everybody,

I am out of gas.

I could not get a car at the military base, they were out. no car for the weekend. predictably text WW:

ME: cant gt a car, do you still want me to come home?

WW: Maybe you better wait. I cant get in to see IC till wednesday and i cant help you with the car situation.

I don't know where you BS's found the strength, i honestly dont. i really don't. I guess I'll tell her I either see the NC letter Monday or I don't know. what kind of threats can I issue from DC. I cant cut them off financially bc of the kids schools etc. I am without power. I am not sure i need help anymore. I need to get home now, but if i just leave, who wants to hire an intelligence officer and pay him 200k a year.

It's easy to say, no matter what get home, but I cant use my skills to get a job unless this thing comes thru in august.

I am pretty sure WW if i threaten will just say "do what you have to do."

So i guess i have to figuer that out.

How, how, how can one human being be so cruel to another?

I am about beyond caring

I am SO sorry for your pain. I know it all too well. And I don't know where you find the strength to stay...

You do still have power, even from DC. You can request the letter by Monday or rethink recovery. If she doesn't do it, then you can begin Plan B (or Plan D if you want).

The real world dictates that it isn't possible for you to move back without a job. Could you ask for a personal leave of absence? I don't know what the requirements are, but maybe that would work. As for this weekend, could you rent a car for the weekend? Could you ask WW to come to you?

Do not give up your power. You have choices and every choice gives you power.

hicktownmommy

thanks but she would never come to me. it is a 10 hour drive home to a woman that doesn't want to see me. I can take leave, maybe next week.

tell me what power i have? i dont see it except i have all the $ now.

sww,

WHAT A CROCK!!! Just more excuses so you don't have to deal with this.

You make $200K and you can't rent a frickin car for the weekend in DC. That's as pathetic of an excuse for doing nothing as I've heard here, and that's saying something.

I'm sorry, but its getting to the point where if you're not part of the solution then your CONTRIBUTING to the problem.

How does a MAN, especially a military man, NOT have the testicular fortitude to stand up for himself and/or his M??? Are you so AFRAID to confront your WW that you would prefer to have her bang the OM all weekend instead???

Why did you ask this question?

If she said, "Yes, I want you to come home very badly."

What would you have done?

Found a way home?

If you want to try to save your M, then get your [censored] home!

Take her out and have fun w/ her.

Don't just WORK around the house.

Flirt w/ her. Laugh w/ her.

And then at some point show her your phone bill and ask her to explain it.

And snoop.

In my home town on the military base that is secure!

Yeah, i lost my imagination there.

yes, i will go home tuesday for the rest of the week, flirt, be nice, snoop and ask about phone bill.

I have a meeting with asst secdef monday, i cant bolt, but i can leave tueday. thanks for helping me man up.

checking out for the night.

I agree MyRev.

SWW is letting his emotions get the best of him.

SWW,

You can change this sitch. That's what MB is all about. Do you think your sitch is worse than anyone else's?

How much is your M worth to you? How about a cut in pay?

You must know that other people w/ alot less income than you have R their M, right?

If I were you, I'd take a serious inventory on my life and decide what is most important to me and than act accordingly.

You have much more to offer your WW than money. And your WW wants more than that too. She fell in love w/ you once, when you weren't meeting her FS needs.

She can fall in love w/ you again.

But, you have to believe you are more than a pay check.

You are, you know.

Amen, marshmallow.

You have the power to decide what YOU DO. That is the power that you HAVE. Nobody can MAKE you do anything. Your decisions are your power.

You need to decide if you are going to make excuses for why you cannot work on your M or get up and do something about it.

HTM

Well,

I manned up yesterday after hearing from you guys and gals. I called WW and told her NC letter by Monday 1000. She made excuses, going to counselor, not ready etc.

So, I said f it and i called charlie (OM). answer machine, left message, called his work same thing. So i texted him, he answers back and basically makes fun of me or thinks i am joking with him.

I wait and I guess he got my angry phone message and he calls me. He sounds very nervous.

OM: BS, what's going on here?

Me: You know full well whats going on here charlie so dont even start with me, you have been f'ing my wife! I have your texts, emails, phone records everything!

OM: What!??

ME: Bullcrap, I know, she has admitted the whole thing to me. Let me ask you, do you want to marry her or something?!

OM: I do not know what you are talking about BS, I have NEVER been with WW!

ME: You are full of ****! Let me tell you how this is going to be, are you listening?

OM: Yes.

ME: You are going to never speak, text, email anything with her again! No going to hang out at friends house. If she is there, you leave, if she arrives you leave, if you see her, you run and do not ever speak to her again! You can have one phone call or text and it is to be short where you say we can't talk any more leave me alone. Agreed.

OM: Yes, okay. Look, BS, we have known each other since we were kids. WW calls me all the time, and we talk, she unloads a lot of her probs on me, but we have never been together. I don't think there is anything i can say though to convince you of that.

ME: I saw the one text "my crotch is sore clear up to my stomach, strong effort charlie!" WTFO?

OM: I have never, ever been with WW BS. I will do whatever you say, but i don't know why she would say that.

ME: If I find out you have not honored our agreement ther will be hell to pay for you!

OM: I undersatnd.

ME: click.

WW texted me later, so itext back, i had a nice chat with your boyfriend. He denied the whole thing, guess you weren't that important, he is worried now about his new relationship.

WW FREAKS! My phone ringing off the hook, frantic texts "What happened, what have you done???"

I said I slammed a door shut that you were unwilling to slam shut. It's done.

I call her and she is so angry she can barely speak. "How could you do this?! Why couldn't you have waited for me to visit IC on wednesday. YOU HAVE RUINED EVERYTHING! I AM FILING FOR D ON MONDAY! WHAT AM I GOING TO SAY TO MY FRIENDS???!"

I have to say, that my WW has always been a pathological liar. Charlie, for all i hate him, sounded genuinely shocked. I am wondering whether she made this whole thing up? I know, that sounds assanine. Why? You guys don't know my WW like I do, she has done weird crap like this before, just not on this scale.

To believe she had an A with charlie is to have to beleive her. I still do for now. But right now I am wondering.

If she caused me this much pain for a lie, i will not be able to move on with her. I am sure right now she is covering her tracks. She knows I come home thursday, we'll see about the D papers. I sorta hope u guys are right and it's mostly bluster, but who knows.

Have a meeting with a friend who is a headhunter friday, i will take a cut in pay if that's what's necessary to get home.

whew...

Well, I guess that's one way to go about it. My worry is that because WW did not tell Charlie that NC needs to be in place, Charlie isn't going to honor your request (other than out of fear for his life).

Your WW is angry because you took her dealer away. That's the way all addicts respond. Roll with it. It will blow over.

I still think you need to accept that she was with this guy. She may be a pathalogical liar, but she SENT him incriminating messages. He would have been able to tell you that she was sending him weird messages, but he denied it all. You already KNOW that she sent the messages. His denial is just that...denial.

Don't let your desire to believe that your WW didn't f#* some other guy get in the way of the truth. You know that it's true. There is too much evidence to support it. I went through the same thing. We don't want to believe that our spouse would do these things to us so we hang on to the tiniest shred of hope that it's not true...even in the face of overwhelming evidence.

If your WW files for D, then I guess it's done. If she doesn't, and you want to move forward with recovery, then I think you need to continue Plan A and see if WW comes around. Eventually SHE needs to write a NC letter, but it doesn't sound like that will happen anytime soon.

Think of your WW as possessed by a demon. She CHOSE to allow the possession (I won't let a WS off on that one), but now she is trapped within it. She is NOT your wife. She is acting out of possession. You need to look at her as if she needs your help to return. That's what Plan A is meant to do...break the spell of the A and show the better alternative.

sww,

GREAT JOB!!!

It feels good doesn't it??? ... to take back some measure of control over your life.

OM and WW are liars plain and simple ... its what they do. You now have OM by the "short and curlys" and he knows it. My guess is your problem with OM is nearly (if not completely) over ... he has a new relationship and doesn't want or need the drama that comes with your WW and her NOW pissed off militarily trained BH.

Now, your WW needs to go NC with the new GF also, which shouldn't be too hard, once she realizes that OM has now thrown her away to save himself. Actually, that is the reason for her hissy-fit, she KNOWS (or its starting to sink in) that you just turned the lights on and the roaches are scrambling back into the darkness.

Watch for her trying to reestablish contact over the next few days. FogFree has been as good of a FWW after D-Day as you could hopefully expect, but she backslid and tried to contact OM for "closure" (yeah, right ) on D-Day + 1, and again on D-Day + 3, so you can bet she will TRY.

In my case OM was too scared to return her attempts, and it sounds like you may be just as lucky, but its better to be safe than sorry.

Once you feel how good it feels to stand up for yourself to your WW, and the advantages to be gained with this strategy, I doubt you will revert to doormat status again.

CONGRATULATIONS again on rediscovering your strength of character.

I raise my glass to you, SIR!!!

Don't ever underestimate the power of FEAR.

OM are traditionally COWARDS ... and seriously, is there much in this life to be more afraid of than a PISSED off BETRAYED HUSBAND???

I love the alternating "caring, sensitive" with "man up" responses that you are getting. I think it gives you a VERY complete picture of recovery.

I am proud to stand in the company of such manly men...even if I'm a girly girl.

HTM

"is there much in this life to be more afraid of than a PISSED off BETRAYED HUSBAND???"

I beg to differ...but I think a pissed off betrayed WIFE may be worse.

Hmmmm, I don't know what to think, SWW.

Do you really think she made all of this up?

What about the text? Surely she never expected you to find that.

But, his reaction coupled w/ hers makes me wonder. Why would her first thoughts be about her friends? She does expect him to call them.

Total weirdness.

If she made this up for attention, she has got to be a very sick woman.

Cruel beyond anything I can comprehend.

I applaud you for calling him though.

It may be perspective, but I bet OM "Charlie" is much more AFRAID right NOW of sww than he is of his BGF, if she finds out, which brings us to another topic.

sww,

Now would be the PERFECT time to follow up with exposure to Charlie's GF. That way Charlie will be much to busy dodging his GF's anger and won't have the time or will (with YOU watching now) to pursue anything with WW.

Also, this would have the 2 pronged effect of OMGF going NC with your WW, as I doubt she will want to be friendly once she realizes that she's been played for a fool by being friends with WW, while she was F'ing her BF.

Thanks MYREV, you took the words out of my mouth.
SWW, Are you [censored]**g me or what? 200k a year and you don't know how to get a car from Hertz or Avis? And you expect sane people arond here to believe that?

Good Grief!!!!!

all Blessings,
Jerry

MyRev...I agree wholeheartedly about BGF. SWW, if you can expose to her then you have got the tiger by the tail. It kills WW problem with friends, and it keeps OM very busy (while reiterating you're serious).

I still think you need to really LOOK at all of the evidence and try to accept that it happened. Doubting whether or not the A happened will make recovery WAY harder. If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

shinethrough,

Let me put this to rest for all of you please. There is an enterprise rent a car place in the base ops terminal on the base, one only. I was hopping a military jet to the base, it's not an airport. The base is 10-12 hours from where i live by car.

The enterprise did not have a car for rent and it is 3 miles to the front gate. WW didn't really want me home this weekend anyway, i would have been without wheels.

Yes i guess i could have flown in, walked 3 miles to the front gate, called for a taxi, got home at midnight, got a taxi to a rental car place for a car for less than 24 hours and tried to see WW who didn't want to see me right now for a couple of hours.

OK, maybe I should have done it. I decided to call OM instead and throw a flash bang followed by live rounds into the situation instead.

If i was wrong, i was wrong, OK? I did not mean to imply that i am so helpless i cant find a car at an airport with 20 rental car places. Maybe i needed to explain my ssituation better.

thank you.