I haven't posted here in about 6 months, at which time many of you helped me through many things. Including coming back to my marriage 110% after having said A... We have truly been better than ever, even better than we probably thought possible. But last night there was a communication break down, really lack of... Anyway, I was upset that we didn't communicate about her entire paycheck paying something off. We just worked it out over the phone but what got me is that she said I have no right to ever be mad at her again, I don't have the right to be mad at her for the rest of our lives and I should be thankful she's even here. Is that right? I know I was wrong when the A happened, I have learned alot, I believe we both really have. About us and about what marriage is. But do I live the rest of my life with her holding it over my head that she can do what she wants and I can never be mad at her??? Just a bit confused right now...

Hi Tim...

Her current attitude I do understand, however, I know that it will not be helpful to either one of you in having the kind of marriage that you desire...

Does your wife read or post here? I think that would be very helpful...

Better yet, how about calling the Harleys and/or attending a Marriage Builders weekend together...Money very well spent...

Mrs. W

She does know of the site but I have never pushed her to come here. We have Surviving an Affair from the Harleys but at the moment could never afford to make it to a weekend. Though I believe it would be a great thing. It's just not an option for us.

And I understand her attitude as well, I just wasn't sure what to think of it? If it's something I will here for the rest of our lives??? I have always felt bad for the A. And I'm sure I always will. I just feel like I'm going to walk into the house and my head will once again be hung low and I won't want to talk about it. Maybe I get confused to easily...

JT,

You could book a phone session for way less $ than the weekend. Give that a shot, if it is an option financially for you. It's $195.00.

link to DVDs

this is very inexpensive

thank you very much! I think the DVD is a must. Other options I just can't swing. So thank you!!!

JustTim, it might help her if she came here and let us talk to her. She has every right to be angry, but if she expresses it in destructive ways, she can cause alot of damage.

We won't tell her to STUFF her anger or "get over it" but we can help her manage it in a way that helps her and your marriage.

JT,

Welcome back.


Would you consider you weren't angry AT her? Sounds to me like you were upset with the miscommunication (takes two to do that), so not mad at her?

See, love busting ends...no more AO's, DJs--did you read up on those? When you feel frustrated, you state it, not demonstrate it. First, identify what you're upset about...could be your own expectation for something to go smoothly and then doesn't. That's your own expectation.

Let her response take you to a higher level of recovery, keep it moving forward...so that you get to deeper issues...and how you see each other, what you both believe differently, to know one another deeper.

Separates the person from the actions...you may not approve of her choices, doesn't mean you don't love the person and see them separate from their actions.

Which is what she demonstrated in choosing to recovery with you, isn't it?

LA