Exposure is free and cutting off resources that enable the affair (cell phone if you are paying for it, giving her spending money, etc) saves money rather than depletes it.

I hear that sometimes. And usually someone comes back with: Is your marriage the most important thing in your life? Then accord it the importance it needs by finding the resources to do what you have to do to preserve it or at least fight for it.

This thread may help you too.

The carrot and the stick of plan A

You put you have not be strong in exposing the A. GET ON THE BALL and expose. Stop putting it off. DO IT NOW. Call everyone and anyone you two know your neighbors if you guys talk. Just get it out there.

If you been reading, re-read it again and again. Get it soaked in. Get your plan A in motion. Stick to it.You need to work on YOU.

You know you have every right to keep your son at home with you, right. You want your son. Put your foot down. Find a sitter *home daycares tend to be cheaper* Get to work.

I dont like hearing you talk deperessed and thats what you are doing. You need to be more aggressive in this. IF YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR M.

delete

I remember that strong person a week ago. Had a plan started, he started telling people. He was working on a plan for himself and his son. And even though you are hurting and feeling like you were hit by a mac truck you need to keep going.

Yes see what you can do with a RO against OM that he cant be near your son or you. That would very much help. Along with other questions. Sit down and write a series of them out to take with you. Most lawyers will do a free consoltation *sp*

Does your job pay you enough to get a place of your own. Even a 1 bedroom apartment? I would start thinking along those lines just in case if your MIL and friend decide to pull a quick one on you. I believe by law they have to give a 30 day notice to evic if you have a lease drawn up on the house.

Most importantly you do not need to talk to the opposite sex about your M problems. That is asking for trouble like RMX said.

On the autistic level how strong is it? I have child with aspengers syndrom which is a level of autisim. We had a rough time when he was younger.

I make enough to buy my own house, but we have debt up the ***. Between our debt consolidation bill and other bills, my paycheck is dry as a bone.

Well, we are not really under a lease. We had a lease we signed for the first year but nothing has been done since because, I guess, we are like family and were keeping up with the rent.


Yea, I hear ya. I just don't have any guy friends, especially any guys I know that I can talk about this stuff to. The most supportive and best friends I've had through this process has been a few of the female co-workers I have (16 of 20 employees here are women). But, I completely understand. Thanks


I don't remember the name they labeled him but it's supposed to be a mild case. He's 4, barely talks, is not potty-trained and doesn't use utensils yet. So, most daycares have frowned about all that stuff. But, he's VERY clever.

So what is it you do for a living? If its IT, what exactly is your specialty?


Do you work for yourself or someone else?

Also, I have a radical suggestion.

You have to "show" change to your spouse.... Have you ever considered changing the computer room to something else?

Do you own a laptop?

ouch debt CONsolidation you mean???

You said WW did the EN questionair right? What knowledge have you gained from it? Have you done yours and given it to her? Yes you might question what is the point if this is happiening. The point is to TRY and get to her.

All children with disabilites are very smart. My oldest put a computer together the wrong way at age 2. By age 4 he did it correctly!!! Your son will improve but the behaviors he seeing between mom and dad will not help him. She needs to see that regardless if shes showing hes happy. Im sure he would be more happy with two parents then one. So talk to your lawyer. She is the WS that your child does not need to be around. YOU can provide for her. Shes unstabble and doesnt work. YOU work. YOU pay the bills. Oh and what bills are you two tied in together with? If you pay her cellphone bill that your name is on. Do not pay it anymore.

I'm Production Manager of a publishing company. We do a series of monthly magazines in and around the city, plus a bunch of other side magazines.

Actually, I kind of did that suggestion when she FIRST moved out. Her computer desk is in what is supposed to be our formal dining room. Well, I moved my desk, computer and everything into there also, rearranged the desks, have it set up nicely with her desk, my son's desk and computer and my desk and computer all lined up down the wall. She came the next day, saw it and was floored. That infamous Wed. she came back saying she wants to move back in, she said that was one reason she said she came back because it was an action and not just words.

I haven't done anything to the room since. It's just a mess full of stuff. There is no reason to go in there at all. I told her, when I moved my desk out, that I was going to make it a family play room. But, i haven't touched it in weeks. It's just such a mess and a daunting task by myself. I've tried to think of other things I can convert it to that she would like (maybe her own personal office or a play area for our son with all his toys). I don't know.

Well do something with that room. Go guy some white paper, let your son put handprints all over it and hang it on the wall.
and get that playroom done soon!!

The reason I asked is I'll bet she hates your computer, and that room. She probably has alot of anger towards that room. I asked if you had a laptop is so you could box up all your computer stuff into a closet somewhere hidden, and just whip out the notebook when you want to get online.

You have already done (mostly) what I was about to suggest in regards to the computer room.

Actions speak louder words.

If that would reach out to her busy yourself with it. Make it your goal to set you the house for you, your WW, and your son. Yes her being short convo lately in person makes it hard to show it that way but do other things that will touch her and hit home on her.

So Im sure you are either at work or at home. But here is the task you have at hand.

1. Talk to a lawyer about what needs to be covered
2. Do the full exposure regardless what she and others are saying. *YOU need to do it for YOU*
3. Work on your EN. This will also open your eyes too.
4. Work on things for your home such as the room. Think to yourself you are doing this for your son.
5. Meet some guys and hang out. What interests do you like? Take up something that is going to keep you busy as well. Always make time for your son but you also need to work on yourself too.

Im sure theres more but this is to cover what is at the top of my head. Start doing instead of saying. You have come a good way so far and I know you can keep going. Listen to whoever else posts and take it in.

Which state do u live in btw? Some states help with disabled children in daycares etc...

I have an assignment for you. Think about the people you have for neighbors. Pick one, and go meet them. Introduce yourself. Stand out in the street and talk; bring lawn chairs out and talk; or invite them in for some iced tea. You have a great opportunity here to make some changes. And a strong support system is a must. Make some friends!

I agree get to know people. Have bbq's at the park with your son!!!

Well, this consolidation actually has been quite good for us. I know most are very bad. I'm looking into alternatives because I can't stomach the $800+ a month they automatically take out of my account, UGH!!!

About the ENQ. I read a lot of what I already had a pretty good idea about. Nothing in there was that bad and easily fixable IMO. She gave it to me and then, a couple of days later, told me she just wanted to tell me how I pushed her out the door and filled it out on a whim. Do y'all want me to post what she had?

I sort of filled mine out. So much has gone on in the last few months, that I was having a hard time remembering how our marriage was before all of this. She did read what I filled out and got mad at it. She went to her own cell phone company a few months ago.

Well, I have a bad feeling she's been reading this thread. She just called me and yelled at me thinking I did something to stop her from getting online and seeing our bank account. Which I didn't.

But, she says she has a gut feeling I'm trying to do something behind her back. She asks if I've lied about anything this past week she's asked me about. The ONLY thing I've lied about has been if I've posted on this site anymore.

Yeah that is alot of debt to be paying them 800. How much longer do you have on it? Have you read or heard of Dave Ramsey? Hes great about getting things going. I have followed his ways before and succeeded. I am trying to reimplement the techniques again because we feel off the wagon.

So what if your WW got mad at your answers. Its to show what you need and what she needs. Hence Emotional needs questionair.

When do you get to see your son?

You need to get her off your acct. She has no right to it if she moved away from you. If she needs money for your son then she can come directly to you.

So what if shes reading this thread. So what if you are here. She doesnt rule you Men. You are a person who wants seek and needs advice. If shes reading this again then be it. So what. If she gets upset at reading this its only cause she sees the truth and its bothering her to no ends.

I know, it just feels like an invasion of privacy. I wasn't a fly on the wall hearing everything she has confided to her friends and Mom about me or our marriage, nor have I asked her what she has told them. She feels like I'm only telling "my side" of the truth on here, but what was what she told everyone?

He lives in that city I was just at 2 weeks ago APF. Not the ones in the valley either, the first trip.

I was probably in his area too as I was tearing around all over town in the rental car.

and his wife lives in the city i was in yesterday.

Does she really drive that long to and from your city to hers that often?