My biggest frustration is the lack of progress she has made. She told me last night that she was "here, aren't I". Well whoop de doo. She is still so fogged out she may be lost at sea with no way home.

72dude,

Rain is a frustrating WW to interact with on an anonymous internet forum ... I can only imagine what its like to deal with her in such a "personal" capacity.

Seriously, I think you've been advised on numerous occassions that this situation may not be salvageable, and at this point ... I concur. Think about cutting your losses and preserving your future sanity ... NO ONE would begrudge you those actions given her history and current state.

Her quote above just screams of her lack of committment to anyone other than herself.

If I move into my parents house until I get on my feet for a few months, which is an option, it is farther away from school and I will have to drive him 20 mins to school every morning and me or my mother will have to pick him up.

All of my life is suffering right now, yet I am growing more mature and wise at the same time. What a trade off. I'd rather be young and dumb again.

She texted me all weekend that she missed me, etc. but it just didn't feel right when she came home, I can't explain it.

My biggest frustration at the moment is with myself. My expectations after the talks and messages from this weekend were very high when she returned, and I went out of my way to make it a pleasant evening. All she did was give me a small hug. After a few hours of disappointment, I brought up the R talk which ended not so pleasantly as you could probably tell.

Ugh. The first things she wanted to talk about after being away for 3 days is who I have talked to and what did I say. She seems obsessed with keeping all of it hidden.

She is still pretty mad that her parents know about this. Her mother corners me incessantly and asks me questions, and I try to be honestly vague. I don't want to lie, but I get tired of being in the middle of all of them. Any suggestions on handling this. Of course WW doesn't want anyone to know what she's done, and her M wants to know everything and I just want it to go away. Whenever she rails me with questions, she then proceeds to go off on WW, which makes living with WW that much more miserable. Remember, we live with them, so it's not so easy to avoid it - The only caveat being they are only here about one week of the month due to their professions. I feel there should be a diplomatic way other than just telling them all to go away and leave me alone, but I am to that point. It makes getting out of here look good to me despite the drawbacks.

She told me last night that she was "here, aren't I".

1. How often (percentage-wise) do As end? Is 97% correct?

Dr. Harley: My experience, and the experience of other professionals is that about 95% of all affairs either end by one person deciding to end it, or that it dies a natural death. Of the five percent that end in marriage, about 70% of those end in divorce. There are a host of reasons that romantic relationships that start with an affair are so fragile, but the main reason is that they are based on deceit, thoughtlessness, and dishonesty. Those characteristics eventually find themselves permeating the affair itself. They eventually find themselves being deceitful, thoughtless, and dishonest toward each other.

And how will the kiddies fare if the marriage is abandoned in favor of an affair?:

An Exploration of the Ramifications of Divorce on Children and Adolescents -The Pennsylvania State University College of Medicine

• Divorce is an intensely stressful experience for all children, regardless of age or developmental level; many children are inadequately prepared for the impending divorce by their parents. A study in 1980 found that less than 10% of children had support from adults other than relatives during the acute phase of the divorce.

• The pain experienced by children at the beginning of a divorce is composed of: a sense of vulnerability as the family disintegrates, a grief reaction to the loss of the intact family (many children do not realize their parents’ marriage is troubled), loss of the non-custodial parent, a feeling of intense anger as the disruption of the family, and strong feelings of powerlessness.

• Unlike bereavement or other stressful events, it is almost unique to divorcing families that as children experience the onset of this life change, usual and customary support systems tend to dissolve, though the ignorance or unwillingness of adults to actively seek out this support for children.

• Early latency (ages 6½-8): These children will often openly grieve for the departed parent. There is a noted preoccupation with fantasies that distinguishes the reactions of this age group. Children have replacement fantasies, or fantasies that their parents will happily reunite in the not-so-distant future. Children in this developmental stage have an especially difficult time with the concept of the permanence of the divorce.

• Late latency (ages 8-11): Anger and a feeling of powerlessness are the predominate emotional response in this age group. Like the other developmental stages, these children experience a grief reaction to the loss of their previously intact family. There is a greater tendency to label a ‘good’ parent and a ‘bad’ parent and these children are very susceptible to attempting to take care of a parent at the expense of their own needs.

• Adolescence (ages 12-18): Adolescents are prone to responding to their parent’s divorce with acute depression, suicidal ideation, and sometimes violent acting out episodes. These children tend to focus on the moral issues surrounding divorce and will often judge their parents’ decisions and actions. Many adolescents become anxious and fearful about their own future love and marital relationships. However, this age group has the capability to perceive integrity in the post-divorce relationship of their parents and to show compassion for their parents without neglecting their own needs.

Conclusions
• Divorce and its ensuing ramifications can have a significant and life-altering impact on the well being and subsequent development of children and adolescents.

• The consequences of divorce impact almost all aspects of a child’s life, including the parent-child relationship, emotions and behavior, psychological development, and coping skills.

• There is a significant need for child mental health professionals, along with other child specialists, to be cognizant of the broad spectrum of possible fall-out from a divorce and then to provide sufficient support for children of divorced parents in all the necessary psychosocial aspects of the child’s life.

Abuse Risk Seen Worse As Families Change

- Children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents, according to a study of Missouri abuse reports published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005.


- Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault than children living with two biological or adoptive parents, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center.

- Girls whose parents divorce are at significantly higher risk of sexual assault, whether they live with their mother or their father, according to research by Robin Wilson, a family law professor at Washington and Lee University. . . .

- The previous version of the study, released in 1996, concluded that children of single parents had a 77 percent greater risk of being harmed by physical abuse than children living with both parents. But the new version will delve much deeper into the specifics of family structure and cohabitation, according to project director Andrea Sedlak.

It's really hard being lonely, resentful, angry and happy at the same time without any needs getting met. Should I be wallowing in these emotions? I try not to, but they still get the best of me. It's like a roller coaster.

I am way too emotionally attached to every little thing that is said or done by her and she doesn't realize much of anything I'm going through right now.