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SL - Hi there - reading up on your sitch. I am so over all of this trauma, and I know divorce is just more trauma It is sickening that not only do we have to go through the experience of a wayward and all the emotional goop, but also have to deal with the headaches of a D. Just remember, the wayward will someday have to face their Creator and answer to them for their actions on earth. ((((((SL & DS))))))
D-Day May 14th, 2005
Married 16 Years
DS age 8
6 months Plan A
Plan B 10-11-05, H moved back in June 2007, Very False Recovery.
2nd Day-Day 7/7/08 Kicked WH Out.
Plan B for my sanity
"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things." Robert Brault
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Hey, SL! I suppose I can file anytime, but it will not go thru until the nine months is up. I'm considering doing just that. Why not just do it? It might just give you some much needed benefits,,,,a bit of a feeling of empowerment? Some action to back up your feelings? What would be the reasons not to proceed? I felt a little sick to my stomach reading it today. It's abusive stuff. My heart goes out to his wife and child. How miserable this is for them. This is the first time that I've been here that I read about a wayward just like mine, and it's devastating to read. Too many similarities, right down to the whole bit about him needing to decide if he's in or out. Blech. I'm not surprised at your feelings on that. I have a hard time with that one, and have stopped reading as a result. Lots of good folks are posting and I just can't find a way to be helpful. It's a tough choice with threads that seem so close to our own sitch - - to read or not to read? to post or not to post? Just remember to take care of you. {{{SL}}}
BS (me)
ExWS -Drac
DD 9
DSS 15
D Day 11/06
Divorced 10/01/07
"You Can't Fix Stupid" - My Mom
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Good morning, ladies.
Sorry to hear of your triggers, SL. I can't believe you hung on as long as you did if PWC was like Hu. What a piece of work.
I really don't see him "getting" it. And that could be a blessing for his wife and child. He would "get it" enough to benefit himself but I don't believe it would carry over to the rest of his family.
Ick.
Hang in there, SL. Bugs may be right. If you are going to file, file now. Get past one more step and take some of the power back.
This choice is yours.
Fox
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I'm inclined to agree with Foxy and Bugs on this one SL..
Just think of all the anxiety you'll get to take a pass on in the 9 month buildup if you just get the filing out of the way now...
That, and I think it sends a pretty clear 'I'm totally serious' message, that might give some more creedence to any 'Just leave me alone' messages you might want to send out.
I'm really sorry you're triggering, but we're all here for you yanno.. you're never alone through these things.
(((((SL & DS))))
Me - 32
DS - 5
DD - 13
DSD - 9
D final 12-8-08
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Why wait to file SL? Waiting just plants a future trigger minefield. Get it out of the way.
Last edited by chrisner; 07/17/08 09:54 AM. Reason: You are now leaving the emergency airlock. Thank you for observing all safety precautions.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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One of the reasons I haven't just done it is the money. It takes some money to file. I will have to pay my lawyer another retainer. Right now, things are really tough all around in my house, financially. My sister is still not making much money, so her income really goes toward gas and feeding us. My income barely covers the monthly maintenance on the house (mortgage, heating/cooling, water, etc.). The only times I've been out, lately, others have paid (my boss, my girlfriend, or I stay at home). Even if I scrimp, I can't save much. The bill collectors are calling, because I am late on a couple of things, playing the balancing act with who I pay this month then who next month. I have lots of issues with my teeth, always have. Now I have another area of decay that requires a new filling/overlay, which will cost out of pocket, about $300 (I brush and floss DAILY guys, so it's gotta be a curse  ). DS needs to go to a maxillofacial surgeon to see if he needs to have his two front baby teeth pulled, since they are not falling out. That could run another $300-$400. It's just a holy mess. Soooo, now that I've laid all that mess out there, filing is on the bottom of my list for financial reasons only. I do not want to do the divorce process on my own, either. I want a lawyer. So, trying to do that online divorce thingy is not for me. I suppose I could take more money out of retirement, but then I have to pay taxes at the end of the year (Oh, yeah, [censored], forgot to add that I still owe Uncle Sam $650 from last year--due to PWC earning untaxed income and then coming home--making that OUR debt ). If I can find a way, I'm going to do it. I really wanna. I want the actual day of divorce to be denouement.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Sorry SL.
If you every need help let me know.
I can't remember if I evey mentioned it before but.....
Adultery Sucks.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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I feel for you, SL.
I certainly know the financial pain.
It STILL sucks, even with WxH having to pay CS now. His CS is $249 per month per child. Who the heck can raise children on that?
MT has pretty crappy CS laws. They try to "even out" our wages so essentially we are taking home the same amounts. That alone seems screwy as my "equal" amount raises 2 children while his is for himself (while he is sharing bills with someone)
It's a catch 22. If I go get another job and make more money to support us, my income is higher so WxH has to pay less.
If WxH is struggling and gets another job to meet his personal bills, his income is higher so he has to pay me more.
It makes it really difficult for each of us to improve our financial situations.
If I even get a minute raise at work - child support from WxH is decreased.
Yech!
Hang in there, SL. It isn't easy, but it CAN be done.
Fox
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I suppose I could take more money out of retirement, but then I have to pay taxes at the end of the year Is this a 401K? I know with my 401K, I can loan myself money from my 401K, and the money is NOT taxed at the end of the year. It's limited to I think 2 loans per year and for no more than 1/2 of your vested balance. I then repay myself monthly through payroll deductions. I don't know if all 401Ks are similar though.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Yeah, and if I start proceedings now, how much MORE will it cost me in the whole "that's mine this is hers" back and forth over the next nine months. I can hear my lawyer wringing her hands and laughing maniacally (mwwwwuuuuaaahahahahaha) over the dough she could make.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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You know, princess, I do have a 401k with loan payout. I could pay it back over a period of time, but I'm unsure how much more of a payroll deduction I can take right now. I'm honestly not even getting by on what I make right now. Things are only going to get tighter going in to the winter months . OY! I'll figure it out. Keep the suggestions coming, if you have them--I love free advice. 
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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Which? The reference to a hot beverage sac or the burning of the 'stuff'?
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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No actually I was waiting for "Got it". You know...and then I would say "Good"......oh forget it.
Boy we are really losing our Bud and Lou/ Bing and Bob / Cheech and Chong shtick and timing that once made us so famous.
Last edited by chrisner; 07/17/08 12:51 PM. Reason: I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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OOOOOOOhhhhhhh. I get it. Get it. Got it. Good.
Don't you dare imply that we are LOSING anything. Bad form here, dude.
Last edited by silentlucidity; 07/17/08 12:58 PM. Reason: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's a$$.
Me-BS-38
Married 1997; son, 8yo
Divorced April 2009
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Edit Reason: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's a$$ Well, I guess that explains the Bab's "attraction"
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Who's lost?
You know who I was wondering about is hiker. I'd like to know his status today.
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Hiker45
His Romantic Affairs Revisited thread was great.
He has not posted in 14 months.
Testosterone boys! Testosterone! It ain’t just for nose, ear and back hair anymore!
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