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HU, you do not KNOW what will happen.
What may happen is that she wants a divorce. What may also happen is that you will see her pain, you two will work through this, you will begin to really recover, your wife will really know your needs (and you will know hers), and that you will eventually find yourself in a happy and loving marriage raising your daughter together.
The path you are on now will not get you what you really want. It will only eventually land you in another affair. Your wife can't fix what she doesn't know is broken.
Last edited by Exodus1414; 07/17/08 09:30 AM.
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It totally makes sense now WHY you are still this FOGGY...The Feb. NC date did NOT make sense based upon your posts...That is where the original suspicion about you was born...See, you can't fool people here for very long HU...There is a certain unmistakable WS Script and you were following it to the letter...
You are in withdrawal...that is HE11...I do understand...What you need to understand is that it WILL pass...
I am MOST concerned with your BW getting the truth...Will you tell her TODAY HU?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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See now we are getting somewhere Hu. If you stick around and be honest, you may get the help you need. The problem right now is that you don't WANT to hear what people are telling you. You are looking for an easy answer that doesn't involve owning up to your mistakes, let alone taking any sort of responsibility for them.
You can love your wife again. You can have a great marriage. And it can survive your wife finding out about this, but it requires you to approach this with honesty, a humble heart, and an open mind.
If you come here looking for people to pat you on the back and tell you its going to be ok for you to continue to keep your wife like she is some sort of pet, you are not going to find it. Stop getting offended when people don't tell you what you want to hear, and try to understand that when this many people respond this unanimously to you, maybe there is something to it.
Ask yourself this question though.
What kind of man are you if the only way you can keep your marriage together is by intentionally deceiving your wife into thinking that you are someone that you are not?
That is not how a man of integrity and honor behaves or treats other people. There is an interesting phenomenon that will occur if you decide to try to reinvest yourself into your marriage without owning up to your mistake. As things get better between you and your wife (a result of you putting energy back into your marriage rather than the affair), you will feel guiltier and guiltier. You will prevent any chance of real intimacy growing between you and your wife WILL eventually figure out that something is wrong. The truth always comes out and when she finally learns the truth, ALL of this intervening time will be meaningless.
Quite simply, if your goal is to recover your marriage, you have to confess now if you want to achieve that goal.
Last edited by andrew3; 07/17/08 09:30 AM.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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Cut us all a break HU...Your name comes up elsewhere upon a google search, and your story there does NOT match what you've been shoveling here...
Hmmmm...I'm sure the mods would be able to tell if you and huspouse were the same person based on IP addresses...I think I'll shoot them an email...No one here likes having their time wasted...
What say you just be HONEST...That'd be a nice change of pace for you I think...
Mrs. W Fine you want honest. Yes I posted as my wife since you guys were hounding me about it. I was interested in what the responses would be to her vs. me. So yes same person. She also does not know what I did. I am not about to tell her because I KNOW what will happen. Great detective work from everyone here. KUDOS!!!! Tell you what I did not post here originally to jerk anyone around. I did come here for help. But once I posted I was a WS I got nothing but grief and pissed off. Because there is no sympathy for what I am going through. Did I hurt my wife, child, OW husband YES. Did I do it because I was selfish YES!!! Do I need help OH YES. But tell you what a lot of you hit the nail on the head here and the other thread. I may no longer love my wife and maybe incapable of actually doing that. Having other people tell me that reflects what I feel. So sorry for anyone I offended the opinions I did post were my opinions and not to jerk people around. But I can see that my opinions are in most likely wrong. So there you go. Thanks for manning up. You are forgiven. I hope you can grow big enough testicles to come clean with your wife...that is step #1. Whether you decide to leave her or try recovery....being honest is your only choice. You did it with us (you don't even know us) time to do it FOR her. Just something I need to ask... Do you really think that you could lie and get away with lying in a group of BS's? We are pretty much PI's.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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Honesty IS the solution to what you are going through HU...There is no other way to get out of the grave that you've dug yourself...
Will you tell your wife the truth today HU?
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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MelodyLane I don't like you I don't like the way you post.
But you know your right. Thank you. I wear that as a BADGE OF HONOR coming from a wayward. 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I knew there was a reason Hu went against me like rat poison.
Divorced
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Yes I posted as my wife since you guys were hounding me about it. I was interested in what the responses would be to her vs. me. So yes same person. She also does not know what I did. I am not about to tell her because I KNOW what will happen. Glad you altered your post to admit that your wife does not know. So why are you "afraid" of telling your wife? Is she bigger than you? Will she kick your a**?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hu,
You are manipulating your wife. It's shameful. How would you like that done to you.
Be a man and have some balls and tell her.
LET HER MAKE A DECISION FOR ONCE!!!!
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You were bold and cold when you talked about thumping OWH.
Are you man enough to tell your wife?
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Yes I posted as my wife since you guys were hounding me about it. I was interested in what the responses would be to her vs. me. So yes same person. She also does not know what I did. I am not about to tell her because I KNOW what will happen. What? You know that she won't appreciate being treated like a PET and you will get what you deserve? Be a MAN for goodness sakes...Tell your wife HU!!!!!!!!! If you are too much of a pansy to do the right thing, then give me her phone number and I will tell her for you... She MUST have the TRUTH HU... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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C'mon, mel. You know waywards are afraid because they will no longer have the power over a BS once they find out the truth.
Once BS' have the full information, they get to make their own decisions.
While she is in the dark, Hu can control her.
Don't take that power from her, Hu. Go to her with honesty and remorse for what you have done. Mean it, and you might be amazed.
It is amazing how forgiving a BS can be.
Fox
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You were bold and cold when you talked about thumping OWH.
Are you man enough to tell your wife? Please...WHs are completely gutless. They have to run around behind their wife's back because [baby voice]they don't have the guts to get divorced[/baby voice]. OM in my situation was classic. He would've let me ***edit*** him in exchange for not telling his BW. What a wimp.
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 07/17/08 10:31 AM. Reason: profane
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You were bold and cold when you talked about thumping OWH.
Are you man enough to tell your wife? I deserve all of the abuse you guys are giving me. A physical fight is something I can deal with, have spent years learning how to do that. So a reason I can be bold and cold, I know how to deal with it. Man enough to tell my wife? I am working on that now. Because the thought of losing my daughter scares me more then you know. Yes I was more then willing to risk here during the affair, for all of the known reasons. The guilt has been there for a long time, your all right I just need to man up and tell her.
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here's my two cents..
as an autonomous being on this planet...
your wife if she deserves nothing else...
deserves the right to know
to make informed decisions about her
sexual health.....and health...
the right to get tested for life threatening infx
the right to make informed decisions about whether she WANTS to be married to you
the right to make informed decisions about her financial future and what is best for her child
no matter what...
the acts of not telling her deny her that right...
and in a nutshell that is the insidious evilness of the affair...
reigning down on her....
humble yourself hu...
and tell your wife...
because she deserves to know the truth....
so she can decide her own fate and not have it in the hands of you and the OP....
nothing on this planet would make you more angry or hurt to be denied the exact rights you deny her....
ARK
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OM in my situation was classic. He would've let me ***edit*** him in exchange for not telling his BW. What a wimp. PRICELESS!!! Krazy, you have such a way with words that I just got a very humorous visual image. Thanks for the belly laugh. 
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 07/17/08 10:35 AM. Reason: removing profanity from quote
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So you know...Your daughters future will reflect your decisions in life. Live a lie, so will she.
My children have learned that marriage is something you work on constantly. My kids know mom & dad see a MC. They have no clue why. They never will. But they don't ever want us to stop going because they now know a loving home.
Man up for your daughter if you need motivation.
If you don't, I promise you will lose her.
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A physical fight is something I can deal with, have spent years learning how to do that. So a reason I can be bold and cold, I know how to deal with it. I started to bust your chops when you alluded to how you could handle the OWH the other day, but let it slide. You just got a lesson in honesty ... my guess is you are about to get another lesson about MOTIVATION. You see, you may have been in a "physical fight" or two ... most have ... However, you may be fighting for some cheap skirt and your own pride, but you are about to encounter a wounded animal, who is MOTIVATED beyond your wildest beliefs to exact vengence on the one who wounded him. Personally, I wish HIM well.
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Man enough to tell my wife? I am working on that now. Because the thought of losing my daughter scares me more then you know. Yes I was more then willing to risk here during the affair, for all of the known reasons.
The guilt has been there for a long time, your all right I just need to man up and tell her. Hu, Let me try and put this to you in a way you might be able to understand right now. First off, how much of what you said about the OWH finding out was true? Does he know that OW really had an affair or does he just suspect. I ask because if he knows, the cat is already out of the bag. You have no idea if OW will eventually give up your identity or if OWH will discover on his own who you are. If you don't want to lose your daughter, the LAST thing you want is your BW finding out about the affair from OWH. She will almost certainly have NO respect for you and NO desire to get anything from you other than a swift divorce. Say you keep it a secret for another year. When your BW finds out, you will not be apologizing for a 3-3.5 year affair. You will be apologizing for a 4.5-5 years of deception and lying. Regardless if damage control is not the right reason to expose the affair (she is person who does not deserve to be treated as subhuman), I suggest it here because it just may convince you to confess, which is our ultimate goal. It would be in your best interest to send her here for help too because the good people here will give her REAL advice on how not to make decisions while she is an emotional basketcase, which may be your only chance to not get thrown to the curb. Start showing your wife the respect that you have denied to her for so long. Start living a life of honesty and integrity. We aren't defined by our mistakes. We are defined by what we do in the face of those mistakes.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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In fact
these are the reason why people hate affairs
it has nothing to do with the sex and false emotions all built on a house of cards...
it has to do with the with-holding of information that has great generational ramifications......
you can layer it with calling people bitter...and ignorant...and judgemental...people who just don't get affairs and how hard they are...
but the fact is that it is two people making choices that greatly affect another person, persons, children/s all based on with-holding critical information....
and that is hatable because it is a hateful action...
and requires no defense or explaination
it is what it is ...all on its own..
so for all you WS/OP who read here and roll your eyes and think people here just don't get that the emotions of an affair.and all it entails..
the victimship
the soul connection...
blah blah blah...
you couldn't be more wrong...there is nothing loving about the acts of any affair...they are all deceiptful....be you ws or op...
wrap the affair in all the pretty bows you can find...
your hands are stained
ARK
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