|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
You never really commented on my statement about OWH in the other thread, other than to say that you would win a fight with him. How do respond to my comments about how he is most likely feeling about you?...and, do you not think that, because of his GAURANTEED resentment toward you, that you may be overlooking the responsibility of the OP in the event of the affair?
I am a WS too, BTW. I really don't care about how he feels about me. My relationship was not with him. I grew up not really worrying a whole lot about how other people felt about me. Unless those people were close to me. He is close to you....you slept with his wife.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,637 |
HU asked for help with withdrawal. I can't address that because I am the BS. But I would like to see him get an answer to that.
HU sounds a lot like my H did for a while-- very protective of OW. I will say this did add to my suffering, which has been great. I think HU needs more time and help with withdrawal before he will be able to have the compassion for his wife's suffering we would like to see.
Chrysalis
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176 |
Okay, but what I'm asking you to do is use LOGIC and REASON instead of FEELINGS, alright?
So let's go over this again...IF you would have decided that you wanted to have an affair with the OW and she said "NO!" would you have been able to have the affair with her?
Will you please answer that question HU? I'd really appreciate it...
See, what I'm telling you is that until you are ready to see that OW is also at fault, that to your BS and others here, it certainly appears that you are still protecting her...That you care about her...That she matters to you...Can you see that? It also says that you take no responsibility for your part in harming her BH...It feels good to "clean up your side of the street" HU, really it does...
I will say that I sorta understand your feelings about blaming others for your actions...But I'm not sure that you and I feel this way for the same reasons...dunno, maybe you can tell me...See I held myself to a higher standard than I did OM in our situation and so I see myself as MORE culpable, and yet if he would have said "NO!" there would have been no affair-same as if I would have said "NO!"...So it's a mixed bag, I get that...But it really does take "two to tango" yanno?
Mrs. W If she would've said NO! Your right I would not of had an affair with her. But I still would've had one, because that was what I was looking for. She very much became a tool that fulfilled my needs. I take no responsibility for what happened on her side of the street. That was her decision just like me including her was mine. Does all of this count as "protecting" her, maybe. But I did care for her and those feeling will always be there. JUST LIKE they are for any of the woman I have been involved with. By the logic here I also protect them since I still care for them.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
I'm gonna remind you again HU and then I have to run for a while... A HUMBLE HEART... LOSE THE DEFENSIVENESS... It WILL benefit you more than I have words to say... A HUMBLE HEART looks/sounds something like this for example..."Ok, MelodyLane, perhaps you are seeing something that I do not. I know that I did screw up, so that may be true now too...Let me think about and give consideration to what you have said." And I KNOW that to you that feels like "eating crow", but that attitude shift will help you in untold ways throughout life...Besides, I came to know CROW to be "The Other White Meat"!  STOP SHOOTING AT YOUR RESCUERS HU! LISTEN AND LEARN...BE STILL... HU, the RIGHT thing is to fix your marriage and help your BS heal...No one ever regrets doing the RIGHT thing... Deep breaths...LISTEN to the wisdom here...REALLY LISTEN...STOP YOURSELF before you post DEFENSIVELY...It will FEEL GOOD HU...It will be far more fulfilling to ACT rather than to REACT...Feelings follow actions... I'll say that again...FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS...You'll need that bit of advice...Commit it to memory... Later... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176 |
He is close to you....you slept with his wife. creepy thought but I don't know him. Therefore to me he does not mean anything.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
I don't want to go over topics already discussed. I know the affair is my responsibility, I have stated that over and over. Yet people don't seem to be listening. Oh, we ARE listening. Just not with YOUR mind set. You are still in what is called the "Fog." You will be for some period of time. Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176 |
HU asked for help with withdrawal. I can't address that because I am the BS. But I would like to see him get an answer to that.
HU sounds a lot like my H did for a while-- very protective of OW. I will say this did add to my suffering, which has been great. I think HU needs more time and help with withdrawal before he will be able to have the compassion for his wife's suffering we would like to see. Maybe you have hit it on the head. Because even though I am over thought of "her" I am not over the thoughts of how the affair was different then my marriage. That is something I struggle with daily. Call it fantasy land or what ever but every memory in your head is a fantasy so a simple answer of just forget it does not work.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
He is close to you....you slept with his wife. creepy thought but I don't know him. Therefore to me he does not mean anything. He is another human being. You put horns on his head. Do you like the thought, "I screwed your wife." You made a choice to be the one who messed up his life. It could have been anyone, why you? What does this say about your honor, integrity and humanity? Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
He is close to you....you slept with his wife. creepy thought but I don't know him. Therefore to me he does not mean anything. How callous! He's just another human being whom you treated like scum. Who's wife you stole. Who's heart you help shatter. Yeah, you're a remorseful fellow!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
Does all of this count as "protecting" her, maybe. But I did care for her and those feeling will always be there. JUST LIKE they are for any of the woman I have been involved with. By the logic here I also protect them since I still care for them. Last thing I'll say for now, as I REALLY do have to go out... It will surprise you to know that you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY won't care for her at all eventually...She will disgust you, because you will begin to see that she didn't care for you either...That you both used each other and that what you did was UGLY, that it was based on a FANTASY and was not real... Btw, I wouldn't have believed that either, but it's true...VERY TRUE...And I had known the OM in my case since childhood...Never would have believed that I wouldn't always have cared for him...But I don't...Not at all... Go back and read my intial foggy posts here where I was still proclaiming love for OM...That might help you...dunno... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880 |
If my FWW's OM was standing in front of me and told me that "He didn't know me, so I don't mean anything to him", I would try to kill him.
Shortly after d-day, the topic of OM's BW came up...my W said that she didn't care about her...she had enough to worry about already, and "they had their problems, we had ours".
I reminded her that if the BW was half as angry as I am, she'd better watch her back...there is someone out there who absolutely hates her.
You can say the OP isn't to blame, but tell that to a BS. I'd love to burn OM at the stake.
Last edited by Krazy71; 07/16/08 11:30 AM.
Divorced
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
Maybe you have hit it on the head. Because even though I am over thought of "her" I am not over the thoughts of how the affair was different then my marriage. That is something I struggle with daily. Call it fantasy land or what ever but every memory in your head is a fantasy so a simple answer of just forget it does not work. It is a fantasy because that is what infatuations are all about. Those fantasies are fueled by brain chemicals (PEA) with a base that is like Meth. Of course your feelings during that time are not like family life; think drug high. Does being in effect a drug addict make you feel good about yourself? Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 2,965 |
You maybe one of the people most respected here, but tell you what your MO does not work for me. Because you are still fully wayward. Full of excuses. Full of justifications. No believable remorse to your BW. No believable repentance to your BW. No believable retribution to your BW. No believable attempts at rehabilitation for your adultery. Still taunting the OWH. I really don't care about how he feels about me. My relationship was not with him. Spoken like a true narcissist.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,423
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,423 |
You make me want to hurl, hu. creepy thought but I don't know him. Therefore to me he does not mean anything.  Your wife could be Satan himself and she would STILL deserve better than you.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
HU:
The reactions you are getting to your words IS reality. Your own thoughts are not there yet, and again I say you are still in the FOG.
Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176 |
If my FWW's OM was standing in front of me and told me that "He didn't know me, so I don't mean anything to him", I would try to kill him.
Shortly after d-day, the topic of OM's BW came up...my W said that she didn't care about her...she had enough to worry about already, and "they had their problems, we had ours".
I reminded her that if the BW was half as angry as I am, she'd better watch her back...there is someone out there who absolutely hates her.
You can say the OP isn't to blame, but tell that to a BS. I'd love to burn OM at the stake. Your not telling me anything I don't already know or expect. Not to pick a fight with you or anything but you carry a lot of anger from thread to thread. Holding in that much anger is not healthy.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,316 |
HU asked for help with withdrawal. I can't address that because I am the BS. But I would like to see him get an answer to that.
HU sounds a lot like my H did for a while-- very protective of OW. I will say this did add to my suffering, which has been great. I think HU needs more time and help with withdrawal before he will be able to have the compassion for his wife's suffering we would like to see. Maybe you have hit it on the head. Because even though I am over thought of "her" I am not over the thoughts of how the affair was different then my marriage. That is something I struggle with daily. Call it fantasy land or what ever but every memory in your head is a fantasy so a simple answer of just forget it does not work. Okay...REALLY LAST POST FOR NOW!!! Clearly I am terrible at self-discipline! I told you earlier that you will need this: FEELINGS FOLLOW ACTIONS... Think of how much time, energy and effort you spent on your relationship with OW...And what happened? YOUR FEELINGS FOLLOWED YOUR ACTIONS, yes? Same will be true if you spend that much time, energy and effort towards your wife...only it will be better, because it is the RIGHT thing...And it won't be based on FANTASY...Do that HU and YOUR FEELINGS WILL FOLLOW YOUR ACTIONS...No lie... AND when you begin to have thoughts of OW, push them aside and say to yourself: "INAPPROPRIATE THOUGHT"...Then get BUSY INVESTING in YOUR LIFE...The life that you chose with your WIFE... Back later... Mrs. W ETA: YOU WILL BEGIN TO [color:black]FEEL GOOD when you DO GOOD! Count on it![/color]
Last edited by MrsWondering; 07/16/08 11:40 AM.
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,423
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 3,423 |
No one here knows you, either. Does that mean we should ignore your quest for help?
If you saw a man dying on the street - would you walk by? You don't know him...so his life means nothing to you, right?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 3,916 |
HU: Holding in that much anger is not healthy. I'm sorry, that is just tooooo funny. Hey pal, you are so full of yourself, you urgently need a good dose of a purgative. In other words, you are either a troll or someone who needs an attitude adjustment. Wake up and smell the roses. These people are trying to get in touch with your humanity, if you have any. Larry
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 176 |
No one here knows you, either. Does that mean we should ignore your quest for help?
If you saw a man dying on the street - would you walk by? You don't know him...so his life means nothing to you, right? Sorry I don't tie the BH to a dying man on the street. Not an analogy that works for me. But I would save the BH if I saw him dying on the street. But caring for his emotional feels caused by the affair not my problem. His wife brought me in and had the relationship with me. His wife is to blame just as I am for bringing her into my marriage. I am all for people that are willing to give help to me. But some peoples methods don't work with my personality, others do. You can see that by who I respond too. Direct confrontation with sorry does not work.
|
|
|
|
1 members (1 invisible),
380
guests, and
48
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
