GA615,

Don't worry. Everyone here follows the DEFINED process. Sometimes you can cut the mustard depending on the circumstances. For some to hear someone got over an A in 90 days, they just cant stand it. Sometimes it is the case. My wife adores me and I adore her. We both F'dup. We are both gems. The others were not. Everything is great, but its not gone the way of the "COOK BOOK" so others won't hear of it. Just follow your instincts. When my WW said what happened, I told her there was only one way we could get over it quickly. I did it, and now we are over it. There were no holes to plug, like in so many marriages that "LEAD TO THE AFFAIR!" We are all over each other all the time, calling, physically, etc. I'm sorry all A's and Retaliation A's dont end in tragedy/heartache. We had an open marriage for a time, now its over! We've been more in love than ever before. I hope others can just be happy for us drawing the neopolitan candy on Candy Land and finishing the game early, but I can see why most here dont think its possible.

Good luck!

So, you said that if your H would have put his foot down, how so?

I mean, I'm a BS right now. I keep hearing and reading Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. I do feel like I'm getting walked on and talked down to.

GA615,

Don't worry. Everyone here follows the DEFINED process. Sometimes you can cut the mustard depending on the circumstances. For some to hear someone got over an A in 90 days, they just cant stand it. Sometimes it is the case. My wife adores me and I adore her. We both F'dup. We are both gems. The others were not. Everything is great, but its not gone the way of the "COOK BOOK" so others won't hear of it. Just follow your instincts. When my WW said what happened, I told her there was only one way we could get over it quickly. I did it, and now we are over it. There were no holes to plug, like in so many marriages that "LEAD TO THE AFFAIR!" We are all over each other all the time, calling, physically, etc. I'm sorry all A's and Retaliation A's dont end in tragedy/heartache. We had an open marriage for a time, now its over! We've been more in love than ever before. I hope others can just be happy for us drawing the neopolitan candy on Candy Land and finishing the game early, but I can see why most here dont think its possible.

Good luck!

Question, eeyoree...

So, you said that if your H would have put his foot down, how so?

I mean, I'm a BS right now. I keep hearing and reading Plan A, Plan A, Plan A. I do feel like I'm getting walked on and talked down to. But, to keep adding to her Love Bank without LB's, I let everything just roll off my back, act happy and cool.

Part of me wants to just look her straight in the eyes and say, "I'm sick of your BS. Our marriage was NO WHERE near what you make it out to be and NO WHERE near a point to justify having an affair behind your husband's, and especially, your son's backs. You justify your affair by bringing our son around OM on numerous occasions. Then, on top of all that, you decide to not end the affair, move out to your Mom's and take my son with you. You are NO WHERE fit to be his mother right now, you are on a path of destruction that will bring down all your family and friends and I will not allow me nor my son to be in your path. I am taking our son, bringing him BACK home and I am done with you. Good luck."

Just curious how you would answer all of this or what you mean about "putting his foot down."

I am writing this post in hopes that maybe other WWs that make their way here will read... and see the pain of a FWW that thought that her H wasn't the right person for her had lost her love, etc... and now would give everything she had in this world to get back her M...

I got here the same way most WWs do. I was unhappy. We had problems (who doesn't??). They weren't insurmountable, but I thought they were, convinced myself they were. I fell out of love with my H. I convinced myself he wasn't for me, that I never really did want to marry him, that I had made a mistake. I really didn't see myself EVER feeling the same way about my H again, ever.

I yanked my poor H around for a year. A year! I moved out of the house for 8 months of that, I did and said all the typical WS manipulative things. Coming here was a shock, damn there must a factory that sucks out our brains and replaces them with WS-stock brains. We do all do and say the same things.

Truthfully (TAKE NOTE HERE BSs!) I WISH to this VERY DAY that my poor, suffering hubby would have stuck up for himself MORE during the A. He didn't know of this site, and I wish he would have. I really do. I wish that he could have gotten guidance. I know you wouldn't have let me carry on the way I did... let me do and say the things and walk all over him like I did. He would have plan B'd me sooner. I WISH he would have stood up for himself and cut me off. Made me REALLY realize my actions-- stop my cake eating SOONER before I did the damage I did. I was a cake eater. I said and did the things everyone here says and does. And I cringe when I see BSs afraid to "make it worse" or "make the WS mad". Yeah, I got mad, I yelled and told him he screwed it all up and that we had no chance because he did this that or the other thing that hindered my ability to carry on the A. I wish he would have put his foot down. I would have chose him-- and that's not just hindsight. I really would have.

But I didn't wake up until it was almost too late. I exhausted him, I took away all of his love for me. And THEN I woke up. And In fact, it might have been too late. I don't know, the jury is still out on that one. My H still hasn't committed to recovering the M, and that eats at me every day.

It comes down to the fact that I cry every day. And that I can't look at myself in the mirror. And that I've read book after book after book... and I've went to IC. I would do ANYTHING-- ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD-- to get back my M. To re-set the clock so that this DISASTER never happened. To be able to whisper in my old-self's ear to just stop, and THINK. I wasn't thinking. I always prided myself on being a good person, on being intelligent. Good, intelligent people don't do what I did. I still to this day question my character. I don't know if I can ever repair my character MYSELF enough to forgive myself. I don't think I ever will forgive myself.

I don't know if my M will survive what I did. Somedays I think it will, somedays not. I know if it doesn't survive that it will be the hardest thing ever to look in that mirror, see how much pain I'm in.... and know that I have no one to blame but myself. And know that I took down my HUSBAND with myself too-- and our entire family. All this pain and destruction-- why?? Why did I do it?? Why didn't I just STOP AND THINK? Why did I get so caught up?!?!?!

You think your M is miserable now?!?! Just wait until after the A. The problems CAN be fixed, and I think had I actually TRIED to fix them pre-A, it would have been cake. Fixed them the MB way-- not in the passive aggressive yelling, crying, screaming stupid way I tried before. Solved them with LOVE.

WWs-- I was so emotionally disconnected from my H before my A, I really thought I'd never love him again-- and that I had never really loved him. If-- (and that's a big if) I get another true chance at this marriage, I've promised myself and him that I will never ever take him for granted again and will follow the MB way, forever. I have already installed it in my life. I'll never abandon it-- its the only thing that's kept me going in this NIGHTMARE.

Don't do it. Just don't. Its not worth it. Give your M 6 months on the MB plan.

I love my husband with all of my heart, and I would bear his pain for the rest of my life if I could. I pray to God every day that I get just one more chance to make it right. Just one more-- and I know that is an enormous thing to ask for. HUGE.

The shame, the pain... its so not worth it. The tears, the lonely nights.

I'm an emotional train-wreck, and its all my fault.

I honestly believe that all WS will someday hit their "wall"-- like I did. I hit mine September-ish last year, when the fog REALLY started lifting. A few months too late. And I owe my LIFE to some stranger that was on another board on iVillage that steered me here-- I have no idea if she's here still, or even what her SN here would be... but she is owed with everything I have for steering me here and making me the person I am today. Someone I'm proud to be-- but someone I should have been 2 years ago.

I think all WS will hit the wall. Where they realize what they did, and that it was the biggest mistake of their life. It is just a matter of whether or not it is too late. And those that don't realize it, I honestly think might be missing a few screws.

Just don't do it. Never, ever in my life have I been through so much pain- never ever in my life have I wished that I could take something back as much as this. Never ever ever. And I've made my fair share of mistakes.

The mirror will be my worst enemy... for the rest of my life. No matter what I do now, I can't make up for the scars on my character from my past. Never.

E.

I WISH he would have stood up for himself and cut me off. Made me REALLY realize my actions-- stop my cake eating SOONER before I did the damage I did. I was a cake eater

eeyoree, how is your H behaving right now? I am only asking because I am in the same exact situation and my H is in withdrawal even though we still live together, I know he still loves me but he says he doesn't feel the need to work in our M.