the first part of my sorry story is in just found out but the quick run-down is we have had a little rocky 5 years due to me having anxiety about a lot of things and then a very bad 12 months after my hubby lost his job and we both went into overdrive trying to earn money to keep our heads above water.i knew it wouldn't last forever but my hubby unknown to me was getting very down with us not having time with each other. anyway he found his first love on the internet and has proceeded to have an affair with her which i found out about this week.he told me 4? weeks ago that he didnt love me any more but we would try. a lie. we have since talked loads about us me him o/w and he starts a new job on mon.he can see the progress i am making with myself and has said so to me. we talked yesterday about the fact that i did still love him i would take him back, i wouldn't file for divorce and he had a lot of what ifs with the o/w. he was in love with her 18yrs ago and she ended it. he is still in our home (on the sofa)and the time we are spending together is great doing all the things family's do but with no love on his part for me. he has said he will be leaving next w/e after we have had a night out at a dinner. i have said he can stay with no pressure from me. last night after putting our 3yr old to bed he went out to the o/w and has stayed the night. says they havnt had sex yet? and is taking her sons to the park this morning before coming home. the question is what do i do and how much should i take of him rubbing my face in it? he truly believes that he is in love with her and from the more recent texts that i have seen from her(i got hold of his phone again!) she is deeply in love with him. HELP!!!!!

Better run over to general questions II where you will get more input.

You should start in Plan A and show him that you are making changes. Then expose the affair - to family, friends, etc. That often ends it. But as long as he is still in contact with her, he won't want to work on the marriage.

I would count on the fact that it was a physical affair and be careful about being exposed to any STDs.

Also see an attorney to protect your finances. Is he willing to keep supporting you and your child?

You have to expose it or you will never get your marriage back.

thanhkyou for the reply. i have exposed the affair as soon as i found out to his and my family and his friends who i could contact. the thing is now that that was 1 week ago and now he has gone and slept with her over the weekend!before it was just emotional now its gone one step further.i have also found a way to let o/w friends know what is going on. is it too late to do this as im doing all i can for plan a?

No, keep on exposing every time you find someone else who can put pressure on him or her. Make it hard for them to get together without upsetting people.

he has now ended the affair or so he tells me, on thurs night. He sobbed his heart out before coming home and when he did get home he had txt messages from o/w saying she should have kept him at arms length until he was clear of me! I also sent her messages by phone, face book and friends reunited telling her to leave us alone. She texed w/h every time she found a new message. There were only 3 all very nice but to the point and to let her know i knew how they were contacting each other. Today, Fri, is the first day of our new life.O/W has contacted w/h today by txt but he says he hasn't replied and its just so hard to believe. I want to but after all the lies that have been told to me over the last 4 months its hard to. My hubby came back from work tonight and i have told him as much. I wasn't stupid i knew it would be so hard to gain my trust back for him but now i am wondering if i ever will after today. I never thought i would say it but i don't know if i want the pain again that i have had over the last 2 weeks. if it hadn't been for you guys on here i would of been a basket case for sure!! so all im asking for now is a bit of support and for someone to tell me it gets easier. I love my hubby with all my heart but its my heart that i don't want broken again as its still not fixed from the last one.