I had my times of not being such a nice person. I really regret those times.

I'm scared that he won't realize it. But I can't focus on that at all. I have to focus on me and building a new life.

You are right in so many ways. That you need to focus on YOU and make your life better. And those kids even though they are teenagers!

You are the one who is so right.

Mimi and I were talking about me finally addressing my last addiction. FOOD. UGH...

I think I need to start working the steps on this one.

Its always to have a partner when loosing weight or getting over something of an addiction.

How are you planning on tackling it?

Well I tried to log onto food addicts anonymous, but the buttons would illuminate for me. I will shut my computer down and try again tomorrow.

My budget is so limited right now until support comes from the state. So I have to be very careful.

I think at best, no sugar, mostly protein with as much fruits and vegetables and exercising.

I haven't gone walking for over a week.

I started with the protein shakes and a breakfast bar!

The mix for the protien is like 13.00 dollars at Walmart. When looking at bars you wanna look at the protien *higher the better* but keep eye of the sugars and to high of carbs.

Do that twice a day with a snack between and a good dinner that is healthy!

I need to follow it again. But DH lost alot of weight that way and I follwed behind him. But have gained it back since then.

Walking is good. If it wasnt so darn hot here I would do it! I think maybe tomorrow we might go to the pool. Thats a good way too.

I sell Amway products and we have great breakfast and protein bars.

The challenge is I need more food and so veggies and fruits should be where I spend a lot of my time.

I need to get to sleep. I'll look for you tomorrow, ok? We can talk more about food.

Or not....

Sleep well Pretty.....

You too Queenie.

I will talk with you tomrrow!

You gals may have already heard about it, but if you haven't, you should visit Dotti's Weight Loss Zone. It is a wonderful resource! Most people there are doing Weight Watcher, but anyone focused on weight/health management can find helpful information there. The message board offers support by age group, recipes, exercise info, weight loss challenges, success tips, and more.

I'm going to check that out. Thanks...

Thank you Exodus I will check it out!

Queenie how r u doing today?

Hi Pretty,

I'm actually doing pretty good. I got to have a long chat with someone from here on the phone today. She has an amazing walk and her faith in G-d is awesome.

I don't feel the internal struggling continuing because I have just accepted I love my H, I want my M, I get that I have to build a new life and that he is insane today. I'm finding peace understanding that during this time while he is gone I have to continue my relationship with G-d and becoming the woman he envisions for me.

So, instead of delaying working on me and maybe ultimately delaying my H coming home, I surrender and began reading Torah today and am going to write in a little while..

How are you doing?

Today went by WAY to fast for me.

I got up with the kids today and we all cleaned up the garage. *It needed to be done*

Afterwards we straightend up the house.We have it on the market and we can get that call any moment for a showing. Made a roast with veggies for dinner and visited my mom for a moment.

I really do not know where the day went.

As for you.

I am glad you had a wonderful chat with someone! Its great to be able to talk with someone and have a connection. Im glad you have overcome the internal struggling. And yes having a connection with G-d in any situation is wonderful.

I have been reading many sites today on how to help me in the home with the children. *If I can get the continuing fighting to stop first*

I cant wait to read what you read today. I have also been reading Marks postings. And reading posts off an on today.

If you want some amazing readings, my thread where Mark gives me his wisdom is absolutely comforting and to the point.

He has helped me so much stay on track and search for G-d during this time.

What I am doing, by waiting for my H to come home is a crap shoot game. I am being asked to walk with G-d, walk in FAITH and have ABSOLUTE TRUST in him.

For my own piece of mind and life there is NO OTHER way for me. Not if I want to survive and become whole again.

The option to absolutely say I'm done isn't today and so I seek G-d for guidance on how to walk today.

That's all I can do.

You dont need the kids to stop fighting to begin to teaching them stuff. Do you talk to G-d throughout the day?

I wish I could say yes to that. But I want to. And I will do it.

Just start out talking to him like you would any other person.

In Judaism, we have a direct link to G-d, we don't need to do anything special to talk to him. Just open up our hearts and begin speaking. I do it in my head sometimes and out loud a lot of times.

I have a favor.... for everyone. Please keep praying for G-d to bring my WH down to rock bottom. I have to stay out of the drama, not be involved, but what I can do is pray and the more people I can get to pray for his downfall, it can only help.

I really believe this is my path and I believe G-d needs our help to bring him down together. Because it's only through bringing him down and humbling him that WH will reach for G-d. And no matter what, his peace in his soul is what is so important to me.

Pretty, my G-d is very personal to me, it's what I create. You don't have to have a set way of doing anything or thinking of him in anyway. It's what you want it to be. It's your relationship with him and that's what he is looking for. A relationship during all the times, not just good or bad.

I agree with you that a persons relationship with G-d is what one creats. And that he should be sought out in good and bad times just not in times of needs.

I will keep hoping that your WH finds his way.

Thank you.

So for you, what can I do for you?

DH asked me why I started coming back to MB *he doesnt mind me on here* I think he fears something is wrong. Nothings going on that shouldnt be! I just want to better us. I have been neglectful in some of his EN's. I think thats why Im really here and I want to work on them. I was reading my posts when I first started here and we have come a long way. But yet a long road to still travel.