You know, life is about the journey. It's not a destination.

I think it's awesome that you are coming back on here for a refresher. That's what will truly begin to move your M forward into complete recovery when you recognize that you aren't doing something and you change it.

In Judaism, they call that true Teshuvah. It's the highest form of change. Be proud of yourself.

I am and I am blessed to know you.

I am proud of myself. And I am proud of you. You are a strong person *yes everyone has a bit of weakness*

I am very greatful to become friends with you.

I sung the Shema prayer to my daughter tonight

How awesome. How did it feel?

It's a very cool prayer....

I am a child of G-d just like anyone else. He happens to be working a lot out in me and I am very grateful that I am willing to go to any lengths to have that come to fruition. I have so long to go, but I feel like i am at peace and on the right track for some reasons.

Probably because I am not swimming upstream on the river. Like my AA sponsor suggests.

She smiled And it was great!

And you are great.... Truly....

I can feel the love that lives inside of you and it's so special to have that. Not everyone does.

Thank you

Your welcome.

And thank you for coming back to MB.

I believe you will be led on the right path. And things will get better for you Queenie.

I'm working very hard to stay on the right path. It's just hard to know which was to go.

But how fitting that this morning, the email from Charlene Cares is about the directions in life and Torah. Just reading that book daily will help me keep on my path. I just have to keep trusting G-d.

For me there is no other way.

Last night I was the speaker person at the AA meeting. Even though I didn't get into the goory details, I myself am able to remember that absolute insanity of my life and I don't EVER want to go back to that place.

And as long as you just keep bettering yourself and have family, and G-d beside you, you will be just fine.

No kidding.

I have really been in a weird funk this morning. I just realized that I had two very strong days with G-d and my propensity to self-destruct is rearing it's ugly head.

My tendency is to isolate and I just called up a friend of mine and cancelled spending the day with her so I could just be in my head at the pool.

I'm thinking this isn't such a great place to be?

Maybe I will call her back and fight for myself and fight to get out of this funk by doing something different and not self-destructing myself.

Get up and drag yourself into the company of a friend....sometimes, when I think too much, I get into a funk....nitpick my faults. Go out and review your assets - preferably with a friend.

So, Queenie, what are your strong points you want to embrace?

Notice.....

that was bettering


not battering

I know I tend to replay and replay my negative self-talk tapes. It's hard for me to replay the positive ones. So few people are around for me to process those with.

For a while, can you embrace those good things?

I hope you called your friend back to see if its not to late. Its always to good to get out and be with others.

Isolating yourself is not going to help anything at all. I know you know that. So act upon it. I know there will be days you will not want to do anything at all. And there are going to be those days you dont want to but know you have too.

If your in a funk do u think being alone will really help?

I am off to work but I hope you have a good day.

My love of life, my capacity to love someone even under the hardest of circumstances, my sense of humor, my desire to keep learning even when I'm tired and my willingness to absolutely TRUST G-d.

I did call my friend back, and told her that isolating wasn't a good idea for me, so we made plans to hook up, but then about an hour later my other friend called and wanted to come over to my pool and talk to me.

I called my other friend and actually during that time she had things come up where getting together wasn't the best of timing for either of us. So we made plans to get together next week.

I sat at the pool for awhile, then one friend showed up and then another friend who has been telling me a story for awhile about her girlfriend and H splitting up. From the moment she started talking I told her that friend was having an A. She didn't believe me. Guess what, it was totally true for over a year. The wayward friend asked my friend if she should give her M another try and I was so angry by my friends response I wanted to slap her. She told her to just make sure the kids were happy. OH MY G-D.... I couldn't believe it.

So I spoke up and gave her an earful that she really didn't want to hear, but I told her that a family is being destroyed because people are standing up for what is right and that is so wrong. She wasn't happy with me, and then we really got into a heavy discussion about addictions, which she doesn't buy at all.

About that time, my blood sugar started dropping so I went to get some cheese and when I got back my friend was there.

I want to just shout from the roof top the insanity of this girls life and the damage she is causing, but no one wants to listen.

DD called me earlier to discuss the phone. I told her to ignore her dad and trust G-d. Hung up. She called me AGAIN this evening and told me what WH has been up to and how he has been screwing around with the account. I very matter of fact told DD, ignore him, I have no control over what he does, but that I wasn't going to put the bill in my name. Again, I told her that I loved her dad very much and was fighting for my M and our family. She is so frustrated and in drama mode. I can't fix this because it would give my hand away and I'm not willing to do that for anyone. Not when so much is on the line.

I have continued to step up my prayers for G-d to bring WH down and destroy him. I can only hope things are happening, but then again. I somehow need to learn from Bugs and just leave it alone and act where I need to.

Psalm 26

1 Vindicate me, O LORD,
for I have led a blameless life;
I have trusted in the LORD
without wavering.

2 Test me, O LORD, and try me,
examine my heart and my mind;

3 for your love is ever before me,
and I walk continually in your truth.

4 I do not sit with deceitful men,
nor do I consort with hypocrites;

5 I abhor the assembly of evildoers
and refuse to sit with the wicked.

6 I wash my hands in innocence,
and go about your altar, O LORD,

7 proclaiming aloud your praise
and telling of all your wonderful deeds.

8 I love the house where you live, O LORD,
the place where your glory dwells.

9 Do not take away my soul along with sinners,
my life with bloodthirsty men,

10 in whose hands are wicked schemes,
whose right hands are full of bribes.

11 But I lead a blameless life;
redeem me and be merciful to me.

12 My feet stand on level ground;
in the great assembly I will praise the LORD.



Psalm 31

1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge;
let me never be put to shame;
deliver me in your righteousness.

2 Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.

3 Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

4 Free me from the trap that is set for me,
for you are my refuge.

5 Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O LORD, the God of truth.

Just wanted you to know I was praying for you...

Mark

Thanks for the prayers. I can really use them.

How are you?

(((Queenie)))

Hey Exodus,

I did the stupidest thing today. And my finger hurts. I have had fake nails for a few months now. But I can't afford them and they needed to come off. Well I should have waited a little longer, anyways, I pulled off the baby one and in the process tore off half of my baby finger nail bed.

Ouch.....

My vanity gets me into more trouble some days.

I love the CD you sent me. Thank you so much.

OUCH! I haven't ever had fake nails, but I've had natural ones break off past the quick and know how painful that is. Hey, my mom swears by the beauty college for inexpensive pampering. If you have one close, maybe you should visit them to get the rest removed or replaced.

Glad you got the CD and are enjoying it. Did you recognize the second one as the song I shared the first time I posted to you? It makes me happy when I hear it.