LG:

So how come are YOU stressing this point? Maybe there's no good reason...but I'm still wondering..

So SORRY to read about the situation with FLAMINGO...

YOU BOTH ARE IN MY PRAYERS...

I see Lexx' point..BUT..before doing this, I would recommend consulting with STEVE or JENNIFER on how to proceed...

AND you must decide IF Recovery is what U want...

I think it's a POSSIBILITY..don't know the ODDS...given the SUPPOSED absence of the HO...

It does SEEM like DRAC is making OVERTURES towards YOU...

It's hard to know how to PLAY it...

You mean








When I first read this earlier, I really connected with it.

Before withholding (or just not offering) information, I've thought "what would I expect from him if he were in my shoes."

It's really hard NOT to have a double standard. I still do.

He (WxH) CHOSE this path and therefore loses having the finger on the pulse of the family.

I did NOT choose this and there would be HECK to pay if WxH did not inform me of an injury to DDs when they were in his care.

I really have no FEAR of an injury occuring without my knowledge because he would call me to take them to the dr or ER or whatever so he doesn't get stuck with the bill.

No doubt, there IS a double standard. It was created by the actions of the wayward.

It is different here because of DSS being a stepchild and unfortunately Bugs gets to see him only according to Drac's good will.

Drac has no doubt at all that you will handle anything that comes your way in regards to the kids, Bugs.

I really think he will begin to USE DSS in an effort to reach you, to soften your heart because you love the boy so much.

What a dilemma you have. Having a child you love and that loves you used as either bait or as a punishment.

You're doing great. Stay strong. Do what you know is right and allows you to look yourself in the mirror with pride.

Fox

Foxy --
You nailed it.

I truly wish Bugs was without feelings for Drac and had no wish for reconciliation. Because then it would be true justice to turn on Plan A but be completely unavailable to him!

That is one thing that I wish WxH would REALLY get.

He had a choice in this. He chose to leave.

And when he did, he stole my husband and DDs father.

I did not willingly give up my husband, DDs did not willingly give up their father.

WH stole him from us.

On the same token, my daughters are taken from their mother when they go to visitation with him. Their mother is forced to be left behind, even if she doesn't want them to go and DDs don't want to leave her. Mother and daughters are separated with no say in it at all.

WxH didn't just take my husband - he's also taken my daughters away from me.

It was his choice to leave them, it was not my choice to give them up.

KWIM?


Now, THAT would be some good Karma. EXACTLY what he deserves as the man he was during the A and the man he currently is.


Fox

Yep, Foxx..this was what I've been thinking and trying to say...

Thanks for your perpective..

You are living it..

I've been wondering if I was TOTALLY offbase in this thinking...


EXACTLY..I get sooo EMOTIONAL about BUGSY...I LOVE MY SISTER GODDESS SOULMATE...

CHEERS..glasses clinking...

My oh my it's been busy around here this afternoon -

Figures, since my connection is moving slower than dial up today! I want to re-read and respond in detail, but I am going to wait until later when I have a better/faster connection.

In the meantime - -

I am sitting here with tears in my eyes (again). You all are so good to me! The amount time time, thought, energy and caring that comes to me from what seems to be just a piece of electronic hardware just blows me away! Thank you all so much.

And very quickly,,,,Mimi you scare me sometimes - I was in the shower this morning thinking of calling Steve!! I was washing my hair and thought that I'd need to take the time to put together a 'summary' of all that has happened since my last session with him so that I could send it to him in advance so I could get the most out of the time!

Oh,,, and Lexxxy,,,,,,,,,,,Most days I truly wish I didn't have feelings for him either!

I'll catch up with you all a bit later!

Sweet giving Bugs,

How can you be surprised by how much you are loved, respected and admired for your strength, willingness to open your heart and face this with grace and dignity.

You are an inspiration of hope, not to mention you live a FABULOUS life with action and fun.

Seriously, you open yourself and help us in ways that reach our souls and make us be honest with ourselves. You are the WARRIOR GODDESS, because you live, learn and keep on going..

(((Bugs)))

Mercifully, I haven't had to witness too much of that with my kids--they have made it clear that they would rather be with me, but they don't complain too much about going with the SCQ. Listening to you and James really makes me angry for you and your kids.


Personally, I don't see Bugs being Done by any stretch. It's just not what I hear from the tone of her posts. If things are really CONDITION NOHO, I see her marriage as being completely recoverable (if that's what she wants). This is why I've been pushing consultation with the Harleys.

I really think that this is what you've been waiting for, Bugs. It's what Plan B is about. You successfully preserved your willingness to reconcile. You seem to have outlasted the affair (assuming it's over).


I agree. None of us really know what to do, which is why she should call the Harleys. This is what they do.

ETA: We cross-posted.


Yes! Do this!

Wow, sdguy. That just STRUCK me when you said that.

It IS one of the purposes of Plan B. To preserve the love.



I have nothing more to add. Other than, THANK YOU, for pointing that out.


Fox

Foxy Lady, Wonder Women, and now the WARRIOR GODDESS!

Sweet Jesus, I'm dizzy!

Lots of good stuff today on my thread. Thanks again, everyone!


It IS hard to know how to PLAY this,,,and I am at the point that I am not so sure how much I want to play the game. This afternoon, I was thinking that I don't really want to have to have a 'plan' when it comes to Drac. I'm really tired of trying to figure out the 'right' and 'wrong' steps of any particular plan. But then, I remembered that without a plan, I would now be so lost. Having a plan is what has saved me hours, days, and weeks of pain that I can't imagine.

Life was hard enough WITH a plan!

Yet, my gut has been telling me that Plan B doesn't feel right. Of course, this isn't the first time it didn't feel quite right ,,, but there is a difference between counterintuitive and feeling wrong. It's been feeling wrong.


Today in prayer and study time with God, I felt Him telling me to "Be yourself". It's ironic (or not) that Fox pretty much said the same thing.

I did, in fact, think this morning of calling Steve Harley and went as far as mentally planning for it. I think it's 'crunch time' for me. I need to either have a plan to take one more stab at this or not.

I DO feel that Plan B has been successful in that I HAVE preserved the love I have for Drac. Yet, it won't last forever.

So,,,,as much as I would love to stay on here and share more of my raw honest feelings with everyone, my Ladybug is here needing my attention!

DSS went to spend the night with his friend next door. Do you all know that this is the FIRST overnight with a friend that DSS has ever had? Yep. Big night (well, in my mind it is). I am so happy for him!!!

Tomorrow is stiches out day. Oh, and DSS remembered as we were pulling out from Drac's to go get his school physical form for tomorrow.

Oh,,,,,one last thought - - DSS used to always come out of the garage door. After the HoNOMo, he came out the front a couple of times. Now he's been coming out the back. Found out tonight from discussion between the kids that the front door requires a key that DSS doesn't have,,,,,,,,,,,,but the garage doesn't work because they have disabled it. Without saying it, DSS let it be known that it is due to keeping the HO from accessing the house! LOL! Guess it wasn't such an amicable parting??
I'll try to pop back by later.

I like the idea of you raising the gates and letting Drac have a closer look at Bugsy. I honestly think you are beyond Plan A. YOu have already made the necesary changes and shown your willingness to fill Drac's EN's. You've now done the Plan B. Plan A is going backwards, IMO.

Be the new and improved version of Bugsy, version 2.0. There is nothing left for you to PROVE, is there? Desperate times call for Plan A, and this is not that time. JMHO.

Consult with Steve (I love that we are all on a first name basis with him).

I really would be interested in what Steve would recommend.

He will give you a PLAN.

It won't be PLAN A or PLAN B per se.

He NEVER ever used those particular terms with me.

It was A PLAN, though.

A PLAN is best in all aspects of MY LIFE, I've found.

It gives you DIRECTION and PURPOSE about whatever IMPORTANT THING you may be doing...

Heck, I have MY PLAN for TOMORROW that I'm developing NOW before I go to bed.

Steve's PLAN for you will be the BEST STEPS for you to take to RECOVER your MARRIAGE...if that's what you are wanting and I hear that it is..and it does seem to be POSSIBLE...

I predict THE PLAN will INCLUDE you STEPPING OUT more into the LIGHT..he will tell you HOW, WHEN, HOW MUCH, WHAT TO DO and WHAT TO SAY, etc...A PLAN...

Essentially, that's what I am saying, too.

I'll be interested to hear what Steve says.

I LOVE "HoNoMo" ROFL!!!

Bugs -- you are a total success. You have outlasted the affair!
Congratulations!

Now its up to you. Its up to you how this all works out.

I believe in you. You have been an absolute MB goddess!

Plan A will bring him back. At least close enough so YOU can make the choice on if you want him or not.
Plan B will protect you.

You can't go wrong. There is no bad choice to make. But why not get an expert opinion?

Ditto. Steve will give you a plan. It's what you need right now.

Hi Bugs,


Yeap...I second SD and others. You need a plan. Steve is the best option to help you in that regard.

Not much to add here Bugsy as you've got the whole team giving you the same wonderful advice. Some are coming at it a bit differently, but it's all sound.

IF there's still hope for recovery of your relationship with Drac.. Steve can give you a plan to get there from here.

I think the undertone of concern here is that we've all watched you grow and finally wear on the outside the AMAZING woman you've always been on the inside. I don't think anyone here wants to see any of that progress sacrificed by settling for anything less than what you deserve... and that is the absolute best guy in the land.

Drac is going to have to not only be willing, but he's going to have to be EAGER to be that guy for this to work. Perhaps Lex is right, and it will take some work on your part first to help him get there, but Steve can probably give you a better idea of what THAT will look like so that you can make the decision for YOU and Ladybugs as to whether or not the odds are right to play.

Folks around here are right.. you're showing us all how successful Plan B can really be. People say it but I doubt many understand that Plan B isn't a way to manipulate the WS back to the marriage by showing him what he's missing.. that's a side effect that if it takes is a wonderful bonus.. but the true purpose is to preserve your desire for reconciliation, and the love it will take to get you through the difficult early parts of that.

You're a total success Bugsy.. it looks like the choice will now rest with you.. you've outlasted the A, it no longer has any power over your life.. it's all yours now Bugsy.

Keeping you in my heart and prayers.

That's all I got to say 'bout that.


It's a good thing that the breakup was not very amicable between Ho and Drac. You KNOW there had to be some good LB going on for the locks to be changed.

Yup, I'd call Steve too.

Remember to take care of you in the meantime. Don't get so wrapped up in Drac's reaction or non-reaction that you lose Bugsy.

Fox