Me too! I so wish I could afford a real yoga studio. If I get some bills paid off this year, that's going to be my reward next year. Nothing better!

I started at this yoga place by me in Feb as a free trial, and have been going religiously ever since, During the school year it was easy M-thus. 4 days a week 9 am thats where I was. The 1st 2 months March April kinda felt like a bit of hocus pocus, everthing is too happy happy, the teachers were a bit too philosphical world is beautiful, be present carp. After 2 monts of ignoring the talking , I could see the benefits for my body. Now slowly the mind is following the body. Since its summer I am down to once a week ( I pay a flat fee for the month no matter how many classes I take) so thats bummer but thats my healthy escape when things get tough, but hard to do since I dont steadily use a babysitter . So it usually means time away from H . Yesterday I got a baysitter and went but 1/2 the class I spent in childs pose as I was so physcially exhaused . But it calmed the mind and gave it the one hour of stillness it needed.


Ive been hinting to H about joint yoga cause i think he would benefit too but so far no willingness on his part to try. Does not have enough time to himself to do the things he wants let alone do the things I want. May be I can work that into the 15 hr week time slowly and see if he will allocate the 1/5 hrs to that.


Agreed I will probably have to use a timer to ring a bell at the end of 45 minutes, sounds childish but like u said in an earlier post dont expect habits to form easily (see I am listening). Teh 45 minutescame from Jennifers suggestion 5 minutes per EN x top 5 needs x 2 persons. Is its done under 45 minutes then great . Cause I would like the romantic date to bein asap this evening. Now that I think about it I might even move our sharing session to Tues night when we return so we are not starting out with the ENQ stuff on our minds all weekend long.
ROLF, yes I can picture you saying it just with the same expression too.

Catperson,
I hope you are able to find a way to go. I must say it took me a few months of sticking with it before I started to see real results and benefits, even thought I already belived in its benefits. As a kid we did it all the time, many people in my family practice it back home all the time so even though I was open to it, it was a bumpy start but now I would not give it up for anything.
If I got to a point where I could not find the money to pay the monthy fee I would give up groceries for a week and live on PBJ (never mind the carbs in bread) and find a way to go. Its pricey especially now that I have the kids and home and need to pay a babysitter additional to go but for me the benefits at this point outweigh the costs.
I heard that argument somewhere on some thread between the cost of paying for MC with Harleys and the cost of divorce, seems like I am using the same argument for yoga, hmmmm.

I LOVE yoga. I have never been able to afford classes, so I got a couple of videos and do them at home. YogaZone is the one I started with because it really talks you through the specifics of each pose.

Then two years ago, when my oldest started kinder, we were blessed with a kinder teacher who also taught yoga. She did yoga with the kids every day. We got a video called Yoga Kids (it's a series) and now all three of my boys do it with me. They are a little more energetic about it than peaceful, but it's good nonetheless.

I have tried to convince H he would enjoy it. He complains about his back a lot and I think that it would really help. He just never seems motivated to try. I think he's a little intimidated...like what if I can do it and he can't.

WMF...
You are doing great! I think you should ask your H if he'd like to talk about the ENQ before or after your time together. He may have an opinion. It might actually be good (cos it's a positive thing) if you talk about it before your extended date...then you could both be thinking about how to meet each other's needs.

As for MB, keep the idea that it is really common sense. Drop the "terminology" like POJA, EPs and Radical Honesty and just talk about the concepts. They make sense when you look at them....

1. Know what makes me happy and try to do those things for me

2. Know what makes me unhappy and try to avoid those things

3. Always be honest with me about everything

4. Take steps to prevent the possibility of an affair

5. Protect our marriage by thinking about how your actions affect it

6. Make decisions WITH me so that we can both feel good about them


Got little ones demanding my attention...

HTM

Small T/J...


Both my H and I have low back problems...I blame mine on high jumping, not sure what his problem is ...we both felt a world of difference after just a month, once a week.

And I like the YogaZone too but am fortunate enough for class once a week. It was amazing how a little adjustment by the teacher really changed the move for me. Plus it kept me honest on doing it every week.

...End T/J

Wait! Wait! One more TJ. When I was being treated for stress and sore back long ago, my PT had me lie on my back, on top of a long white cylinder of dense foam. They have them at Bally's, probably other places; could probably buy one at a medical supply store. Anyway, you lie on your back, on top of it, and gravity makes your muscles relax, toward the ground, on either side of the tube, and it releases a TON of the strain on your back. You can also tilt your head to the left and to the right, hanging over the 'side' of the cylinder, to stretch out the neck muscles; when you come back up, your neck is less tight. You can also scoot up til your head is over the top edge of the cylinder, hang there for a while, and stretch out some other muscles.

It does wonders for my back!

If you can't find one of them, the PT said you can get a towel and roll it up in a tube and lie on it the same way. Not as good, but still helps. Have your H try it, htm.

Thanks guys.

HTM

I'm betting you are off for your FUN weekend with your DH but I wanted to wish you well.

Enjoy your time and I can't wait to hear about when you get back from vaca (again, I'm jealous! ).

Let us know how the weekend went. Hope all is well!

HTM

Extended weekend went well. It was a very nice and much needed escape for us to be able to spend time just dedicated to each other and no distractions kids housework etc. It was much needed and provided a great oppurtunity for us to have some fun and make more memories together.Created lots of different emotions ,Felt like we were playing hookie.
Strangely it felt like we were in a bubble just happy to be there. Wanst all happy happy ,there we some rough moments of sadness on the status of our relationship. No specific talk of A but rather more about the R and M . But at the same time we felt that the togetherness and the talking was helping make leaps and bounds of bonding and progress. So over all I would say that I feel stronger about the staus of our relationship. Its now exactly 3 months from D day and I think we are making ( dare I say good) progress. The good part about being in the "bubble" of fantasy of no work and all play (cause it kept reminding me of how the A must fell like in a bubble) is that even though the bubble is over and we are back home, we drove home together and so there is life for us outside of the bubble as oppsed to an A where all there is is stolen bubble moments when ever there can be achieved. No reality to follow up with that. So if our relationship can have these bubbles of sheer fun and still survive the reality of day to day tasks and life in general I think thats what its all about.

I also get the feeling that the "fog" is lifting. I see DH more and more sensitive to where our relationship turned beacuse of his A and his role in worsening our stich and not bettering it. I fedll thru his words and actions that he realises that the A and thoughts of it has caused permanent scarring in my mind and that he needs to replace that with more love and care from him in order to overcome that. So I am happy to hear him somewhat acknoledge that and his display of intent to work on that. I sound cautious here beacuse I know the pattern of procrastinating Dh where he has good intetions but does not actully follow them with actions. Nevertheless I am happy right now with the promise of it and will have to wait and see if it is delivered.

So short version is it was good fuel to keep us going and helped make lots of progess and gave me a more positive outlook in that it can be done and it is on the slow and gradual path that it needs to be on.

That's great! Now the trick is to have a mini-bubble of fun every day with your H. That's what the 15+ hours a week of time together is supposed to be.

It helps you to connect with each other and rebuild that feeling of love.

Good work.

HTM

This little mini-vacation sounds very positive. I'm so happy for you and glad that it lifted up your spirits.


Good attitude.

Also, now that your DH remember how much fun he can have with you, take action. Work on scheduling the 15 hours a week of fun, R&R time together.

I'm sure you did other things while dating or before kids that you both enjoyed together. Reinstate some of those things between the two of you. Find new things together. Invite him to try yoga with you again?

On another note, you mentioned your sister watched the kids. Can you two swap watching nights/days? I was thinking of a co-worker friend. These sisters trade off a couple times a week to watch the kids so that the other can workout or have a date with their H.

I second the kid-swap idea. We had a couple that we used to do that with and it worked great.

We promoted it as a "Kids Movie Night" at one house or the other. The kids got to watch a double-feature, have rootbeer floats and popcorn, and sprawl out together. The parents just happened to get to go out...but it was "for the kids." This helped us a lot with the kids getting excited about it. Our boys loved "hosting" movie night. We've gotta find another family to do that...

You don't live in SoCal do you?

HTM

Thanks

Question
Are there any older threads that you know of reagrding views on changing or new wedding rings post affair. I am struggling with this issue now. The search function is not working but I thought it might benefit me to read what people what felt about this is the past.

My stich is Dh's weding ring has been loose for him for about 3.5 years since he lost some weight. So he has not been wearing it since. When we had our phone calls with Jennifer she suggested to me that we get new rings. I was down right angry at her suggestion beacuse at the time I felt what she was saying is that the ring I was wearning was worthless and I should throw away the symbol on my finger for teh last 14 years beacuse that marrige is over. I did nto do anything to end that marrige so why should I have to get a new ring.
So I kinda worked on getting H a new ring or fixing his old ring. His old ring is too loose to be resized so it needs to be made new so I figued we can use the same metal melted down so its not really a new ring. Tlked about it and Dh says he would like a ring but has not done anything ( read procrastination) to get one.
Last week before we left on vacation I dropped off the old ring to the jewler to let him know that we wanted a new one made. Told H 2 days before that I was going to go drop it off. Did not measure himself. ON my way there I called H and he used a website paper thing to measure, but jewler said we needed exact ring size. So during the vacation I told H that we need to stop at any jewler and get him sized and then phone in the size so that our jelwer can begin making his ring.
Inspite of the fact that we literraly walked past 10-12 jelwers on this entire trip and I pointed out atleast 2 seperate times as we passed them that we needed to do that he did not participate. So all week It kinda kept sinking in that I was the only one who was bullying him ( I am kinda pushy) into getting a ring.
On the other hand Jennifers words have been haunting me since 3 weeks. So I was thinking may be when we get H's ring done I can get a new ring for me so they are the same or together or some how connected. Maybe I can wear 2 the old one and the new one engraved with D date as a staring point to out new R ( dont knowif I want a constant reminder either). After H's non action towards trying to get a ring ,I guess I am thinking why I am wearing a wedding ring which is obvioulsy so meaningless to H. One person earing a ring means nothing in a marriage. So on the last morning of our trip I took off my rings ( wedding and engagement) and let H know that I will not be wearing a ring by myself as it obviously is not an important symbol to him. He was down right hurt and thought it was a step backwards and an act towrads beaking our realtion ship not fixing it. He was hurt that I said the ring was meaningless. He thinks we are making progress and this is huge decision I made without consulting him or letting him that that it means so much to me that he wear a ring.
The way I see it is there are 2 wedding rings not one so he is the one who chooses not to wear one and I am the stupid one for carrying the "pretense" of the existance of our old marrige and I am tired of doing that. I am so confused on this issue.
At the same time I am so pained at seeing my naked finger. I did not realise how much it meant to me and now that I have taken it off I am very saddened and miss it. I dont know weather I should just put it back on by my self of stay strong thru the pain and find a better outcome.

Any suggestions if you guys have dealt with this before. Like I said our realtionship is on the right path I feel positive about moving forward but I dont want to move forward alone. I want to be on the same step as H so if he and I have a joint rings to symbolize our marrige great. If not then I guess I live the pain and sadness of not wearing one.

Yep thats the plan I have Thursady nights schdeuld with babysitter so thats 4 hrs. We make sure to talk most evenings on his commute home that 1 hr 5 days a week. Going to try to get some weekend time next.



Nope that wont work on a regular basis. Sis lives 1.5 hrs away from me so it was a once is a year ( notice I did not say lifetime) oppurtunity for me. I really appreciate her help in this as its not easy to chase 3 little active kids around that are young when you are not usaed to doing that. Her kids are grown and almost gone so I really really apprecaited what she did for me.

Sorry all the way on the other coast

Finding another couple is a great idea in the the meanwhile I will just have to find a way to raise some money to pay a babysitter( hurrah for Ebay). Seems like what ever the cost of achieving the 15 hrs time together + Jennifer coaching + activites we will do together its worth it. I just have to realistically balance what we can afforsd and not move towards a finiancal crisis which in the end will hamper our marital happiness.
I am pretty good about budgeting and living within our means and so far we are doing good, I just have to make sure we continue to do good and not fall under the trap of spending with recless abandonment beause it might buy happiness.

The ring thing concerns me. I understand what you are saying about feeling like it is meaningless if you are the only one wearing a ring, but at the same time I wonder if you really thought about what your actions might symbolize for your H.

My suggestion is that you ask H to make a date with you to go to the jeweler together. Don't just figure you'll get there, actually plan and set a time to do it. Let your H know that you WANT to wear your ring, but that you want him to wear his as well. In order to do that, you need to go to the jeweler.

I don't think you need to get new rings, per se, but maybe you can tweak yours a bit (maybe just get it cleaned so it sparkles again).

I know that I immediately felt like I had been the only one making vows for real and that I wanted H to ask me to marry him again and renew our vows when he meant it. I think that it's unrealistic to expect these things in the beginning. Baby steps.

BTW...I still have hope that H will ask me to marry him again, but it will have to be his own doing, when HE feels it.

HTM

Please elaborate on your concern.


So now I know its not an isolated fantasy of mine alone but more a normal reaction to what a WS might feel in the same situation as me.


I did that already 3 weeks ago and he said yes he would love new rings. Now here is the problem if he wants a ring to symbolize our M then HE needs to schedule or do some action to get it or them. So far its been me pushing him to get them and that is so one sided. I dont want him to get it only for me . I want him to get it cause it means something to him as well. And if it does not mean something strong enough to him to get over his procrastination ( assuming that is the only real reason) then he does not get to enjoy the joy to seeing it on my finger if I dont get the same benefits from him. If its meaningful then we both do something about it or I accept that its nothing and let go my own individual need for wanting it.


I am sorry if I seem angry and stubborn about this issue but I am learning that it is far better for ME to feel pain and sadness than it is for me to feel resentment towards H and then letting that build a gap between us.

I recall reading things about this but I don't think it was a specific thread. What you could do, to get different perspective, is just post a general question as a new thread but ask them to stop by your thread with comments. Or if they know of a specific thread if they could bump it up for you to look thru.

Regarding new rings, I think that is something you need to decide for yourself. Our MC suggested this, Jennifer didn't but we were at a different point when we talked with her, and I reacted pretty much the same way you did at first. My sweety liked the idea and I rethought it this way. I could use my diamonds and put it in a new setting or have the current setting and have it redisenged. Then it would be my wedding ring just in a new format. That was 2.5 years ago...

Come to today and we haven't done anything. Still our original rings in their original settings.

However...

We are getting new rings for our upcoming anniversary and are planning on recommitting with one another. The new rings don't mean that all of our time together previously was bad.

The new rings symbolize our NEW marriage/relationship. It will symbolize how we both have changed the negative impact we had on each other (not to say we are perfect now) into a NEW and improved life together.

What we had before, the good stuff is still there. The bad stuff, we handle in a different way now.

The new rings will be there to remind us that we have a new life together (and a second chance to have a happy ending).

Some of those things helped me into really getting on board with new rings. Now I'm all giddy at the thought. It's like getting engaged all over again. Then again we are going to be in Cabo for a week when we exchange our new rings, so maybe the sun and the pool side drinks will be what makes me giddy.

You'll still close to D-day and haven't seen all the positive things that will happen to your M with MB. (Don't you hate that sometimes you have to be reminded of common sense things like don't "love bust"!?!)

I would suggest holding off making any decision about new rings for a while. You might have a change of heart.

As for your DH ring right now, I can't speak about it. It sounds from what you've written that he isn't opposed to wearing a ring that its his darn procrastination.

Perhaps some of your time together this week can be a trip to the jewerly store:

"I would really love it if we could go and get your ring sized and then stop for ice cream together."

Can you do breakfast together once a week before the kids get up? That was one thing that my hubby and I did to get time together at first. And there is no extra financial outlies. You need breakfast (or coffee) anyways. Just need to get up a little earlier so you can really talk to one another for 20 - 40 minutes while you eat, at least I do otherwise my breakfast is ate in the car.