Pretty,

I remember when my kids were young like yours and I felt trapped. The years just flew by in reality and now I'm alone, not feeling sorry for myself, but that's the truth.

So, please enjoy these school years. Maybe you can do the homework together or help him get set up?

I know the frustration of kids not doing their homework, but in the larger scheme, they will grow up and graduate and be gone. Don't be a B for homework, joined together and find a way to not have it be a power struggle.

You are right. I have to better myself with my oldest. I think we are so much alike we clash most of the time.

I am sorry sweetie but I must sign out for the evening. I have to be up at 5am for work. But will be back on in the evening. I know you will come out of this soon Queenie. Your walking the road the G-d gave you. and he is next to you along this path. He might not be there every moment but we are his children and like us having to learn with our flesh and blood he has to let us learn and find our way.

Hugs to you tonight. You are a very strong person remember that.

Hugs to you as well. Have an awesome day at work and know I will be thinking about you.

Thank you......

Sweet dreams

Hey there Queenie!

About this -

Guess what? You are most definately quite Normal! While I can't lay out specific steps that a BS goes through (there may in fact be some, but I don't have that kind of knowledge), I can tell you from my own personal experience that I've gone through the same things you are going through.

And heck,,,I GOTTA be normal as the next person? RIGHT?? Please say I'm right!! haha!!

Seriously, though, every BS goes through those ups and downs. The days, the times, the highs, the lows all vary from person to person, but we all have them.

I just passed the one year mark of Plan B and I STILL have ups and downs. There are days it is an effort to raise my head off the pillow in the morning because I have another day of waking up alone. BUT, those days are much fewer than they were a year ago.

It IS much easier to raise my head and even though I think of Drac each and every morning when I wake up, more days than not, I am able to put him in God's hands, and then move on with MY day and MY life. Even if it's just for THAT day. That's how I look at it. Although I've not done Al-Anon, it's very similiar (I think), in that it is One day at a time.

Decide EACH day where you are going to put the WH. Then DO IT. Somedays are harder than others and some days we are more succesful than others. That's NORMAL. That's life. And that's OK.

So, what are you DOING to reverse your stinkin thinkin?? Make a list of Specifc things you will do about that today.

You are doing so great with helping and giving to others! Pat yourself on the back and build from there!!

{{{Queenie}}}

Thanks Bugs, you probably will understand how helpful this post is right now. Somedays I feel so strong and able to just keep walking and then the others... well I just don't.

What am I going to do today, well I am doing laundry, then clean my bathroom and then I get to go up to my 2nd job and work there for a few hours. Afterwards depending on the time will mean which meeting I go to.

Each day when I wake up and am talking to G-d, say you know what I want, you know what he needs, can you make them match? I don't get to just pray for my own selfishness and I struggle with this, because how can it be selfish to want a family, a marriage recovered and to heal 5 lives. But who knows, one day G-d will let me know when I meet him.

As for my stinking thinkin, I let myself cry for a little while and then seek G-d asking him what he wants me to do next, since it's his will I am looking for and not mine.

{{{{{{{{{BUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}} I hope you are having a safe and spectacular day because you are so special and strong for the rest of us. But I can tell even you are still in pain over this and I am just as strong for you as well. As are so many others on here.

My AA sponsor thinks that I should write an angry letter to WH on what he has done.

I'm afraid of the feelings and the depth of anger that exists. There isn't much you can do, but I need to put it out there for me so I can get writing and see what I learn or what happens when its done.

Writting ANYTHING will probally help. I write alot. And I feel better after writting it. I might not read it afterwards but I feel somewhat better.

Maybe your sponsors right. If not directed to you H maybe just a general note about everything going on??

I really used to not be as bad a procrastinator as I am today.

DUH, you would think the pen to paper would be an easy task, I am a secretary after all. NOT.....

And I'm running out of time before I need to leave for work.

How are you Pretty?

Im doing pretty good. I do not have to be at work till 2pm tomrrow so thats a good thing.

My boss says im always tired and that you must be off balance. Ok yeah Im off balance. I am trying to work full time and raise a family and be a mother. What is there to be balanced??? LoL

The babies are at daycare and I will be getting them soon. I need to do the cleaning you did today but I cant seem to get up and do it. All I wanna do is sit here. I think its just being exhausted. Took a 5 hr energy thing and it worked for a bit. I think it worked to well. I feel I didnt do much at work today but stand there. I think thats why my boss finally told me to go home.

Hey Queenie,

If you aren't normal, I guess the rest of us aren't either. I'm coming up on the one year mark for Plan B and I have ups and downs. I'll go through an extended up and feel great, then one day come crashing down. My DD called yesterday and told me that WH came to town to see her. Boom. There I went. She told me that he is sick - can barely walk due to a hernia? Not sure what it is all about, but it depressed me. I'll post about it on my own thread.

Anyway, you and I both were in long term marriages, and it is something we may never fully get over. How could we? We just have to know that the waves will come, but also know that if we ride them out we'll get some relief until the next one comes again. Hopefully they will be farther between in time....

Yup, we're all mostly normal....Does everyone feel better now?

Remember, everyone is a little dysfunctional. But those of us who are trying are normal if not better!


Meanwhile, this is the book my book group didn't choose for next month - BUMMER!!

Hi Queenie,


Guess Bugs beat me to it!

I can't personally spell out the stages I went through, except to say,Queenie, that you are as NORMAL as can be!

Just in case though, check and see if by any chance you may have been 'expecting' something to happen by now, like a sign from WS coming out of the fog, I know I WAS...on a regular basis... and that usually will get you into trouble.

Both Bugs and CL made me realize that I may be one of the longest (oldest?) in Plan B around here. I hope you don't find that discouraging!...(rolling eyes icon...have I said it enough times how much I miss the icons we could use from the old site?!)

Well, what I can confirm and you can look forward to, is that if one keeps working at NOT focusing on WS, eventually, like me, you actually may not remember the last time you woke up THINKING only about WS!

As in my case, WS thoughts have now been 'demoted' to sometime during the day, in fact, I can say that some days, thoughts of WS have become only 'background' thoughts...

So, NOW the 'stinking thinking' is limited to whenever there is a 'message' from WS re boys or finances (a bit like Bugs), and I have to DEAL with it! ...or a MAJOR trigger of some sort....

This weekend I went to see a movie and an allusion to an affair were made. Where before that would have been a MAJOR trigger...this time, it was not as much.

So, Queenie, do whatever it takes, that is legal and healthy, that will get to FOCUS on something else than WS, and eventually, you will get THERE (whatever and wherever that is...LOL!) Try to figure out, other than WS and your family, what else you might be PASSIONATE about, then it becomes easier to take the FOCUS away from WS and your troubles!

WHEN WS decides to reinvest in family, it will be HIS CHOICE, and it will really have nothing to do with what you do (unless you break Plan B and interactions are full of LB and DJ!..) which is why DARK is the only way to go while in Plan B, so, sit back...and DO YOUR THING!

(((((((((((((((((((QUEENIE))))))))))))))))

Hi Chai and Luna,

Thanks for the confirmation I'M NOT NUTS. I like being NORMAL.. Nothing special but a miracle of G-d like everyone else.

I used to be passionate about my temple and volunteering. Since that isn't such a desire for me, what I am most passionate about is my Redskins and I'm grateful that football is just around the corner.

I used to be so passionate about so many things, from quilting, to reading, to my volunteering, to whatever my heart touched.

So, I am in the process of learning I guess. Not sure where to start, but let's keep it simple for tomorrow and be excited about football. Exercising doesn't thrill me at all, but I do it because it's good for me. Reading self help books get old and I am banned from romance novels - imagine that.

Quilting isn't my passion again, but it's summer. I'm passionate about recovery and Jews and am becoming more involved in making that a project for myself. Once September comes I am the treasurer for my union so that will give me more to do as well Oh, I am taking on added responsibility with more money in fact to design and keep up our school website. Which is cool because I have wanted to learn how to do that for years.

I know there is so much, but suggestions, please?

{{{LUNA}}}}}} Side note: thanks for writing when WS instead of if. Sounds much better. LOL

sniff

sniff

Queenie didn't notice that I said she's normal.

sniff





sigh

BTW, my advice about your wh......don't waste your emotional energy on him. Pray for him and give him to G-d. You can do nothing more.

Focus on caring for Queenie....build her life....build a life for your children....

Then, just let him do his thing and see what unfolds.

I think you are spending so much energy on personal regret and lack of self-forgiveness that you are getting in the way of your own healing. You can only work on Queenie.

Get with that plan and let your Father Above deal with the rest of it.



OK, I got that off my chest for the day.

How in the world could I have forgotten Cinderella. Now the old me could do a number on feeling bad... Not the new Queenie..

I'm sorry and ask your forgiveness. Next. Seriously you do understand how much I appreciate the time, wisdom and patience you give me.

I KNOW you are right, and it's astounding how it always comes back to this.

Intellectually I get it, but action wise it's a stumper for me.

But I got up this morning and walked 4 miles in an hour and a half. So that's something.

But this is a lifetime of unchartered territory and I really don't know what to do. I do the pedicure manicure when I have money. I go to AA for me, I spend time with friends. I read, I relax at the pool. I take care of myself physically.

What else is there?

Actually the one other thing I could do that I love to do is sing in my temple choir, which I am going to go back and do. I love singing, I'm good at it and it brings me closer to G-d. So our first practice is tonight and I am going to learn the music for high holidays and be a part of that. It's time for me to stop hiding and be a part of my temple in small ways which are comforting to me.

And since WH is dead to me, no need to talk about him and get into any disagreements over how I am choosing to live my life, right?

Thats great Q!! Im am so happy you are going to be apart of the High holidays


I wish i could sew. I would do so many cute dresses for my daugther. I can cross stich though!

What type of books do you like to read? Besides the self help, and well since u cant read romance novels...

I will be back on later tonight maybe if not I will drop in tomorrow. I am having to find out a schedule since DH is once again going off to work on more stores out of town. The last two nights hes been late from work

While I was taking the kids to daycare today Ethan was singing Mary Poppings 'A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down' It was funny cause he was trying to get to the high notes. Bethanee just covered her ears and was like shhhh LoL.

I feel bad but better with my oldest. He wouldnt help me clean the house because it wasnt his mess. I told him he does not have respect for me and cant do things with me like he does with his father. Im tired worn out and frankly I have had enough of you Bull if you say one more thing and not help me I will be more then happy to pack your bags and find you a family who will let you sit on your bum all day... Do you know of a family for him? See my oldest is ADHD extreme, mild anxiety, bipolar, LD and speech articulation errors. And I hate the fact he wants to do what he wants and hes only 11 yrs old. Ok sorry I ranted on again. But hey anything to get your mind busy!!!

Hugs

Hi Pretty,

Anytime I can get out of self, is a good deal for me.

With respect to your son. Does your DH know of this attitude? Can you engage your DH in helping you problem solve how he treats, you. Possibly calling your son on it, or when your son is around having your DH go out of his way to model better, more respectful behavior? Does he act like this at school? And if so, what measures to they take there that you might be able to incorporate at home if they are working?

I really sense the tireness in your life. I can't take that away or fix it, but I am open to you problem solving ideas with me. Sometimes ranting just gives all the power away. My sponsor tells me when you share yourself, pain is divided and joy is expanded. I just realized what she meant and want to give it to you.

I don't know what I like to read, I have a series of quilting books that are murder mystery, but not my cup of tea. I might need to take a walk to the library and see what I can come up with.

I crossstich as well. In fact, too bad I didn't know you last year, I gave away almost a thousand DMC floss because it wouldn't fit in my apt. What do you like to make? I have saved a couple of pictures in kits that I could do. I didn't think of that. I would love to be able to afford the Princess Diana black and white one from the stichery. I absolutely adored her.

The secret to quilting is if you can sew a straight line, you can quilt. It's really that easy.

When Aric disrepects me in front of DH, DH will step in and say do what your mother said to do and will follow thru with our son. So DH helps when hes here and he sees Aric's behavior towards me.

I am thinking of looking for a day job. But would have to make sure its enough to help pay daycare. Of coarse depending on which part of town the job is a factor too since gas is so expensive.

My family is all about Redskins. I remember Thanksgiving we would eat, the guys would watch the football game and the ladies would go for a walk then join in with them. I wonder if they are still doing that tradition since I am now out of state still. They all live pretty much up in D.C, Maryland area's.

My oldest doesnt act like that in school. Every so often he lets noises out and upsets the class but its quick to stop. So thats probally y Im kinda loss on it.

Well off to the grind mill I go. Hope you have a great afternoon. Hugs

Ah Pretty,

We have talked and gotten to know each other better for almost a week now. And in that time I don't believe you told me about the Redskins and our connection.

Girl, you HELD OUT on me. Mother nature will get you for that.

Many a Thanksgiving has been ruined because of the Cowboys over games. Ask your family if they remember the Clint Longley Thanksgiving.

PM - NOT ONE WORD!!!!!!!!!!!

So do you eat blue crabs?

Would anyone in your family be interested in buying my season tickets next year if the person who is getting them this year doesn't want them?

Have a good day, will talk later.... Be good to yourself, you are an amazing woman who has a lot on her plate and need to take care of herself.