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Jen - I have noticed that you still think everything is about you.
Why do you do that? While I accept your apology Kiwi, I'm glad someone pointed this out because I did not want to ask this same thing directly due to my newness here. Why is it all about you? Funny thing, I've noticed that everyone's posts are "all about them". Unless people are actually helping other people, yup, it's usually all about them. I thought maybe it was allowed to be all about me - I'm the only one speaking here after all and it IS my thread. iam, you obviously have a problem with me (join the club - it was never like this "before"). If you don't like me, don't post to my threads. I'm wondering why you don't like me (yep, that's part of the old personality type problem I have as well) but that's your prerogative. Something tells me that you think that because I'm an FWW, my general outlook is "it's all about me". Personally, I think it has more to do with being an over-indulged, spoiled princess as I was growing up.
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Well said JL
We are all here for one reason. To improve our M. and to lend advice to others.
Married 1996 4 wonderful children 16, 13 *OC*, 10, 7 FWW 30's FWH 30's My dday 1-2007 he came clean to me My story New beginings
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Personally, I think it has more to do with being an over-indulged, spoiled princess as I was growing up. Well you certainly filled the adage "know thyself" 
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday
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LOL, it's all true. 
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It's a trait/behavior that I've had/learned?/battled with all my life. Consider that you may have a basic insecurity regarding “who you are”. In these pages you wear a title of Formally Wayward Wife. Such a title could perhaps help drive that insecurity perhaps causing you to seek acceptance from those who could (in your eyes) grant you forgiveness, namely the betrayed spouses here in these pages. That is why what they think of you is so important to you. Do you eat up their accolades and then shutter when they express descending views from you? Certainly we all have some level of desire to be viewed in a positive light by our peers. When someone chases that acceptance at the cost of their happiness then perhaps it is time for them to reevaluate what is important in life. I can’t help but wonder how truly important it is for a formally wayward spouse to one day be able to shed the title “formally wayward” from their identity. I somehow get the feeling from reading your posts that you have not granted yourself the position of equality with everyone here, or perhaps your husband is hindering your way, or perhaps you are too insecure with yourself for what you did in the past to seize it for yourself. The truth is that you don’t need our acceptance of you to be a full and complete person. The mistakes that you made in the past can be your field guide to the “lessons learned in life”, but they should not be a prison sentence. Just a few thoughts and observations, Mr. G
"You don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows," Bob Dylan
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How long have you got? My friends and family have said to me all my life. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU. It's a trait/behaviour that I've had/learned?/battled with all my life. Any ideas where it comes from? Pep will know. I know it's a form of selfishness but I've tried to fight it. I do know that my personality type takes everything personally and to heart. You should see me if I'm criticised (constructively) during a staff review. I remember going to a seminar and when the woman running it said that such and such a personality type (mine) cannot bear criticism and take everything personally, but that on the plus side they are usually friendly and likeable, I felt much better. OMG I can hear my mother and my sister. "Don't take everything SO PERSONALLY." Edited to add: Luckily Rob is affectionately tolerant of that particular failing in me. But hey, I'm affectionately tolerant of his stories which take forever to tell.  I understand this Jen... Overcoming this is what I've been busy with in my personal recovery... I suspect that many FWS have been this way all their lives as well, and I believe at least some credence can be given to that "personality trait" being part of what allowed us to become wayward in the first place...Being highly susceptible to praise from others gives an easy "in" to OPs...Becoming putty when your ego is stroked... It is an unhealthy need for outside validation...Relying on others to let you know how to feel about you...And when you do that, you put your entire self worth into their hands...You give away your power...It can become debilitating... Mr. G gets it...I'd be willing to bet large sums of money that what he said is true about you...That accolades from others make you soar into elation, and by the same token, the slightest criticism can and often does send you plummeting into despair...Questioning yourself...Worrying why others don't "like" you...I know, because that is how I lived for years... I credit this board, and particularly my friendship with MelodyLane, in helping me to understand and overcome this...Anytime that I have gone to her with a "problem", she has hammered into me that the only thing that really counts is "the opinion of the lady in the mirror" (obviously God and Mr. W count too!)...When I would be upset about something that someone said I would often go to Mel with it, as I know that she will call me on my baloney...One time in particular I was fuming at my MIL...I had told her about my starting a Bible study at church...She said, "Well thank goodness, I've been praying that you and Mr. W would get involved in church for years - my prayers have been answered." I relayed this conversation to Mel and said, "Can you believe it? She acted like I am some Godless heathen!" Mel said, "Well, are you a Godless heathen?" I said, "No, of course not." To which she replied, "then why would you let it bother you? Thank your MIL for her prayers, maybe they did help you." WOW, that was really a revelation for me, so now I ask myself those questions regarding anything others might say to me...If *I* believe there is truth to what they said, then I will consider it and take action if warranted...If not, then I ignore them...That is soooooooooooo freeing...Seems so simple, but it eluded me for YEARS! Funny thing, I how found that when I seek and follow God's plan instead of Mrs. W's plan, the "the lady in the mirror's" opinion is a very positive one...Doing good results in feeling good...Neat how that works! lol  Today that seems so elementary to me (I know that it does for so many people), but before it never occured to me... Going to church, combined with what I've learned from Mel has really made this puzzle come together for me in such a logical fashion...I can't believe that I allowed myself to be held captive by the opinions of others for so long...Through my deepening relationship with God I have come to understand that I am enough because He says I am...I have always been enough, I just didn't realize it...God created us in His image...He says that we are "wonderfully and fearfully made"...His opinion overrides all others, and really it was highly disrespectful of me to disregard what He said in lieu of what other people thought or said... Anyway Jen, just thought I'd share and see if you could relate to or benefit from any of my experiences... Take care... Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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It seems to me that the one thing we ought to have is respect for anyone who comes here, even if we HATE what they did. We should start there, and let the poster prove whether this respect is really warrented. IMO, that's the most helpful thing said on this thread so far. I was taught to be respectful. Not necessarily nice or kind, if the person or situation doesn't warrant that treatment...but respectful. That's more about ME than it is about the person I'm addressing. Lori
VERY HAPPY! FBS/FWS; 47yo; M-29 yrs.; DS-26,DD-21; our affairs: 1990-'96
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OK... Now that that has all been hashed out let's bring this thread back on the topic of Mrs. W. It's her REAL 39th birthday today. Happy Birthday, sweetheart. Mr. Wondering
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Happy REAL 39th Birthday Mrs. W
and may you celebrate many many more 39th birthdays!
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists. Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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***EDIT***
2long,
If you have a problem with the moderation of the forums, please contact the moderators or MB Admin (Justuss) directly.
Thank you.
Maverick
Last edited by Maverick_mb; 07/25/08 11:53 AM.
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Happy REAL 39th Birthday Mrs. W
and may you celebrate many many more 39th birthdays! Wow, that's YOUNG! I don't even remember 39! -ol' 2long
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***EDIT***
2long,
If you have a problem with the moderation of the forums, please contact the moderators or MB Admin (Justuss) directly.
Thank you.
Maverick Maverick: I tried 2 email c00per, but the message came back as undeliverable. I just tried 2 email you, but you don't have an email address in your profile. What's a mother 2 do? -ol' 2long
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Happy Birthday, Mrs W, my good friend!! {{{{{{{{{{{MrsW}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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:eek:
39 and holding....Happy Birthday Mrs. W!
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Sorry 2Long.
I have fixed Maverick's email link (I hope)
Maverick---- marriagebuilders.maverick@gmail.com
JustUss
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From KiwiJ's opening post on her thread: If you've ever seen JL posting to waywards you will see what can be achieved with firmness which isn't abusive. JL posted: It seems to me that the one thing we ought to have is respect for anyone who comes here, even if we HATE what they did. We should start there, and let the poster prove whether this respect is really warrented. at peace posted: IMO, that's the most helpful thing said on this thread so far.
I was taught to be respectful. Not necessarily nice or kind, if the person or situation doesn't warrant that treatment...but respectful. That's more about ME than it is about the person I'm addressing. I agree with at peace.
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You crazy birthday partiers are embarassing me, but I LOVE it!  Thank you so much!  I don't think Jen is gonna be too happy about her thread becoming my birthday thread though...Sorry Jen!  W2S was a real nice fella and started a birthday thread just for me!!! It's ~~~> HERE  Thanks again! Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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My My My!, 39. THat was a "magical" age in my family. My mother was "39", I was "39", my sisters were "39", and my brothers turned "39" ALL AT THE SAME TIME. Mrs. W I hope you enjoy 39 as much as my family did...for YEARS. Happy Birthday. JL
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Yet here you are on my thread. Aph, I know we've talked in the past. I also know we had a falling out which had nothing to do with infidelity.
Luckily (is that the right word - probably not) my H sees me as me and he loves the me that is me. I love the him that is him. In the scheme of things that's all that matters. Not whether MEDC thinks I can't keep my yap shut (lol - that made me smile, I've been in trouble for not keeping my yap shut since I first learned to talk), not whether I'm an FWW or a PQRZTXWW, just what my dear H thinks.
We have laughed together more in the last two years than we ever have. We have talked and we have been happy together. We adore our children, they adore us. Our son worries us, our daughter is bridezilla. We are happy. Yeah, I know. I wondered if you would notice after I posted. I sort of thought of this as a meta-thread though – a thread about WS threads. One step removed from actually participating on a WS thread. I am happy for your H things are looking up for him. I do wonder if you truly know what he still feels about your adultery when he wakes up in the middle of the night. Or when you occasionally still act like there could be something going on. Or when he can’t locate you. Or whatever the trigger… I guarantee he will remember your recurring adultery on his deathbed. It never goes away, no matter what he tells you to reassure you now. As you admit, he knows deep down it is still all about you. And your now being happy proves what, adultery is beneficial to the BS? In my entire time on MB I have only put two posters on ignore. You are one of them, when you restarted your adultery. I don’t remember any specific falling out. I just remember no longer reading your posts or posting to you. When the site was upgraded a few months ago those ignores were disabled for some reason. I will reset them for you.
"Never forget that your pain means nothing to a WS." ~Mulan
"An ethical man knows it is wrong to cheat on his wife. A moral man will not actually do it." ~ Ducky
WS: They are who they are.
When an eel lunges out
And it bites off your snout
Thats a moray ~DS
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