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BH,
I would encourage you to be consistent in your message. You are wise not to argue about it, wise not to demand it, but also very wise to send a consistent message.
Establishing NC is a process. A consistent message will get that for you.
Why do I say this? You have communicated at one time that NC was needed and now you have communicated that it is alright for her to continue to talk to OM and to tell you about it.
A consistent message will get you what you want. She will also begin to develop respect for you and begin to take your interests into consideration.
Taking others interests into consideration will be an important step for your WW based on her past.
ME BH 40 - FWW 39
Sons - 9 and 7
DDAY - March 18,2006
Married 10 years
Recovering
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Half our stuff is in the garage, ready for a garage sale this weekend. The rest of the stuff we need is about halfway packed, and ready for the moving truck.
I am expecting a call tomorrow from the first company that I interviewed with. I think it may be an offer... Not sure though, will find out tomorrow. How did the gargage sale go? Have you heard anything on the job prospects? Are you still planing on being in TX by the end of the month?
Brokenhusband
Married 12 years
Me 35
DW 33
DD 12
DD 10
DS 8
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Did your wife ever get abused as a child sexually?
Her need for male attention is very common in women who have suffered from childhood sexual abuse. You may ask or look into it. The research on the subject is very eye opening.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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So, I will be ending this chapter of my life soon enough...
Knew something wasn't right this weekend...
First WW told me she'd be going out of town with her roommate. Then, Friday she called and said how sick she was. She had come down with the flu...
Contact was limited all weekend... Thought something was fishy.
I did some investigative work, and found that OM was down there this weekend.
I will be filing for divorce as soon as possible.
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I did some investigative work, and found that OM was down there this weekend.
I will be filing for divorce as soon as possible. Sorry to hear about this...but not surprised. Get yourself a great attorney and let them handle this in a manner that will afford you the best settlement with the least hassle. The sooner you get on with your life, the better.
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I'm so sorry to hear this. In June, you said: If I ever find out EA went PA, I'm filing for divorce. I'm not sticking around for working through those issues. Someone else can have her. I guess you know it's now a PA. But just FYI, there are plenty of BHs here that have recovered their marriages even though it was a PA. Your choice though as to whether you want to go there. It's totally understandable. Even Dr. H says not all marriages are meant to be saved. I think your wife is an idiot.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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So, I will be ending this chapter of my life soon enough...
Knew something wasn't right this weekend...
First WW told me she'd be going out of town with her roommate. Then, Friday she called and said how sick she was. She had come down with the flu...
Contact was limited all weekend... Thought something was fishy.
I did some investigative work, and found that OM was down there this weekend.
I will be filing for divorce as soon as possible. And all her charm was a smoke screen for a "fling." Oh the twisted mind of a wayward. Sorry to hear this, and I am not at all surprised. Don't change your mind. Larry
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Sorry to hear this. I was sincerely hoping you caught things before they got to this point.
An EA is much easier to get past than a PA.
You'll go through stages of second guessing, but it's time to walk away from this one. You're young and have no kids.
Don't disappear from these boards. There have been many men like you who have come back after about a year of being alone and have found a new love and are carrying on with their lives and as happy as ever.
So right now you will see darkness and feel tremendous pain, but things will get better and you can have a great relationship armed with MB knowledge and principles to put into practice.
Best of luck to you.
Keep us up to date on your sitch.
D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06
DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)
She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.
Never going to happen.
Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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I'm so sorry. What city are they in? Should I send someone to go beat him up? 
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He lives in Michigan.
She lives in Texas.
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I would still expose again to OM's father (don't CC OM and your WW) and your WW's aunt. Just make them face the consequences of their actions.
Jim BS - 32 (me) FWW - 33 Married 8/31/03 No kids (but 3 cats) D-Days - 8/25/06 (EA), 11/3/06 (PA) NC agreed to - 11/8/06 NC broken - 11/28/06, 12/16/06, 1/18/07, 1/26/07, 1/27/07 Status - In Recovery Jim's Story
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Just called OM's mother... Talked to her for about 3 minutes.
Told her that her son went to visit my wife in TX. Told her that I had sent Dad an e-mail about a month ago letting him know of his son's actions. I told her that I was filing for divorce from WW because of this situation.
She said it was news to her, and she seemed a bit shaken up.
I let her know that son would be back later this afternoon if she wanted to talk to him about it.
She took my name and number. I doubt I'll ever hear from her again, but at least she knows her son is a scumbag.
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I'm so sorry, BH.
At least you can walk away knowing you tried.
Good job on calling OM's mother. I wouldn't stop there.
Does your WW know you know yet?
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Dear BH,
I am sorry that you are going through this. I respect the way you have handled the situation. As others have said, you can walk away from this relationship knowing that you did everything you could and that you took the high road. Get a good attorney and don't waste or give away any of your resources. Remember, that you may have a family some day and you will want to possess your resources for this potential future family.
Regards,
Lake
BW-53
FWH-54
H had EA 3 weeks 06
Married 1977
N C 4-10-06
3 DSs
In Recovery
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What a piece of work she is though.
Encouraging you to move across the country even though she never had any intention of acting like your W.
She thought that all your efforts including uprooting yourself to chase her was worth it to you b/c she was all that.
Good gravy does she need a reality check!
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BH75,
That really sucks. I know how tough it is.
I'd do everything I can to make OM's life as difficult as possible, within the bounds of the law.
The [censored] knew you knew, and went anyway.
I agree with those who've said "Don't change your mind".
Don't even talk to her again. Just have her served with divorce papers.
Divorced
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Can you get your job back?
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I agree with what Marsh said. She wanted her cake and eat it too! Isn't that why we call it "cakewalking"? She thought that she was "all that" and liked the attention of both of them, I'm sure. And all the efforts that BH was making probably gave her ego such a boost.
This is a classic case of whey we say that contact has to end!!
She was living her little fantasy and having her own H chasing after her just made her more evil, IMO.
So sad!!
Sorry BH. I hope that you will be ok soon.
BS(me) - 40
FWH - 36
6 years of discovery.
Now - one day at a time....
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Don't even talk to her again. Just have her served with divorce papers. I agree. Don't talk to her again. B/c if you do, you will have a difficult time resisting Plan Fing her. Let her last memory of you be a positive one. Once she realizes you're finished w/ her, the memory of how kindly you treated her through out this will leave a lasting sting. Where as if you Plan F her, she will be able to tell herself that she is well rid of you.
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As of this moment, cut ALL financial support.
Even cancel her cell phone if possible.
Do not, I mean DO NOT answer any calls from her as she will be setting you up to some sort of seperation agreement in HER favor.
This is her mess, let her enjoy ALL of it's consequences as OM will probably not contact her again as he got what he wanted.
Now the reality needs to set in for her, she got used, her fantasy is crumbling and she threw away the only real aspect of her life.
It's time to let her free fall all the way to the bottom, however far that is.
I watch, and am as a sparrow alone upon the house top.
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