It's GOOD, SL, it's really good.

I don't have much more to say, you are getting great advice and handling the situation as well as can be expected.

Just know that I, too, am out here holding my part of the net.

Fox

Silent:

No much to say on your thread recently.

I think you have been doing great.

There are ALWAYS more that three options.

You can't afford the house by yourself, which is the real kicker.

However, the seperation agreement should be that the house is for DS to live in until he reaches the age of majority, so as to ease the disruption to HIS life.

It was his family house before you married, and that is troublesome, but you didn't move in until after you married, so it not as if he gets MORE right because of that. I just presume that it makes the buy out number high.

As I pointed out to SD, (too late in his case) that you could have a lien for his value in the house placed on the property, so that you couldn't sell it without him getting paid. Even offer him a little more equity for the wait. No, he doesn't get the money right away, but he is secured for his portion.

Your right, it sux.

But you sound really good.

LG

.

This is what I was thinking too and it's a common solution in family law.

I discussed this with my attorney, as it IS one of the options, and I have no idea if it's an option that Zombie will be agreeable to. He SOUNDS like he wants A or B or C. HE wants the money, or the house. He shows very little interest in what is best for DS, because that means, that in some way, I gain something. I wouldn't have to move, I wouldn't have to deal with the fallout from DS having to move, I wouldn't have hardship beyond what he's already leveled on us.

If he only understood how HARD this is for me, to not be protective of him anymore, to be an adversary against my own husband. It's horrible. I really only want what is best for our son. I would move out today if I could secure a place that would cater to our needs. WE have two dogs and a cat, too. His concern seems aimed at only himself, as I suppose it should be, but he does have a kid. I dunno, I think too much.

SL,



These are some of my FAVORITE wayward comments. When they take something you've said and try to hold it over your head. One of my favorites of Drac's was "You always said that if anything ever happened between us, we'd always be FRIENDS. You said we'd work it out between us without LAWYERS. That COSTS more money!

Waaahhh! I responded that there were a LOT of promises made in our marriage, but I sure didn't see THOSE being kept. Funny, he didn't have a come back for that one.

Waffling self absorbed Zombie Babble.

As many have pointed out, there ARE options. Go for what makes sense for you and DS. You are right, he's NOT concerned with what is best for DS. You are on your own there,,,and you are more than capable.

It totally sux that you end up having to become advisary with him. Yet, it is what it is.

Chin up. Chest Out.

You are doing great!

Hi SL,


I also have trouble with this one, too ... even though we KNOW it's a double standard typical of a wayward

I'm hoping with this most recent email from the Zombie that we can begin to work on an actual settlement. His tone is changed to one that sounds much more serious and understanding that there may be a gray area to work with, instead of all this dramatic black and white.

Unlike SD, I'm not trying to convey that I still have love left; sometimes I think it's a burden, but I still do care. I'm human, and still wish that old husband of mine would emerge and we could talk.

Since this is not an option , we've been reduced to a business that is folding. Hopefully, we'll work toward a settlement that helps our DS as best we can. Sux, but I cannot guarantee anything for DS. Just the way the divorce cookie crumbles.

We'll see.

Yuch! Divorce cookies suck. I ate a bunch of them.

I like oatmeal raisin cookies. They go with bourbon too!

Bourbon.... Yummmy

SL, you sound way better tonight, I'm glad. I was praying for you that G-d would help you walk through this tough, sad time and help you work through all the options, suck as they do.

We didn't ask for any of this. And yet, this is our cross to bear and you are doing awesome. You strength and feelings shine through and give so many people inspirations and hope for a better tomorrow.

Even knowing that the tomorrow might be a little sadder than yesterday. But then you rise above and move forward.

{{{{{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}}}}

((((((SL))))))


While sometimes it's the harder path being hamstrung in this dissolution of the business of marriage by trying to keep the interest of it's biggest stakeholders (the children) at the forefront.. it's the RIGHT path to take, and the only one that will leave you unburdened by the regret that ultimately comes with selfishness.

We're all behind you SL.. and while that not be much, it's something you CAN take comfort in.

Time and distance will help a lot here in allowing you to become more and more comfortable with letting the Zombie deal with his own mess.

Sounds like you and I are very similar in that we've cared for, watched out for, and cleaned up after our spouses for so long that it's difficult to not WANT to do that anymore.. but it's a place we both have to get to, in order to insulate ourselves.. and by extension our children from the bull in the china shop that is our selfish STBX spouses.

Boy, do I relate to this.

I certainly have my moments of weakness in regards to WxH.

And I'm stubborn enough to believe in this lifetime that WxH will once again be that man long enough for us to talk and clear the air.

It's sometimes amazes me just how much faith I have in that. Although it really shouldn't. I've always believed in him more than he has believed in himself.

Hang in there, SL. The road does get smoother.

Fox

Geez O Whiz I hope so! I just got paid and I'm already broke. At least my car and mortgage are covered. Now I just have to make it two more weeks to pay the remainder of my bills. This is nuckin futz.

CS is coming soon from the Zombie, and sis will be ponying up some more dough this weekend, so I'll be okay. I need to get some clothes for DS for the coming school year/season change, and he's also in flag football, so I have to buy him some cleats .

(((SL))))


I think that there are several of us that hear you loudly on the financial front. D is an expensive solution to a temporary situation. It's the worst investment one will ever make. And it keeps on taking - forever. Talk about a negative return....

Just remember, you have the most precious gift - DS.

Oh man did I love my cleats growing up. When DS was in T-ball he wanted to wear them to play outside. Even now as a grown manchild I love puttin on my spikes to play golf.




sorry, I got a little excited


CLEATS WOOHOO!!

Hi SL,


...I don't know about others here...but I can relate to Fox's comment here... what I now know though is that when it comes to a WS....it doesn't matter what BS believes

Sounds like your doing good, SL, even when finances are... tight!

I'm sure as time goes by, the Zombie will show everybody what his course is, and what he's made of. I'm just not so sure WHAT that will be. I can't say that I believe he will ever show remorse, EVER. Foxy has a faith that I do not share. Even if he does feel remorse, I may never know it. Meh, I'm getting to the point where I just don't give a hoot.

There was one thing that I've been thinking about in my head. AT what point does the BS finally let go? I've always thought finding another love is the final blow. I wish I could get to that point now, so I could stop thinking about him. I'm either angry with him, mildly annoyed, or I picture him as he once was before all this mess, playing with me, giggling, resting together on the couch, or laughing. It sux. The latter memories listed are the hardest.

Sorry for the quick t/j.

I warned my H to NEVER forget I was the first wife with the kids. Silly man, didn't think I would hold him to that. Not that I have the money in hand, but I certainly have the strength and fortitude to fight him as the WIFE and MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN.

If Mimi were here she would tell you to shake your head. Sometimes that's works, other times I just take aspirin and let the feelings in like the wave and wait it out to subside. What will it take, who knows. I am beginning to realize it's different for each one of us.

What happens is in G-ds time and will be perfect timing for him. {{{{{{{{{SL}}}}}}}}} Yes those last listed are the hardest. But at least we have those memories. Albeit not enough or really comforting when you are down.

SL,


I hope that if it is your true desire, that you get to that point of not giving a hoot completely. I think, though, that the reality is that most BS's who truly loved their spouses eventually get to the place where this is simply put away somewhere. It's not gone, but it no longer takes up precious brain cells on a regular basis.

I will never forget my oldest sister telling me last year that her Ex finally did apologize to her 'for everything'. I had told her that the one thing I really wanted was for Drac to acknowlege what he's done and to apologize. She told me not to wish for that because she got it. She got it 15 years after her divorce, when they were standing over my nephew's coffin. Way too little, way too late. I think it almost hurt her more to hear it at that moment than if she had never heard it at all. She said she just felt sorry for her Ex because even though he apologized, she didn't think that even then he really 'got' it on how much he missed,,,,,,how much he had sacraficed.

My point here is that this is something you will likely always want. Heck, anyone who has been greviously injured by another person's deliberate acts expects and deserves an apology. That's quite normal - especially when we know that this person, at one point n their lives, was the kind of person who would apologize. However, they are not that person right now.

For these days leading into and through the D, it is going to be hard but necessary to forget the memories of who he used to be. That is for your own protection.

I DO understand, though, how hard it is not to want that person to show up again.

{{{SL}}}

SL just wanted to drop by again and say "hi". I do not have any words or wisdom as i am not in the same boat as you.

Hope your anxiety is better. Just keep breathing.

(((((((((SL))))))))))

I agree with this whole-heartedly.

I'm not waiting for it, I'm not counting on it, I just believe "one day" it will happen.

I knew the man's heart for so long, and I believe I knew his TRUE heart, he will HAVE to do something about this in order to live with himself.

It could be on his deathbed - but it WILL happen.

I don't know what it will mean for me at that point, though.


You will be able to do this, SL. You've been dealing with this so much longer than I have.

Put those memories aside to do what you need to do. They won't leave you, you can return to them at another time.

For now, force yourself to let them go and take care of the business at hand.

I know it's hard. BTDT. You will get through this and thrive.

Fox