Mys has been mistreated all of her life. She seems to me to be a gentle soul, floundering in a sea of the human condition.

I WANT her to find the Lord, because He knows right where she is, but, I can't give her that faith. She has to find that within, or rather, it's in the Lord's hands if she finds it or not.

She may be a classic case of needing in-patient care, but at the same time, I see no reason she should have ever been driven that far (and I honestly don't think it's been any of our words that have done it, but the dire situation she is in).

I hope she realizes it is the situation she is in, can find some way to handle that situation, both emotionally and practically, and agree that she will probably need help to do that.

At the same time, I hope that she realizes that it is not a fault within her that has disabled the coping ability, but, again, her surroundings. Anyone whose most fundamental needs are unmet as hers have been would probably buckle, if not in suicidal ideation, then in some other application of that anger.

Mys,

This problem is bigger than you and out of your control. That those closest to you have chosen not to treat you with love and respect is NOT YOUR FAULT! That you can't handle these facts all by yourself is NOT YOUR FAULT! We were not built to handle things things alone! That means that there is NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! We ALL need help, sometimes.

We Christians find all the love we will ever need and more in our Lord. Please consider that if you still choose to reject Him, it will probably take much more than one person to fill your needs, with any sort of adequacy--> a tall order for an introvert, like you and me, and not especially efficient, besides.

Please take time to convolesce. Take the time you need! Don't worry about L. Please just focus on getting better in your thoughts and make all those necessary decisions later, when you feel stronger. You've taken such a difficult blow, my friend. No one here judges you or your abilities.

In prayer,

YIM

I agree that this is not her fault...Mys does need to take a stand now though...before it is too late. She cannot change one bit of what has happened to her...but she can decide that from this moment forward, she will do her best to take care of herself. I sincerely hope she does. She is obviously a good person dealing with too much right now.
It is just time to get some real help. What is wrong with her right now is that she doesn't see a way out of this except for suicide. That is an illness that needs to be addressed. It can and will get better...but she needs to reach out to the right people and demand the appropriate level of care. This is NOT an issue that can be handled on an outpatient basis.
Her coming to God right now is not the answer to these problems(although it is not a bad idea if she does!). While it will afford her some comfort in these stressful times...she sincerely is in need of medical care.

Mys...please reach out to someone and get the help you need. You can do this. There is a very strong, capable woman inside of you. Fight for her and you will never regret it.

Absolutely, medc.

I hope that nothing I've said has even hinted that I thought you were saying there is something wrong with her, or even that I think knowing the Lord would be the only step she needs to take.

YIM

medc,


I have an emergency appt with my IC today and my psychiatrist tomorrow. I doubt either of them will recommend inpatient care. I'll try to do what they suggest. (I don't sugar coat the suicide to them)

Mys

If they don't bring up inpatient care could you? See if they think it might be a good idea for you.

All right.

Mys

Mys,

Are you anywhere close to Salina? I don't think I said anything in my post, but as Rags pointed out, there are people who'd be more than willing to visit with you and become more of a support group. While the names and faces are different, many of us have went through pretty much the same thing.

Anywhichwho, let me know. And if you'd like you can e-mail me bill@salinaplaningmill.com

I spoke with my IC and my psychiatrist today so right now I'm hopped up on some drugs. Both do not see me as an inpatient situation - they think this can be managed with meds.

I'm too something to post much now but wanted to let you know I'm OK for now. I'll be seeing my pysch tomorrow.

Mys

Thanks Mysch, for letting us know.

Well, it's been an interesting couple of days.

Sunday, L and I did a marriage exercise in which we both described what we needed out of a relationship. He listed an open marriage.

Apparently, even if I give him "enough" sex .. after some time it gets boring because, well, I'm always me. He's not sure if he can resist the urge to go find some other stimulation.

The whole session ended with us in bed (no sex) crying. Me because I know it's over - him because he's sorry he hurt me.

I don't see a way for this to work out which is why I am so tremendously sad.

Mys

mys,

I am sorry that it isn't as you want and wish it to be.

While "this" (your marriage to him) might not work out..."YOU" will.

Life is full of twists and turns that are forced on us.

YOU can go with it....lean with it...not against it.

I have seen your posts to others that are in despair and I see the strength that you offer to them.

Harness some of that strength for yourself. Apply that strength to your situation. Be your own best friend and take care of yourself.

He isn't right for you. You know that you can't force a round peg into a square hole.

Take care of yourself and keep posting to let us know how you are faring.

committed

committed and loving it,


I'm doing better with meds adjusted. I'm functional again. Monday I just fell into a million little pieces.

I'm just so SAD - I wanted to grow old with this man. I can't even imagine a future with out him beside me, he's such a part of my life. And, though people say he was never my best friend - he WAS in my mind which makes it so. I feel as though the bottom has fallen out of my life and here I am with no past and no future I can imagine that doesn't suck.

I can't even think of ever trusting anyone enough to get that close again.

Mys

I couldn't imagine a future WITH someone that acts that way!



Obviously not a good part. Depression is a part of your life as well...I assume that you would like to rid yourself of that demon.



they are right



well, actually...NO..that doesn't make it so. Reality makes something "so." The reality is...he is a bad husband and worse, not a good person.



Why? You would be getting rid of the one thing that causes you the most pain...HE is the source of your hurt...HE is a fake...when he is gone, your life can begin anew without his cr@p weighing you down.

Use your intellect for a few minutes here...put your emotions on the shelf. Your husband has treated you horribly. He wants to be with other women. He has cheated on you numerous times. WHAT ARE YOU REALLY LOSING? I say flush this man down the toilet (where he belongs) and just worry about YOU for a change.

It is time to start dealing with facts here...not just feelings. The fact is...he sucks.

It's going to take time to get used to the idea that what you believed would be your future has all changed now, and the choice was not in your control, because he is the one choosing an open marriage over commitment to his marriage.

But once you get used to the idea, new ideas and dreams will take the place of the old one.

You know how powerful your mind is. You know you can convince it of anything you want. You have convinced yourself that your happiness depends on him making a commitment to the marriage.

Now you have to start to change your thought patterns away from this. You have control over where you allow your thoughts to go.

If you knew that you could be happy without him, would you choose this Mysch?

I don't know what kind of meds they have you on or how numbed out they make your head, but if I was you, and I have been in a serious depression before so I know how absolutely horrible you feel, I would begin to direct my mind away from him. Everytime I thought of him, and how hopeless my future was without him, I would immediately stop it and redirect it to some happier thought.

Use your imagination to imagine a world where you are happy and out of this pain/darkness and what you are doing. What you are wearing, how your great little place looks, on the water even, with lots of friends and good books and good cooking, etc. Imagine yourself laughing and happy.

Your going to have to use your mind to get you out of this hole.

My sister once said to me when I was in a suicidal depression that I think was brought on by PTSD because of an assualt that happened to me, she said to me when I was trying to explain my fears to her - "Well, that is the beauty of life, we just never know what is around the next corner, isn't that WONDERFUL". Of course I couldn't appreciate it at the time, but I have learned to imbrace it. Took some work though.

Hope that makes some kind of sense, Myschae.

Also, if you can force yourself to get on a tread mill, or some other type of exercise. They told me that a prolonged despression wrecks havoc on the happy chemicals in the brain, even worse than they already are and physical exercise helps to bring them back into balance.

They tried to put me on Elivil, or something that sounds like that, but it made me feel too weird, so I opted for the mind techniques and exercise. You might try them along with the meds. Might work a heck of a lot faster than it did for me without them.

I'm so sorry that you are in this type of dispair, I know of this darkness and the empty black hole.

Wish we could wave a wand and get you out of it.

Are you working now Mysch? I know you are almost done with your Masters, but can't remember if you have been working outside of your home or just concentrating on school.

School in itself is so stressful, that alone can cause terrible, major depression.

But he doesn’t want to grow old with you - not with you only anyway. It makes no sense to force him to do something he does not want to do. Why would you want that for him? As abusive as he is, do you have the right to force him to go to a place he does not want to go?

He is the bad part of your life, though. He is like a canker sore in your mouth. You keep fiddling with it and it becomes the biggest thing in your entire life. It actually feels good to fiddle with it. You can't imaging not having that sore it's so intrusive in your consciousness.

This is fuzzy thinking. I believe you, but it is still fuzzy thinking. All kinds of things are in everyone’s mind that are not true, and thinking so does not make any of them true. Get out of your head. Find something real to think about. World hunger maybe. Local abused woman’s shelter maybe. Concentrate on your class work. Anything – just not on obvious illusions.

Listen to Josie, she knows what she is talking about. You have a horrible past. You have a miserable present. Your future does not yet exist. Your future will be what you make of it. It is important you understand that this miserable guy you are obsessed with cannot make your future for you. He can be in your future if you so choose, but he cannot make your future for you. Only you can do that. And it can be any reality-based and wonderful future you choose.

You are not supposed to think of this - yet. Way too early. Trust will come, don’t be in such a hurry.

With prayers,

medc,


I understand what you're saying intellectually - but emotionally, I can't come to grips with it. I have MEMORIES of a life. Memories that now don't exist. It's like I woke up from a coma and 15 years had passed and it was all a dream.

Emotionally is the problem. If I didn't have emotions or could shut them off somehow, then I guess I'd be fine - I don't know. I wouldn't be me, though.

Mys

JosieJones


Everything's going to take time. Divorcing, separating our junk, selling the house, moving, That's sort of the worst part about it. If you could magically not have to go through each ripping, tearing, piece of the process of dismantling all you built - it would almost be tolerable.


Oh, a mix of anti-anxiety, ssri's and an anti-psychotic thrown in for good measure. I'm pretty well numbed out -- sort of. It's hard to describe. But, I'm not having suicidal fantasies.


I can't think that far ahead. I can only think to the next step.


It does make sense but I'll confess I'm afraid of the next corner. Lately the corners haven't been friendly.

Mys

Aphelion,


Where did you get the impression I wanted to force him into anything?

Besides, growing old together was MY dream .. I don't know his..(well, some of them)


I know this relationship isn't going to work but there was some good in there, somewhere. It can't all have been bad.........can it? What do I do with my memories?


Might be the meds, they tend to fuzz things out and around.


My goodness, obsessed with? I just had this confirmed last Sunday and I'm obsessed. Don't I get a little time to process? My goodness do people really just turn it off like a light that quickly?


Thank you. Trust will take a very, very long time - if ever.

Mys

Well you got your spunk back, and that has to be a good thing.


I tend to put memories where they belong.

As Emmy Lou Harris once sang, "once a page is read, all but love is dead".

That is true. You know Mysch, I had to force myself to stop loving my DD's dad, the love of my life. Being with him was killing me. But I had a little baby that needed a momma, so in that respect I was left with little choice. I was lucky that way, in that I had no choice. A little life depended on me getting over him and creating a new life. You don't have that, so it is going to be doubly hard for you.

I wanted to address what you said about dividing things up, and that was what you needed to focus on now. No, don't focus on that, too many details, too sad at this time. People separate before divorce for a reason, this is one of them, and the other one is to have the time they need to decide if divorce is in fact what they want, and if recovery is possible.

My suggestion is to file for legal separation where all the assets would be frozen, and this would give you the time you need, until you were ready to think about such things. If you chose to go this route, a lawyer would make sure your best interests were seen to.

Thinking about dividing up stuff is too much for you, it is not the time. The time now is to get to whatever place you need to get to for your own sake.

If you feel that it has just been since Sunday and you need time to process all this, then take that time, but whatever you do don't allow yourself the opportunity to dwell and sink deeper into depression. Sometimes swift action is necessary. People do this as a survival tool. Swift action I mean.