I stumbled upon this forum. Just needed a space to express how i feel. I have been married for 4 yrs. Ever since the birth of mmy first child, i felt a stressed never experienced in my life. First between my Mom in law and me. Finally when she left, its parenting styles as well as the way my husband is.

I feel so trapped and stressed all the time. We fight on average at least once every wk. On good times, we go without fight for 2 wks. Today my son is diagnosed with possible mild pneumonia. He coughed since last Monday - the cough took a turn for the worse since Sat. he coughed non stopped and coughed so hard he kept throwing up everything he ate. I comfort my son saying mommy understand its painful. My husband got angry, he kept telling me its not painful, how do i know its painful. Why did he choose to fight with me over this???

On Sat night , he was so hostile. refuse to work with me. I was so sad in my heart and felt so helpless. I know my son needs help, but my husband had refused for me to even feel for my son. He kept his hostile front and i wasnt able to speak to him. I prayed so hard. in the end my son woke at 4am and coughed non stop again. I made a few calls and let my husband decide if he wanted to bring our son to Emergency. he delayed and waited. i have no idea what he was doing. in the end we went. through the nite, our conversation was tensed. I told him at this time unity is the most important thing, he said "keep quiet, don't talk". Why is he so hostile towards me?

to be honest, I am so tired of this marriage. i am so tired of managing him He goes to Bible College and get Distictions all the time, yet there is no practice in his life. He stresses excellence to point of expecting perfection in me, the house, people around. there is just so much tension all the time when he micro manage what other people say or do.

I am pregnant with 2nd child. My first child is 15mths. From the time i know i was pregnant, i wished i wasnt. it is such a cruel thot for a child. but i think we are not ready. it is our fault for not taking precaution. i feel so trapped again. I wished i had a miscarriage. i wish to die, but all these thots are useless when I think of God, my son. These are people i love and God whose Word I fear.

TOnite, my sick son refuse to eat. He has had poor appetite for past few days already. My husband refuse to let him come down from high-chair. He strictly expects him to sit in high-chair. I told him it is not time to insist on high chair manners, he is ill, the priority is to get him to eat. My husband said he can play but not eat. I told him fine, then watch your son play and go hungry. Why does he stick to this principle without understanding the priority, the context, the situation?? My heart is so painful to see my son crying and crying non-stop, working out his already infected chest. Yet I don't want to fight with my husband infront of my son fo obvious reasons. I just sat down and pray. My heart is so so grieved. I had to contact third party expert to help advise. If God is using our child's condition to train our character, i think its too cruel. My son is only so small, he is only 15mths old.

i am down with bad flu and 16 wks pregnant too. I lost all my appetite and feel really grieved everyday. Though i seek the Lord for strength and wisdom, i feel that this test is way too big for me to handle. I wanted out, i wanted to end it all and all i wanted was PEACE. I felt so peaceful in the hospital.

My husband dislike my family, my mom and my brother. He feels that my mom always feed our son and gives him everything he wants and spoiling him while at meal time. I tell him my mum comes once awhile, our son will not be destroyed for life. Relationship comes first. But he will not budge, in his heart. he will always be the perfect parent, with perfect method.
I find this really unrealistic.

Are there grounds for divorce? By initiating divorce, i am breaking God's command, i will be punished by God. Is suffering this way worth it just to merely keep God's command? Divorce hurts the children the most and I can't bear to destroy their family. I hope for a loving, peaceful, relaxed family. If i live my life again, i will choose to be single all my life. Loneliness may be better than strife.

lost..........................................................

I'm sorry you're suffering. I don't know you guys, but what you describe sounds like emotional abuse to me. Please go to www.unitedway.org and find the center nearest to you, and call them. Tell them your situation and ask them for help. They will get you help. Tell them that someone thought you may be in an abusive situation and tell them what you've said here. If you are indeed in an abusive situation, you won't be able to recognize it; you'll need someone else for that.

Please do something today. For your health and your new baby's health. And did your son get taken care of? He can die from that without proper treatment.

yes we did bring him to emergency and did his chest x-ray to find out he may have indication of slight pneumonia. not very sure if it is, but his left upper chest is slightly hazy. got antibiotics and other med.

Last nite, i wanted to talk about what happened the other nite when he insisted for our sick son to stay on the high chair to eat. he said talk another time when we are both calm. i said ok.

Today we were texting each other on a different subject and i complained that he never has time to talk to me. i'm always on queue for topics i bring up. then he called in the afternoon and somehow our conversation came to a point i call him legalistic. He said if i don't understand i shouldnt condemm him like that. Then I said to him, "explain to me." And he said, "another time." I asked him when. he said " when I feel like it". Is this not ego-centric? My husband thinks he is my boss! he thinks he is living on his own. by saying that he obviously does not take my feelings into account. he works on his own schedule and expects me to wait on him. this is not a husband-wife relationship. its like a boss and surbodinate.

in fact, he treats many people like subordinates. Last nite my cousin was trying to wipe a stain off a table and she obviously can't identify the spot. He said "can't you see the stain here? don't block the light" I think that was very rude.

Is this what marriage is all about? They say give and take. What is the acceptable level?

I'm sorry, but I still say you're in an abusive situation. Maybe not a full-blown situation where you're in fear of him, but definitely a situation where you have allowed him to take 95% of the control of your family. That is NEVER healthy.

If you are going to stay married to him, you are going to HAVE to learn to stand up for yourself and value yourself more. Start setting boundaries. When he does something that invalidates you, tell him you don't appreciate being ignored, you don't appreciate him thinking he has the right to make all the decisions. And tell him that if he is not willing to ever talk about anything that's important to you, you will have to start making your own decisions and deciding whether you will abide by his.

Do you read? There's a book I recommend to people in your position. You would really benefit from it, and you can probably get it at your library (I did). It's called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft. Please consider reading it.

I have a question.
It's not disrespectful.
I cannot wrap my mind around something , perhaps you can explain ....




Why does a woman make 2 babies with a man she fights with
and then consider divorce AFTER bringing 2 innocent babies into the unhappy home?

I don't get it?



Have you read this book? *link*

I believe that any man that would jeopardize the health of his child, unborn child and wife for ANY reason is horrible. I don't know the full story, but on the surface this looks grim indeed. From what you describe, this is abuse. I'm no expert, but the actions of your husband sicken me. I couldn't stop myself from commenting as I feel like you need some clarity from an outside source. Good luck to you.