SWW,

Are you still going home on Tuesday?

Will you move out of your father's home and back into YOUR home?

What fun things do you have planned to do w/ your WW when you get home?

Marshmallow,

thursday now, but i am taking off thru next tuesday. Yes I am moving back in even if it means sleeping in guest room. As for fun things, you're right I need to think about that.

Justkeeptrying,

you're right, that's why i felt so powerless when she didn't return my txts after she went into a rage. so i let it go and NC for 24 hours, then she started texting/calling me.

I have a "secret squirrel" friend that is getting me charlie's GF info today.

thanks

Noooooooo, you move back into the bedroom.

YOUR bedroom.

If your WW doesn't want to sleep w/ you, SHE can sleep in the guest room.

Are there any comedy clubs near by that you could go to? It would do you both good to go out and laugh together.

HTM,

Yeah, OM was very worried that his GF would find out. I am going to use that to my advantage for now.

I already emailed the first job offer and told em I would take it once it opened up. They are flying up here next week, so we'll see. If it take it, it means I would have to give them notice that i was leaving to give them a chance to find someone else, which i could do. It's a Military Position but written in such a way that I can cut the assignment short.

I Feel SO GREAT ABOUT THIS. 3 hours is a lot better than 10!!! I can't wait to leave here and get closer to WW.

She is still in withdrawal and really PO'd at me, so plan A is a little dicey, not that I am being anything but nice, but I don't want to smother her right now right???

Plan A doesn't mean you have to bake her cookies. Just when she calls you or talks with you, make sure you are supportive and pleasant. If there are things that you can do that would be subtle and non-threatening...like a dozen red roses and a note "I love you"...

I agree, you don't want to smother her, but little reminders here and there are a good thing in my book. Even just a text saying "I love you. We can get through this."

You know what your WW will see as too much, but little reminders that you are still here and still love her and want this marriage may be a good way to keep her focused.

Just a thought, is there a train that commutes to where you would be working? You're on the east coast and I know there are lots of trains. That might make your commute shorter in length and more productive (you could work on the train). Something to look into.

hicktownmommy,

train great idea, we think alike, but, no. already checked, rats.

On the plan A thing, I just mean right now she is still so angry that i hesitate to even call her after confronting Charlie. I am kinda laying low for awhile till she files for D or gets over it. If she calls me great, if not I am letting her cool down.

marsh,

aye aye sir.

yes there are some, i'll go online and check them out, thats a good one.

How's it going SWW? Any progress with WW? Any news about her filing or not?

Just checking in...

HTM

If by "sir" you mean lovely lady, you'd be correct. LOL

See if you can surprise her by finding a babysitter too.

Have you thought about sending/buying her her favorite flowers? Or something you know she'll love? Her favorite candy? Favorite anything?

Step out of your box a little. Write her a poem? Funny and sweet?

Something that will make her do a double take at you.

Just throwing ideas out there.

It seems you are more comfortable "working" to show your love, but I'm betting she'd like to see more romance from you.

Don't over do it though. It's got to hit the right note. Something small but thoughtful is best.

hicktownmommy,


SHOCKING NEWS, UPDATE, UPDATE!

Well I guess after considering it since yesterday afternoon I shouldn't be shocked at all, but I am still reeling.

Ok this will sound all too familiar, but I was paying my Sprint bill online yesterday and saw you could go back like 2 years.

I did on WW's phone. I am still reeling. From September 06 thru April of 07 WW started calling her old boyfriend from college, the one that she broke up with to go back with me.

She was calling him upwards of 15-20 times a day, mostly 7-8 times. Some of the talks were for 100-125 minutes. She would call him at say 0800, then 0815, then 0927, then 1115 and so on. She was calling in the early morning and late at night.

And I can only see the outgoing calls, the incoming calls just read "incoming" so who knows how often they talked. I was so trusting, she had a poker face on the whole time, I NEVER suspected a thing.

When I flew in from Naples IT in April of 07 she insisted on picking me up in ATL and bringing the kids with her instead of my hometown. I had to go to this OM's hometown for the weekend and she thought it would be great if she and the kids came along. I was the Commanding Officer of a unit in OM"s hometown.

At the time I thought it was a little strange, but I had no reason to really think about it. That month was the family picnic etc.

My wife has always HATED the Navy from my aviation squadron days when my drunk avaitor buddies used to get smashed and look down her dress. If any of you know Naval Aviation you know what i mean. Harmless but if you're not used to the community well...

Anyway as soon as we get to the city, she says she is going to the mall. I remember b/c she was acting weird. Now I know why, she was going to meet OM.

Anyway, after that the calls pretty much just stopped. cold, maybe 2-3 a month for 1-2 minutes and that's it.

I told her yesterday that I had now found out about another, that i was really upset but didn't want to talk. She started, of course with denial, then prob realized I had phone records (i didn't reveal source) and clammed up. She is going to IC today for the first time in her life.

I am really confused and broken apart here.

Any thoughts are welcome. Last night I was just done. This morning I am just thinking about getting thru today.

Marshmallow,

HAH! I thought you were a guy! Sorry, you have been so stiff with me (I needed it) I thought you were a man. Sounds pretty sexist doesn't it? I am very sorry. Please read the post I just made if u don't mind. I would love to hear your comments. I think flowers and poetry are not what's needed now.

Hey SWW -

Not to make your world any darker, but have you considered getting DNA tests on your kids to make sure they're biologically yours? Your WW may have been acting out for far longer than you're aware of.

Some guys want to know...some don't. For some it changes everything, and for others it changes nothing. But to me, having a complete picture is a good thing...just a thought.

bitbucket,

Nah, they look just like me, more me than her, but thanks.

I'm really sorry, SWW.

Were you living at home when this other A took place?

There are probably many secrets you don't know about.

If you think you still want to try to R your M, I'd demand that she take a lie detector test.

I'd want everything out on the table.

Why don't you give Dr. Harley a call? And ask him his opinion.

Marshmallow,

yeah i was living at home, i don't know how i couldn't have noticed other than it was mostly during the day. I wonder if his wife found out and that's why they broke it off.

My WW will no doubt try to spin it as my fault again, and I can see I surely wasnt filling her EN's, but he sure was doing a herculean job.

These are outgoing only, i don't know about incoming.

OCT 06 278 calls 2246 minutes 37 hours

NOV 06 356 calls 2817 minutes 46 hours

and on and on and on it goes.

She's going to IC today. I told her i hope it goes well and that I obviously wasn't meeting her needs but he was more than willing. Told her I wouldn't make that mistake ever again, with her or anyone else.

Sure wish she hadn't picked her old, now married with kids boyfriend though.

Well I feel good about myself...

The first was an ex-boyfriend who works for a state farm bureau in a very rural town in the grain elevator department.

The second is a 34 year old loser who lives in a 2 bedroom apartment in a building that looks like a college fraternity house with a roomate.

sigh...

Was ex-boyfriend/OM1 married at the time?

SWW,

Sorry. I know what it's like dealing with a serial cheater, not fun.

They say that some people "affair down", not sure that even matters really. My WH's latest EA is with an OW that sounds retarded on the phone and she's old enough to be his mother. Go figure!

You're dealing with an addict here. And one that's not really wanting to OWN UP to the addiction. You have a really long road ahead of you.

Are you considering counseling with the Harley's when you move back to town with your WW?

It's extremely cruel of her to continue to blame you for her A's. That will wear on you and eventually you will lose (if you haven't already) much respect and love for her.

At least when you get back home with the job 3 hours away, you will be closer to your children for when and if you decide to do Plan D.

You may not even get all the answers you want from a lie detector. That's the crappy part.

SWW, start thinking about your own Personal Recovery Plan, your personal boundaries, what you want out of life and really ponder if it's with your WW.

I say that only because it's a long hard road with continued acting out and you don't want to be here 5 or 6 years from now singing the same song.

Take some committed action for YOU!

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

bitbucket,

yeah he was with kids. I can FEEL where this is going.

Two things come to mind. The first one is that you need to remember that your wife is still the same person...you just have more information about her now. I think that is only helpful in the sense that you don't need to negate EVERYTHING in your M from the time of the first A.

Secondly, you need to really ask yourself some HARD questions. Do you WANT to recover this M? Are you READY for the extreme pain that recovery will take? Do you feel like you will ever be able to come to a sense of peace with your WW?

Your WW's first A, while disturbing to say the least, doesn't make me think she's WORSE than someone who only had a single A. I only say that because you didn't catch her the first time. She didn't FEEL the extent of the pain that the A could cause. So when she moved into the second A, she wasn't doing it IN SPITE OF having gone through it once before with you.

I'm not trying to justify her actions at all...she made sh*tty choices and is responsible for ALL of them...I'm just trying to shed light on the fact that while adding another A to the mix is MORE to deal with, it may not mean that she is truly a serial adulterer...she just didn't get caught the first time. In light of the explosion with this one, I would expect her to NEVER again go near infidelity.

It's funny, here I am trying to help you see that your wife isn't horrible because she didn't get caught the first time, yet MY H WAS caught the first time and he continued to do it. What does that say about MY ability to see clearly?

BTW...my H was on USS Kittyhawk working on jets. I know just what you mean about the "community." When people apologize for raunchy behavior around me, I remind them I married a Navy boy.