This is what I would do if I were in your shoes, and I wanted to have a chance of beating the dismal odds against me.

I would leave the cell phone until Plan B, without saying anything one way or the other about it. I also would not bother to confront her on the continued contact. Usually I am all in favor of confronting, but in this case (with such a short timeline) I don't think it will accomplish enough to be worth the bother.

I would also move down there ASAP, especially if I had a job down there and not at home.

I would be in a hard-core Plan A for a super-short time, like maybe 2 weeks. At the end of that, if contact still continued, which OF COURSE it would, I would go straight into a rock-solid Plan B.

At that point I would stay in Plan B for as long as I felt like it, until either recovery took place or I felt like moving on. I am in favor of going through the process, but much more quickly, since the odds do not favor you, the way they would for most people who come here.

You say your love is not in danger of being eliminated. You say you think she would find someone else if you completely disconnected from her. I think Neak (?) has a good idea about doing an intense and short Plan A. That intense short Plan A would remind her of what she is losing when you do go into a dark Plan B.

When you are ready for Plan B, you need to carefully implement it and remain in no contact. Study up on Plan B. I believe that the intermediary is usually someone that you trust that has a relationship with you. Their role in part is to make sure that you are protected from contact with the wayward. In part, this is to ensure that you do not lose the remaining bit of love you have for them. You need to be kept away from their stupid wayward behavior. The intermediary helps you with this.

If you want to Plan A for a brief time, make sure it is really good. Keeping it short may help you with keeping it stellar. You look good, smell good, do interesting things, talk about interesting subjects, make the best of yourself in general. This Plan A will also really help you be the best person you can be when you go into a dark Plan B. It will help you feel good about yourself and make you a person that that YOU really like and respect. That is key.

Call up OM's father, and talk to him about the situation. Obviously your WW and OM don't want him involved, so you know what that means - you need to involve him. Talk to his mother as well. Didn't your WW and OM work together before she moved? If that was the case, then I would expose to his coworkers what a sleazeball OM is. It's much easier to get OM to ditch your WW because she is no longer worth the effort (he is single and has other options that don't have an annoying husband), than it will be to get your WW to ditch OM. I would ride out plan A for a little while longer (as long as you are planning to move to Austin regardless of your marriage).

Oh, and don't pay for [censored] of hers until she cuts off all contact w/ OM.

I kind of think that's how I feel right now... To wait this out.

WW and I are getting along, our phone calls are longer, she seems to be enjoying talking to me.

Once I get down there, I have a feeling things will be better. The fact that she told me I need to be there, tells me she needs me around.

The weekend we had was great. Honestly, despite Roommate being around, it was one of the better weekends we've ever had (at least in a long time).

Despite what's going on, since we were together, there has been no real fighting. Sure, she has sent a couple nasty e-mails about OM's father being involved, but that's it. We even discussed the issue, without getting angry - that's a huge step for both of us. We talked about things, but decided that we're probably best to bring it up again when we're in counseling.

I know getting down there is the key... I just wish I had that window into her e-mail to know if OM changed his flight to a later date...

sorry to say it...but the weekend was a fraud. It was nothing more than a smoke screen by a WW to throw her BH off the scent and to get him to back off with the exposure stuff. In a nutshell, she was using time with you to buy herself more time with her OM.

Plan B is in order now. YOu are getting to the point where her nasty emails are being explained away as though they are nothing.

The longer you wait to go to plan B...the longer your wife will be bumping uglies with her OM.

BH75,

If your marriage means everything to you...screw all considerations of money and housing and get there NOW. I mean TONIGHT. F all considerations about money. It is paper! Freaking paper!

If things fall through, you can still work things out.

If not, then plod along.

Uhm. Call Steve Harley. NOW.

Do you think that OM just postponed his trip and he may come down at a later date? Your WW probably won't use email anymore, so you might not even know. If you are going to salvage your marriage, you need to live with her ASAP.

I agree w/ Jim.

If you want to try to save this M...

Call OMF.

Don't pay for her phone.

And get your butt down to Texas as fast as you can.

W/ regards to her insistance that she can have whatever friends she wants to, have you asked her why OM said she told him they were D?

Why would a friend lie about her marital status? Or why would a friend say a friend lied about it?

Can we all hope that the reason you have not posted in 2 days is that your to busy driving all your stuff to TX?

If you get a chance give us an update.

Bump.

Report in, when you can. Many of us concerned and hoping you're okay.

I have been busy getting my ducks lined up in a row before I get down there...

Half our stuff is in the garage, ready for a garage sale this weekend. The rest of the stuff we need is about halfway packed, and ready for the moving truck.

I am expecting a call tomorrow from the first company that I interviewed with. I think it may be an offer... Not sure though, will find out tomorrow.

I also found another company that I'm interested in working for as well. It would be a new career, but one that will provide more stability, and will basically allow me to work anywhere I/we want in the future. It'd probably be a reduction in pay for a while until I get licensed, but I'm OK with that, so is WW.

I am planning on getting down there before the end of the month. Just need to find a place to live - not living with WW in her place of residence as they don't accept dogs. WW will probably be ready to move in together once we get going on counseling. She is looking forward to "dating" (me) again and trying to work things out.

She has had some limited contact (that I know about) with OM, but not as much, or as frequent as she had previously.

So glad you checked in. I don't know. Your situation sounds a little shaky since she still has contact with the OM. But I think moving to Texas is a good move. Your state (sadly) has soooo many problems.

The housing market, job market, and economy will be so much better in Texas. I think it will be a whole new start and I hope things work out with your wife.

I'm glad to hear from you too. I am also concerned that she is still in contact with OM, but obviously it's difficult for you to do much about that when you aren't there.

Once you move, be careful of any wild stipulations she may try to make about remaining in contact with him. Given some earlier things she's told you, I think that may jump out of the bag again.

While you're in Plan A, it's perfectly okay to respond to any of her foggy comments with something like, "hmm, I'll have to get back with you on that," or "let me consider what you're saying, and we can talk about it again this evening?" (give a timeframe). Run situations by the wiser crew here for strategizing - admittedly not me! I sucked at Plan A myself under the strain of infidelity.

Stay the course. You have a good head on your shoulders.

Have you had any further contact with OM's dad yourself?

Keep up with "dating" her. You did a great job when you visited for the weekend. Continue what you were doing will be a huge help. I think you need to find a way to push for NC. As long as he is in the picture she can't give you her full attention.

I hate to say it as an owner of several animals. Is there anyway to have the dogs stay with a family member for a while? Or take it to the extreme and give the dogs up for adoption so that you can live with your W right from the start?

Good luck at the garage sale and drive safe.

Mixed signals. From women. I hate it. And it confuses guys.

1. She is stringing you along. WS do this. Almost always.
2. The glow is fading from the A. Normal, especially with the difference in ages.

Take your pick.

Larry

The "dating" thing is key... She told me that my FIL's girlfriend (FIL and MIL are divorced) is excited for us, because we get to "date" again.

I think that's what WW is looking for, from me... To show that I still have creative ideas, and can show her a good time. We talked about it the other night, and we both realize we need to keep this up to keep things exciting.

The discussion was interesting, because she said that she always felt like she was in charge of my social life (i.e. she made plans and I went along with them). Then, she said that everything we did was predictable and boring, and she didn't want that anymore.

The interesting thing to me, is that she's right... she picked our activities (It'd usually come down to a discussion like "what do you want to do... I don't know, what do YOU want to do??). But, she blamed me for things being boring and predictable... I guess she's not too comfortable with her own choices?

Honestly, I enjoy just spending time with my wife. So, we'd usually do something she wanted to do. We didn't have many creative ideas, so sure, it was predictable at times. It wasn't always boring though.

I think the change of location is going to be BIG for us. There are so many fun and cool places where we're going. And, we don't have to drive 3 hours to get to other cool outdoorsy type places.

I'll gladly take over the "date" planning if that's what she needs me to do. We just need to find fun stuff that we wants to do together (which shouldn't be a problem!)

Oh, NO WAY the dogs would get put up for adoption. I'd gladly live in the dumpiest of dumps so long as it meant keeping the dogs. WW and I both would do anything for these dogs. Or, at least I would... We'll see about WW. They mean that much to us both.

At this point, I think I'll go with your option B Larry...

I realize she's still talking to OM... and maybe I'm naive, but I don't think it's the same type of relationship as they had before.

The different thing, is that now she tells me "I was talking to OM, and he told me all about what's going on at work" (Apparently there have been huge shake-ups since she left - lots of firings and demotions as their company just bought another company).

The other difference, is that WW has been talking to me more, and to OM less. For now, that's good enough for me. Once I get down there, I think it will shift more into my favor.

Maybe OM has a secret rendezvous planned before I get down there, but I think that once OM's father and mother found out, things got cold real fast...

I hope it works out for you, but keep this in mind:

No matter how hard you try, no matter what either of you does, things are going to become predictable and "boring" again. That's just how marriage is.

The key isn't keeping things exciting, so much as maturing enough that you don't need things to be "new and exciting" all the time.

I think many spouses cheat because they aren't mature enough to handle being bored. It makes me think of my 7 y.o. son, who whines if he isn't constantly entertained.

At some point, you are supposed to love your spouse more than you love "new and exciting".

Many people never grow up enough to get to that point.

It's a shame to see any BH settle for crumbs, especially after they took such decisive action to put themselves in a much better position.

I'm sorry, but I think you're making a HUGE mistake by making such life altering decisions with a wife who is still very WAYWARD.