Have you written the NC letter yet?

Are you and BW going to go to a pro marriage counseling? How about the kids. Are you looking into family counseling too?

sorry for 20 questions I just wanna know where you are standing at/sitting at

What else are you doing at home to show your BW that you are making a change?

BS!

Fatty is NOTHING like you.

He has come clean w/ his BW.

And he did not pretend to BE her.

Translation: No one calls you out for lying and gaslighting your BW there.

"Fatty this is not a place for a strong willed WH"

Hmmmm, strong willed? Strong willed is fine. Defensive and justifying are not. Fatty hasn't been defensive and justifying - just the normal fog.

Funny isn't it. I'm strong willed, very strong willed, some may say bossy, but I gained a great deal from MB. It saved our marriage.

I have made friendships here that I value as much as my real life friendships, some are BS's some are WS's. There are also many other FWS's on MB who are respected and well liked. It's not a matter of toeing the party line either. It's a matter of listening to exceptionally good advice and making the changes you need to make.

Whoa...hang on there Hu. I said this reminds me of you and your thread, in a sense of how it kinda went downhill in a hurry...fog related?

Didn't mean to imply that Fatty is like you, Hu....you're in a class of your own....thank God. Best of luck in your other forum.

Hug your wife for all of us and let Fatty get the advice he needs here.


Sorry for the T/J....unintentional.

Nope do plenty of that there, just not in the abusive manor the BS's do here.

Good luck to you Fatty.

Fatty - please don't listen to hu. He is a WS that has pretended to be his wife on here or something. I couldn't read through his entire thread. So, just ignore him

How are things going for you guys today? Just try to get those 15 hours a week in together. I also read (and I believe it was here) that it's best to limit relationship talks to 15-20 minutes, otherwise it gets too emotional for both parties. Not only that, most people's attention spans aren't much longer than that for intense discussions!

Hu and Fatty are NOTHING alike!

Fatty, please disregard anything HU has to say. He has demonstrated severe mental issues.

This is a GREAT place for WS to get help. Just ask TST, Mrs.Wondering, and countless others!

if you were "strong willed" you would have never been a WH.

...and, I might add, he'd be able to hang with us.

I think you might be confusing strong - willed with having strong willpower.

I equate strong-willed more with being hard-headed and stubborn. HU is defintely those things!

OK, back to helping Fatty.

http://encarta.msn.com/dictionary_1861716213/strong-willed.html

just a dufference in how we use the words.

Yes, I agree. I was thinking of it more related to the synonyms listed here:

http://www.wordwebonline.com/en/STRONGWILLED

Hello,
I am going to try and start this thread all over. The first attempt was rubbish and created way to much friction, the wrong sort of friction. Sure there was some good stuff came out of it but it was getting lost in fallout.

SO

I have been having an affair. For the last 6-7 months I have been screwing a woman who is not my wife. I was not forced into doing that and it was my choice to do it. It was my foolish behaviour that got me into a possition where the affair could start and it was my sneaky behaviour that allowed the affair to grow. This is the way I have thought for the last few days scince I decided to come back to my wife, sometimes I don't express myself clearly and that has caused a few teething problems here.

Scince my return home I have been working on meeting my wifes EN and I now know that her number one need is affection, and number two is openess and honesty. I have told her all of my passwords for email and other internet accounts and she has my permission to look at anything she wants, any time. I even told her the name and password for the "secret" email account. I have deleted all of the OW contact details from my cell phone and email programes and destroyed all paper copies as well. Thankfully I have a shocking memory and can not remember phone numbers or email addresses so it would be hard for me to recreate them, not that I want to I am committed to staying married to my wife for the rest of my life. Yes I know it will be a long hard road to get "back in to her good books" and regain some amount of trust, IT IS WORTH IT. I replaced my tooth-brush as the one I had been using was given to me by OW and I knew that seeing it everyday would just remind me of her and make recovery more difficult.
This morning I found myself thinking about things to do with the OW, as soon as I realised I was thinking of her I put my hands over my ears and said la la la la to distract myself, I told wife that that was what I was doing and, together we discussed somethingelse to keep my thoughts from wandering back.
I am seeking out a good counsillor to help both of us in our recovery and will be spending regular time with my pastor and church elders to help me refocus my entire life, after-all an affair is not just a marriage destroyer it also takes out big parts of the rest of our lives, I need to rebuild all of my life not just my marriage - of course the marriage is the top priority!
I am hoping for a fine day today so that I can take a few motor bikes for a test ride, yes it does sound self-centred untill I tell you that wife has just got her motor bike licence and we are looking forward to riding together, and I am also looking for a bike that will suit her too.
Wife has just reminded me that there are photos of OWs home and stuff in a bunch of pics that I have, they will be handed to wife to destroy, actually just went and delt with that, another tiny little step in the right direction, many many more little steps needed.

More later,

Fatty

Fatty, welcome to MB'ers. You will find a lot of support here and people that have walked in your shoes. Learn from them and take care of your wounded wife and things will go well.


A call to the Harley's might be a good idea if you can work it into your schedules and budget. While it isn't cheap...this is not an area to try and save money.

Welcome back from the dark side.

MEDC

Fatty, this is good stuff. I am so encouraged to see it.

This line is so true..great insight!

I am seeking out a good counsillor to help both of us in our recovery and will be spending regular time with my pastor and church elders to help me refocus my entire life, after-all an affair is not just a marriage destroyer it also takes out big parts of the rest of our lives, I need to rebuild all of my life not just my marriage - of course the marriage is the top priority!

MedC is right...the coaching with the harleys is worth the money.

W and I will be doing our 3rd session on Thursday.

Set a phone session up, get your wife on board with the MB principles, and surprise her with a phone session....wish my WW would have taken these steps for us...your BW will really appreciate the effort.

hu7668,

Thank you for that advice, I choose to ignore it, I am staying here!

Fatty

Nothing to add, just lot's of

Good man. He'll just spew his lies over there anyway...get called out...then run somewhere else, while his BW suffers...all because of his lack of balls.