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OM in my situation was classic. He would've let me ***edit*** him in exchange for not telling his BW. What a wimp. This is why I love reading Krazy's posts.
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 07/17/08 10:37 AM. Reason: removing profanity from quote
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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OM in my situation was classic. He would've let me ***edit*** him in exchange for not telling his BW. What a wimp. PRICELESS!!! Krazy, you have such a way with words that I just got a very humorous visual image. Thanks for the belly laugh.  You're quite welcome. I shoulda ***edit*** him, then told his wife anyway! ***edit***
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 07/17/08 10:40 AM. Reason: C'MON!
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Hu,
Let me try and put this to you in a way you might be able to understand right now. First off, how much of what you said about the OWH finding out was true? Does he know that OW really had an affair or does he just suspect. I ask because if he knows, the cat is already out of the bag. You have no idea if OW will eventually give up your identity or if OWH will discover on his own who you are. It ended because he found out. He called me several times and talked to me.
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It ended because he found out. He called me several times and talked to me. Here is another question then. How much does he know of the actual truth? Does he know it was a 3.5 year physical affair? Or does he think it was a much shorter EA? Regardless though, you know the truth is coming out. Its your choice whether you man up and your wife hears it from you. Or if cringe and cower until you get served.
ex-WW had 2 PAs in first 2 years. Buh-bye.
Divorce finalized: 1/28/09
Now just living and loving again.
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Hu7668, it is in your daughters best interest for her father to become a man and face the consequences of what he has done. It is in your D's best interest for her father to be a man of character and decency. Not a man of lies and deceit. Your daughter needs a REAL MAN for a father.
You don't have to live like this anymore. You can choose this day to become a man of decency, honor and TRUTH. You do not have to live in the dark like a cockroach anymore. It will take courage, but you can choose to be a MAN instead of a COCKROACH.
That is your best interest, your daughter's and your wifes.
You don't have to live like this anymore, hu7668. We can help you do this.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hu,
Let me try and put this to you in a way you might be able to understand right now. First off, how much of what you said about the OWH finding out was true? Does he know that OW really had an affair or does he just suspect. I ask because if he knows, the cat is already out of the bag. You have no idea if OW will eventually give up your identity or if OWH will discover on his own who you are. It ended because he found out. He called me several times and talked to me. Then what makes you think that he will not tell your wife? Two choices... 1. You tell your wife, and deal with the consequences 2. OWH tells your wife, and you deal with the exact same consequences...multiplied by 1000, because of the fact she had to find out from someone other than you. I know this from experience...I found out from my WW's OM. edit: Then, I retaliated with an affair of my own, which I most likely wouldn't have done if WW was honest with me. You see, the mental damage that you will cause your wife with dishonesty will completely consume her and take over her life. Take that for what you think it's worth.
Last edited by introvert; 07/17/08 10:29 AM.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
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I’ve been fascinated by this post for 2 days now. I’m not sure if this guy is real or not, but either way he sure knows how to push the buttons of all the BS’s on here.
The reason I’m posting though is to jump on the Krazy71 bandwagon. There’s no one else here who can express things quite like Krazy. I’m going to step out on a limb and suggest that he could make a lot of money by starting a business to exact creative revenge on WS’s. I would certainly pay up and I’m sure there are many others who would do the same. He could take some of his anger and turn it on for HUGE profits. Just think about it.
BH(me)-44
WW - 43
DD20
DS17
DD13
d-day 4/18/08
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Yeah, think about it, Hu.
You can play the "I'm being eaten up with guilt" card when you confess. You don't have to tell her that OWH was probably going to tell her, anyway.
Your W still finds out, but YOU come away smelling much better than if YOU don't confess.
After all, this is all about YOU, isn't it?
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I’ve been fascinated by this post for 2 days now. I’m not sure if this guy is real or not, but either way he sure knows how to push the buttons of all the BS’s on here.
The reason I’m posting though is to jump on the Krazy71 bandwagon. There’s no one else here who can express things quite like Krazy. I’m going to step out on a limb and suggest that he could make a lot of money by starting a business to exact creative revenge on WS’s. I would certainly pay up and I’m sure there are many others who would do the same. He could take some of his anger and turn it on for HUGE profits. Just think about it. I'd love to, but those pesky things called laws keep getting in the way... It reminds of that comedy called "Dirty Work". 
Divorced
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I’ve been fascinated by this post for 2 days now. I’m not sure if this guy is real or not, but either way he sure knows how to push the buttons of all the BS’s on here. Not necessarily BUTTONS, but bullsh*t meters! He set off many bs meters here!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I will be honest that being aggressive and defensive is my nature and is not going to change.
I just want to play with this sentiment here a bit....
I want for the sake of debate and arguement.....that perhaps being aggressive and defensive...has not served your wife, you, and your marriage so well....
and that while it may your first impulsive response to a situation...that it is not as much as nature...as a choice...
the first choice that comes to you probably...
but still a choice....
you and I and anyone else....have first reactions....
but you and I and everyone can see and CHOOSE the appropriateness of the response...
I'll bet you that when your boss is telling you something you don't like...your first response is NOT aggressive and defensive...though you may feel that way...and you may want to say something along that route...you are smart enough to realize that in the work situation it doesn't serve you well...
logically then
perhaps in rebuilding...
recreating
and even maybe creating a marriage both you and your wife's spirits will thrive...perhaps it is time to change...time to learn and time to figure out new ways of communicating...other than what you call your nature....
people can and do change allll the time...
you can as well....and in fact it will serve you much better to be open to it...
here's some other things your post has me chewing on..
you several times stated that when you love someone you contiue to care about them and want to protect them......like you have done for anyone you have loved...
yet your actions where of the most unprotective sorts that one can do to one's spouse....
in other words.....
you didn't apply much protection to your wife...
Because even though I am over thought of "her" I am not over the thoughts of how the affair was different then my marriage. That is something I struggle with daily
this is where ownership and light shed on this issue can be helpful....
marriages do not exist on their own...they are products of actions....
affairs do not exist on their own...they also are products of actions....
in affairs....the WS and OP participate in thoughts, actions, and emotions that are given to one another...and held back from every one else...
YOU most likely spent a great deal of thought sysnapses on your OW>..
thinking of her
thinking of seeing her
thinking of telling her this or that
thinking alllll kinds of things.....lots and lots of cerebral energy placed on to and focused on her....
lots and lots of energy taken from your marriage....and misplaced in to the affair relationship...
you were probably more energized with the OW>..not because there are super powers that make you energized...but because that is what you wanted to be and present to her....
you were probably more charming with OW....
than with your wife..
more flirty
more witty.
more more more and more.....of you placed on to the OP....
and if that is the case...
if you did all these things....
the affair was different than your marraige because YOU created it to be different..
in fact the more sentiment and power you gave these acts and feelings and more it fed in to the cycle of the affair that it was different...better...funner....than marriage....
it's a vicious cycle...
it's new and brain synapses LOVE new things...
take a serious thoughtful look on every act you did in the affair..
your tone of voice..
your desire to please her
your desire to charm her...
I realize you had a long term affair....
did you keep the energy level up..or did you settle in to the familiar in the affair...
your affair was as good as you made it..
marriages can be as good as you make them as well...
I have one more question...
do you value nurturing...and do you believe you are capable of nurturing....someone else...
I ask this sincerely...not to make you defensive...because you really do present with an attitude of seperating your self from other lives...
that few people mean anything to you...
the betrayed husband...
even the fact that you view the other womans actions as her choice and the consequences her problem....
it's very interesting and I am curious if you can and do see yourself as a nurturing guy...
and is that something interests you at all...being nurturing...
and if you are being honest.....about the issue of nurturing..
if the answer is no you don't feel like you would want to be the type of guy that can nuture...or it is not natural for you or whatever...
that's an OK honest answer....
and I would weigh that answer heavily in to rebuilding...
cause marriage is all about nurturing...
and some people aren't interested in it...but they should be honest about that ...
and if you value nurturing
do you think you are a good nurturer...
or something you should learn better
have you thought a lot about nurturing...
cause your post sure made me think that you a much more black and white kind of thinker..
you give respect only to those that earn it...
you care about only those that care about you..
but believe me...I can be way way wrong on this....so I hope I didn't offend you too much
ARK T/J.... Pepper....I think this needs to go into your Notable Posts Thread... Ark^^, Your reputation around here is legendary. Now I can see why...This post was probably the most poinant post I have read in awhile. It was AWESOME.....I'm emailing it to myself, just so I can read it as needed.....Thanks a much... Not2fun
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hu,
I had a little more to say once I finished reading the thread.
I wonder about the concept of "fence sitting" in your case. I don't buy it.
You were in this affair for over three years. You had three years to leave your wife - why didn't you??????
I mean, seriously. Three years of what you purport to be this great relationship.
So why didn't you just expose this beautiful thing you found with the OW, and make it beautifully exposed to the world, and make it a beautiful reality, and make everything so beautiful for everyone?????
Oh wait. I know.
It. Wasn't. Real.
It was wrong.
It was a fantasy.
And. You. Knew. That.
You knew that and you CHOSE to remain married the whole time you were in the affair, the same way you CHOSE to remain married once the affair was exposed.
You CHOSE. But see, I think you made that "choice" allllll along.
And now, you're having second thoughts.
Like,
Gee.....would it have been EASIER for ME if I had made the other choice
and gone off with the OW?????? Instead of doing this "recovery" gig?
Again, you're in the fantasy, hu.
Because that choice would not have been any easier. You would still be looking at people hurt and disgusted with your behavior. Just from a different house.
Find your shame.
It will help you get out of the fog - your shame will shine a light on this, and help you see your BW's pain.
It might also show you just how shallow your OW really is, and take that fantasy down into the dirt where it belongs. She was no prize. She was a person of low moral character who was willing to compromise her marriage, and YOURS (as were you), in order to selfishly fulfill her own needs for emotional and sexual attention. She did not place any concern for her own husband or children above her own selfish fantasy, and neither did you. She showed no concern for your wife.
She also showed no concern for your CHILD. This same woman who you would say has no responsibility for the possible demise of your marriage? She had her hand in this, when she actively participated in an affair with you, knowing you were married. When she did this, she actively participated in your decision to compromise your morales, and to violate your vows of marriage. Her "invitation" into her marriage as you put it, is ACTIVE participation in the affair, in pursuing a you as a married man. She showed little to no regard for the institution of marriage - and no respect for YOU, either, because she was willing to actively work towards helping you hurt your child by interjecting herself between you and your wife. She purposely participated in the degradation of your marriage, which led to the damage of your FAMILY - thereby hurting your CHILD. This is a woman you would consider blameless? This is a woman you consider a good candidate for wife material? This woman, who has already shown you she has no regard for your marriage, her marriage, and YOUR CHILD'S best interest?
Not mother material in my book. Not wife material in my book, either.
I just don't buy that you are fence-sitting because the OW is soooo great. Because no way is she that great, with all this crappola working against her. I think you're fence-sitting because you are mostly a taker, and not a giver. Because recovery is HARD, and you are wondering if it would be the easy way out to just divorce and get it over with. Maybe because your wife hasn't fully exposed this affair enough yet, and you haven't yet reached bottom.
But you need a foglight, bucko.
Either that, or your "logic" has gone into a do-loop that has a fatal error.
SB T/J again..... School, you know my admiration of you is far and wide.....ANOTHER GREAT POST......sums up my feelings on the COW in my sitch....(I decided to change her from BOW to COW....wanna guess what the C stands for????...  ...and I do not like that word or use it, but it came to me the other day and decided it is MOST appropriate in this sitch....) Anyway, love the post....  not2fun
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Why was I censored?
The word I used is harmless by itself, and anyone who's familiar with the act associated with the word can probably handle it.
I know rules are rules, I'm just curious.
Hu' posts, where he lies about his W knowing & then impersonating her are far more offensive and should be deleted entirely.
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Krazy, You have become the Lenny Bruce of MB.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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yegads!! I about fainted when someone told me what that word meant, Krazy!! I had no idea! Krazy, you is soo crazy! :eek:
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Hu,
I find your thread very interesting, I think I see alot of my exH in your posts and it has been very illuminating for me, from a BS point of view. So thanks for that...
As a FWS, I do know where you are coming from, and I can tell you that there can be a "happy ever after".
But I am a little confused as to the facts since you have been misleading us. What I am able to gather is:
1. Long term affair with co-worker, all roses and moonshine until her husband found out and he put a stop to it.
2. Your wife has no idea
3. You have a child with your wife.
I think the posting you did as your fake wife gave insight into your fears of telling her the truth. As your wife, you commented on:
1. "She" has something to hold over you to force the truth.
2. The whole treating you like property thing.
3. You were meeting all "her" needs besides chit chat.
4. "She" would have changed if she had any idea you were vulnerable to an affair.
5. How "she" hates the OW.
Here is where I think you are right now. I believe you think you are stuck. You think your wife is unable to make you happy and you can't be with OW. If you stay with wife and tell her the truth, she will either divorce you and take you child and your money, or stay with you and nag you until you engage in the marriage.
If you stay and don't tell wife, life will continue to suck. You and OW will always have this unfinished business since the affair was cut short by OWH. She will always be a goddess to you. Your defensiveness about her is scary and your fake wife's hatred for her is telling.
You think you are over a barrel, good provider, family man who is at risk of losing it all. You are "paying the cost to be the boss" and are being denied your happiness. I think you resent the hell out of your BS. She can't make you happy and she is going to milk you dry if you take a chance at happiness with OW.
How am I doing so far?
There is a way out of this mess, but you have to be willing to commit to something. Do you agree that best case scenario is being madly in love with the mother of your child? Just that question, no buts, no "you don't know her", no "she can never be what OW is". Just best case scenario, would that be being crazy in love with your daughter's mother??
Me-41 BS (FWS) DH-41 WS (FBS) 2DD's- 10 and 12 Married 15 years Separated for 2 years after my A Reconciled for 1 year before his A D-day for his A 8/23/05 WH moved out 9/16/05 Divorce final 1/23/07 Affair ended or month or so later My Story
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Crazy, You have become the Lenny Bruce of MB. That beats the heck out of being the Pee-Wee Herman of MB.
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yegads!! I about fainted when someone told me what that word meant, Krazy!! I had no idea! Krazy, you is soo crazy! :eek: So, what you're saying is that my post was educational...
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So, what you're saying is that my post was educational... I missed the WORD that was edited, dangit, but Krazy, you are too funny.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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So, what you're saying is that my post was educational... **thud** 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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