Welcome back, rain.

What actions have you been taking to become the admirable person your son and H (and you) deserve?

Are you just waiting for hurt to pass or are you taking action?

What is the status of the mySpace? You know this hurts your H and thereby hurts your relationship with him.

My recommendation would be to remove it completely. When your M is recovered and you have taken the precautions for mySpace to be safe so that your H can be comfortable with it, then maybe recreate starting fresh once you and he have reached an agreement. As the new person you will be.

One of the golden rules in marriage is "do not be the cause of your spouses unhappiness"

If something you do causes your spouse unhappiness and it is within your power to put an end to that unhappiness. Why not do it?

Have you considered calling the radio show or emailing the Harley's for a plan?

Limbo is difficult. You two need help with a plan.

On your H's thread a poster by the name of Aphelion made an incredible offer to help you with getting a session with the Harley's. I would really like to see you too accept that offer.

The Harley's are marriage COACHES, a little different than most counselors. While the past is important, it doesn't have to be the focus. They'll get a feel for where you are now and guide you towards the future.

Your H has stated that he would have difficulty doing this as he needs to be able to provide for you and your son and earn his way.

Pretty typical of most men, I think.

However, pride sometimes has to be put aside and gifts graciously accepted.

His (and your) "payback" can be staying on the forum and assisting those that come behind you.

What do you think?

Fox

I just wanted to reiterate this.

I can't remember what poster has it in their signature line, but it has always rung true for me.

"Affairs don't kill a marriage, the lies do."

Cleanse the wound now and get all the infection out. Do not continue hiding ANYTHING. Even if it seems trivial to you, share it with Dude. He'll decide what is trival to him and what is not.

You need to earn the right to privacy again. He will continue to be suspicious and hurt until he feels in his gut that you are being honest.

Fox

May I suggest the following thread?

A woman in a situation like yours


Fox

blah...blah...blah Marshmallow...I am putting you on ignore.

Honestly, rain, you should be glad everyone isn't telling you how much they hate what you did. Marshmallow just said what BSs feel. YOU are the one who stepped over the line, yes? So what are YOU doing to make up for the pain you've caused? Have you deleted your MySpace? Have you changed all your phone/text/emails? Have you shown dude what you'll do to prove you are beyond such hurtful acts?

put me on ignore too. I think Marsh was kind to you.

Rain,
You would expire the patience of most men. If you have to consult someone other than your husband about mens' needs, then you never had a marriage, only a contract! The real world is full of people who do not Violate their marriage, do not put spouses (male or female) thru what you have. Jesus Rain reach down back and deep and get a Life! Do you want to wake up some morning ten years from now, and realize that your actions now are going to determine what you are regretfull for and addicted to then, after you lose the family you vowed to help create and protect!
Look, I know that some here will think this is harsh and it is. I will say some special prayers for you and your husband, that you at least honestly communicate, not the [censored] you have dropped here. Go see your priest, minister or rabbi, talk honestly. Get your spititual life together before you attempt to tackle your situation. You are doing this affair of your own free will, but He is alot more forgiving than you or your husband ever imagined. I have registered my problem and my anguish here other day, but do you know what, even tho my wife and I (both in our 60s) have been distant for a couple of weeks because I suspect strongly an affair with a younger guy while she was confined to a group home the last year she wanted me to sleep with her tonight. Well when you're my age that kinda means but not entirely sleep! What she did was Wrong,what I am doing by showing my resentment and yeah jealousy is Wrong, but there is still the attraction.
Bye Rain,and special prayers tonight.
simplyTom

I know how the withdrawals feel and is sucks. Start a journal and write down what you are thinking. It helps get crap out of your head and most importantly keeps you from contacting the OP.

Sure you will.

I know you're keeping an eye on what others are telling Dude. Your earlier post was, in response to what I talked to him about.

Truth is, I'm not posting to you for YOUR benefit, I'm doing it for Dude. I want him to see you more clearly. I hope my posts will help him do that.

I'm not "TIRED/bored/annoyed by his hurting" the way you are.

I ACHE for him and the cruelty he is suffering from YOUR hands.

I pray every night that he will find the strength to leave you, Rain.

Every night.

Hey rain, just a quick question. Have you ever used the word "psychobabble" as a negative?"

I have a reason for asking.

Larry

Marsh, please correct me if I'm wrong but I remember you are an FWW. PLEASE correct me if I'm wrong.

If you are I think it would behove Rain to give you a great deal of attention and not put you on ignore.

BTW Rain I'm an FWW. Trust me, it's worth it to be one and it's worth it to do everything you can to be the best FWW you can be.

Tom,

You think I don't know that. Most men would have left me a long time ago. Tom, I have a life. I have had too many lives. That is the problem. I only want one life now. I am sorry about your situation and I appreciate you words.

Rain

Cat,

I understand Marsh and unfortunately, he/she had some encouraging words at one time. He/she's posts just turned into nothing constructive. I know I stepped over the line. That is yesterday's news...I think everyone knows that...including me. Yes, the MySpace has been deleted but that wasn't even a tool being used that had anything to do with the OM. There were pictures of the OM on there but those were deleted a long time ago. Did H mention that he too has a MySpace page? Didn't think so. I do not have a phone to text or contact the OM even if I wanted to, he does not or will not have anything to do with me so NC had been established a long time ago and nothing has changed regarding that.

I can't keep a journal. I would not want my H to read the things I think about. It would be too hurtful. I am trying to get the OM out of my head but he keeps popping up. How in the HE77 do I get him out of my head? I want him out of my head. I want to stop thinking about him!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to move on and for my H to stop hurting. This is enough!

Please. Please. If there are any FWWs out there that can tell me how to do it...There has been NC, no pics, no emails, no calls. Only memories. AND I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY!

I read this book after dday#2 with my WW, as I was feeling ready to move on with my life without her. It may be very helpful for you....

http://www.amazon.com/How-Mend-Your...p;s=books&qid=1216916121&sr=8-15

Rain,

I would highly recommend not putting ANYONE on ignore. You are not required to respond, you are not required to agree, you are not required to prove them wrong.

I do think you should read them. Read them with an open mind. Others have been where you are. You may find just one nugget of information in a very long post. But that one nugget will make reading the whole post worthwhile.

Hang in there, rain. Read and learn. Ask questions when you need to.

We're here to help your Marriage.

Fox

Never used the word at all. Why do you ask?

Thank you Wildhorses!

What have you changed in your life? Are you in a new job? Have you started a new hobby? Got a new pet? Volunteered somewhere? Enrolled for a college course? Started exercising? Signed up for a sporting club? Changed your patterns? Started reading about something you've always wanted to learn about, like photography or Hinduism or the Revolutionary War?

It looks to me like you just spend too much time thinking. Changing your day to day activities and giving yourself new things to think about and do is what is called for, IMO, to get you to stop dwelling on OM.

I will pick it up today. Thank you so much. I read a little about it on a website. But won't reading it only make my H feel worse when he sees me reading it? Won't it go away if I just give it time? But see, my H doesn't have time for me to withdrawl. He is already giving up on me because I haev dragged him thru it for too long. I feel H needs a quick turn around and I feel pressured for time. My own fault, I know.