Marshmallow

hell no, they did it. he's a pus*y, scuse please. I thought about it more today and there's no way this aint true, WW is scared/po'd. Po'd because i slammed the door tight shut on her fantasy, and scared because it is coming out to her "friends".

I need to find out about who the OM GF is. I don't have eyes on to expose, so I guess i wait to hear about WW plan of action monday.

If she did make it up, yeah cruel beyond imagining, but i think about the condoms. that is something she would be sick enought to do to make me jealous, which is what IC said as well as her best friend. It's too much to consider though going down that road.

She tried to hide this, so it happened.

MyRevelation


"My worry is that because WW did not tell Charlie that NC needs to be in place, Charlie isn't going to honor your request (other than out of fear for his life)."

I really don't care if that's why he does it, but it's a good reason for him. I asked him if he knew who i worked for, he said yes and was pissing his pants. Told him he picked the wrong Intel Officer to F with.

If he is in contact with WW after our conversation I will be amazed, if he sees her again for SF, I won't even go there. But i dont think it will happen.

I don't think WW would have established NC for many weeks if ever, it was past time to take action.

hicktownmommy,

yea she is posessed alright! But, it feels good to be somewhat back in control for awhile.

AND, at least i know she wasn't banging this weekend before i could get home.

Got to expose to OM GF as soon as possible.

SWW your wife has probably been like this forever. You know, manipulating, lying, selfish, hurting others...etc.

Why do anything? Do you even want to BE with this woman?

You can do all the steps to keep her from this OM, but what do you have in the end???

You are left with a woman whos character is one of lying, cheating, not caring about you, only caring about her own pleasure, a woman who does not care about being a productive citizen or any of that.

**edit**

Hooray! Good job! OM is lying his a@@ off and he knows it and he knows you know it. Did you notice how he quickly backed down from that and moved into damage control mode?

Uh-uh. There was an affair. Your wife reacted EXACTLY as expected. She KNOWS now that the gig is TRULY up. Expect her to continue to be angry and then sad and then depressed and then angry as she REALLY goes through withdrawl. I don't think OM will be an issue anymore.

I agree. Find that GF and spill the beans to her as well.

Your exposure to OM was one of the best I've read on MB. Good for you! And EXCELLENT for the recovery of if not your marriage, your own personal recovery. I believe she'll come around though. The game is over.

SWW,
Some people here may be way too jaded to give constructive advice. Be careful that you do not let yourself fall victim to the rantings of someone who is obviously bitter.

Your WW is no different than any other WS here. YOU are the one who must decide if you can salvage your relationship. Somewhere inside of her is the woman you fell in love with and married. She is lost, but not for good. There is hope. She is not as wretched as some may want you to believe.

We here are not God, we cannot predict the future nor are we meant to pass judgment on the moral character of another person. YOU know your wife better than anyone here. Remember who she was and decide if THAT person is worth fighting for.

HTM

hicktownmommy,

I haven't tried to contact her since she screamed she was filing for D on monday. Should I call or email her and try to give her a flavor for where I am.

She need to think about the prospect of an ugly D on her children. Yes I know her better than anyone, and despite all this, she needs saving. She is like a child trying to jump off a cliff because he thinks it's good for him. I am holding onto her belt and she is clawing at my hands trying to fight to jump off.

I would love to tell her that with work things could be better than before if we meet each others EN. That we can have 40 more years of wonderful memories; the birth of our grandchildren, our kids weddings, so much!

I just don't know if in her current frame of mind it is the right thing to do to contact her now. I hate to wait till it's too late and she goes to lawyer tomorrow though, if she really intends to do that.

help...

princessmeggy,

I agree, OM is very scared and prob thinks WW is nuts to put him in this position by her admitting it. She is prob nuclear waste to him right now.

What would be the purpose though of exposing to charlie's GF? Wouldn't it just break them up making it easier for him to eventually hook back up with WW? Wouldn't it giver WW hope that he was single again?

I understand that she prob should know, but he'd argue they were broken up then.

Sorry if this is really dumb question?

DON'T GO SOFT ON US NOW, sww.

You make progress when you ACT ... you screw up when you stand still and wring your hands.

I already explained the 2 pronged effect of exposure to the OMGF ... you get rid of OM AND OMGF all at the same time if you just share what you know with OMGF.

Trust the job you did on OM ... he's not coming back around now that you know what's up.

Quit pussyfooting around and trying to talk yourself out of doing something.

MyRevelation,

ok ok, just asking, sorry. I have to find out who she is first.

Thanks, also Myrev, Should I try to contact WW today to tell her to let things settle down a bit before rushing to lawyer tomorrow?

She may be bluffing, but i don't think she has thought thru the implications of her kids finding out she committed adultery on their dad.

It has been my experience that sooner is ALWAYS better than later.

You have mutual friends ... your WW has been having lunch, going to movies, etc. with the GF, SOMEONE you know, knows who the GF is and how to contact her.

It's Sunday, you have ALL day to snoop and expose. Call a friend who also knows OM and expose to friend and ask their help in finding out who OMGF is and how to contact.

Others may chime in with exposure ideas. Start snooping and check back in frequently to run your plans by the vets here.

YOU WILL BE VERY GLAD YOU DID!!!

SWW,

Sorry if my comment offended you the other day. I didn't realize the logistics of getting home, and couldn't understand how you could not get a rental car. My bad. You've got enough on your plate right now without something I said upsetting you further.

Stay in full snoop mode and continue to monitor. Lot's up folks throw up the D word and never follow through on that, so don't worry about tomorrow, unless, and until it actually happens.

The OMGF does have a right to know that the man she is with is a POS and has no problem being a predator with a married women. It's the very least she deserves to know, and in time, will probably thank you for that info. Let the conseqences of this fall squarely where it belongs; on the AP's heads.

Stay stong.

All Blessings,
Jerry

shinethrough,

no worries, i just prob didnt make it clear enough about the logistics and the car.

In snoop mode right now.

Yeah, she has gone very dark since I confronted OM and she lost her temper and said she was filing for D.

No response to the 2-3 texts i have sent. I am worried, but you know what, I am trying the best I can with you guys and gals help.

That's all I can do, and all you can do is all you can do.

REALLY??? (Extreme Sarcasm)

Quit jerking around texting your WW. It's of absolutely NO use, and furthermore, if she does respond it will be with more LIES and/or venom ... so why bother???

So you're doing all you can do ... BS!!!

Have you made the first call to find out the name and contact info of OMGF???

Have you made any plans to make sure that NC has not been broken???

Do you know if NC actually exists???

What are your plans should OM backslide and remain in contact with WW???

Are there other effective exposure targets???

WRINGING you hands and WORRYING are not effective strategies to accomplish anything ... unless your goal is to be a perenial doormat, which unfortunately many BH's view as an acceptable goal.

SWW,

Don't react to every post that you get and make a decision based on what "we" tell you what to do. Follow Dr. Harley's concepts and trust your instincts. You have done a great job thus far.

There's no need to try to text her and "change" her mind about what she's feeling, you can't do it. Read some more of your book today. Did you consider getting an appt. with the Harley's for yourself?

You know your situation better than anyone else. Continue to educate yourself. You're doing great!

SWW,

Let WW stew in her own juices.

I don't believe she will file for D.

I'm a little hesitant about exposing to the GF though. Exposure works well when the other betrayed person is M to the OM. She would have more invested and would be more willing to fight for her WH.

The point to exposure is to tell people who will put pressure on the A couple to end the A. If OMGF breaks up w/ him, where's the pressure? There's nothing to stop him from picking up the pace w/ WW.

The problem is that as long as WW hangs out w/ OMGF there will be on going contact between WW and OM.

This would be a good question to ask Dr. Harley.

W/ regards to Tues. I hope to God, you are planning to move back home... Regardless of what she does on Mon.

You need to go home and tell WW that is where you belong.

Oh, and I agree w/ OUC, you need to call Dr. Harley.

Marshmallow,

I agree. Sorry Myrev, but i thought about this for awhile yesterday. The A is over, at least for now. OM Charlie is scared to death, both of me, my WW, and of my potential exposing to OMGF/fiance.

While I still have text messages, emails, phone records etc. all date stamped encoded etc. I have the power of his realtionship/marriage, maybe for the rest of his life.

If I expose it will do no good except to break them up. He has agreed to NC and I believe that is what he will do in light of the above circumstances.

I dont know what WW will do but she called last night and we had a nice chat. No A stuff. I don't know what she'll do today but she asked when i was going to be able to get back home. She is still PO'd but maybe a little bit less so. But who knows, she might be in lawyers office right now.

I got a job offer for a position 2.5 hours from home. Same money I am making now. If the job thing in August at home doesn't come thru I will take it to get closer. That way I can be home at least 3.5 days per week, maybe more with some driving effort.

SWW,

You will decide who and when to expose. Regardless, you need OMGF's info. If/When is your decision, but you need that info, knowledge IS power.

In the future, when WW threatens you, DO NOT initate conversation, texting, etc... She feels in control when you do this.

Note: Mine went to the lawyer, drew up legal sep paperwork, and initated the D process, End result was a waste of money in lawyer fee's. She never followed thru. It was to scare me. When I signed and returned them, I got yelled at for not caring, she told me "This is what you wanted!".

My reply: "If that's what I wanted, I would have gone to the lawyer." Anyway back on track....

Plan A, but DO NOT be a doormat, do not appear weak.

-JKT

SWW,

All of this is excellent! Revel in the fact that YOU have created these opportunities with your actions.

WW is talking with you. That is a good sign. She was angry (and probably still is) but she will cool down and realize that you are still there trying to love her.

I almost think you should take the job that is 2.5 hours away just in case the one in August doesn't come through. Will this other offer still be there for sure in August? People here in L.A. commute that far EVERY day! It is very possible to do. Yes, it is a lot of driving, but it is do-able.

Keep Plan A going.

And I think you are probably right about OMGF. Hold that ace in your pocket in case OM doesn't keep up with his end of the bargain. At this point he has something to lose. But I do think that your WW needs to include OM's friends in the NC list.