Ok, subject line of the email refers to his conference next week
It says -

"It was just explained to me today that we will not be back until the 25th Friday morning, keeping you updated.
Co-worker 'X' and his wife have offered to help with DSS in any way needed. They live in the same subdivision as I do and their daughter goes to summer school as well."



He had told me that he'd be leaving Tuesday and back Thursday night. Yesterday I told him I'd let him know about arrangements for me to keep both Ladybugs and DSS. I had not emailed him back about it yet.

Frankly, I was waiting to see if I'd hear from him first.

Amazing all of this DETAIL I am now getting about DSS, isn't it. I am pretty sure it was just the beginning of May when I was basically told that anything to do with him was NONE of my business???

I haven't replied yet - but am thinking of this -

"I've made arrangements for both kids during your conference. Expect you will pick Ladybugs up Friday night as usual from daycare. "

Thoughts? Comments?

heheheheheehehe

perfect response.


Poor Drac.
You're keeping him scrambling for reasons to contact you!
He probably spent all day thinking up that one.
What is he going to come up with next?

"Arrangements have been made for both kids during your conference. Expect you will pick Ladybugs up Friday night as usual from daycare. "


Even less personal.

Yeah, but wait a while before sending it.

Fox

Hi Bugs,

I am a little behind, just catching up on your thread....and just want to point out, a few pages back, you wrote this....


I also feel like this sometimes, when somehow the focus is back on WS...and after being so long in Plan B, I thought I should no longer be feeling this way at all...thank you for putting words to these feelings and to help me see I am not alone and that these feelings are normal, besides being in good company, even though I don't wish these feelings on you, Bugs...LOL....and aiming to NOT focus on WS is the best remedy.

...I find it is also true that, with time, having to be in the presence of WS it is somehow less painful and not always a major trigger...only because maybe we're learning to give WS less power over us.

...but I have learned, when in doubt, DARK DARK DARK is the best route.... With Drac, if things are not well in lalaland, he may wanting to 'lean on you' more without necessarily committing to more.... but you already know THAT!

You are getting good advice. Look forward to reading your updates...and learn more. Thanks Bugs.

Morning all!

I didn't have time to post last night as I took Ladybugs to a small town picnic/parade last night. It's in the town where my Dad grew up. A small farming community where the parade has more TRACTORS in it than anything! ha!

Lots of childhood memories there for me. My grandmother was one of the organizers back then, I was part of the 'coronation' of the King & Queen when I was Ladybugs age (in a tradition with my 2 sisters having done it before me). Last night I even ran into a couple of classmates, a cousin I hadn't seen in years, and one of my high school teachers.

They throw lots of candy during the parade, so Ladybugs had a BALL. My family was there and friends with kids the same age, so when we hit the carnaval part of the picnic, it was Game On! I even rode the "Scat" with Ladybugs TWICE! Whoo hoo!

She did call Drac while we were there. I'm sure it wasn't easy for him to talk to her as we were standing in the middle of the midway at the time. Oh well, Ladybugs and I were just busy living our lives.

So, I did take my time opening the email and then responding. I was as brief and business like as possible - thanks for the suggestions, but I hadn't read them before sending the email. I didn't do quite as good as your suggestion, but I wasn't chatty in the email either. Within 5 minutes, I got the following reply from Drac,

"Thanks, that will be the plan unless something else goes wrong,,,I had all 4 tires replaced today. Thanks again."

If I allow myself, I can 'hear' the joking tone about the tires. I choose to ignore it.

So, that should be the end of all of this interaction and communication. That would be a GOOD thing, because it's too hard not to be sucked to wanting MORE. As we all know, right now there is nothing in the MORE he is giving that I want.

MCD called last night to ask if he won or lost our bet. I told him he'd lost since the email wasn't giving me any grief about his presence at the game.

So, on to another busy day. I'm letting Ladybugs sleep in since we were out so late last night. Tonight is our one "off" night of having anything to DO or somewhere to GO. I'm looking forward to some pool time and early to bed!

We'll see. Keep your SHADES and CAPE handy...

Yep.

nope.



ummmm....no. Are you listening? LOL. He's scrambling to find another reason to email you today. I'm guessing something about DSS. An update on his counseling....signing him up for football....question about medication.....SOMETHING.

He's trying to show you what a good guy he is.

I think Bugsy has a banana in her ear, and cannot hear you Lexxxy. You may have to SCREAM

It's crazy how you are predicting this. Again, it shouldn't be funny, but it is.

JAAAAAMES! Where is that confarndent POPCORN!

Its going to keep ESCALATING.

First: Friendly
Then: Open
Then: Joking
Then: Reminicsing
Then: Flirty but joking (with denial-ability...)

As long as he doesn't get smacked down...he's going to keep pushing the door open a little further.

Bugs -- Ho is gone. There are unmet needs. He's trying to manuever you back into meeting those missing needs.

Even though we have the script and we know what is most likely going to happen.

It's still DARN fun to watch!

It really reinforces the theory of the "wayward script"

Fox

There is NoHo.


I just like to say that.


Fox

You all are killing me!!


- - I like saying that, too!

I did check my ears,,,,,Lots of empty space in between them, but I didn't find any bananas! I took the opportunity to brush out a few cobwebs.

Screaming is not YET necessary. I 'am' listening,,,,,,,,,,,,I DO see how you all have predicted per the Wayward Script.

Prior to Lexxxy's last post, I had intended to post this


Then, Lexxxy beat me to the punch with the answer -


Here's the thing - - I'm going to be as flat out honest as I can be. I have just this moment acknowledge this to myself, so I hope that I can explain it.

Although I did not admit it, even to myself, I have been wanting the increased contact to be about ME. I wanted it to be about Drac transforming slowly back into DH. I wanted it to be about him coming to the realization that he WANTS BUGS, and working towards how to accomplish that, with the process including recognition and remorse.

That is still what I want.

So, it's not that I'm not listening. I think it's more denial because I want to avoid mentally setting myself up with thoughts and ideas about things that are not really happening.

Does that make any kind of sense?

And,,,,,,,,,,,for another dose of honesty - It is Very Very Tempting to allow myself to do things that will meet those needs.

Geez,, I feel like a total schmuck.

But an honest schmuck!

That's what I love about you Bugs, you put it out there in truth. I can understand your feelings but girl, you know the dangers.

My ExWW to a T

She actually made a comment about my bed the other day, cause you know if she has to drop off DS for some reason she just HAS to come in for minute, well I forgot I had our old head a foot board from the early years at my mom's and when I got my queen size mattress set I took it so I'd have a frame.

She looks at the thing and actually says, "Oh, WOW, I can't belive that baby's still standing! (wink wink nudge nudge)"

and yes, that's what she meant, she gave me the look when she said it.

I just kinda said yeaahhhhhh, riiiiigggghhht

took everything I had not to roll my eyes and shake my head

now I'm completely done, so this stuff does nothing more than amuze me, but I'f you're not completely there then this stuff will confuse you

so listen good to what these people are telling you

Your honest thoughts are what MANY of us think to ourselves, but cannot put out into the open.

If I was to be completely honest - I want to see the same from WxH.

We all still have abandonement issues, as hard as we try personally to recover.

It's there, laying underneath the surface. The need to not feel as though we were DISCARDED.

We still have the WISHES, even though we know the DANGER.

Thank you, Bugs, for saying it so well.


Fox

Oh, BC.....what a piece of work your EX is.

You are a good man. She's a fool.

Fox

Oh bugsy girl!

That is why I wanted you to start thinking about all of this.
I want you to be PREPARED for it, so that you react in a way that gets YOU what YOU want.

Drac's going to escalate contact. No doubt about it!

And it would be easy for you to entice him back with your incredible Plan A instincts. So, you would get him back. But not in the MB way.

His route to recovery would look different. I think he would GET to the MB way but from a very different path.

I think once he was "back" with you he would feel safe enough to come around to the MB principles. I think you would eventually get the remorse and regret and an apology. And he would want to make things up to you. But I don't think he will start from there.

So that has been my question to you. Can you take that other path?