to stay in Plan B?
Or open a few things up with Plan A?

I guess maybe instinctively you responded the right way.
Maybe thats all you need to do is take each situation as they come.

But I still think he's open to you, just not willing to show it.
Here's the deal: He fears rejection by you, because rightly so he should have NO expectation of nice treatment from you. So he is extremely hesitant in extending himself.
Again, he's hoping you will make it easy for him. And if you did, he would be all over it. And you'd likely get him back, just not in a repentant remorseful package.

So maybe just continue to survey the environment. Take each situation as they come, react accordingly.

Is it? Or is it that without the Ho, Bugs is the only option for 'help' at times like this?


I don't know that he's yet 'open to me', but more that he's open to my assistance.

I would HOPE that he understands that he should have no expectation of nice treatment from me. That was the sound in his voice yesterday - - hesitant to say the least. Almost expecting hostility from me. Silly WS,,,,not even giving a thought to those changes he was told/shown in Plan A.


Maybe,,,,,I don't know that I am as confident about that as you are.


And that's the rub, now isn't it? Let's assume you are right, that he could be slowly brought around through Plan A. At some point or another, we WOULD need to deal with the Affair. Would he ever be open to that or would it be a whole lot of work only to get to the point of no recovery due to no remorse?

OR

Would the slow path back be able to bring about dealing with the issues of the A, and then eventually to real recovery?

Don't know. At this point, I'm not going to speculate.


What I'll likely do is this -


Here's the thing. Yesterday after I hung up from him and was getting it together to go pick up Ladybugs, I wasn't 'frazzled' like I have been in the past when thinking about actually SEEING him. I had a very peaceful feeling.

My thoughts at the time were , "Well, you have been wondering about potential Plan A stuff - perhaps this fits a bit of Plan A. You have given this over to God. He IS dealing with it. Apparently HE thinks Drac needs a glimpse of you today. What are the chances of him having a blowout and then calling you??Whatever, if any, interaction you have/don't have with him when you get there is in God's hands."

Really, as I said yesterday, God is in charge here. It's up to me to 'listen and obey' the best that I can.

I have NO expectations of what may or may not happen here. I don't know how to explain it, but it's a feeling that GOOD THINGS are happening here. But I'm not going overboard with any of it. I do feel recent things are going in a good direction, but it's not because I am controlling anything.

I'm just working on floatin around the pool,,,,,,

Because when I think TOO much about this
When I wonder what I SHOULD or SHOULD NOT do
When I speculate on what he may or may not think
When I speculate on what he may or may not feel

I become AFRAID.

Afraid of getting sucked in only to be hurt again
Afraid of total and utter rejection
Afraid of being used
Afraid of doing a lot of work only to be back to square one
Afraid, Afraid, Afraid

And this Goddess has come waaay too far to spend my time being afraid.

Ummmmmm....no credit to Drac....but.....

I think maybe he was just doing the right thing. Blowouts/flats on the highway are scary for adults and kids alike, and people get hurt. This was by no means a contrived contact.

Who else more appropriate could he have called?

I would not waste too many brain cells thinking on this one. Save them for the frozen drinks.


Another avoidable road to brain damage.


And without remorse, repentance, redemption and rehabilitation by Drac, these fears would likely become a reality.

Plan B in peace Bugs. As the old cigar smoking bird used to say on the Frontier Airlines commercials, "It's the Oooooonly way to fly."

Chris,


I don't think this was contrived contact. It is contact that would not happened while HappyHoHouse was still intact.

You make reference a lot to loss of brain cells and brain damage,,,,,,,what exactly are you trying to say? That I don't have many to spare? LOL!

Would that put me in the catagory of Abbi? Abbi-normal??

You gotta love Marty Feldman & Young Frankenstein!

It may be a bit interesting at Ladybugs game tonight - - my ex-football player co-worker will be attending the game with me tonight.

I agree with chrisner.

You DESERVE all of the above from Drac, Goddess Bugs.

I think we become FEARFUL for a reason. It makes us think twice about our choices. FEAR is an instinct that was built into us for PROTECTION.

While some fears are unfounded, there are times when we have every reason to be fearful and protect ourselves.


Ditto


Fox