Me too, but it's with G-d and I'll just wait for his answer.

Queenie,

I would like to dissect the quote I posted earlier a bit...


Do I need to spell this one out?


God IS faithful. Not ONE of His promises will fail.


Isn't this a repeat of what He said to Joshua? "Be strong and courageous...As I was with Moses, so I will be with you...I will NEVER leave you or forsake you..."


We have to want what He wants. We have to want Him. We have to want to spend time with Him. We have to seek Him.

A wise old man agreed to be the mentor of a younger man who looked up to him as a godly man. He told the youngster to arrive at his home at 6 in the morning to begin their journey together in seeking God's will.

The young man was 15 minutes early because he was so excited. The older man walked by him and headed for the woods. The young man followed behind the older man as he scrambled up the mountain, climbing over trees and rocks, never pausing, never speaking, never wavering from his climb toward his destination.

As the young man stumbled along trying to follow his mentor, he was scratched by tree branches, skinned his knee on a rock and fell over a log across the path that the old man overcame with ease and nearly broke his ankle.

Finally, at the top of the mountain, the old man stopped and gazed out across a clearing that contained a clear cold lake. The young man stumbled into the clearing almost a minute later, gasping for breath and muttering. "Stupid old man. Trying to kill me taking me crashing through the forest. I thought he was supposed to be teaching me about what it means to seek God's will..."

He fell to his knees beside the lake, bent his head down and cupped his hands in the water to get a drink.

The old man put his foot on the back of his head and held him under water as the kid flailed about, struggling to get his face out of the water so he could breath. When the old man let him go, the kid came up sputtering and gasping for air. "What are you doing?" he gasped. "Are you some sort of nut, trying to kill me?"

The old man said only, "You have to want what HE wants more than you want your next breath."

With that, he turned and retreated down the mountain.


Not tomorrow's need, but today's. Each day He gives us what we need to get through today. Worrying about tomorrow is not showing faith in Him, because He is faithful and just and will always do what is right. But He will do it in His time and His way, no matter what we think we need.


And this is why we need to seek His will first and foremost. It is because it is for HIS GLORY that we are given anything at all, not because He owes us anything or because we have earned anything from Him. It is for His glory that we are to do His will because He is God and there is no other.


And this is how we show Him that we love Him and trust Him and are thankful to Him. It is by DOING His will that we worship Him. Seeking His will is the first step, doing is the bulk of what we need to do.

Consider this your sermon for the week...

Mark

((((((((((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))))

Thanks for the weekly sermon, I really appreciate it. Where I still need to look at what you wrote and dissect it to become a part of me, the struggle I am in is not really about WH.

Its about OS... And I just realized it. I feel like I am living on pins and needles while he is home. He doesn't talk, he just sits there and watches tv. He is grouchy because there is no food in the house that he likes and he is tired of tacos. Well I am sorely tired of eggs and crap too.

He comes and goes as he pleases, he barely cleans up his mess and when I ask him to do something he just gives me a flippant answer. He's moody, he's tired, he's bored, he's angry and I am the flippin one who is getting the brunt of it.

He doesn't like the fact that I am happy, joyous and want to talk, he just wants to be ignored and lay on the couch and watch tv. It's like living with his dad all over again. He disrespects me and I can't even have a discussion with me before he is telling me I am wrong and that's not what is going on.

I told him he could move out, he told me he was pissed at me for trying to "fix" his relationship with his sister or dad. He hates them and doesn't want anything to do with them. He doesn't want his father to come home and if he does then he is gone.

And he doesn't want to get a job because he is waiting until August to apply at Costco, and there is no point in getting a job.

I'm frustrating, feel like the same discarded worthless piece of crap that my H used to treat me like on top of being stupid because what I am feeling isn't really what's going on.

Your son might be depressed, and part of it is just the age. My oldest was like that and not he is 26 and helpful and loving. He invites me everywhere with him and is just a wonderful son.

Yours will get there too.

Hang in there Queenie. It can't be easy, and feeding two boys is expensive.

I'm on a roll now... What he is really pissed about is he can't get me to change my mind and move on from hoping his dad will figure this out and come home. And that when he threatens me that he will move out if H comes home I don't respond like he wants me to.

I have a WH, DD, and two DSs who don't want to look at their feelings and resent me because I am emotional. Not one of them really respect me at all, I can lie to myself and say they do, but in truth they don't. They only want me for something... and well WH doesn't give a rip whether I am alive or dead, just make things easier for him by going away and letting him live his life with crack ho.

Am I pi$$ed, beyond words can describe right now. I'm stick of being the brunt of their darn pain. I'm doing the best I can. I've worked so hard to not feel this anger and they just keep dumping on me.

DD wants to make sure that the cell phone issue is taken care of and the way SHE wants it. OS just wants to do as he pleases, with no responsibility and be left alone and YS, the attitude is disrespectful and dismissive and just plain rude. Does he call me to tell me how he is doing, NO.. Just can you email me the recipe for the cake.

So, what am I doing about the anger. I talked to my AA sponsor and am going to a meeting with her where her sponsors is speaking. But part of her story is that she and her current husband were affair partners who ripped apart two families to be together.

I feel like I am living in a world that I don't belong in anymore. There are no values, no morals, no respect and people just do what they want. Do I feel better, NOT YET. I want to HIT SOMETHING. I want to cry and I want off of this roller coaster and live a NORMAL life where my family is healthy and happy.

But that isn't going to happen at least not today. And thank you Mark, I know G-d is giving me what I need today. It's just a lot right now.

There is the saying that it is easier to get a job when you have one. And, who is to say Costco will hire him?

So, you are doing the best you can. Of course, you are.

If it isn't good enough for him, what is he going to do about it? If you aren't part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

GRRRR!!!!!!

Tell him that the Princess growled at him.

Tell her to do it her way with her money.



GRRR!!!!

Tell her the Princess growled at her, too.

YOU ARE ON!!!!!!!!

I'm growling right there along with ya.

Yeah, and I growled at the griping boy who complains about the food.

I meant to say I was showing them BOTH the growls....

OK...

So, I guess some of this is the same as many other problems....if the situation isn't good, what can you do to improve it.

Frankly, a cell phone is not a necessity. It is a luxury. A simple land line phone is probably much less expensive. That and an answering machine would cost a lot less. Not as much fun. But it's not usually necessary for health and life.

And, if you have enough food to fill your stomach, you are doing better than many people in the world. It may not be exciting but, if it's meeting the NEED, it's ok. More than that is a luxury.

What did G-d send the Israelites during the exodus?

He sent them the same food 6 days a week. For how many years?

RUN AWAY!!!

Everyone else in this family does......

You are correct a cell phone is not a necessity, but I can afford it when I get money, it's just I don't have the money yet and honestly the state wasn't very helpful when i talked to them.

I'm not really complaining about the food, I actually feel fortunate to just have what I have an can be very creative, OS hates it and it just pushed my self pity button.

I better know this, he sent them with unleaven bread? LOL Which is SO TASTELESS without cream cheese, etc. I actually have 2 boxes left over from Passover.

OOOPS, I was wrong... You are getting me good Cinderella, would it have been for 40 years while in the dessert? If not, I will be looking it up tomorrow.

Tell 'em you're just modern day Israelites. Put up a tent in the back yard and make 'em eat matza 6 days a week and 'em a live quail for the other.....tell 'em the Israelites got by on that for 40 years...so they can consider themselves lucky to have a couple of other options. And give 'em nothing but water to drink. No Aquafina, either.

RUN AWAY!!!!!

More RUN AWAY!!!!!

Just a little more encouragement to RUN AWAY!!!!!

Have a laugh!

lol cinderella

Q, tell you son to stop fussing and that if its not good enough for him to get off his lazy butt and do something about it.

As for your daugther. Tell her the princess days are over and to go run to daddy about the cell phone and that she needs to stop thigns are not going to be like they are. Suck up and live up.

You are providing them with what you can and one day they will look back on this time and realize it.

((HUGS))

Mark thank you for your weekly sermon to Queenie. I enjoyed reading it tonight

Hi Queenie,


I know what you mean, Queenie... they are not necessarily 'close' friends, but I do have acquaintances whose R started as affair partners... but since being part of the 'collateral damage' of an affair.... I don't have much to say to them...

...try hitting a bunch of pillows, it might do the trick...and nobody is harmed!

...and yes, raising kids is hard enough as it is... expect infidelity in the mix to just make it more so... as if we needed more to handle!

Hang in there, Queenie.

Miss Queenie, about the cell phone.

If you have not been paying for it, that is not your baby. Don't go there. Maybe listen to her and then tell her you understand her frustrations. You used to not have to meet the total financial needs of the family but now you do.

She has a several of options:

1) Pay for it herself. My daughter has done that for quite some time. She is 17. I only recently added her to my phone when I decided to get one that I liked. If she pays for it herself, she will have no need to complain.

2) Get someone else to pay for it. This means she will not really be entitled to complain (especially to you) about what they choose to provide.

3) Do without. If she chooses this options, she will have no phone about which to complain.

-----------------------

About your son and the food.....what happens if you establish a food budget and adhere to it? Get him to shop ads or go to the store w/ you so he will see how far the money goes....or doesn't go. Then remind him about the budget and that, when things improve financially, there will be improvements. Until then, things are what they are.

Queenie:

I USED to be where you are and IT IS A MAJOR, MAJOR CHANGE that I have made in MYSELF since PLAN A..

It's the SELF-RESPECT ISSUE.

I'm a woman of FEW WORDS these days and seem to be coming more and more BLUNT and to the point in my "MIDDLE" AGE...so I hope I don't come across as hurtful...

Basically, STOP ALLOWING YOUR SON TO DISRESPECT YOU..

You are the MOTHER and HE IS THE SON...

Going back to the BASICS of the TEN COMMANDMENTS...HONOR YOU..is what he is supposed to be doing and treating you the way that he is treating you is WRONG...

It doesn't matter what has happened with his FATHER..YOU are NOT his FATHER..you can't take responsibility for what his FATHER has done and is doing...

This is between YOU and HIM...

He is supposed to follow the RULES of YOUR HOUSE..

You go to work everyday to help take care of him and he should be APPRECIATIVE and THANKFUL for that.

What YOU do with YOUR MARRIAGE is NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. How can HE possibly UNDERSTAND ADULT RELATIONSHIPS and MATTERS. Of course, he THINKS he knows everything, being a TEENAGER but I've learned even with my ADULT SONS to say, "YOU CANNOT POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND WHAT I NEED TO DO IN MY LIFE; YOU ARE WELCOME TO YOUR OPINIONS BUT YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT I NEED TO DO"....

Basically, HE IS IGNORANT about THIS..It's like the "tail wagging the dog"

HEAD UP, CHEST OUT WITH YOUR SON, QUEENIE...

PERSONAL POWER..DO NOT ALLOW YOUR BABY to HAVE THIS CONTROL OVER YOU!!!

It's the POWER AND CONTROL ISSUE, isn't it? Seems like he's learned it well. He thinks that he can have CONTROL OVER YOU, YOUR FEELINGS AND YOUR ACTIONS? He's not even IN CHARGE of HIMSELF. You are. If he wants to be IN CHARGE, he needs to find himself a job and move out.

Am I making sense?

Cinders,

I have been the one paying for it. His name is on the account and bill, but I am the one paying for it. In fact, I was paying for HIS cell phone up until he started messing with the money and then I turned his phone off because I had the code to the account.

My little princess moved out a year ago in February after attacking me. I have since come to understand that WH made life miserable in that house and I wasn't the only one who was feeling the effects. When she moved out, she left the phone, well I snagged it and she did without a cell phone until her birthday this year which was my present to her to come back on the plan. In fairness to her, she is paying for the bill, probably way more than what she needs to. I have to say, she went from being a spoiled little brat to making it on her own, yes instant gratification attitude sucks, but she has learned about struggling financially in life. I'm really very proud of her.

Here we are again Mimi, aren't we. GOSH DARN IT...

I don't always see it happening until its too late and we are caught up in it.

He is so ANGRY and HURT inside. We talked last night after cooling down, my sponsor got to me to see that I was putting my feelings of what WH treated me like all these years onto my child and that isn't necessarily fair. I was speaking to my son.

What I didn't know and what was causing OS so much turmoil he that he was recognizing that what he was doing was just like what his dad did to me all those years and he was getting angrier and angrier at himself, but taking it out on me. We both apologize to each other and realize we need to learn new ways of living. He is the one child out of all of them that WH has just walked away from, completely and totally abandoned him and this is the one who is most like him and this one feels that pain every single day. But he is just like his father and he stuffs it inside and says it doesn't exist and when I probe or gently try to get him to look at it he just explodes at me. My H used to just shut down more and walk away.

It's so different than me and painful for me to watch. But I have to let it alone, establish boundaries and figure out how to move forward after leaving it with G-d for his answers.

I am in total agreement. Here is absolutely the one area where I am not addressing it. He knows how I feel, he knows that if his dad comes home and he chooses to leave it's his choice, etc. But it's painful watching it happen because they both love each other so much, and yet this is the one child that my H struggled with the most.

Yes he did, in fact ALL of my children learned it well. I get so frustrated because I didnt' realize it was happening and I just was trying to make my H happy and in the end not only did he just throw me away, but my children are left to pick up the pieces.

You are making perfect sense. But in the end, I just simple don't operate in this world of control anymore and I am oblivious it's happening until too late.

I could certainly use G-d shield of protection or something right now as I learn to become more aware of it happening so I can stop it before it goes further.

I like your suggestion of the pillow hitting, Luna. I did end up going and I was floored by how she handled the story when she spoke. Completely left out that part, and probably it wasn't the place to admit her wrongdoing, but nonetheless is sickens me and my sponsor absolutey worships her.

I can't remember who suggested the budget idea. I think that is a good idea....thank you.