hu,

I had a little more to say once I finished reading the thread.


I wonder about the concept of "fence sitting" in your case. I don't buy it.

You were in this affair for over three years. You had three years to leave your wife - why didn't you??????

I mean, seriously. Three years of what you purport to be this great relationship.

So why didn't you just expose this beautiful thing you found with the OW, and make it beautifully exposed to the world, and make it a beautiful reality, and make everything so beautiful for everyone?????

Oh wait. I know.

It. Wasn't. Real.


It was wrong.
It was a fantasy.

And. You. Knew. That.

You knew that and you CHOSE to remain married the whole time you were in the affair, the same way you CHOSE to remain married once the affair was exposed.

You CHOSE. But see, I think you made that "choice" allllll along.



And now, you're having second thoughts.

Like,

Gee.....would it have been EASIER for ME if I had made the other choice

and gone off with the OW?????? Instead of doing this "recovery" gig?

Again, you're in the fantasy, hu.


Because that choice would not have been any easier. You would still be looking at people hurt and disgusted with your behavior. Just from a different house.




Find your shame.


It will help you get out of the fog - your shame will shine a light on this, and help you see your BW's pain.


It might also show you just how shallow your OW really is, and take that fantasy down into the dirt where it belongs. She was no prize. She was a person of low moral character who was willing to compromise her marriage, and YOURS (as were you), in order to selfishly fulfill her own needs for emotional and sexual attention. She did not place any concern for her own husband or children above her own selfish fantasy, and neither did you. She showed no concern for your wife.

She also showed no concern for your CHILD. This same woman who you would say has no responsibility for the possible demise of your marriage? She had her hand in this, when she actively participated in an affair with you, knowing you were married. When she did this, she actively participated in your decision to compromise your morales, and to violate your vows of marriage. Her "invitation" into her marriage as you put it, is ACTIVE participation in the affair, in pursuing a you as a married man. She showed little to no regard for the institution of marriage - and no respect for YOU, either, because she was willing to actively work towards helping you hurt your child by interjecting herself between you and your wife. She purposely participated in the degradation of your marriage, which led to the damage of your FAMILY - thereby hurting your CHILD. This is a woman you would consider blameless? This is a woman you consider a good candidate for wife material? This woman, who has already shown you she has no regard for your marriage, her marriage, and YOUR CHILD'S best interest?

Not mother material in my book. Not wife material in my book, either.


I just don't buy that you are fence-sitting because the OW is soooo great. Because no way is she that great, with all this crappola working against her. I think you're fence-sitting because you are mostly a taker, and not a giver. Because recovery is HARD, and you are wondering if it would be the easy way out to just divorce and get it over with. Maybe because your wife hasn't fully exposed this affair enough yet, and you haven't yet reached bottom.


But you need a foglight, bucko.


Either that, or your "logic" has gone into a do-loop that has a fatal error.


SB

I'm tellin y'all, he sounds exactly like PWC. No joke. There is something missing in him, and I am not so sure he has the cajones to do what is really required of him to truly win back the good graces of his wife's heart. She is going to leave him or kick him out soon enough. It's really just a matter of time.

Hu, you can fence sit all you like; stay up there. It's cool. Be careful, though, build that fence high enough and you are in for a nasty fall. You are not the only one in your marriage who is capable of making a decision about divorce. Let's not forget your wife.

In or out. Make that choice, because your kid deserves so much better than you are offering. You are teaching your daughter that this is how men treat women, with utter disregard and disrespect. She will choose a man of your character when she is older because it is the only model she knows, and you will then know, when that man hits her or leaves her or belittles her, that you had a hand in it. Man up or get the heck out of their lives. You have done enough damage to last a lifetime without you then inflicting further pain by standing inside the doorway, letting all the cool air out.

and stop with the shooing people away. Man up here, too. This is no place for wimps. We BS's, that you have such disrespect for, have cut our teeth here already, have taken enough 2x4s in life and on these forums. So don't you come in here without some respect. The WS's that have earned their "F" have taken bigger lashings and are here to tell you that they call "Bullshite" on you. They, too, are not 'dumb'. Give us a break.

I'm outta here. I'll stick to HuSpouse's thread. See if I can't help her. She's gonna need it.

I am going to wager that Hu7668's wife does not even know about the affair, just as I initially suspected. The above is NOT a normal reaction from a BS, but the kind of thing a WS would say. The thread from "MrsHU" sounds nothing like a recently betrayed spouse - her posts are nothing more than carefully framed PRAISES of hu7668, ie: "great father," "always meets my emotional needs," "great provider," etc, etc. All this about a profoundly selfish, remorseless, thoughtless wayward. What bullcrap coming frm the supposed "wife" of a man in a 3.5 yr affair who just found out.

This would explain why he came here in June 08 and made his first post about his wife meeting his EN's and never mentioned his affair. This would explain why he is still foggy months after contact ended; because he is still lying about it all. He is trying to sweep it all under the rug and hoping that working on EN's will compensate for the lie he is living.

HU, I was right, your wife doesn't even know, does she?

I do believe Chrisner was able to sum up the issues on this thread early and quite succinctly.

HU...

Care to explain why you are posting AS your wife?

First of all, "huspouse" posts NOTHING like a BW would...

Secondly, your posts as well as "huspouse's" both make the error of using the word "your" in the place of "you're"...

Also you "both" spell the word "familiar" as "familure"...

Pretty unlikely...

Here's a tip, if you are going to impersonate someone else, try using SPELL CHECK...D'oh!

UNREAL...

You are a very sick man HU...

Mrs. W

*edit*HU.

Piece of *edit* preying on other peoples pain.

Huspouse.........

07/16/08 01:15 PM
07/16/08 01:33 PM
07/16/08 02:13 PM
07/16/08 04:33 PM
07/16/08 05:08 PM





Hu........

07/16/08 02:21 PM
07/16/08 02:31 PM
07/16/08 02:43 PM
07/16/08 03:04 PM
07/16/08 03:06 PM
07/16/08 03:22 PM
07/16/08 03:30 PM
07/16/08 03:33 PM
07/16/08 03:42 PM
07/16/08 03:53 PM
07/16/08 04:00 PM
07/16/08 04:11 PM
07/16/08 04:15 PM
07/16/08 04:41 PM
07/16/08 05:02 PM


I find it pretty odd that Hu was basically posting every 5-10 minutes...until his claimed to be BW showed up. All of a sudden Hu slowed his posts down....coincidence?

I also find it strange that his BW was so eager for help, when she finally showed up, but seemed to disapear at the exact same time Hu did...even when she was in the midst of getting probably the most help with most likely the biggest problem that she has ever faced in her life....coincidence?


See you in h3ll, hu.....you POS.

You know my wife does have her own computer at home. I am doing this from work. You guys asked me to get her here then you figure we are one in the same for a person.

I don't know what she does during the day.

Introvert you obviously have a problem with me so why should I bother with this. To everyone else thanks for your help you did give me a lot to chew on.

For the poster that asked why did I not leave my wife for the OW, good question and the answer is I was chicken. But after reading some of the responses yesterday I believe I am going down road.

Wonderful sweet justification! Now you can blame leaving your wife on posters on an anonymous board that think adultery is dead wrong. Very smart and brave way to make life altering decisions. Be sure to let your DD know how you made this decision. Your BW shouldn't care. She can move on to someone with a heart and get a fulltime caring father for DD if she chooses more carefully this time.

Say

So you obviously come in here to get your rocks off on screwing with vulnerable people. Then, you blaim those very people for your decision to leave your wife and child.

Remember the baseball bat post?

I hope you get it.

...and, you saying that your wife posts from a different computer from work just proves my point that she doesn't even exist. If that were true then there would be no reason whatsoever for you to go from posting every 5-10 minutes, then drop off while your fake wife was posting in her thread.

Nice cover-up work dipsh!t....you just gave yourself up.

I hope your wife finds a man that is good to her, adores here and loves your daughter as his own.

They deserve so much better than what you are offering.

You never know, Hu, there may be a processor waiting to serve you divorce papers from your wife. This decision is not only yours.

Fox

Cut us all a break HU...Your name comes up elsewhere upon a google search, and your story there does NOT match what you've been shoveling here...

Hmmmm...I'm sure the mods would be able to tell if you and huspouse were the same person based on IP addresses...I think I'll shoot them an email...No one here likes having their time wasted...

What say you just be HONEST...That'd be a nice change of pace for you I think...

Mrs. W

Beat me to it. Pretty easy to figure this out.

And to think all he had to do was say that his wife was sharing a computer with him to prove me wrong on the timeline

What an idiot.

Fine you want honest.

Yes I posted as my wife since you guys were hounding me about it. I was interested in what the responses would be to her vs. me. So yes same person. She also does not know what I did. I am not about to tell her because I KNOW what will happen.

Great detective work from everyone here. KUDOS!!!!

Tell you what I did not post here originally to jerk anyone around. I did come here for help. But once I posted I was a WS I got nothing but grief and pissed off. Because there is no sympathy for what I am going through. Did I hurt my wife, child, OW husband YES. Did I do it because I was selfish YES!!! Do I need help OH YES.

But tell you what a lot of you hit the nail on the head here and the other thread. I may no longer love my wife and maybe incapable of actually doing that. Having other people tell me that reflects what I feel.

So sorry for anyone I offended the opinions I did post were my opinions and not to jerk people around. But I can see that my opinions are in most likely wrong.

So there you go.

I appreciate the honesty...Thank you...

Next the appropriate step is to tell your wife...She has a right to the truth about her life...

Then, IF she is willing to give you a chance, please understand that you most certainly can and will fall back in love with your wife if you work the MB program together...That is a guarantee...

No matter what though, you MUST tell her and send her (the real her) HERE...

Tell her TODAY...Will you do that HU?

Mrs. W

You heard from alot of good people who were formerly selfish and cruel and fell back in love with there betrayed spouse by funneling the time and attention they had previously given to an A into there M and BW. I don't believe you have ever been fully invested in your M. For that reason, I think that I would want to give these concepts that have been life altering for so many other people a shot.

Say

Quote: written by HU7668 July 12, 2008 on MB

Affair lasted 3.5 years ended this past February.
Have not had contact since that time.


written by hu7668 , May 30, 2008
I have read this blog and many others on this site, let me tell you ladies this is not all a man thing. I am a MM that just ended a 3+ year affair with a MW. I will tell you she became my best friend and the love of my life. But once her husband got an idea of what was going on the "attachment" feelings kicked in and I ended up very hurt and strung out for months. She has a lot of issues in her marriage but the attachment to the family overrides everything. I finally had to say enough was enough yesterday. We had even talked about marriage and the future with our kids. It had gotten to that point. But it just ended up with me in pain.

I will say I don't regret the affair because I did meet someone I love very much. But I do now know that I wasted a lot of time and energy I should've put into my own marriage. But it is hard to WANT to put in the effort when you are lonely etc... in your marriage.

So for those of you that are in an affair or just starting one don't do it. Yes it feels WONDERFUL!!!! But it will not lead to anything worthwhile, statistics prove that out. One of you maybe willing to leave your family but the chances of both of you, very rare. Yes the love will still be there but the relationship can only grow so far. For me I wanted more and was willing to leave my family, she was not.

For those of you that are blaming people for seeing guys like me, take care of your own house before you blame anyone. I was happy in my marriage until changes in my marriage left me wanting and then I became open to an affair. Marriage needs constant attention to work, if you think that ring on your finger or promises mean anything you are living a dream. Love your man as you did when you first meet him or you will see him posting on a blog like this, or the woman he was involved with doing so.
http://www.truthaboutdeception.com/ask_an_expert/infidelity/will_he_leave_his_wife.html

Let us know when you are ready to get honest, hu7668. Otherwise you are just wasting the time of the good people here.

Hu,

If you REALLY want help, you need to cut the bull.

Deceit and lies got you into this mess.

Honesty (first and foremost with your wife) can get you out of it.

You will NEVER get past this if you are not honest with your wife about it.

Even if you NEVER tell her, this will eat you up for years to come.

Face the monster now and purge it - otherwise it will continue to rise up and bite you in the [censored].

Fox

MelodyLane I don't like you I don't like the way you post.

But you know your right.

I will be back once I can deal with people in an open and honest manor.

Again I am sorry to anyone I offended.